Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
Is there work that I can do from home while I am taking care of my mother at home?
There are jobs from home through reputable companies, many of them computer or telephone support jobs. Be very careful not to fall for a... There are jobs from home through reputable companies, many of them computer or telephone support jobs. Be very careful not to fall for a scam.
There are training programs for things like medical billing that are legitimate. Check at a local community college and see if there are courses. Also, places like McDonald's (this may have changed, but I think they still do this) have people in their homes taking orders. But again, make sure you initiate the search, so you don't fall for an Internet scam. Your local job services may be able to help you, or a national job search site (since you'd be working with a phone or computer, most likely).
Good luck. There are many people who want these jobs, so I don't know how hard they are to get. I hope others will chime in with answers.
Carol see more
There are training programs for things like medical billing that are legitimate. Check at a local community college and see if there are courses. Also, places like McDonald's (this may have changed, but I think they still do this) have people in their homes taking orders. But again, make sure you initiate the search, so you don't fall for an Internet scam. Your local job services may be able to help you, or a national job search site (since you'd be working with a phone or computer, most likely).
Good luck. There are many people who want these jobs, so I don't know how hard they are to get. I hope others will chime in with answers.
Carol see more
Question
Mom has night time panic attacks whenever we are out of town. Has anyone dealt with this?
If it helps at all to know you aren't alone - well, you aren't. But that doesn't solve your problem. You found an assisted... If it helps at all to know you aren't alone - well, you aren't. But that doesn't solve your problem.
You found an assisted living situation that sounds perfect. She tunes you out, if I'm reading this right. The only thing I can see is for you to stand firm, tell her that you have this all figured out for her safety, but if she won't go, she'll have to figure out those options herself. If she calls 911 and says she's having a heart attack (panic attacks are real and often feel like a heart attack) she'll likely end up in the ER. She could be hospitalized. They may involve social workers. But frankly, you may need that anyway. You can't let her totally control your life. This is, indeed, tough love, but sometimes that's all that you can do. Let her know you'll have social services do a welfare check on her, if she won't go to the AL.
You need to take care of yourself, too. Try to drop the guilt. You are doing all you can with one stubborn, though genuinely frightened, woman.
Carol see more
You found an assisted living situation that sounds perfect. She tunes you out, if I'm reading this right. The only thing I can see is for you to stand firm, tell her that you have this all figured out for her safety, but if she won't go, she'll have to figure out those options herself. If she calls 911 and says she's having a heart attack (panic attacks are real and often feel like a heart attack) she'll likely end up in the ER. She could be hospitalized. They may involve social workers. But frankly, you may need that anyway. You can't let her totally control your life. This is, indeed, tough love, but sometimes that's all that you can do. Let her know you'll have social services do a welfare check on her, if she won't go to the AL.
You need to take care of yourself, too. Try to drop the guilt. You are doing all you can with one stubborn, though genuinely frightened, woman.
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Question
My 83-year-old dad is out of control, drinking and now being abusive and fighting. I live out of town. What ca...
The problem here is that with health care privacy laws, the doctor may not be able to talk to you unless your dad signed the papers that... The problem here is that with health care privacy laws, the doctor may not be able to talk to you unless your dad signed the papers that said you could do so. That's unlikely, from what you say, unless he did so long ago. You can check. His girlfriend may know the doctor.
This abrupt change could lead to more abusive behavior which could eventually include the police. The adult social services people in your dad's area could be helpful. It sounds as though alcohol may have kicked in alcoholic related dementia or some other dementia is figuring in (the abrupt change).
Don't guilt trip yourself. If you can, try attending Al-Anon meetings so you can help yourself get over that.
For now, you can try to get the name of the doctor and see if you can get help there. Is your dad a veteran? If so, the VA is used to dealing with alcohol problems with veterans and they could be very helpful. I'd call them if he qualifies for help through the VA.
Don't blame yourself. Tell your dad's girlfriend she needs to be careful for her own safety. If you have to involve the police, don't feel guilty. They may end up being the route to help.
Please try social services if you can't get help through the doctor or the VA. This is not your fault - please remember that.
Carol see more
This abrupt change could lead to more abusive behavior which could eventually include the police. The adult social services people in your dad's area could be helpful. It sounds as though alcohol may have kicked in alcoholic related dementia or some other dementia is figuring in (the abrupt change).
Don't guilt trip yourself. If you can, try attending Al-Anon meetings so you can help yourself get over that.
For now, you can try to get the name of the doctor and see if you can get help there. Is your dad a veteran? If so, the VA is used to dealing with alcohol problems with veterans and they could be very helpful. I'd call them if he qualifies for help through the VA.
Don't blame yourself. Tell your dad's girlfriend she needs to be careful for her own safety. If you have to involve the police, don't feel guilty. They may end up being the route to help.
Please try social services if you can't get help through the doctor or the VA. This is not your fault - please remember that.
Carol see more
Question
Should I be concerned if my dad is asking where my mom, who died 3 years ago is?
Do you mean level of care? It's not easy, but often must be done. Say is you're considering going from in-home care to assisted... Do you mean level of care? It's not easy, but often must be done. Say is you're considering going from in-home care to assisted living, or assisted living to a nursing home - making these changes is tough. You need to assess what care the person needs and also how much you can provide. Good luck with making changes. It's a process that involves a lot of love and care for the care receiver and the caregiver(s).
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Carol see more
Question
I'm the grandaughter to a 90 & 89 set of grandparents.They are no longer driving & live in lowincome housing....
It's unlikely, but if they are on Medicaid, it's possible that you can get paid for some hours. Please check with your State's... It's unlikely, but if they are on Medicaid, it's possible that you can get paid for some hours. Please check with your State's website. Type aging in the search box and look under links where help may be available. Much depends on your state, as some state's offer more help than others.
Good luck with this. I'd love to see it happen!
Carol see more
Good luck with this. I'd love to see it happen!
Carol see more
Question
Can I get goverment assitance to help payfor a board & care home for my mom that has Alzheimer's? Her only inc...
Try your state website. Type "aging" into the search box. Look for links that can take you to funding. You may want to find your... Try your state website. Type "aging" into the search box. Look for links that can take you to funding. You may want to find your LTC ombusdsman on the site or go to www.ltcombudsman.org and type in the zip code. They are very knowledgeable about options. So much depends on where you live (or rather your mother lives).
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
What is correct procedure to remove your father out of a nursing home and sure that Medicaid quits paying the...
I'd ask for assistance from your long-term care ombudsman. They are good at helping with transitons. You can find yours on your state... I'd ask for assistance from your long-term care ombudsman. They are good at helping with transitons. You can find yours on your state website under "aging", or at www.ltcombudsman.org (type in the zip code). Good luck,
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Carol see more
Question
Anyone out there have a family member whom you are caring for that has frontotemporal dementia?
FTD or Pick's disease tends to manifest in personality changes - poor judgment can be one of them. Alzheimer's most often (not... FTD or Pick's disease tends to manifest in personality changes - poor judgment can be one of them. Alzheimer's most often (not always) presents first as memory issues. Your doctor is wise to rethink the diagnosis, particularly considering your father's age. Vascular dementia can also be an issue. There are many cases of mixed dementias - more than one dementia present - that physicians are becoming more aware of, as well.
It sounds like you have a good physician on the case.
Take care and please let us know how you are doing.
Carol see more
It sounds like you have a good physician on the case.
Take care and please let us know how you are doing.
Carol see more
Question
My 97-year-old mom broke her hip, had surgery, can't swallow and pulled out NG twice. Now she just has saline....
This is a very personal decision, but I'd talk to the doctor about hospice care. Hospice care can be given in whatever setting... This is a very personal decision, but I'd talk to the doctor about hospice care. Hospice care can be given in whatever setting "home" is. Many people never want to go to a nursing home, but that is often the only choice in a situation like this. If you take her home, you will likely have to get in-home nursing help.
Saline may prolong life, but it won't sustain life for a long period. Would your mother have wanted tube feeding? Is she tearing out the tubes because it's not what she wants? If you never had this talk, it's harder for you now. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.
If the doctor doesn't think she qualifies for hospice (I expect he or she will say that hospice care is warranted), then you should start talking with the nursing home administration about a transfer after the transitional care is done.
You may want to contact your local ombudsman for long-term care. You can go to the state website or www.ltcombudsman.org to find the right person. They are very good at helping with transitions.
Take care,
Carol see more
Saline may prolong life, but it won't sustain life for a long period. Would your mother have wanted tube feeding? Is she tearing out the tubes because it's not what she wants? If you never had this talk, it's harder for you now. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.
If the doctor doesn't think she qualifies for hospice (I expect he or she will say that hospice care is warranted), then you should start talking with the nursing home administration about a transfer after the transitional care is done.
You may want to contact your local ombudsman for long-term care. You can go to the state website or www.ltcombudsman.org to find the right person. They are very good at helping with transitions.
Take care,
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Question
When applying for Medicaid how do I handle showing checking & saving accounts that are in mom's name and mine...
Is the money combined? If so, you may want a legal opinion. If it's your mom's money, but your name is on the account, they will... Is the money combined? If so, you may want a legal opinion. If it's your mom's money, but your name is on the account, they will just treat it as her account (I believe - state laws affect Medicaid, too). Anyway, you will have to let them know about the accounts, so if you need legal help try an elder law attorney. When you've combined money, it gets trickier.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
My mother in-law is in a nursing home in zwolle, LA and got a broken leg in 2 places, yet no one knows what ha...
That is strange. If she fell out of bed or something, someone should know. However, if she has osteoporosis - not uncommon in elderly women... That is strange. If she fell out of bed or something, someone should know. However, if she has osteoporosis - not uncommon in elderly women - a bone can spontaneously break, causing another fracture in the process. Still, they should be investigating and not brushing you off. If you don't think they are cooperating, contact the ombudsman for that area (www.ltcombudsman.org). They can advise you.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
How much do elder care caregivers usally make for 2 hrs of care?
That depends largely on your community. You can call a couple of in-home health agencies to get an idea. Of course, the agencies make part... That depends largely on your community. You can call a couple of in-home health agencies to get an idea. Of course, the agencies make part of the money the person gets paid, so if you hire someone who is self-employed it may be different. Still, you can get an idea.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
My 93-year-old mother is too much for my sister and I to handle. She is frail and showing signs of dementia. W...
She sounds like she's ready for assisted living or a nursing home. If she has very little money, she may qualify for Medicaid, and they... She sounds like she's ready for assisted living or a nursing home. If she has very little money, she may qualify for Medicaid, and they pay the NH costs. if she has money, she'll have to pay herself until that runs out. But if she needs more care than you can provide, please check into this unless in-home care agencies can provide enough help.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
My mother is being charged a rental fee for using a wheelchair in a nursing home. Is this covered by Medicare?
I've never heard of a charge for a wheelchair in a nursing home, though maybe it's done. I'd check with your ombudsman about... I've never heard of a charge for a wheelchair in a nursing home, though maybe it's done. I'd check with your ombudsman about this - www.ltcombudsman.org, then type in the Zip code. These people know the ropes.
Hair cuts, perms and such are generally extra, though they shouldn't have given her a perm without permission. They may claim she gave permission, so you may have to make it clear that the permission comes from you.
I don't think Medicare will pay all of a wheelchair cost (if it comes to buying one) though they do pay for some equipment, so if you have to buy one, do check there just in case she qualifies.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Hair cuts, perms and such are generally extra, though they shouldn't have given her a perm without permission. They may claim she gave permission, so you may have to make it clear that the permission comes from you.
I don't think Medicare will pay all of a wheelchair cost (if it comes to buying one) though they do pay for some equipment, so if you have to buy one, do check there just in case she qualifies.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My 97-year-old mother broke her hip, had surgery (ball joint) and now she can't swallow. They put in a NG tub...
I'm so sorry she broke her hip - that's serious business at any age, but particularly at her age. It's a terrible shock to the... I'm so sorry she broke her hip - that's serious business at any age, but particularly at her age. It's a terrible shock to the body. My dad did that twice! However, he was much younger.
There's no way to know how long the tube will be in. That depends on when and if she can eat and many other things. Keep talking with the doctor. Communication is key here. She may or may not recover from this shock, so ask questions. Each situation is different.
Take care,
Carol see more
There's no way to know how long the tube will be in. That depends on when and if she can eat and many other things. Keep talking with the doctor. Communication is key here. She may or may not recover from this shock, so ask questions. Each situation is different.
Take care,
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Question
My 85-year-old mom with Alzheimer's is currently taking vesicare and her accidents are increasing. Should I co...
This could be a dosage problem, so you'll want to talk to the doctor. Personally, I don't like to give any medications that... This could be a dosage problem, so you'll want to talk to the doctor. Personally, I don't like to give any medications that aren't working, as they all have side effects. But the doctor has to figure that out. Maybe it takes time to be effective, or needs a dose adjustment. Or - maybe it won't work for her. If it doesn't do a thing, I'd ask the doctor if it should be discontinued. Maybe there's something else to try?
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
A male caregiver took care of my grandmother before she died and he talked her into signing over her property...
I'm so sorry. Please check with the local police - the man may have a record. Also, if your grandmother signed over the property, there... I'm so sorry. Please check with the local police - the man may have a record. Also, if your grandmother signed over the property, there must be a record of where to find him, as he "owns" it.
An elder law attorney should be able to assist you, as well. Somewhere there must be records of checks he cashed, etc. but I think legal help is your only option.
Good luck in untangling this. I hope you can prove something that puts him behind bars, as he's likely to do this with other elders, as well.
Carol see more
An elder law attorney should be able to assist you, as well. Somewhere there must be records of checks he cashed, etc. but I think legal help is your only option.
Good luck in untangling this. I hope you can prove something that puts him behind bars, as he's likely to do this with other elders, as well.
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Question
Is mileage driven to care for elderly parent tax deductible?
Great question! If you provide enough financial assistance to the parent to take the parent off your taxes, it may be. You'll need to... Great question! If you provide enough financial assistance to the parent to take the parent off your taxes, it may be. You'll need to check with a CPA to figure this out. If you don't provide financial assistance, then it's unlikely, but again, a CPA can advise you.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
My husband who has Alzheimer's, he cannot conduct business but refuses to to give me Power of Attorney, he is...
You may have some spousal rights, but that would depend on where you live as well as other unique factors. I'd see an estate or elder... You may have some spousal rights, but that would depend on where you live as well as other unique factors. I'd see an estate or elder law attorney to see what your options are. It's possible you may have to take court action, but only an attorney can tell you that. I think legal advice is your next step.
Good luck. This is not uncommon with couples, so hopefully an attorney can guide you in the least painful way.
Carol see more
Good luck. This is not uncommon with couples, so hopefully an attorney can guide you in the least painful way.
Carol see more
How do I care for my 84-year-old dad with Tourette Syndrome?
www.ocfoundation.org. Please contact them asap.
Take care - this is tough. I know people with severe OCD and I can relate. Other mental illness help may be needed, but please check with the OCD folks for guidance.
Take care,
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