Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
How do I deal with my grandfather who insists on caring for my grandmother with Alzheimer's?
Offering choices can have amazing benefits! Aging people lose so much control that they will often fight what is best for them. But if you... Offering choices can have amazing benefits! Aging people lose so much control that they will often fight what is best for them. But if you can offer choices to give them greater health and safety, but still maintain some control, everyone is ahead. Try to put yourself in their place as much as possible. Sometimes we have to force things, but if possible - present choices.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What will happen to the furnace if all the vents are shut all the time? My mother with dementia keeps closing...
Closing forced air room vents will only keep keep the room cooler as she won't get as much heat. There's no danger if it's just... Closing forced air room vents will only keep keep the room cooler as she won't get as much heat. There's no danger if it's just room vents. They are made to open and close so that you can regulate rooms for temperature. The furnace should be vented outside. That is the safety feature. If you are still worried, just check with a company who services her type of furnace. Then you can rest in peace. If she gets cold from closing the vents, you can ask how to prop them open a bit, but there's always some air that escapes. Are these folks ingenious?
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What are things I need to do after the death of my mother?
I'm sorry about your loss. It's such a tough time - and then you have the need to do the paperwork. I hope you read the great tips... I'm sorry about your loss. It's such a tough time - and then you have the need to do the paperwork. I hope you read the great tips given.
If you run into anything complicated, please check with an estate attorney. If your mom had someone draw up her legal papers, this attorney should give you some tips without charging too much. Every state is different, so you want to make sure you are following local rules.
Take care,
Carol see more
If you run into anything complicated, please check with an estate attorney. If your mom had someone draw up her legal papers, this attorney should give you some tips without charging too much. Every state is different, so you want to make sure you are following local rules.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How can I keep depends diapers on my mom?
It sounds as if your only option is to go with her to the bathroom. She may hate the idea of wearing the pads, or else she could have... It sounds as if your only option is to go with her to the bathroom.
She may hate the idea of wearing the pads, or else she could have memory issues.
If her memory is okay, try letting her know that she has more independence if she wears protection, because she is more pleasant to be around. Try not to show blame or anger. Just be light and let her know that incontinence can happen to anyone.
If she has memory issues, then she isn't "forgetting" on purpose. She may not be connecting with why the pad is laying there for her. She sees it, but the reason doesn't register. This,she can't help, no matter how much you reason with her. Accompanying her is likely the only way to keep her wearing them.
This is tough. I'm sorry you are going through it. Maybe someone on the forum will have more tips.
Carol see more
She may hate the idea of wearing the pads, or else she could have memory issues.
If her memory is okay, try letting her know that she has more independence if she wears protection, because she is more pleasant to be around. Try not to show blame or anger. Just be light and let her know that incontinence can happen to anyone.
If she has memory issues, then she isn't "forgetting" on purpose. She may not be connecting with why the pad is laying there for her. She sees it, but the reason doesn't register. This,she can't help, no matter how much you reason with her. Accompanying her is likely the only way to keep her wearing them.
This is tough. I'm sorry you are going through it. Maybe someone on the forum will have more tips.
Carol see more
Question
Is there adult day care with transportation?
Many of them have buses. Call around - I'd say the majority do.
Good luck!
Carol
Good luck!
Carol
Question
What should I do if my dad is seeing and hearing things that are not there during the night?
I"m glad you have a sense of humor! I don't think this is unusual for someone that age - it could be a sensory thing, or he was... I"m glad you have a sense of humor! I don't think this is unusual for someone that age - it could be a sensory thing, or he was dreaming. If he starts doing this often, especially when he hasn't been sleeping, then I'd make sure a doctor evaluates him - and his current medications.
Take care - and keep laughing!
Carol see more
Take care - and keep laughing!
Carol see more
Question
How is it decided whether an elderly person goes into an assisted living facility or a nursing home?
The hospital stay is only relevant when you are looking for Medicare coverage in a nursing home (which is only for a few weeks after the... The hospital stay is only relevant when you are looking for Medicare coverage in a nursing home (which is only for a few weeks after the stay).
I'd suggest you talk with her doctor. The decision should be based on how much nursing care and other assistance she needs, as most assisted living facilities don't provide nursing care. Some do, so that isn't universal. You could also check facilities around your area and ask what care they provide. Do your research well so you are less likely to have to move her a second time. Good luck,
Carol see more
I'd suggest you talk with her doctor. The decision should be based on how much nursing care and other assistance she needs, as most assisted living facilities don't provide nursing care. Some do, so that isn't universal. You could also check facilities around your area and ask what care they provide. Do your research well so you are less likely to have to move her a second time. Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Can a nursing home owner refuse to let my mother leave with me?
Try contacting the long-term care ombudsman in the area where the nursing home is. You can go online to www.ltcombudsman.org and type in... Try contacting the long-term care ombudsman in the area where the nursing home is. You can go online to www.ltcombudsman.org and type in the Zip code, or else you can go online to her state website and look there. Their job is to help with nursing home problems.
Good Luck,
Carol see more
Good Luck,
Carol see more
Question
How can I keep from losing my savings when my husband will need nursing home care?
You likely can't if this will happen within the next five years. What you need to do is talk with an estate attorney or an elder law... You likely can't if this will happen within the next five years. What you need to do is talk with an estate attorney or an elder law attorney as soon as possible, in case there are ways to protect some of your assets.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Why are DNR's not banned and why is there still talk about legalizing euthanasia?
Hi Flowgo, This is controversial because many people feel it's their right to decide if they want to be kept alive artificially after... Hi Flowgo,
This is controversial because many people feel it's their right to decide if they want to be kept alive artificially after their body naturally starts to shut down. Many are in horrible pain and are medicated for that by choice.
You are right that this practice can be abused, but in most cases the patient's wishes are followed. However, the very fact that a DNR can be abused is what bothers some people. The controversy will likely always be around, as nearly any practice can be abused. Still, DNR is a choice, and people who don't want it don't need to have it on their record.
As for euthanasia, that's not likely to become legal for a long time, if ever. The topic will come up in politics because a few vocal people believe in the practice, however, most do not, even if they believe in choices for themselves. I don't think you have much to worry about there.
There is always room for discussion on these issues, but in the end families should talk at length with their elders long before an elder becomes ill. Then families know better what the elder would want done (or not done) in the end stages.
Thank you for being such a caring person,
Carol see more
This is controversial because many people feel it's their right to decide if they want to be kept alive artificially after their body naturally starts to shut down. Many are in horrible pain and are medicated for that by choice.
You are right that this practice can be abused, but in most cases the patient's wishes are followed. However, the very fact that a DNR can be abused is what bothers some people. The controversy will likely always be around, as nearly any practice can be abused. Still, DNR is a choice, and people who don't want it don't need to have it on their record.
As for euthanasia, that's not likely to become legal for a long time, if ever. The topic will come up in politics because a few vocal people believe in the practice, however, most do not, even if they believe in choices for themselves. I don't think you have much to worry about there.
There is always room for discussion on these issues, but in the end families should talk at length with their elders long before an elder becomes ill. Then families know better what the elder would want done (or not done) in the end stages.
Thank you for being such a caring person,
Carol see more
Question
I'm heartbroken over mom's wanting to go home from the nursing home. What else can I do?
Your mom likely wants to go to her childhood home, because that's probably where her mind is right now. Obviously, this isn't... Your mom likely wants to go to her childhood home, because that's probably where her mind is right now. Obviously, this isn't possible. Knowing this, however, may help you a little. It's not the home that you took her from - it's a home from long ago.
Distraction and redirection - even therapeutic fibbing - seem to be the only responses that work. AD has stages, and this stage will work into something else, if that's at all comforting.
Please try to be patient, get help from the staff so everyone is on the same page,
and let go of guilty feelings. You are doing all you can in this heartbreaking situation. You will get through it.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol see more
Distraction and redirection - even therapeutic fibbing - seem to be the only responses that work. AD has stages, and this stage will work into something else, if that's at all comforting.
Please try to be patient, get help from the staff so everyone is on the same page,
and let go of guilty feelings. You are doing all you can in this heartbreaking situation. You will get through it.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol see more
Question
How do you care for an Alzheimer's patient when they have aggressive behavior and hit their caretakers?
This is a tough problem which is, unfortunately, not unique. It seems like you are doing everything right - medication adjustment, checking... This is a tough problem which is, unfortunately, not unique. It seems like you are doing everything right - medication adjustment, checking for infections and other requirements to figure out what can be done.
I'm afraid a lot of this depends on where you live (their ability to cope with behaviors). A nursing home is the most likely place for him, so keep working on getting him in to one. They are probably more able to cope with these behaviors than assisted living. Either way, his assets will get depleted if they already aren't so eventually he'll qualify for Medicaid. Maybe in a nursing home, they can cope.
Good luck - we are with you in spirit.
Carol see more
I'm afraid a lot of this depends on where you live (their ability to cope with behaviors). A nursing home is the most likely place for him, so keep working on getting him in to one. They are probably more able to cope with these behaviors than assisted living. Either way, his assets will get depleted if they already aren't so eventually he'll qualify for Medicaid. Maybe in a nursing home, they can cope.
Good luck - we are with you in spirit.
Carol see more
Question
How can you force an elderly parent to take their medication?
Thanks, Jeannegibbs, for your great answer,
Carol
Carol
Question
The bank will not let me transfer my mom's money because she does not have a valid ID. What are my options?
For most things, I don't think you'll have an issue. I used my address for my mother's mail, simply because it was more secure.... For most things, I don't think you'll have an issue. I used my address for my mother's mail, simply because it was more secure. I didn't have to open anything new. If she has a checking account, you'd think the same bank would easily open a checking account, especially with your POA. If you are dealing with another bank of course, you are starting from scratch.
Anyway, in my opinion and experience - and that's all I am going on, so you may want to check in with an attorney to get clarification - having my mom's mail come to my home never gave me any problems with the legal things and her death. I had POA, as you do. I'm surprised you are having trouble since you have that. Anyone else out there have this happen?
Carol see more
Anyway, in my opinion and experience - and that's all I am going on, so you may want to check in with an attorney to get clarification - having my mom's mail come to my home never gave me any problems with the legal things and her death. I had POA, as you do. I'm surprised you are having trouble since you have that. Anyone else out there have this happen?
Carol see more
Question
My mother's car is excluded as an assets on her Medicaid Application. If I sell it after Medicaid is accepted,...
I want to thank Bob for this detailed information about the state's Medicaid policy. Very helpful, Bob!
Carol
Carol
Question
I am considering switching to an Medicare Advantage Plan. Where can I find information on which companies pay...
Go to www.medicare.gov. The site can lead you to providers in your area. You could call, of course, if you prefer, but the website is very... Go to www.medicare.gov. The site can lead you to providers in your area. You could call, of course, if you prefer, but the website is very good.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
My brother gave Power of Attorney to his friend who is taking advantage of him. What can I do to get POA resto...
If you can't convince your brother to make the change, then you may have to go the legal route. Much depends on your brother's... If you can't convince your brother to make the change, then you may have to go the legal route. Much depends on your brother's cognitive state.
If you look for an attorney, try to find an elder law attorney. You'd probably have to prove the friend is taking advantage of your brother and that what he did was illegal.
Hopefully, your brother can just do the paperwork to make the switch.
Good luck,
Carol see more
If you look for an attorney, try to find an elder law attorney. You'd probably have to prove the friend is taking advantage of your brother and that what he did was illegal.
Hopefully, your brother can just do the paperwork to make the switch.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How do you begin the process of moving your elderly parent from your home to an assisted living facility or nu...
You don't need to pay a company to get someone qualified for Medicaid. You just go through Social Services - adult type - and they will... You don't need to pay a company to get someone qualified for Medicaid. You just go through Social Services - adult type - and they will help you start the process. If you have nursing homes in your area that don't accept Medicaid, then you'll need to skip those and tour the others. Most non-profits have to accept a certain number of Medicaid patients, but for profits don't (this may vary where you live).
Most ALFs don't accept Medicaid, but with your mother's issues she sounds like she needs nursing care anyway, so I'd go straight to nursing home inspection. If you go to the ltc ombudsman site (www.ltcombudsman.org) and type in the zip code you want, you'll find a contact who can help you with all of this - free. A geriatric care manager could help, but you seem to have gotten beyond the need for one, and they are pricey. That is more for arranging help, especially if you aren't in the area.
Good luck. There is paper work involved, plus prep work with your mom, depending on what she understands and remembers. If her memory is really bad, I wouldn't start telling her too much until you can actually show her where she'll live.
Take care,
Carol see more
Most ALFs don't accept Medicaid, but with your mother's issues she sounds like she needs nursing care anyway, so I'd go straight to nursing home inspection. If you go to the ltc ombudsman site (www.ltcombudsman.org) and type in the zip code you want, you'll find a contact who can help you with all of this - free. A geriatric care manager could help, but you seem to have gotten beyond the need for one, and they are pricey. That is more for arranging help, especially if you aren't in the area.
Good luck. There is paper work involved, plus prep work with your mom, depending on what she understands and remembers. If her memory is really bad, I wouldn't start telling her too much until you can actually show her where she'll live.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Can you use hospice for an Alzheimer's & Dementia patient?
Hospice can absolutely help with this. Since you have a choice of three of them, my first advice is to see which is non-profit rather than... Hospice can absolutely help with this. Since you have a choice of three of them, my first advice is to see which is non-profit rather than for profit. I'm not saying all for profit hospice organizations are bad, but the hospice in my community is non- profit and they are incredible. Next, I'd ask if for references. Many people who are grateful to hospice are willing to talk about their experiences. Unfortunately, privacy laws may prevent them from giving out names, but they may be able to contact people that have used their care and ask them to contact you.
The hospice that has been around the longest may be the best bet if you have nothing else to go by. Most hospice organizations employ amazing people who give compassionate comfort care. However, I can't speak for them all, by any means, so checking them out is a good idea. Your mom's doctor may even have a suggestion or preference.
Take care and know that you are doing the best for your mom,
Carol see more
The hospice that has been around the longest may be the best bet if you have nothing else to go by. Most hospice organizations employ amazing people who give compassionate comfort care. However, I can't speak for them all, by any means, so checking them out is a good idea. Your mom's doctor may even have a suggestion or preference.
Take care and know that you are doing the best for your mom,
Carol see more
How do I help my great uncle who is now in a nursing home?
You are good people.
Take care,
Carol see more