Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
I live in Washington State. Do they have a program to pay for family care at home?
Check with your state website. Once on the site, try typing "aging" in the search box. That should take you to local services.... Check with your state website. Once on the site, try typing "aging" in the search box. That should take you to local services. States vary, so there's really no one answer to this question.
Your state should have a version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. If you click this link, you should find people who have "been there" and can help guide you. Good luck with this. Many people want this option but it's not easy to get.
Carol see more
Your state should have a version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. If you click this link, you should find people who have "been there" and can help guide you. Good luck with this. Many people want this option but it's not easy to get.
Carol see more
Question
How do I get my dad to stop picking and scratching until he bleeds?
Many people with dementia seem to pickat their skin, especially if some little thing attracts them. My mother-in-law did this. We had to... Many people with dementia seem to pickat their skin, especially if some little thing attracts them. My mother-in-law did this. We had to take her watch away because she'd pick under the band and then it would get infected. The nurses were at their wits end with that. They kept each little sore bandaged so she couldn't pick what she'd started, but it was a challenge.
Since other obsessived behaviors often occur with Alzhiemer's, likely this is related.
Anxiety can causing picking behavior as well as behaviors like tearing up tissues. What to do? If medications can't help anxiety and the doctor doesn't have any other suggestions, I guess we just try to stay on top of it. It's tough.
Carol see more
Since other obsessived behaviors often occur with Alzhiemer's, likely this is related.
Anxiety can causing picking behavior as well as behaviors like tearing up tissues. What to do? If medications can't help anxiety and the doctor doesn't have any other suggestions, I guess we just try to stay on top of it. It's tough.
Carol see more
Question
I am a 65-year-old Veteran of the Women’s Army Corp., retired with a pension & Social Security benefits. Can I...
It may depend on whether or not you've bought a home with a VA loan before. Check with your bank and see what they have to say. There... It may depend on whether or not you've bought a home with a VA loan before. Check with your bank and see what they have to say. There could be variables here that make a big difference.
Good luck. I hope you can.
Carol see more
Good luck. I hope you can.
Carol see more
Question
As Mom's POA I set up funeral trust to apply for Medicaid and it is gaining interest. Is this tax deductible i...
It's possible the income could count for Medicaid purposes. Likely, if your mom is on Medicaid, she may not have enough to pay income... It's possible the income could count for Medicaid purposes. Likely, if your mom is on Medicaid, she may not have enough to pay income tax, but you should check with a CPA on both counts. Where you live may figure in to the Medicaid part.
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Carol see more
Question
Ever since I lost my grandparents to I want to give company to other patients. Where can I volunteer for the e...
Most any local nursing home would love to have your help. They need people to visit folks who have no family and to help accompany people... Most any local nursing home would love to have your help. They need people to visit folks who have no family and to help accompany people to medical appointments. They need help pushing people in their wheelchairs to meals. They need help with entertainment.
You could also call one of your local non-profit social service organizations and see if they have a way you can unofficially adopt a grandparent or something. The world needs more people like you. Please carry forward and thank you for caring so much!
Carol see more
You could also call one of your local non-profit social service organizations and see if they have a way you can unofficially adopt a grandparent or something. The world needs more people like you. Please carry forward and thank you for caring so much!
Carol see more
Question
Can dementia creep in, then get worse within a short span of time?
The change in location could be part of it, which does not mean this was a bad choice. Sometimes changes are necessary. However, people... The change in location could be part of it, which does not mean this was a bad choice. Sometimes changes are necessary. However, people with dementia don't generally cope well with change.
Sometimes change can make things worse for awhile, and sometimes they never return to the place they were before the change (this is particularly frequent with hospitalizations and surgery).
Since she's worsened in the past few days, and the change is six weeks old, however, the change may not be part of the equation at all. She just may be at a turning point with her AD. I'd contact her physician and see if there's anything that can be done to help her. In the end, you may be seeing a new, deeper phase of the disease and you'll have to learn to cope with these new behaviors.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol see more
Sometimes change can make things worse for awhile, and sometimes they never return to the place they were before the change (this is particularly frequent with hospitalizations and surgery).
Since she's worsened in the past few days, and the change is six weeks old, however, the change may not be part of the equation at all. She just may be at a turning point with her AD. I'd contact her physician and see if there's anything that can be done to help her. In the end, you may be seeing a new, deeper phase of the disease and you'll have to learn to cope with these new behaviors.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol see more
Question
Why is ALS not discussed in health conditions?
You likely don't see much about ALS on this site, because ALS tends to strike younger people, and most readers come to Agingcare.com... You likely don't see much about ALS on this site, because ALS tends to strike younger people, and most readers come to Agingcare.com because of their loved one's aging conditions. We're delighted to have you on the site, however. You may also want to try the ALS Association at www.alsa.org.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
Mom qualifies for 30+ hours of personal care through Medicaid each week. Can I be paid to care for her?
It depends a lot on where you live and whether or not your mom is on Medicaid. You aren't likely to replace a job with any pay you... It depends a lot on where you live and whether or not your mom is on Medicaid. You aren't likely to replace a job with any pay you could get. In some instances, you could get some hours paid for by Medicaid. However, that varies by her circumstances and where she lives. Try going to her state Web site. Type "aging" in the search box and then look at the links. You can see what local help is available. You also should find a version of the National Family Caregiver Support program. If you contact these folks, they may be able to guide you on local policies.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Mom has dementia and is in a rehab center. The past 2 weeks she has been paranoid that people are out to get h...
This could be consistent with the stage she is in (sorry). I'd check with her doctor about medications, both because some people can... This could be consistent with the stage she is in (sorry). I'd check with her doctor about medications, both because some people can react negatively to medications (paranoia is not an unheard of side effect), and because it's possible something new could ease her symptoms.
The paranoia that often accompanies some dementias is horribly frustrating as the family sees the person's fear and pain, but also because the family is often a target of the paranoid thinking.
Do check again with the doctor. Checking for a UTI was very wise, by the way - but see if there's something more they can do.
Take care - this is a long journey,
Carol see more
The paranoia that often accompanies some dementias is horribly frustrating as the family sees the person's fear and pain, but also because the family is often a target of the paranoid thinking.
Do check again with the doctor. Checking for a UTI was very wise, by the way - but see if there's something more they can do.
Take care - this is a long journey,
Carol see more
Question
My husband does not take out money for my or children's expenses from joint business, fearing that the other p...
This sounds like a question for a CPA. There are many variables. Good luck with your challenges.
Carol
Carol
Question
My mother has recently been moved to an assisted living facility. Now she is showing intense anger, how do I h...
You did the right thing by not letting her control you with her rage. Keep that up. She will likely adjust as she understands there's... You did the right thing by not letting her control you with her rage. Keep that up.
She will likely adjust as she understands there's no alternative to her situation, but it could take time. The intensity of her anger is worrisome, however, so a doctor should look at anxiety medication, the chance of depression or dementia issues. I'm not suggesting they "drug her" to control her. But I am suggesting that she may have issues that are not being addressed. A good talk with her doctor should be forthcoming.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol see more
She will likely adjust as she understands there's no alternative to her situation, but it could take time. The intensity of her anger is worrisome, however, so a doctor should look at anxiety medication, the chance of depression or dementia issues. I'm not suggesting they "drug her" to control her. But I am suggesting that she may have issues that are not being addressed. A good talk with her doctor should be forthcoming.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol see more
Question
How can I get more social interaction for my father as his health condition worsens?
Your dad is an idea candidate for adult day care. Call it a club or whatever, if need be. But good ADCs offer lots of social interaction.... Your dad is an idea candidate for adult day care. Call it a club or whatever, if need be. But good ADCs offer lots of social interaction. That is one of their strong points. If transportation is an issue, many offer pickup.
In-home caregivers can be hired for companionship, and some areas have free senior companions through RSVP (formerly the Retired Senior Volunteer Service). However, if he'd give ADC a try, he could benefit greatly. Most are very flexible to scheduling (how many hours/days, etc.).
Take care,
Carol see more
In-home caregivers can be hired for companionship, and some areas have free senior companions through RSVP (formerly the Retired Senior Volunteer Service). However, if he'd give ADC a try, he could benefit greatly. Most are very flexible to scheduling (how many hours/days, etc.).
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
I am having trouble with Mom's NH setting represenative payee for her SS income to direct deposit to NH. Has a...
You may want to try the ombudsman for your area. You can find this person on your state website or at www.ltcombudsman.org. They may not be... You may want to try the ombudsman for your area. You can find this person on your state website or at www.ltcombudsman.org. They may not be able to directly help you, but they have a lot of information at their disposal to help you get to the right person. SS should be able to figure this out, but once there's a glitch it can take forever. Good luck,
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Carol see more
Question
We live on my mother's SS check, and she won't change her diaper because she is trying to save money. Where ca...
The suggestion of try your church or non-profit agencies. St. Vincent is wonderful - we have one here in my community. Also, try your state... The suggestion of try your church or non-profit agencies. St. Vincent is wonderful - we have one here in my community.
Also, try your state website. Type "aging" in the search box. You will find local support links there, and your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program.If your mom isn't on Medicaid, it sounds like she should be. Please look into that, if you haven't already. Your Social Services folks can help you there.
Good luck.
Carol see more
Also, try your state website. Type "aging" in the search box. You will find local support links there, and your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program.If your mom isn't on Medicaid, it sounds like she should be. Please look into that, if you haven't already. Your Social Services folks can help you there.
Good luck.
Carol see more
Question
My mother needs Medicare Part D. Does anyone have experience with this?
I have some experience with this. Type in all of your mother's medications and the list will likely get much smaller. Then, where she... I have some experience with this. Type in all of your mother's medications and the list will likely get much smaller. Then, where she lives limits even more. It's quite controlled by Medicare, but there are differences in prices. Word of mouth is good, too, if you have lots of choices, but if you are like my community, you may end up with only a couple once you've narrowed it with medications. They don't all cover the same medications.
Also, if most of her meds are generic, she may do better with one company. If most are brand only, she may do better with another. The thing to remember is that you can change during open enrollment which is within 90 days of turning 65 (the site explains open enrollment if you look for a link), or mid-Nov through, I believe (it changes) the first of each year. You have the chance to change policies every year.
Good luck. I know it seems like a maze. If you really get confused, call Medicare and be prepared for a menu, and wait time, but they will help.
Carol see more
Also, if most of her meds are generic, she may do better with one company. If most are brand only, she may do better with another. The thing to remember is that you can change during open enrollment which is within 90 days of turning 65 (the site explains open enrollment if you look for a link), or mid-Nov through, I believe (it changes) the first of each year. You have the chance to change policies every year.
Good luck. I know it seems like a maze. If you really get confused, call Medicare and be prepared for a menu, and wait time, but they will help.
Carol see more
Question
What happens to seniors who have no money or assets to pay for care?
They generally go on Medicaid assistance. I would check with your local social services about your husband's mother and her needs. You... They generally go on Medicaid assistance. I would check with your local social services about your husband's mother and her needs.
You sound as though you are handling your own mother's assets very wisely. It's wonderful that you both have this caring and insightful mindset.
Take care,
Carol see more
You sound as though you are handling your own mother's assets very wisely. It's wonderful that you both have this caring and insightful mindset.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Is pseudotumor cerebri curable?
Much would depend on the location of the tumor in the brain, however certainly medical advice is your best choice here. Everyone is... Much would depend on the location of the tumor in the brain, however certainly medical advice is your best choice here. Everyone is different, every circumstance is different.
My uncle had a "pseudo cancer" in his ear and they treated it just as though it was cancer. I was never given a very good explanation of this by medical people.
Get the best medical advice you can. We can hope the location of the pseudo tumor is in a place where it can be treated if need be.
Take care,
Carol see more
My uncle had a "pseudo cancer" in his ear and they treated it just as though it was cancer. I was never given a very good explanation of this by medical people.
Get the best medical advice you can. We can hope the location of the pseudo tumor is in a place where it can be treated if need be.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Is a copy of a DPOA legally valid?
This is an excellent answer. Few places need an original. Even the bank will generally take a copy. On occasion, they request one, so... This is an excellent answer. Few places need an original. Even the bank will generally take a copy. On occasion, they request one, so it's good to have a few "originals" witnessed. Then, you send copies where you can - which is great for most things.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How can I get my mom to clean up after herself?
She may have developed a fear of bathing, or she may just forget that she didn't bathe and think you are wrong. Her sense of smell... She may have developed a fear of bathing, or she may just forget that she didn't bathe and think you are wrong. Her sense of smell could be going, as well. She could be depressed and not care. There are many reasons for this common, but frustrating problem. You may want to read this article on agingcare.com which discusses this issue: https://www.agingcare.com/133877
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Can anyone share their experiences with Private Duty Nurses?
There are many good CNAs and nurses working for agencies, and even working privately. You just need to do everything you can to make sure the person is a good match. A good caregiver isn't always the right personality, either, so you may want to ask if there are choices in case one caregiver doesn't "click" with your mom.
Keep checking here as you'll likely get more tips from readers.
Best,
Carol see more