Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
Can nursing home care be retroactively reimbursed?
I'm afraid what you are told is right. People are generally required to pay their own nursing home costs until they are eligible for... I'm afraid what you are told is right. People are generally required to pay their own nursing home costs until they are eligible for Medicaid. Since you are now on Medicaid, you could call and ask for another opinion or a hearing, but most likely you will be held accountable for the cost, as Medicaid and SSI are needs based.
Please do check with Medicaid again - a different number, maybe through the national website at www.medicare.gov. You'll probably hear the same thing, but you may feel better with a second opinion. You could consult an elder law attorney. One session will cost you but you would get a legal opinion which I certainly can't give you.
Take care,
Carol see more
Please do check with Medicaid again - a different number, maybe through the national website at www.medicare.gov. You'll probably hear the same thing, but you may feel better with a second opinion. You could consult an elder law attorney. One session will cost you but you would get a legal opinion which I certainly can't give you.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How do you respond when your mother asks you to take her with you after you visit her in the nursing home?
I'm afraid you will feel guilty - you are caring and don't want to hurt her. About all you can say if that for her safety and... I'm afraid you will feel guilty - you are caring and don't want to hurt her. About all you can say if that for her safety and health she needs this medical care, but that you are always in touch with the staff and that you will be back to see her as soon as possible (give her a day if you can). This situation is common, but very difficult for most of us.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Question
Should I have conferred with an attorney before designating a Power of Attorney?
This is a horrible family matter - I feel awful for you.You could try the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (at... This is a horrible family matter - I feel awful for you.You could try the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (at http://www.naela.org/) and see if you find one who will take your case. It does sound like legal action is the only way to go.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My father-in-law just passed, do we need to close their joint bank accounts and open one for his wife?
Check with the bank. It used to matter if the checks said "and" so and so, or "or" so and so. I don't think that... Check with the bank. It used to matter if the checks said "and" so and so, or "or" so and so. I don't think that matters anymore. When my dad died, I never had to change a thing on Mom's account, but you need to call the bank and ask them what their rules are.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Can my father be evicted for yelling out at a nursing home?
I have never run into this in my community, but I have heard of others who say the same thing. Is your dad in a nursing home or an assisted... I have never run into this in my community, but I have heard of others who say the same thing. Is your dad in a nursing home or an assisted living facility. That could make a difference. I'd suggest that you get in touch with the long term care ombudsman in your dad's location. If you go to www.ltcombudsman.org you can type in the Zip code. You can also find this person on your state website. They are there to help you with this type of situation.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Will Medicare or Medicaid pay me to take care of my elderly parents for a certain number of hours each week?
Medicare isn't likely to pay you, but you need to check with them because every state has slightly different criteria. There are ... Medicare isn't likely to pay you, but you need to check with them because every state has slightly different criteria. There are waivers under certain circumstance. Medicaid, on the other hand, would perhaps pay you for some hours. That is insurance for people who fall below a low income level.
So, two things that you need to consider are where you live and if Medicaid is involved. I'd contact Medicare at www.medicare.gov or call the local office. This takes time, but it's the only way to know if this specific case will qualify.
Good luck,
Carol see more
So, two things that you need to consider are where you live and if Medicaid is involved. I'd contact Medicare at www.medicare.gov or call the local office. This takes time, but it's the only way to know if this specific case will qualify.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
What can I expect during the final stages of emphysema?
This is a tough way to die, so I hope he goes with hospice as the end stages near. He likely misunderstands hospice, as some do. Hospice... This is a tough way to die, so I hope he goes with hospice as the end stages near. He likely misunderstands hospice, as some do. Hospice care would keep him comfortable when no cure is possible.
However, you will need to comply with his wishes. He will gasp, choke and be utterly miserable, I'm afraid. You'll need to work closely with his doctor to do what you can for him. He is making a choice here.
If he has had any treatment for alcoholism, he would have support in that direction. If not - he'll get so he can't drink and that will make him cranky, too. You have your hands full. By the way, hospice will help with the alcohol withdrawal symptoms, as well, without judging him. Take care,
Carol see more
However, you will need to comply with his wishes. He will gasp, choke and be utterly miserable, I'm afraid. You'll need to work closely with his doctor to do what you can for him. He is making a choice here.
If he has had any treatment for alcoholism, he would have support in that direction. If not - he'll get so he can't drink and that will make him cranky, too. You have your hands full. By the way, hospice will help with the alcohol withdrawal symptoms, as well, without judging him. Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Question
What can you do when insurance discontinues physical therapy because a patient is not making enough progress?
Jeanniegibbs is right on as she so often is. You can discuss this with the doctor and if he or she thinks more progress can be made, then... Jeanniegibbs is right on as she so often is. You can discuss this with the doctor and if he or she thinks more progress can be made, then try the appeal process. She could also try to see an alternative therapy doctor who may recommend acupuncture or other therapies such as guided yoga that few physical therapists will refer you to. Be sure to see someone who is respected in the community if you do this. There are people who will promise the world. You want someone to honestly tell you if there are other therapies can help.
Second opinions can be valuable, as well, from any type of doctor. You friend is young to accept a lesser quality of life without looking into alternatives.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Second opinions can be valuable, as well, from any type of doctor. You friend is young to accept a lesser quality of life without looking into alternatives.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How do I get my parents home for the holidays?
Yes, it's lovely to dream : ) Now, into reality. It's quite likely that your mom would feel confused and agitated by changes in... Yes, it's lovely to dream : ) Now, into reality. It's quite likely that your mom would feel confused and agitated by changes in environment, to say nothing of you trying to handle the physical challenges. You are obviously a kind, loving person. You'll do fine with taking the holiday to them. I had to make that choice - it went on for years. Holidays at home for my kids, plus holidays at the nursing home. It was not perfect, but it was okay.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Question
Has anyone had experience with the Medicare provision of providing hemodialysis equipment at home and intermit...
They may cover the service. The only way to find out is to ask Medicare. You can go to www.Medicare.gov. You'll see a phone number to... They may cover the service. The only way to find out is to ask Medicare. You can go to www.Medicare.gov. You'll see a phone number to call if you don't find the information directly. Good luck with this. It makes sense that you'd get this, but as you know, not everything makes sense. Please let us know how it goes.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
What elder rights does my mom have if my siblings are trying to take her away from me?
You have an exceptionally sad situation here, though I've heard similar stories before. I'm assuming you have gone through social... You have an exceptionally sad situation here, though I've heard similar stories before. I'm assuming you have gone through social services over this, already. If not, please start there.
Try calling your state's attorney's office and ask if there is a probono (free) attorney who can help you. They will likely give you a contact number. You will need some legal help here if things keep going in this direction.
Take care of yourself by getting legal help. see more
Try calling your state's attorney's office and ask if there is a probono (free) attorney who can help you. They will likely give you a contact number. You will need some legal help here if things keep going in this direction.
Take care of yourself by getting legal help. see more
Question
Can my mom and dad both live together in a facility?
Often, they can. They may have to wait for a room to open where there are two beds, but unless your mom needs a memory unit, likely they... Often, they can. They may have to wait for a room to open where there are two beds, but unless your mom needs a memory unit, likely they can be together. I've seen that done quite a bit in my community.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My 51-year-old dad is diabetic and losing the feeling in his legs. How can I help him?
If he absolutely won't go to a doctor, you should call his doctor's office and give them the scoop. They may have suggestions.... If he absolutely won't go to a doctor, you should call his doctor's office and give them the scoop. They may have suggestions. Also, please contact the Diabetes Association for ideas on how you can help him physically.
It's sad that this burden is placed on you. Please understand that no matter how miserable your dad is, if he does commit suicide - which is unlikely - but if he does, it's not your fault. Follow through with a therapist is you can. A professional counselor may have ideas for you. Often, sadly, officials can't do anything unless suicide is attempted. Start making contacts for your own support, please.
Carol see more
It's sad that this burden is placed on you. Please understand that no matter how miserable your dad is, if he does commit suicide - which is unlikely - but if he does, it's not your fault. Follow through with a therapist is you can. A professional counselor may have ideas for you. Often, sadly, officials can't do anything unless suicide is attempted. Start making contacts for your own support, please.
Carol see more
Question
How do you make meals fun?
I'd love to hear what others say, too. This should go to the top of the list of questions, so I hope people will chime in. It's a... I'd love to hear what others say, too. This should go to the top of the list of questions, so I hope people will chime in. It's a great topic for discussions.
My own thoughts are to figure out small, special treats, nice table colors and perhaps have music on if the elder enjoys that. Don't rush or force eating, watch body language on both sides, so if the elder is uncomfortable, the caregiver can spot it, and if the caregiver is stress, he or she can breathe deeply and try to shake it off. Let's hear from the readers!
Carol see more
My own thoughts are to figure out small, special treats, nice table colors and perhaps have music on if the elder enjoys that. Don't rush or force eating, watch body language on both sides, so if the elder is uncomfortable, the caregiver can spot it, and if the caregiver is stress, he or she can breathe deeply and try to shake it off. Let's hear from the readers!
Carol see more
Question
Our very diverse city block is looking into becoming "elder-friendly" to help people remain in their homes as...
Congratulations! You are on the right track. Finding way to provide rides to clinic appointments, and do give respite care for a spousal... Congratulations! You are on the right track. Finding way to provide rides to clinic appointments, and do give respite care for a spousal caregiver are two more things you could do. Please contact The Pioneer Network (www.pioneernetwork.net) for guidance. This is where much of today's culture change for elder care began. Keep it up!
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
How do we deal with being the family responsible for an elderly driver involved in a car accident?
If you are worried about your responsibility, I'd check with an attorney. This is likely a local matter. Trying to get an elder to stop... If you are worried about your responsibility, I'd check with an attorney. This is likely a local matter. Trying to get an elder to stop driving is a caregiver's nightmare - and even a good doctor hates that question. Yet, it's a reality many face. Probably this won't be your responsibility, but if you have anyone suggest it is, please look into legal help right away.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How do I get my 73-year-old mother to understand that it's my house and my rules?
You may want to try to get her in for an evaluation, as this behavior could have to do with dementia. I'm assuming you asked her to... You may want to try to get her in for an evaluation, as this behavior could have to do with dementia. I'm assuming you asked her to move in for a reason, which would likely be her decline. However, whatever the reason, as Jeannegibbs says, this is not working. It's undermining your ability to be a mother, which is your first obligation. It's already estranged you and the kids from the kids' father. This is not good. Please get family counseling for everyone, and find another living situation for your mother - the sooner the better.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
My mother with dementia is asking for the wrong sons. Should I be concerned?
This is perfectly normal in the dementia process. As mentioned, she has likely regressed to an earlier age when the kids were little. She... This is perfectly normal in the dementia process. As mentioned, she has likely regressed to an earlier age when the kids were little. She may soon think one of her sons is her husband, especially if that son now resembles her husband when her husband was young. And yes, she may even make a pass at him. It's sad, but it's part of the process for many. Hang in and check back for support. You'll find you aren't alone.
Carol see more
Carol see more
My mom gets up just about every hour at night to go to the bathroom. What can I do to get her to sleep through...
Your mom is remarkable to have recovered this well from a broken hip at her age. Statistics about this would make a complete, long term recover quite rare.
First of all, of course, you need to talk to her doctor about this, and you should also discuss your health with your doctor. You can't keep this up. If her doctor has no better ideas, it's entirely possible that, even though you won't want to hear this, for both of you it may be time for a good nursing home where they have staff shifts who can deal with this. You are placing too much on yourself, and this will affect your ability to be a good caregiver, to say nothing of putting your own health at risk.
Who will be there for your mother if you go down? If she is in a good facility (assuming the doctor has no better suggestion), you will still be there for her as a caregiver and her advocate. Please take care of yourself. She would feel horrible if her situation damaged your health irreparably.
Take care,
Carol see more