Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
How do I receive pay from Medicaid and Medicare if I care for someone that is on it?
You can call the Medicare number at 1-800-MEDICARE or look in your phone book for your local number. Also, for Medicaid, try calling your... You can call the Medicare number at 1-800-MEDICARE or look in your phone book for your local number. Also, for Medicaid, try calling your local social services people. They should be able to help you.
Good luck - it takes time.
Carol see more
Good luck - it takes time.
Carol see more
Question
My sister had Power of Attorney for my dad and now he is $90,000 in debt and has nothing left but social secur...
I'm afraid you'll need to take legal action here. An elder law attorney may be able to help you. Good luck - this is ugly.
Carol
Carol
Question
My elderly parents are hoarders. How do I help them clean and organize their home?
Will they let someone in? There are many "organizers" around, but I'd check your locale and interview those who work well... Will they let someone in? There are many "organizers" around, but I'd check your locale and interview those who work well with elders. Your parents will likely fight this - all of this "stuff" is their shield against the world. It's not going to be easy to clean this up without upsetting them. But many organizers can work with elders better than families, as the family dynamic is removed. Still, they don't run cheap.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My mother’s assisted living facility has raised their rates 25% in the last three years. What are my options i...
I agree that moving her would be traumatic. Could you fudge a little and let her know that "the kid's gifts are taken care... I agree that moving her would be traumatic. Could you fudge a little and let her know that "the kid's gifts are taken care of" and just let the potential receivers know that your mom can no longer afford this but that she really wants to feel she is giving? Maybe with everyone working together, and her limited memory, you can play along and then not move her.
The other option is moving her, but she sounds fragile. You are really the only one who can decide what is best. It's always hard - these decisions.
Take care,
Carol see more
The other option is moving her, but she sounds fragile. You are really the only one who can decide what is best. It's always hard - these decisions.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Does my mother need a supplemental insurance policy if she has Medicare and Medicaid and is currently in an as...
If she is on Medicaid, the state may have a policy like Medicare F (supplemental) for a very small fee. This will depend on the state.... If she is on Medicaid, the state may have a policy like Medicare F (supplemental) for a very small fee. This will depend on the state. I'd call her Medicare/Medicaid person (local Social Security office should get you there), and ask what she needs to do. On Medicaid, much is paid for, but there are still some co-pays. You'll want to be clear about her needs and see if you can get her on this policy. Some states have it automatically part of the package and free. My state charges $40, but that is far less than BCBS's policy.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How can I increase my husband’s aid and attendance benefits in order to pay for his home care?
The only answer I would have for this is to contact the local Veterans Service Officer in your phone book. They are good about helping you... The only answer I would have for this is to contact the local Veterans Service Officer in your phone book. They are good about helping you through red tape. Please call them as soon as possible as these programs always take time to get through.
Take care of yourself and please let us know if you got some answers,
Carol see more
Take care of yourself and please let us know if you got some answers,
Carol see more
Question
My husband is late stage of Alzheimer’s and is constantly reaching for someone’s hand in the air. Is he seeing...
He may be "seeing" people from his past, such as his mother - reaching for her hand. His memory can only live in the past, so... He may be "seeing" people from his past, such as his mother - reaching for her hand. His memory can only live in the past, so that is natural for him. My uncle did that, but it began with him shouting his deceased wife's name. However, later, he just kept reaching and reaching. As he died, he kept reaching out as though she was helping him move on.
You'll never know totally what is going on, but I think your hunch is right - a parent or a sibling from the past is on his mind and it's so real that he's reaching toward that person.
Take care,
Carol see more
You'll never know totally what is going on, but I think your hunch is right - a parent or a sibling from the past is on his mind and it's so real that he's reaching toward that person.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What is the best resource to find qualified caregivers?
Hi Laura, I'd make some phone calls to licensed agencies in the area you need and then ask for references. If you want an independent... Hi Laura,
I'd make some phone calls to licensed agencies in the area you need and then ask for references. If you want an independent person other than one with an agency, you will need to do the background check and reference checks yourself, plus you may be considered an employer which may have tax liability.
I'm not saying your shouldn't look into this option, but it's far harder to make sure you are getting a qualified person if you place an ad.
Another idea is to find a geriatric care manager in your area. You would have to pay for the service, but he or she may be able to recommend someone to you. Placing an ad in any way is apt to bring in responses from unqualified people as well as qualified ones. If you do this, be prepared to do some work. You may find a gem - but you could also find a scammer.
My preference is word of mouth (you can even ask at nursing homes and assisted living facilities for references to people who provide care), or else go through an agency.
Good luck. Please check back and let us know if you've succeeded in finding someone.
Carol see more
I'd make some phone calls to licensed agencies in the area you need and then ask for references. If you want an independent person other than one with an agency, you will need to do the background check and reference checks yourself, plus you may be considered an employer which may have tax liability.
I'm not saying your shouldn't look into this option, but it's far harder to make sure you are getting a qualified person if you place an ad.
Another idea is to find a geriatric care manager in your area. You would have to pay for the service, but he or she may be able to recommend someone to you. Placing an ad in any way is apt to bring in responses from unqualified people as well as qualified ones. If you do this, be prepared to do some work. You may find a gem - but you could also find a scammer.
My preference is word of mouth (you can even ask at nursing homes and assisted living facilities for references to people who provide care), or else go through an agency.
Good luck. Please check back and let us know if you've succeeded in finding someone.
Carol see more
Question
The senior living community was to split-up my parents and put them in different facilities. What can we do if...
Please contact your local ombudsman. You can find this person on your state website (try "aging" in the search box), or go to... Please contact your local ombudsman. You can find this person on your state website (try "aging" in the search box), or go to www.ltcombudsman.org and type in the appropriate Zip code. Your ombudsman is trained to help with transitions, and also seeing to it that you are treated fairly. If he or she can't help you directly, you will still get information on how to proceed.
Good luck and please check back,
Carol see more
Good luck and please check back,
Carol see more
Question
My mother was inquiring about the Aid and Attendance program with the local Area of Aging, and she was contact...
What makes me suspicious here is that the company contacted HER. It's better to check with AoA and ask if there are companies that can... What makes me suspicious here is that the company contacted HER. It's better to check with AoA and ask if there are companies that can help with the paperwork. I don't like the feel of this. I agree that checking with the BBB is a good idea. I'd also ask the Area Agency on Aging.
I know the paperwork for Federal agencies can be a nightmare, but it's nearly always better to research legitimate ways to find help. As noted above, you could contact a local Assisted Living facility if one uses a company and ask who they use. The key is that YOU (or your mom) establish contact first.
I'm hoping this is not a scam. She may get help, but it may or may not be done correctly. I just seems a bit fishy - sorry to say.
Take care,
Carol see more
I know the paperwork for Federal agencies can be a nightmare, but it's nearly always better to research legitimate ways to find help. As noted above, you could contact a local Assisted Living facility if one uses a company and ask who they use. The key is that YOU (or your mom) establish contact first.
I'm hoping this is not a scam. She may get help, but it may or may not be done correctly. I just seems a bit fishy - sorry to say.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My mom has late stage Alzheimer’s and we recently took her off her prescription. In the past week she has been...
She's off the drugs. Haldol was a disaster for my dad. It caused horrible hallucinations and paranoia. Ativan has very good uses, when... She's off the drugs. Haldol was a disaster for my dad. It caused horrible hallucinations and paranoia. Ativan has very good uses, when give as needed, but it's a powerful drug. Medication side effects often mimic dementia. So can an infection such as her UTI.
There is a place for medication, certainly, and we are grateful for when it's there and can help, but what happened to your mother is not uncommon. However, I can't imagine why the doctor increased the dosage of a drug that was creating such horrible side effects.
Please consider a geriatrician if one if available in your area. These doctors specialize in taking care of elders, and they are far more likely to carefully track medications.
Congratulations on your mother's improvement. It must make your heart sing!
Take care,
Carol see more
There is a place for medication, certainly, and we are grateful for when it's there and can help, but what happened to your mother is not uncommon. However, I can't imagine why the doctor increased the dosage of a drug that was creating such horrible side effects.
Please consider a geriatrician if one if available in your area. These doctors specialize in taking care of elders, and they are far more likely to carefully track medications.
Congratulations on your mother's improvement. It must make your heart sing!
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Is going limp like a rag doll a normal behavior for an Alzheimer’s patient?
This could be a stroke. People with Alzheimer's can have other ailments. I'd suggest having him examined asap. Take care,... This could be a stroke. People with Alzheimer's can have other ailments. I'd suggest having him examined asap.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My father has started to regress to his younger days and his mind is going. When should I get him checked for...
This has to be distressing! Since it's so sudden, I'm wondering about all of the medication. Medication side effects or... This has to be distressing! Since it's so sudden, I'm wondering about all of the medication. Medication side effects or interactions can mimic dementia. Of course, he may be developing dementia, but a doctor needs to see him regardless.
Take care and please check back,
Carol see more
Take care and please check back,
Carol see more
Question
My mother with Alzheimer’s keeps walking from room to room yelling my name. How do I get her to settle down?
Confusion and fear are hallmarks of losing one's short-term memory. She can't see you so you "aren't there." This is... Confusion and fear are hallmarks of losing one's short-term memory. She can't see you so you "aren't there."
This is frustrating to you, but it's a phase. It wouldn't hurt to talk to her doctor about medications, but most likely the best you can do is reassure her that you are nearby. Good luck with this phase. It won't last forever, but it will be replaced by other frustrating behavior, I'm sorry to say.
Please keep in touch,
Carol see more
This is frustrating to you, but it's a phase. It wouldn't hurt to talk to her doctor about medications, but most likely the best you can do is reassure her that you are nearby. Good luck with this phase. It won't last forever, but it will be replaced by other frustrating behavior, I'm sorry to say.
Please keep in touch,
Carol see more
Question
I am worn out caring for my mother with Alzheimer's and we cannot afford to put her in a home. Where do I turn...
You have a right to be tired! You'll still be a part of the care team if she goes into a home, so don't let guilt stop you. She... You have a right to be tired! You'll still be a part of the care team if she goes into a home, so don't let guilt stop you.
She will have to pay from her assets until they are spent down to qualify for financial assistance. That can happen fast, depending on how much money she has. It's worth it. Look for a good home, help her with the transition, visit and be part of her care team, and pay for her care from her funds until she qualifies for Medicaid. It truly sounds as though it's time.
Take care of yourself and your marriage,
Carol see more
She will have to pay from her assets until they are spent down to qualify for financial assistance. That can happen fast, depending on how much money she has. It's worth it. Look for a good home, help her with the transition, visit and be part of her care team, and pay for her care from her funds until she qualifies for Medicaid. It truly sounds as though it's time.
Take care of yourself and your marriage,
Carol see more
Question
How do you pay for Alzheimer’s memory care?”
Medicare rarely covers assisted living or nursing home care. People are expected to pay their own way until they qualify for Medicaid,... Medicare rarely covers assisted living or nursing home care. People are expected to pay their own way until they qualify for Medicaid, which is a program for the poor. Your mom's assets will have to be "spent down," meaning that she will pay her own way using all of her assets until she can qualify for Medicaid. Generally, people are then placed in nursing home care - in her case a memory unit.
Because individual states differ (even though Medicaid is a Federal program), you will do best to get local information from your local social services office. Another great resource in your long-term care ombudsman who can be found by typing in the Zip code at www.longtermcare.org. These people are very helpful and can guide you.
I will tell you for sure that your mom won't get this care paid for while she has the money to do so herself. If she has a lot of assets (house, cars, investments) you may want to talk with an elder law attorney for planning purposes.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Because individual states differ (even though Medicaid is a Federal program), you will do best to get local information from your local social services office. Another great resource in your long-term care ombudsman who can be found by typing in the Zip code at www.longtermcare.org. These people are very helpful and can guide you.
I will tell you for sure that your mom won't get this care paid for while she has the money to do so herself. If she has a lot of assets (house, cars, investments) you may want to talk with an elder law attorney for planning purposes.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My grandmother passed away 4 months ago and there are times I just feel like crying. How long will I be grievi...
Hi Mstexas, Everyone grieves differently. For you, as your grandmother's primary caregiver, the loss is of greater impact than for the... Hi Mstexas,
Everyone grieves differently. For you, as your grandmother's primary caregiver, the loss is of greater impact than for the others. Also, even though you did everything you could for her, if you are like most caregivers, you wonder if you could have done more. The answer, of course, is not likely.
If you continue to grieve, you should schedule a couple of sessions with a counselor. If she had hospice care, most hospices offer grief support for a year after the death. The main thing is don't expect yourself to "get over it" at the same rate others do. Also, don't spend time on regret which is likely not earned, and certainly counterproductive. Please do get help if you aren't feeling better in a month or two, or sooner if you really feel bad.
Take care of yourself. You've spent a lot of time as a caregiver for your grandmother. It's your turn.
Carol see more
Everyone grieves differently. For you, as your grandmother's primary caregiver, the loss is of greater impact than for the others. Also, even though you did everything you could for her, if you are like most caregivers, you wonder if you could have done more. The answer, of course, is not likely.
If you continue to grieve, you should schedule a couple of sessions with a counselor. If she had hospice care, most hospices offer grief support for a year after the death. The main thing is don't expect yourself to "get over it" at the same rate others do. Also, don't spend time on regret which is likely not earned, and certainly counterproductive. Please do get help if you aren't feeling better in a month or two, or sooner if you really feel bad.
Take care of yourself. You've spent a lot of time as a caregiver for your grandmother. It's your turn.
Carol see more
Question
Are continuous gas pains in my mother normal?
I'd ask for a second opinion, since while gas pains may be the cause - what is causing all that gas? This shouldn't be brushed off... I'd ask for a second opinion, since while gas pains may be the cause - what is causing all that gas? This shouldn't be brushed off too lightly. At the very least,
this causes a downgrade in her quality of life. However, even more importantly, it could signal something going wrong in her digestive tract that needs attention.
The ER doctor is checking for emergency symptoms, so you really can't go by that. I'd try a specialist for her, someone who specialize in digestive issues, or at least a geriatrician who knows how elderly bodies should work.
Good luck. The doctor rounds are tough. But I do think she needs attention.
Carol see more
this causes a downgrade in her quality of life. However, even more importantly, it could signal something going wrong in her digestive tract that needs attention.
The ER doctor is checking for emergency symptoms, so you really can't go by that. I'd try a specialist for her, someone who specialize in digestive issues, or at least a geriatrician who knows how elderly bodies should work.
Good luck. The doctor rounds are tough. But I do think she needs attention.
Carol see more
Question
Why does my mother with dementia change her moods and personality depending on who she is around?
Unfortunately, this is common. Many of us have had elders who become super charming around professionals, and even friends. They put on an... Unfortunately, this is common. Many of us have had elders who become super charming around professionals, and even friends. They put on an act that gets them through the visit.
Around you, you mother probably feels "safe" to act how she feels, which is likely frightened and confused. Of course, when her dementia worsens, it will be harder for her to "act." But she wants to appear all right to these people, which just frustrates the whole business. All I can say is that you aren't alone. Try to explain to the doctor and social workers that she does this- you may need to write them a letter. It's likely they've witnessed this behavior before. Good luck. As I said, many of us have been in your situation - my mother was "just fine" whenever a medical person or an old friend showed up. As soon as they were gone, she's be exhausted and back to her impaired behavior.
Carol see more
Around you, you mother probably feels "safe" to act how she feels, which is likely frightened and confused. Of course, when her dementia worsens, it will be harder for her to "act." But she wants to appear all right to these people, which just frustrates the whole business. All I can say is that you aren't alone. Try to explain to the doctor and social workers that she does this- you may need to write them a letter. It's likely they've witnessed this behavior before. Good luck. As I said, many of us have been in your situation - my mother was "just fine" whenever a medical person or an old friend showed up. As soon as they were gone, she's be exhausted and back to her impaired behavior.
Carol see more
Can I expect my 87-year-old mother-in-law to help with chores around the house?
There could be other reason's of course, so a good physical would be in order, anyway. Of course, she would feel better if she contributed more, but she may feel so displaced and depressed she can't. Try to help her find a reason to exist, while you are working on her health.
Good luck to you all. These many changes can't have been easy.
Carol see more