Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
How do I address my sister-in-law about her terrible health?
Most likely you should call your adult social services people and report the home. This is a situation that should probably be addressed by... Most likely you should call your adult social services people and report the home. This is a situation that should probably be addressed by professionals. Stand by to lend support if you are asked. Good luck and thanks for caring,
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Question
My husband can get very verbally abusive with me, and all he wants is to buy things he will never use. How do...
Excellent comments by geewiz! His issues may be caused by brain problems from the alcohol, which would be different than Alzheimer's or... Excellent comments by geewiz! His issues may be caused by brain problems from the alcohol, which would be different than Alzheimer's or vascular dementia. A doctor should be able to tell the difference. If your husband signed HIPAA permission or has a health directive naming you as his representative, you should be able to communicate with the doctor. Even if you don't have legal permission, you could write his doctor to give him or her the information. They couldn't release information to you, but at least your input could be considered.
Take care of yourself, even if you have to move out.
Carol see more
Take care of yourself, even if you have to move out.
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Question
My grandmother gave me $3000 three ago to pay off my credit card. How should I pay this money back if she appl...
195Austin makes sense. It may make sense to draw up a little contract with her to show you are paying her back, and then keep records of... 195Austin makes sense. It may make sense to draw up a little contract with her to show you are paying her back, and then keep records of payments. Of course, if you can pay it all back, do so. But be sure and keep a receipt for that, as well. Good luck.
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Question
If I have durable power of attorney and my mother can still say yes or no to being placed in a facility. Do I...
If you have medical evidence that your mother cannot live as she is now and needs a home, you likely have the authority to do that. You... If you have medical evidence that your mother cannot live as she is now and needs a home, you likely have the authority to do that. You should check with an attorney, however, to be sure, as states vary on some of these laws.
I hope you can do what is right with minimal stress. Take care,
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I hope you can do what is right with minimal stress. Take care,
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Question
If Medicaid takes my income, how do I pay the taxes and expenses of my home?
As usual, Jeannegibbs gave marvelous, thoughtful advice. You'd need to talk with the Medicaid people in your area, probably through... As usual, Jeannegibbs gave marvelous, thoughtful advice. You'd need to talk with the Medicaid people in your area, probably through Social Services. They will advise you about the taxes on the house. If the house has your name on it, they would likely expect you to pay the taxes. If not, I'm not sure about taxes either. As Jeannie said, if she has life insurance policies, she will likely have to cash those out if there is cash value, and pay off debt. Please check with your local Medicaid people, as states do vary some on requirements.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
We are transitioning my father-in-law back to home after a stoke. What are the MUST-DO's or MUST HAVES to have...
You should start looking at area in-home care agencies immediately. Your mother-in-law will need help transferring her husband from chair... You should start looking at area in-home care agencies immediately. Your mother-in-law will need help transferring her husband from chair to bed, etc. He may need a hospital bed, depending on his condition. I'd suggest hiring an in-home nurse to come and look at the house and also give you tips on how to prevent bed sores, how best to feed him, and other special needs. Make sure you consult with the doctor in making this move. If you mother-in-law is exhausted by trying to keep an eye on him at the facility, she will probably be more exhausted taking care of him at home unless she gets help right away. Good luck. I hope for all of you that this works out.
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Question
Is it normal for someone with sever dementia to sleep 72 hours straight, except to use the bathroom?
If she's in end stage dementia, it may be not that unusual to sleep most of the time. You should check with her doctor, though, to make... If she's in end stage dementia, it may be not that unusual to sleep most of the time. You should check with her doctor, though, to make sure.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
Is there a minimum amount of money that makes it worth consulting an elder care attorney to try and save my in...
You should see an estate planner. However, be prepared that the government generally expects us to pay our own way until assets run low... You should see an estate planner. However, be prepared that the government generally expects us to pay our own way until assets run low enough for Medicaid qualification.
Still, there may be ways to protect some assets. As Jeannegibbs said, it's time for legal advice.
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Still, there may be ways to protect some assets. As Jeannegibbs said, it's time for legal advice.
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Question
How long can she go on with this pain in her arm?
This is so sad. If she is 97, doesn't eat and in that much pain, I'd call in hospice. They can give her stronger medication. The... This is so sad. If she is 97, doesn't eat and in that much pain, I'd call in hospice. They can give her stronger medication. The neurological pain of post shingles has younger people in agony. I can't imagine what your mom is going through.
Talk to her doctor and see if he thinks hospice is the next step. They are very understanding and will offer her and you spiritual relief if you choose that.
Take care,
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Talk to her doctor and see if he thinks hospice is the next step. They are very understanding and will offer her and you spiritual relief if you choose that.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My mom has diabetes and can no longer check her glucose levels accurately. Will Medicare help pay for the nurs...
They may. You'll have to check with Medicare. If you sign her up online at Medicare.gov, that can make checking what is covered easier.... They may. You'll have to check with Medicare. If you sign her up online at Medicare.gov, that can make checking what is covered easier. Otherwise, call them. Medicare B may cover this service. Have the charges been submitted and rejected? If she has a supplemental policy (you'll have to check with the policy issuer), they might cover this cost. If the policy she has doesn't, you may want to check around at other options for a supplemental policy. You should have several choices.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
How do I stop living the life of my dead mum?
Hi Stephen, First of all, I'm assuming that you are still getting help for depression. Somehow you need to realize that no matter what... Hi Stephen,
First of all, I'm assuming that you are still getting help for depression.
Somehow you need to realize that no matter what people do, their loved ones can die without them. I interviewed a woman for my book who said that her whole family sat by her dad's bed for three days, as he was dying. Then he rallied. They decided to go out to eat and come right back. He died during the half-hour they were gone.
This happens often, and it's very hard. But we can't control everything in life. Your mom had been ill before and come out of it just fine. You couldn't run away from your job every time she was ill, if she already had help. It's not your fault that she died and she doesn't "blame" you for not being there. Your mother loved you and wouldn't want you to suffer for this any more. Please continue to get help. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but only you can forgive yourself and move on. That's what your mother would want.
Take care of yourself,
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First of all, I'm assuming that you are still getting help for depression.
Somehow you need to realize that no matter what people do, their loved ones can die without them. I interviewed a woman for my book who said that her whole family sat by her dad's bed for three days, as he was dying. Then he rallied. They decided to go out to eat and come right back. He died during the half-hour they were gone.
This happens often, and it's very hard. But we can't control everything in life. Your mom had been ill before and come out of it just fine. You couldn't run away from your job every time she was ill, if she already had help. It's not your fault that she died and she doesn't "blame" you for not being there. Your mother loved you and wouldn't want you to suffer for this any more. Please continue to get help. You have nothing to feel guilty about, but only you can forgive yourself and move on. That's what your mother would want.
Take care of yourself,
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Question
How can you block a lift chair from raising too high?
I don't know of any. They are designed to operate smoothly. Maybe someone who knows electrical gadgets can figure out something.... I don't know of any. They are designed to operate smoothly. Maybe someone who knows electrical gadgets can figure out something. I'm surprised it goes that high. If anyone else has a solution, please chime in.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
Do a husband and wife both receiving Medicare pay separate premiums?
Yes, Medicare is individual as far as I know. You could call Medicare and ask if there are any exceptions, but to the best of my knowledge... Yes, Medicare is individual as far as I know. You could call Medicare and ask if there are any exceptions, but to the best of my knowledge there are not. Take care,
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Question
Is in home care a tax write off?
I'm assuming you mean in your home. I believe that if you pay for 50% of his living, you likely can, but I'd strongly suggest you... I'm assuming you mean in your home. I believe that if you pay for 50% of his living, you likely can, but I'd strongly suggest you ask a CPA for advice. Good luck,
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Question
What is the best way to convince other siblings to help with caregiving?
You are right - this is kind of the norm, unfortunately. Some people finally have to face the siblings and tell them that they cannot... You are right - this is kind of the norm, unfortunately. Some people finally have to face the siblings and tell them that they cannot continue to be the sole caregiver for the elder, and if the siblings can't work out regular help, Mom (or Dad) will need to go to assisted living or a nursing home.
You have done so much already. I know you want to continue the care. But this responsibility, with no respite and no vacations, could damage your own health. Then, who takes care of Mom - or you?
Try sending an email to all of the siblings, not blaming but laying out the facts. You may want to get the doctor in on this, was well. Write out a list of her needs and the care she gets daily. Let them know that you can't keep it up, so the choice must be made to find other care for her if they can't give you regular breaks. Try to make the tone nice, but firm. Good luck. You aren't alone. That's the best I can give you. You'll likely hear from others on the forum.
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You have done so much already. I know you want to continue the care. But this responsibility, with no respite and no vacations, could damage your own health. Then, who takes care of Mom - or you?
Try sending an email to all of the siblings, not blaming but laying out the facts. You may want to get the doctor in on this, was well. Write out a list of her needs and the care she gets daily. Let them know that you can't keep it up, so the choice must be made to find other care for her if they can't give you regular breaks. Try to make the tone nice, but firm. Good luck. You aren't alone. That's the best I can give you. You'll likely hear from others on the forum.
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Question
Can I transfer the POA to my stepdad's son after being diagnosed with dementia?
I would think that should depend upon how far the dementia has progressed. If you are newly diagnosed, ask your doctor to certify that you... I would think that should depend upon how far the dementia has progressed. If you are newly diagnosed, ask your doctor to certify that you can still make such a decision. That should go a long way for you. You may need a one time attorney to do the changes, but with a doctor's opinion, I wouldn't think that would be hard. Someone who is in the later stages of dementia would probably need more legal help. Good luck,
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Question
My mother has been put in a nursing home. Am I responsible for all of the bills for her home if I am on the de...
This is complicated enough that I believe you should check with an elder law attorney or estate attorney in your state. Medicaid has a five... This is complicated enough that I believe you should check with an elder law attorney or estate attorney in your state. Medicaid has a five year "look back" at how your mother's money was spent. I hope you've kept good records, as that will be vital. I really think you should get some legal advice so you know how to protect your own investment since it's so closely tied to your mother's assets and she is going trying to qualify for Medicaid.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
If you receive social security benefits can your house be in your name and need a caregiver?
If the house is in her name now, that won't hurt anything. You'll have to check with the state to see if she is eligible for paid... If the house is in her name now, that won't hurt anything. You'll have to check with the state to see if she is eligible for paid assistance. If she has little money (other than the house and SS), she may qualify for Medicaid, in which case she may get some paid assistance, depending on where she lives. However, that is a process. You should check with your local social services to see how to get some help for her and find out if you should start the Medicaid process. Once she moves out and the house is sold, Medicaid would consider that money an asset and take back money owed the government. This is a very general statement, however. Different states have different rules so please check with your state.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
I listed my parents as joint tenants on two of my savings accounts. In a search for their assets will that sho...
I would check with an attorney in your state. Laws vary from place to place. Many times you can have another persons name on your account,... I would check with an attorney in your state. Laws vary from place to place. Many times you can have another persons name on your account, but it doesn't affect assets. But you want to be sure. Please at least ask the bank how this affects your assets and theirs.
Take care,
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Take care,
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With my Power Of Attorney can I change that investments back to half and half as my aunt wishes but I do not w...
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