Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
My Mom is very into "Chat Forums." The problem is she gives out her address and phone number to people. How c...
As with so many things, someone outside of the family should talk with her. Elders often don't want to be "told what to do"... As with so many things, someone outside of the family should talk with her. Elders often don't want to be "told what to do" by their adult children. Does she have a trusted friend who can talk with her? Someone in her age group, or at least of an older generation, may get through to her. If not, you could even see if someone at the police station could tell her that this is unsafe. You are right that she shouldn't be doing this.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
I am getting too much from unemployment to receive Medicaid, how can I get health insurance?
None of it's cheap, but you can see if your state has a pool for people with pre-existing health conditions who have lost their... None of it's cheap, but you can see if your state has a pool for people with pre-existing health conditions who have lost their insurance. Many states do. You have a year to go before you can qualify for Medicare (unfortunately very common after so many layoffs of older workers). It's a troubling gap for folks of that age. Please contact your state insurance office for suggestions.
Good luck.
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Good luck.
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Question
How can we keep my mother’s house if she goes into a nursing home?
That depends on her other assets. She will be expected to pay out of pocket until most of her money is gone. There may be a way to keep the... That depends on her other assets. She will be expected to pay out of pocket until most of her money is gone. There may be a way to keep the house - you'd have to check with the state of residence - but likely if she goes on Medicaid, Medicaid will put a lien against the house, so when she dies they will own all or part of it anyway. You should probably check with an elder law attorney or an estate attorney, as every state is a little different.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
If I'm my mother's guardian and her Power of Attorney, can I make her go to assisted living?
Likely you can, since you are the guardian and she isn't eligible for assisted living. I'd contact your local long-term care... Likely you can, since you are the guardian and she isn't eligible for assisted living. I'd contact your local long-term care ombudsman and ask for advice. You can find this person on your state website or at www.ltcombudsman.org. These people are very helpful and know the rules. Good luck. Something obviously needs to be done.
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Question
My mother has little red sores on her ankles and legs. I've used moistureizer and topic antibiotics, but it do...
It's important that she see a doctor. These sores may be an indication of an underlying problem. It's one thing to have a small... It's important that she see a doctor. These sores may be an indication of an underlying problem. It's one thing to have a small sore and treat it topically - if it goes away, there's generally no problem. These keep coming back, so there's a reason that isn't apparent. Please have a doctor exam her.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
I know several caregivers who have had experience with the elder that they are caring for talk about children....
My mother-in-law wouldn't let me sit next to her on the couch because I might sit on "the children." I chalked that up to the... My mother-in-law wouldn't let me sit next to her on the couch because I might sit on "the children." I chalked that up to the fact that she had once been a teacher. But she was also a mother. My own take is that they are still a mother or teacher at heart, and maybe think they are taking care of kids. That's what they did. It's a way of living in the past, which to them is the present. Anyway, as you say, it's common!
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
Does anyone else struggle with Mother’s Day when your mom has a history of mental illness and dementia?
Please don't feel guilty. Relief is very common (such as after your dad died). Many people won't admit to even a little relief that... Please don't feel guilty. Relief is very common (such as after your dad died). Many people won't admit to even a little relief that it's all over because they feel guilty doing so.
If they had a wonderful relationship with their parents - always - maybe they only feel grief. However, if it makes you feel any better, your situation - while somewhat harder than average - may be more common than you know. You can stop feeling guilty. Feelings are just feelings and you have a right to those.
You'd like to have a wonderful relationship to remember, but you don't and won't. Hopefully, after it's all over and you have time to rest, you will be able to make a gratitude list of good things. Few relationships are all bad. For now, you may want to talk to a spiritual leader or a counselor if sadness or guilt is overcoming you. You are a good person in very difficult circumstances.
Take care of yourself,
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If they had a wonderful relationship with their parents - always - maybe they only feel grief. However, if it makes you feel any better, your situation - while somewhat harder than average - may be more common than you know. You can stop feeling guilty. Feelings are just feelings and you have a right to those.
You'd like to have a wonderful relationship to remember, but you don't and won't. Hopefully, after it's all over and you have time to rest, you will be able to make a gratitude list of good things. Few relationships are all bad. For now, you may want to talk to a spiritual leader or a counselor if sadness or guilt is overcoming you. You are a good person in very difficult circumstances.
Take care of yourself,
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Question
Do people with Alzheimer disease often make up stories?
She could be covering for the fact that she forgot the brunch. She doesn't want people to know her memory is giving her problems (that... She could be covering for the fact that she forgot the brunch. She doesn't want people to know her memory is giving her problems (that is if she does have dementia) so she makes up what to her is a plausible excuse. So, yes, covering "slips" is common.
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Question
Can a doctor legally keep food and or liquid from a conscious person who can eat?
This sounds unusual. I hope they are at least giving him ice chips to keep his mouth moist. I would definitely ask for a second opinion as... This sounds unusual. I hope they are at least giving him ice chips to keep his mouth moist. I would definitely ask for a second opinion as fast as possible. It's hard to see how he will become more stable without nutrition. If he were dying, they probably wouldn't give him nutrition, but this sounds totally different. Please let us know how this turns out.
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Question
A friend told me my mother has what's called "failure to thrive"; would moving her to a nursing home be the ri...
I think your friend has a very good point. Your mother isn't doing well now, and you are doing all you can and even more than most... I think your friend has a very good point. Your mother isn't doing well now, and you are doing all you can and even more than most people would. The social atmosphere, plus the absence of the family dynamic (considering her past behavior) may have a positive effect on her. She could be suffering from depression, as well. I do know this - when my mother-in-law moved into a local nursing home she totally turned around, and she did thrive. She loved it.
Good luck. I know it's a hard decision. But you deserve a life, too. And she may do better in a group setting.
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Good luck. I know it's a hard decision. But you deserve a life, too. And she may do better in a group setting.
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Question
Are aid and attendance benefits exempt from income tax?
Please check with a CPA about this, as there are different rules in different states, and each circumstance is slightly different. You... Please check with a CPA about this, as there are different rules in different states, and each circumstance is slightly different. You should have expert financial advice before deciding this.
Good luck - I hope so.
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Good luck - I hope so.
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Question
What sleep aids do you recommend for an elder with dementia suffering from nightmares?
I wouldn't try a sedative without medical approval. You all need some sleep, so please ask the doctor. Elders often have very sensitive... I wouldn't try a sedative without medical approval. You all need some sleep, so please ask the doctor. Elders often have very sensitive bladders. My mom would "have to go" constantly, and there was very little urine each time. But the pressure made her feel like she had to go. If someone could talk her into depends at night so you could all relax, that would be good. Could her doctor approach her with a "do this for your family" approach?
RA is so painful - it would help her if she didn't have to get up so often. But she likely wakes up from pain, as well as the feeling of a full bladder. Please do talk with her doctor - and give him or her all of the facts.
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RA is so painful - it would help her if she didn't have to get up so often. But she likely wakes up from pain, as well as the feeling of a full bladder. Please do talk with her doctor - and give him or her all of the facts.
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Question
Is it practical to put my mom on catheter to avoid leaking on her bed?
The only thing I can add is that I'm very sorry about your circumstance. Please try you local Social Services, and also talk with her... The only thing I can add is that I'm very sorry about your circumstance. Please try you local Social Services, and also talk with her doctor. There should be someone who can assist you in some way.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
What is the best Medigap plan that will give me the best coverage?
Plan F gives the most coverage. Your provider will depend on where you live, but they are very similar because the different plans must... Plan F gives the most coverage. Your provider will depend on where you live, but they are very similar because the different plans must meet certain criteria set by the government. However, prices vary, so if you are fortunate enough to live in an area where you have choices in insurance companies, check their prices on Plan F (and other plans) and also double check what they cover. A good Plan F policy covers nearly all co-pays that Medicare B doesn't cover. The other plans have cheaper premiums but cover less.
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Question
Will having an jump-suit at night for incontinence make my father be less likely to go on his own during the d...
I think they need to give him more time, since this came at a time when he was ill. If he continues in this pattern, there may be no choice... I think they need to give him more time, since this came at a time when he was ill. If he continues in this pattern, there may be no choice but to go with the jumpsuits, for night, but there's no reason to go to that by day. You are right that he should take care of his own needs for as long as possible.
Good luck. Press your case that he needs another chance. Illness will do that to people.
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Good luck. Press your case that he needs another chance. Illness will do that to people.
Carol see more
Question
Are there services that can support an elderly who is depressed and afraid of dying?
Does this person have a religious affiliation? If so, that is probably the preferred choice. A clergy person could counsel the person. If... Does this person have a religious affiliation? If so, that is probably the preferred choice. A clergy person could counsel the person. If not, there are grief counselors who can help. This is very sad. The person's depression may be managed better with some counseling, as well. Please speak to the doctor about this.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
What exactly is Hospice care? And what can I expect from Hospice care?
First of all, not all hospices are created equal, but for the most part, hospice care is wonderful. Like every other care, there will be... First of all, not all hospices are created equal, but for the most part, hospice care is wonderful. Like every other care, there will be some people who aren't as pleased as others, as hospices, like any other care provider, are unique.
I recommend a non-profit hospice if you have access to one, and if you have choices, ask for references from families to help you choose. Most hospices have many, many happy families who can share their experiences.
They help people stay comfortable during the death process. They have a record a helping some people live longer since their medications are better managed and they are out of pain. Many, many people wish they'd called hospice before they did, once they see the improvement in the wellbeing of the ill person. They give medications for pain, and all medications have side effects. That's a given.
Both of my parents rallied under hospice care, because their pain was well managed. Hospice works with the other health providers to give the best care possible to the patient. They have a chaplain, counseling for the families going through the process, as well as the ill person if he or she wants it. They also have grief support groups for family after care (if you want it).
Hospice care is covered by Medicare, under most circumstances, and provides care wherever the person lives - in their home, a nursing home, assisted living - home is home.
I can say this: my family knows I'd want hospice care if I am ever in a situation where I am terminal and in pain. I want to die with as much dignity as I can have, and have a little pain as possible so I can enjoy the people who love me.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
I recommend a non-profit hospice if you have access to one, and if you have choices, ask for references from families to help you choose. Most hospices have many, many happy families who can share their experiences.
They help people stay comfortable during the death process. They have a record a helping some people live longer since their medications are better managed and they are out of pain. Many, many people wish they'd called hospice before they did, once they see the improvement in the wellbeing of the ill person. They give medications for pain, and all medications have side effects. That's a given.
Both of my parents rallied under hospice care, because their pain was well managed. Hospice works with the other health providers to give the best care possible to the patient. They have a chaplain, counseling for the families going through the process, as well as the ill person if he or she wants it. They also have grief support groups for family after care (if you want it).
Hospice care is covered by Medicare, under most circumstances, and provides care wherever the person lives - in their home, a nursing home, assisted living - home is home.
I can say this: my family knows I'd want hospice care if I am ever in a situation where I am terminal and in pain. I want to die with as much dignity as I can have, and have a little pain as possible so I can enjoy the people who love me.
Take care of yourself, too.
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Question
What can I do if my mom is growing thinner and thinner as the years go by?
Your mom has so many health issues that it's not surprising she is losing weight. Her doctor(s) may have some answers. There are... Your mom has so many health issues that it's not surprising she is losing weight. Her doctor(s) may have some answers. There are supplements with a lot of calories that could help if she'd drink them. High calorie, soft foods can help. But with Alzheimer’s, choking on anything can be an issue - fluids can be even worse than soft food.
A nutritionist may be able to help, but I'm afraid you'll have to accept the fact that she won't likely reach a healthy weight. It's horrible for you, I know. We often have to accept things about our loved one's health that can't be fixed. Get as much medical advice as you can.
Take care,
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A nutritionist may be able to help, but I'm afraid you'll have to accept the fact that she won't likely reach a healthy weight. It's horrible for you, I know. We often have to accept things about our loved one's health that can't be fixed. Get as much medical advice as you can.
Take care,
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Question
My grandmother hasn’t left her bedroom for 6 months, how can I get her out?
Please contact your local Social Services. They can do a welfare check. Your grandmother needs help and you need assistance getting her... Please contact your local Social Services. They can do a welfare check. Your grandmother needs help and you need assistance getting her help. She has some health issue going on and it needs to be addressed, but if you can't get her to a doctor, someone needs to get to her. Adult Social Services should be able to send a social worker out to evaluate the situation and help you.
Good luck. You need relief.
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Good luck. You need relief.
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If mother has things from her trailer home that she wants to give to her children then sells the rest before h...
Take care,
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