Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
How can I qualify for a senior citizen tax exemption?
I'd suggest a tax professional, like a CPA, to help you. In general, if you provide a certain amount of financial aid for your elder,... I'd suggest a tax professional, like a CPA, to help you. In general, if you provide a certain amount of financial aid for your elder, that comes out of your pocket because he or she doesn't have assests, you can get a tax deduction. There are many variables, so you really should get professional advice to be sure you are following IRS rules.
Good luck!
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Good luck!
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Question
Will my mother receive my father's social security check if he needs to go to a nursing home?
In most cases, your mother will continue to get the same SS payment she has in the past, whether that is from her own work history or your... In most cases, your mother will continue to get the same SS payment she has in the past, whether that is from her own work history or your dad's.
If your dad is on Medicaid, they will allow her a pre-determined amount to live on. If you parents are paying the nursing home bill themselves (private pay), then nothing should change in what she gets.
If your dad dies, then your mother's SS check could change. depending on how she was getting her SS before his death.
You can help her by going to www.socialsecurity.gov or calling the number given on her SS information. Each situation has nuances that can change how things are handled, so you really need to get this information directly from Social Security.
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If your dad is on Medicaid, they will allow her a pre-determined amount to live on. If you parents are paying the nursing home bill themselves (private pay), then nothing should change in what she gets.
If your dad dies, then your mother's SS check could change. depending on how she was getting her SS before his death.
You can help her by going to www.socialsecurity.gov or calling the number given on her SS information. Each situation has nuances that can change how things are handled, so you really need to get this information directly from Social Security.
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Question
How do I decide if my mother needs to be at home or in a nursing home?
How much consistent medical attention does she need? Does she have daily care from an in-home service (one option). How far is she into... How much consistent medical attention does she need? Does she have daily care from an in-home service (one option). How far is she into dementia (wandering can come on suddenly). Does she have a personal medical alarm so she can get help if she falls or has another emergency?
She could be a candidate for assisted living, or if she just needs to get out, she could benefit from adult day care. But if she needs a lot of medical attention, a nursing home may be right.
Think over all of the options - not just her home alone or a nursing home. There are many inbetween steps,. However, if a nursing home is close on the horizon, I'd start looking now. Many of the best ones have waiting lists.
You may want to talk this over with her doctor, as well.
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She could be a candidate for assisted living, or if she just needs to get out, she could benefit from adult day care. But if she needs a lot of medical attention, a nursing home may be right.
Think over all of the options - not just her home alone or a nursing home. There are many inbetween steps,. However, if a nursing home is close on the horizon, I'd start looking now. Many of the best ones have waiting lists.
You may want to talk this over with her doctor, as well.
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Question
What do you do when a senior is abusing his paid caregiver?
You've taken a kind and compassionate interest in this paid caregiver. In the end, only he can decide if this is worth his time, or if... You've taken a kind and compassionate interest in this paid caregiver. In the end, only he can decide if this is worth his time, or if he find a better job. I'm wondering, however, if Social Services should do a welfare check on the whole situation.
If everything is legal and okay, and the caregiver doesn't mind sleeping on the floor (is he there day and night?), then maybe there's nothing you can or should do. If this agency is not a reliable agency, this man may not be qualifed, so only you can decide if this is a good enough situation or not. It sounds miserable for him, but whether it's legal is a big issue here.
If everything is legal and above board with the agency, and the man is happy enough to do this job, and is doing it well, then you maybe can drop the guilt. But I sense something here isn't feeling right to you. Maybe your mom's "boyfriend" is the real issue, or maybe the agency isn't license or in good standing. Good luck, You have a lot to cope with.
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If everything is legal and okay, and the caregiver doesn't mind sleeping on the floor (is he there day and night?), then maybe there's nothing you can or should do. If this agency is not a reliable agency, this man may not be qualifed, so only you can decide if this is a good enough situation or not. It sounds miserable for him, but whether it's legal is a big issue here.
If everything is legal and above board with the agency, and the man is happy enough to do this job, and is doing it well, then you maybe can drop the guilt. But I sense something here isn't feeling right to you. Maybe your mom's "boyfriend" is the real issue, or maybe the agency isn't license or in good standing. Good luck, You have a lot to cope with.
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Question
My grandmother accused me of putting clorox in the tap water. How should this be dealt with?
She likely smells the chlorine that is used for most city water and thinks of bleach. To her that is right - arguing likely won't... She likely smells the chlorine that is used for most city water and thinks of bleach. To her that is right - arguing likely won't convince her that you are not doing this. Could you find a third party - non-family member - who can tell her about how city water can smell like bleach (just in general conversation - sneak it in and see if it makes a difference)?
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Question
Does anyone know an elderly person who has recovered from cellulitis?
My mother did. The cellulitis was in her foot and ankle. Pretty bad, but antibiotics and the right care (she was in a nursing home and they... My mother did. The cellulitis was in her foot and ankle. Pretty bad, but antibiotics and the right care (she was in a nursing home and they took that very seriously) got her through it - twice. There is hope.
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Question
My mother, of almost 80 years, is sneaking around and behind our backs opened up a new bank account and then p...
Has your mother been evaluated for dementia? I wouldn't tell her that is what a checkup with her doctor is for, but you probably should... Has your mother been evaluated for dementia? I wouldn't tell her that is what a checkup with her doctor is for, but you probably should have her checked out by a specialist. You could alert the doctor by letter, and then take her in for a regular checkup, if she is stubbor about any issues that point to poor decision making.
If she checks out okay for cognitive issues, she has a right to do with her money as she pleases - even though it's alarming to you. The only way to stop this could be legal action. You may want to talk to an elder law attorney.
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If she checks out okay for cognitive issues, she has a right to do with her money as she pleases - even though it's alarming to you. The only way to stop this could be legal action. You may want to talk to an elder law attorney.
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Question
What is home care?
Home care can mean family members are caring for people in the home. However, it can also mean hiring someone to come into the home to care... Home care can mean family members are caring for people in the home. However, it can also mean hiring someone to come into the home to care for an elder or whomever needs care.
In-home care agencies abound. You can hire them for blocks of time. Some of them provide nursing care, but most of the care is what is called "custodial." That means daily living tasks.
Most of the time, people have to pay for this care privately, however some people on Medicaid can get some hours of in-home care paid. If the care receiver has a long-term care policy, some of these insurance policies pay for in-home care (or a portion of the cost).
In-home care can give respite (a break) for the family member who is home with the care receiver all day, too, if that is the case. There are many uses for in-home care.
If you hire an agency, ask for references and check them out. Some are wonderful and others aren't as good.
I hope this helps,
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In-home care agencies abound. You can hire them for blocks of time. Some of them provide nursing care, but most of the care is what is called "custodial." That means daily living tasks.
Most of the time, people have to pay for this care privately, however some people on Medicaid can get some hours of in-home care paid. If the care receiver has a long-term care policy, some of these insurance policies pay for in-home care (or a portion of the cost).
In-home care can give respite (a break) for the family member who is home with the care receiver all day, too, if that is the case. There are many uses for in-home care.
If you hire an agency, ask for references and check them out. Some are wonderful and others aren't as good.
I hope this helps,
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Question
If a neurological diagnosis has been made is it legal to give antipsychotic’s?
Antipsychotics, when properly prescribed, do help certain illnesses. If you aren't comfortable with the prescribing doctor, it could be... Antipsychotics, when properly prescribed, do help certain illnesses. If you aren't comfortable with the prescribing doctor, it could be a good idea to get a second medical opinion. Antipsychotics have been misused in the past, and still are in some cases, but that doesn't mean they are never appropriate. Each person is different.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
In the face of my mother's increasing mental illness, how does the life estate note of "cannot be forced from...
This is likely a case for an attorney, perhaps the same one who drew up the life estate plan. If she is so ill she is a danger to herself... This is likely a case for an attorney, perhaps the same one who drew up the life estate plan. If she is so ill she is a danger to herself or others, then some legal action may need to be taken. Alternately, an elder law attorney may be able to help out. Social Services will likely need to be involved.
I'm sorry you have such a complicated situation, but you aren't alone.
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I'm sorry you have such a complicated situation, but you aren't alone.
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Question
My mom cannot speak and only makes noises of pain. She has stage IV cancer and is in Hospice. Is there any pos...
I'm so sorry about your mom, but I'm glad she is getting hospice care. If she is in pain, please talk with the hospice staff about... I'm so sorry about your mom, but I'm glad she is getting hospice care. If she is in pain, please talk with the hospice staff about better management. Maybe they are doing all they can, but hospice does try to help people live as pain-free as possible. If you mean can she "make it" by not dying - only her doctor can tell you if there is a chance. Some people do go off of hospice, at least for a time, but this cancer sounds pretty advanced.
Please take care of yourself, and make use of hospice counseling, or other counseling, to help you get through this.
Take care,
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Please take care of yourself, and make use of hospice counseling, or other counseling, to help you get through this.
Take care,
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Question
I am a caregiver for my wife with dementia. I have begun dating, but it is hard to meet people. How do I go ab...
Try an Alzheimer's support group to meet people who understand about spouses living with the disease. Also, the Web site... Try an Alzheimer's support group to meet people who understand about spouses living with the disease. Also, the Web site www.wellspouse.org may help.
You may want to read the book "Jan's Story." The author tackles this controversial issue of "what is a marriage" head on. Each person must decide these issues for themselves, but it's a subject that is more openly discussed now than in the past. Counseling can help, too.
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You may want to read the book "Jan's Story." The author tackles this controversial issue of "what is a marriage" head on. Each person must decide these issues for themselves, but it's a subject that is more openly discussed now than in the past. Counseling can help, too.
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Question
My 80-year-old Mother has a leaking heart valve. The cardiologist said on a scale of 0-4, hers is leaking 2. N...
Only your doctor can figure this out, but he or she is right to consider the risks of surgery at your mother's age. I'd lean (from... Only your doctor can figure this out, but he or she is right to consider the risks of surgery at your mother's age. I'd lean (from personal experience with my loved ones) toward following the doctor's advice, but if you aren't sure, try to get a second opinion. This is serious surgery, and anesthetics can be very hard on elders. Please talk to the doctor about all of the pros and cons.
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Question
What does it cost to attend adult day care?
That depends on the adult day care so you'd have to check with the facility. If your loved one has Long-term care insurance, they may... That depends on the adult day care so you'd have to check with the facility. If your loved one has Long-term care insurance, they may pay part of the cost. Otherwise, unfortunately, it's generally up to the person to pay. However, ADC centers provide many perks for elders and their caregivers - or at least they can. Good luck,
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Question
My Dad starts his moaning and restlessness at 4 p.m. every evening. Is there a treatment for Sundowner's Syndr...
The only "treatment" - other than medical if the doctor knows of something to help the anxiety of sundowning - seems to be... The only "treatment" - other than medical if the doctor knows of something to help the anxiety of sundowning - seems to be distraction. Music, small adventures, photo albums and other things can sometimes distract the person and help them through this time. It takes personal attention, but it can help. Good luck,
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Question
Can a person with Alzheimer's disease be deliberately manipulative or petulant?
Much would depend on her stage, but likely she is not deliberately acting that way. Her brain isn't functioning in a normal manner. She... Much would depend on her stage, but likely she is not deliberately acting that way. Her brain isn't functioning in a normal manner. She likely feels fear and perhaps gets depressed. Alzheimer's is very dificult, as you can imagine, to live with. My take is that this isn't deliberate, it's just the only way she knows how to act.
Another thing to remember is that people with AD tend to lose their inhibitions (that make us socially "polite."). Often they are "rude," but it's not intentional. They are just saying what crosses their minds.
Take care,
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Another thing to remember is that people with AD tend to lose their inhibitions (that make us socially "polite."). Often they are "rude," but it's not intentional. They are just saying what crosses their minds.
Take care,
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Question
My father is seeking to sign himself out of his nursing home. He says he doesn't need to be there and is refus...
I would think his doctor should be able to help. If he's in a nursing home, he has some medical attention. In the end, you may not be... I would think his doctor should be able to help. If he's in a nursing home, he has some medical attention.
In the end, you may not be able to stop him, unless he's been declared incompetent, but you can try through the doctor. Do you have a health and financial Power Of Attorney? That may help some. He does have rights, however. It's scary, I know. Try to get professionals to back you up. You could even contact a attorney to check out laws in your state.
Good luck,
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In the end, you may not be able to stop him, unless he's been declared incompetent, but you can try through the doctor. Do you have a health and financial Power Of Attorney? That may help some. He does have rights, however. It's scary, I know. Try to get professionals to back you up. You could even contact a attorney to check out laws in your state.
Good luck,
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Question
A lady that I use to take care at her home has moved in with me and my family instead of going to a nursing ho...
You can go to your state Web site and see what is offered. If the woman is on Medicaid, you may get paid for some hours. Much of this is... You can go to your state Web site and see what is offered. If the woman is on Medicaid, you may get paid for some hours. Much of this is local. Try your state site, type "aging" in the search box and see where the links take you. Good luck,
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Question
My mother live in another state and can not longer care for herself. Can someone tell me how I get started mov...
There isn't much detail offered in your question, but I can give you a couple of tips. Many places have elder moving services where... There isn't much detail offered in your question, but I can give you a couple of tips. Many places have elder moving services where people who understand the emotional part of making this kind of a move help do the sorting and packing and also offer a kind, almost counseling approach.
If you mean talking her into the move, then I'd suggest a third party such as a trusted friend or a spiritual leader who maybe can let her know that she needs to be where you can care for her. Her doctor may be of help here, too.
Good luck with this. It's a hard passage for many people.
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If you mean talking her into the move, then I'd suggest a third party such as a trusted friend or a spiritual leader who maybe can let her know that she needs to be where you can care for her. Her doctor may be of help here, too.
Good luck with this. It's a hard passage for many people.
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How do I move my mom to another nursing home out of state?
Take care,
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