Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
How do I put together a family forum to discuss the care of our elderly mother suffering from dementia??
PS - Don't forget to try the Alzheimer's Association, as their social workers are wonderful about giving advice and helping... PS - Don't forget to try the Alzheimer's Association, as their social workers are wonderful about giving advice and helping families come together.
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Question
How do I put together a family forum to discuss the care of our elderly mother suffering from dementia??
Sometimes having a professional such as a clergy person, a doctor, a geriatric care manager or a social worker to give the meeting some... Sometimes having a professional such as a clergy person, a doctor, a geriatric care manager or a social worker to give the meeting some grounding, and take out family dynamics to some degree, is helpful. Third parties are very useful here.
A little more extreme, but possible, is a family mediator. Whatever route you go, a family meeting to discuss this issue is wise. If the daughter who wants to move is reluctant to be in on the planning, she may feel guilty for wanting to move. Try to keep attitudes in check and stress that the whole idea is about MOM, not anyone else. Again, I'd suggest a third party to help, since that makes it less "family" and more official, so people will be on their best behavior (hopefully).
Good luck,
Carol see more
A little more extreme, but possible, is a family mediator. Whatever route you go, a family meeting to discuss this issue is wise. If the daughter who wants to move is reluctant to be in on the planning, she may feel guilty for wanting to move. Try to keep attitudes in check and stress that the whole idea is about MOM, not anyone else. Again, I'd suggest a third party to help, since that makes it less "family" and more official, so people will be on their best behavior (hopefully).
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Can I be held responsible if my sister leaves my dad with people we don’t know to care for him?
If she is getting paid by the state to care for him, then she should be caring for him. Yes, she needs a break, but then he people who take... If she is getting paid by the state to care for him, then she should be caring for him. Yes, she needs a break, but then he people who take over should know the basics of the care he needs. You could take CPR training, and she should leave written instructions about medications, but she shouldn't be gone long if she is being paid. The state likely has rules about this so you may want to check into that.
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Question
What should I do if my mother and I are butting heads over my grandmother’s care?
In my opinion, you are right. Your grandma needs proper care. What is the paid care doing if they aren't there to change her and make... In my opinion, you are right. Your grandma needs proper care. What is the paid care doing if they aren't there to change her and make her comfortable?
There are a lot of people involved in Grandma's care - family plus paid care. Maybe you need the paid care there more often, or else Grandma needs a nursing home and you can all visit often. You aren't likely to change your mom, but a third party may - just may - help. She's using family dynamics to bully you. If you get a friend or clergy person to talk to your mom, if may help. But in this case, it sounds as though your family has more serious issues. Care for Grandma is a priority - you're a good nursing student and granddaughter.
Good luck,
Carol see more
There are a lot of people involved in Grandma's care - family plus paid care. Maybe you need the paid care there more often, or else Grandma needs a nursing home and you can all visit often. You aren't likely to change your mom, but a third party may - just may - help. She's using family dynamics to bully you. If you get a friend or clergy person to talk to your mom, if may help. But in this case, it sounds as though your family has more serious issues. Care for Grandma is a priority - you're a good nursing student and granddaughter.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Where can you get handmade adult bibs?
Can you contact hospice and see where she got them? You could also try church bazarres. Maybe there's a website. You could search the... Can you contact hospice and see where she got them? You could also try church bazarres. Maybe there's a website. You could search the Web a bit, but the nurse should be able to give you some information.
Good luck. It's so nice that you care that much!
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Good luck. It's so nice that you care that much!
Carol see more
Question
Where can I find a permanent care home for my bilnd husband?
Yes, there must be. Is his doctor helping? You may want to try your long-term care ombudsman. This person can be found on your state... Yes, there must be. Is his doctor helping? You may want to try your long-term care ombudsman. This person can be found on your state website - try typing "aging" into the search box and you should find a link, or go to www.ltcombudsman.org and type in the Zip code. Is your husband on Medicaid? That makes a difference, but most non-profit nursing homes need to accept a certain number of Medicaid residents in order to get Federal funding. I hope you get some assistance. The ombudsman program is extremely helpful.
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Carol see more
Question
How do you get over the trauma of watching someone when they die?
Please contact hospice and ask about their grief counseling sessions. You'll be with others who feel the same way, and it can help... Please contact hospice and ask about their grief counseling sessions. You'll be with others who feel the same way, and it can help immensely. You'll also meet people who have found peace in passing on an elder, so the perspective should help. If you don't do that, I'd suggest a private counselor. This is part of life and it's affecting your own quality of life. Please do this for yourself.
Best wishes,
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Best wishes,
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Question
The Transitional Care Unit at the hospital wanted to discharge my mother but now they are telling me she requi...
Check with your local ombudsman about the transition - www.ltcombudsman.org - when you type in your Zip code you'll get your local... Check with your local ombudsman about the transition - www.ltcombudsman.org - when you type in your Zip code you'll get your local contact. These folks are very knowledgeable.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
Where can I find activities that my sister, who is a quadriplegic (has some mobility in arms & legs) can atten...
You can go to http://www.aasa.dshs.wa.gov/ which is the Aging and Disability Services Administration website, and type in required... You can go to http://www.aasa.dshs.wa.gov/ which is the Aging and Disability Services Administration website, and type in required information for your community. I also tried typing my community’s name, along with “disability services” in the search box on my computer’s program, and got many local links. You could try that, or go to your state website and type in “disability services.” You should get help there.
You also may want to check on the state website for the National Family Caregiver Support Program. That isn't only for eldercare. They can be very helpful, and every state as some version of the program.
Take care,
Carol see more
You also may want to check on the state website for the National Family Caregiver Support Program. That isn't only for eldercare. They can be very helpful, and every state as some version of the program.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My mother passes away and there was no will, what are my rights?
Madge is right. You could try an estate attorney for advice, in fact you may want to go that route just so you know for sure, but it's... Madge is right. You could try an estate attorney for advice, in fact you may want to go that route just so you know for sure, but it's likely that your siblings have as much right as you do to an equal share of the estate. However, they should not be taking anything from the house until the estate has gone through probate.
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Question
Has anyone 'just left' their job of caring for their parent and never come back?
Excellent advice from ED! Get help at once, in the form of moving her to housing, or if you just can't do any more, call adult services... Excellent advice from ED! Get help at once, in the form of moving her to housing, or if you just can't do any more, call adult services at your Social Services office. You need advice so you can move on and not live with guilt later. You shouldn't allow yourselve to be abused, so something needs to be done. Good luck, and please check back with us.
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Carol see more
Question
How can I find help with getting my husband out of the bed?
Depression is likely an issue, but he also may be weak from heart issues or other physical problems. A doctor needs to be in on the... Depression is likely an issue, but he also may be weak from heart issues or other physical problems. A doctor needs to be in on the problems. For practical purposes, in-home health caregivers can help - you don't want him falling and you don't want to get hurt transferring him if he really can't stand. Talk to his doctor about what he considers the best that your husband can do. He may or may not need outside care, but you may need the help caring for his needs.
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Carol see more
Question
How can I get my husband to move to a senior apartment community?
You need help badly. First see if a clergy person or trusted friend can convince him to move. If not, try the Alzheimer's Association... You need help badly. First see if a clergy person or trusted friend can convince him to move. If not, try the Alzheimer's Association in your phone book. They have social workers who should be able to help. You are in a situation where you must do something or you will go down with health problems and won't be able to help him either. Please contact the Alzheimer's Association and anyone else you can think of. He may not listen to you, but may listen to someone who tells him that you could die if he doesn't get more help for himself.
Please do everything you can - no guilt. You need help. Period.
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Please do everything you can - no guilt. You need help. Period.
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Question
My mom has mid-stage dementia and can't live on her own, but she still knows our names. At what point are memo...
Most of the time it's best to start the drugs early. There is controversy about the drugs as some people find them wonderful, and... Most of the time it's best to start the drugs early. There is controversy about the drugs as some people find them wonderful, and others say the side effects are bad and the good they do isn't worth it. Working closely with the doctor is the only way to go at it. If you aren't sure the doctor is able to detect the type of dementia with a PET scan or other methods, you should look for a specialist who can. One problem is mixed dementias, which researchers are finding very common. Many people have more than one type. It's never an easy road.
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Question
What is the best way to pay for things when you're running errands for your parents to keep Medicaid from sayi...
You are very wise to keep records. I think it's instinctive for most people just to buy things and have the elder pay them back, but... You are very wise to keep records. I think it's instinctive for most people just to buy things and have the elder pay them back, but that is tougher to prove that the items were for your elder if you have to show records to Medicaid.
I believe that as long as you keep receipts, you are okay, but it may be better to use her checks or credit card - and also keep receipts. it's a pain, but not as bad as backtracking. To be absolutely certain, check with Medicare or an elder law attorney.
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I believe that as long as you keep receipts, you are okay, but it may be better to use her checks or credit card - and also keep receipts. it's a pain, but not as bad as backtracking. To be absolutely certain, check with Medicare or an elder law attorney.
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Question
Is there a way to get a loved one into a nursing home and have it covered under medicare without doing the 72...
You can check with your state long-term care ombudsman. I rather doubt that you can, but either go to your state website and type... You can check with your state long-term care ombudsman. I rather doubt that you can, but either go to your state website and type "aging" in the search box and look for your ombudsman, or go to www.ltcombudsman.org and type in your Zip code. They are very helpful and should point you in the right direction.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
How do I get paid for taking care of grandmother?
You can check with your state website - I'd look for the National Family Caregivers Support Program. (type "aging" in the... You can check with your state website - I'd look for the National Family Caregivers Support Program. (type "aging" in the state website search box). Follow that link to find some local people who may be able to assist you.
If the situation is too bad, you may have to contact adult social services. You and your grandmother need some help.
Good luck,
Carol see more
If the situation is too bad, you may have to contact adult social services. You and your grandmother need some help.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How much should we pay our granddaughter for live in care?
I'd check with local in-home agencies to get a ball park figure on hourly wages because that wouldn't include room and board. You... I'd check with local in-home agencies to get a ball park figure on hourly wages because that wouldn't include room and board. You could shoot a bit lower, as the agency takes a chunk of the pay the caregivers get, but it would give you an idea.
You could also call your local job services and see if they have a wage range for such services.
This sounds beneficial to all if the personalities work out.
Take care,
Carol see more
You could also call your local job services and see if they have a wage range for such services.
This sounds beneficial to all if the personalities work out.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What are my rights as caregiver of my elderly parents when my sibling is their primary proxy?
Lilliput has some great advice, as usual. Thanks, Lilliput! I'd add that you can be co-signers and that your parents and your sibling... Lilliput has some great advice, as usual. Thanks, Lilliput!
I'd add that you can be co-signers and that your parents and your sibling may benefit from the advice of a third party, such as a clergy person or a trusted friend, since that removes family dynamics that can make things sticky. If your parents hear about the practical needs of your having POA - at least as one of the co-signers - they may be able to see the wisdom of a change. Also, you should have them sign the HIPAA papers that allow you access to their medical records. The clinic and/or hospital they use will have those papers. This is important since you are on the spot.
Good luck,
Carol see more
I'd add that you can be co-signers and that your parents and your sibling may benefit from the advice of a third party, such as a clergy person or a trusted friend, since that removes family dynamics that can make things sticky. If your parents hear about the practical needs of your having POA - at least as one of the co-signers - they may be able to see the wisdom of a change. Also, you should have them sign the HIPAA papers that allow you access to their medical records. The clinic and/or hospital they use will have those papers. This is important since you are on the spot.
Good luck,
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How do I find an advocate to help me with my dad's illness?
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