Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
Show:
Articles Question
Question
A friend, after hearing the symptoms of my fathers dementia, put a name to it. Lewy Body Dementia. Anyone have...
Lewy body dementia is not as common as Alzheimer's, but it's quite common. It affects a different part of the brain than... Lewy body dementia is not as common as Alzheimer's, but it's quite common. It affects a different part of the brain than Alzheimer's. You need to get a doctor's diagnosis, however, since there are many things that can make a person seem like he or she has dementia, when instead they are having medication reactions or they have an infection or something different.
Also, even doctors with good technology often have trouble figuring out dementias, plus many people have "mixed dementia", meaning that they have more than one type.
There a medications that can slow some symptoms, so your father needs to see a doctor, preferably a specialist, soon.
Carol see more
Also, even doctors with good technology often have trouble figuring out dementias, plus many people have "mixed dementia", meaning that they have more than one type.
There a medications that can slow some symptoms, so your father needs to see a doctor, preferably a specialist, soon.
Carol see more
Question
My parents are in their mid 80's and refuse to leave their home in a remote town in Northern ME. How can I get...
Often, people like your parents will listen to an old friend, their doctor or their spiritual leader, before they will listen to family... Often, people like your parents will listen to an old friend, their doctor or their spiritual leader, before they will listen to family members, especially their children. You may want to see if anyone can talk to them about this.
Likely, they are afraid. Change is hard. They aren't happy, but they don't want to make changes. That's not unusual even for healthier, younger people.
If there are really serious issues, you can see if the local social service people can check on them.
Unfortunately, sometimes there's nothing that can be done until someone has a bad fall or a serious health crisis. This is hard to accept, I know. Try to find a third party person they will listen to, and let them know you will help them resettle. But don't be surprised if they still refuse. Unless they are court-determined incompetent, they have the right to decide.
Good luck with this,
Carol see more
Likely, they are afraid. Change is hard. They aren't happy, but they don't want to make changes. That's not unusual even for healthier, younger people.
If there are really serious issues, you can see if the local social service people can check on them.
Unfortunately, sometimes there's nothing that can be done until someone has a bad fall or a serious health crisis. This is hard to accept, I know. Try to find a third party person they will listen to, and let them know you will help them resettle. But don't be surprised if they still refuse. Unless they are court-determined incompetent, they have the right to decide.
Good luck with this,
Carol see more
Question
How do you handle an inappropriate sexual conversation with an elder?
Many people with dementia can get into this type of conversation because they've lost their inhibitions or they simply don't... Many people with dementia can get into this type of conversation because they've lost their inhibitions or they simply don't understand what they are doing. Try to distract the person with other things, such as an old photo album with recognizable (to that person) people, or music or a DVD of old TV shows the person may remember. Getting the person's mind off of the current obsession can help these uncomfortable encounters. Try to ignore any inappropriate comments as you re-direct their attention.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
How will Medicare help me to care for my husband at home? He is in stage 6, is incontinent and unable to care...
Is your husband on Medicaid? Medicare doesn't generally pay for this care. Try going to your state Web site. Type "aging" in... Is your husband on Medicaid? Medicare doesn't generally pay for this care. Try going to your state Web site. Type "aging" in the search box and follow the links for local help and information. You may want to click on their link to the National Family Caregiver Support Program. They can be very helpful.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What can you expect toward the last days of life?
Please call you local hospice and get their help. They will help you through this with support for you and your husband. You shouldn't... Please call you local hospice and get their help. They will help you through this with support for you and your husband. You shouldn't be handling this alone. They have counseling for families as well as the person dying.
Take care of yourself,
Carol see more
Take care of yourself,
Carol see more
Question
I am caring for 2 parents and quit my job to care for them, now can't seem to find a way to make it. I need f...
I'm so sorry about your stress! I can also tell you that you aren't alone. Many others are struggling with this dilemma. If your... I'm so sorry about your stress! I can also tell you that you aren't alone. Many others are struggling with this dilemma.
If your parents are on Medicaid, there may be some pay for some hours of your care, but you'll have to go through your state to find out what their rules are. I wish there were one answer for everyone, but there isn't. Each state is different.
If they aren't on Medicaid (they still have assets) you may be able to have an attorney draw up something where they can pay you for your help. That doesn't sound likely, from your note.
If they have few assets, they may qualify for Medicaid, but you'll have to go through the state. I'm so sorry I can't tell you that there is a great answer here. Even if Medicaid pays you for some hours (and they may), I don't know how much you need to "make it." I'd see an elder law attorney or some other type (try your state Web site for some "pro bono" attorney help - which means they work free for some people). I think you may need this.
Take care,
Carol see more
If your parents are on Medicaid, there may be some pay for some hours of your care, but you'll have to go through your state to find out what their rules are. I wish there were one answer for everyone, but there isn't. Each state is different.
If they aren't on Medicaid (they still have assets) you may be able to have an attorney draw up something where they can pay you for your help. That doesn't sound likely, from your note.
If they have few assets, they may qualify for Medicaid, but you'll have to go through the state. I'm so sorry I can't tell you that there is a great answer here. Even if Medicaid pays you for some hours (and they may), I don't know how much you need to "make it." I'd see an elder law attorney or some other type (try your state Web site for some "pro bono" attorney help - which means they work free for some people). I think you may need this.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My sister is the primary caregiver for our mother. I lived out of state for the last year and a half and have...
You are wonderful to be so sensitive to the whole situation. Please go slow, but offer to help. Give specific suggestions, as you... You are wonderful to be so sensitive to the whole situation. Please go slow, but offer to help. Give specific suggestions, as you mentioned, by saying, "Could you use a morning off each...." Fill in the blank. Let your sister know how much you appreciate her and all she has done, and that you are there to give her any help she can use. Please praise her efforts. You sound very sensitive, so I think you'll make this work.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Can someone help me find affordable living, and assist me with budget management? Also need some assistance wi...
It sounds like you have a bundle of things to cope with. Check your community for financial counseling resources. They likely have people... It sounds like you have a bundle of things to cope with. Check your community for financial counseling resources. They likely have people to help direct you with the rest of your concerns, too. Look for a non-profit or call your local social services for referrals.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
I'm on Namenda. Will it really help?
Namenda helps many people. It's sometimes used in conjunction with Aricept or another drug. These drugs are meant to put off the... Namenda helps many people. It's sometimes used in conjunction with Aricept or another drug. These drugs are meant to put off the symptoms of AD for a time, or at least slow them down. They don't work for everyone, but they do seem to help many. You and your doctor need to work together.
Your wife will likely be able to care for you for awhile, but there may be a time when she will need outside help, through in-home care or assisted living. The sooner you two, together, plan out different scenarios, the better. That will help you both in the future. Be sure to have your health care directive and Power Of Attorney done, so she can give you the help you need without a lot of legal problems.
Good luck with this. I know it's tough.
Carol see more
Your wife will likely be able to care for you for awhile, but there may be a time when she will need outside help, through in-home care or assisted living. The sooner you two, together, plan out different scenarios, the better. That will help you both in the future. Be sure to have your health care directive and Power Of Attorney done, so she can give you the help you need without a lot of legal problems.
Good luck with this. I know it's tough.
Carol see more
Question
How do I start caring about things again and doing the normal daily tasks at home?
Please see a doctor. Depression shouldn't be handled alone. There are combinations of therapies that can help, but you need to seek... Please see a doctor. Depression shouldn't be handled alone. There are combinations of therapies that can help, but you need to seek medical assistance first. You could be amazed at the difference, if you do get help. Please follow up, and let us know how you are doing.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
My mother sometimes feels so sad and angry and I can't calm her at that time. she says "what's happening? I'm...
She needs to see a doctor. She could have an infection, she could be having trouble with a medication she takes, or she could have early... She needs to see a doctor. She could have an infection, she could be having trouble with a medication she takes, or she could have early dementia symptoms. Only a doctor can tell. Whatever it is, she needs some help. Even with some types of dementia, there are drugs that help some people. Please get her in for a checkup. You don't have to tell her it's for her mental symptoms unless you think that is helpful. Just tell her it's time for a physical.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Should my mother sleep at her Assisted Living facility on Christmas Eve or at our house?
I tend to agree with you. The disruption could be hard on her and she may not understand what is going on. Also, she may find going back to... I tend to agree with you. The disruption could be hard on her and she may not understand what is going on. Also, she may find going back to the AL another disruption and even more confusing.
Everyone is different, and each family has to figure these things out, but I have found that bringing the holidays to the person with dementia worked better for us, than disrupting their routines by the sometimes difficult process of bringing them to a home they may not even remember. Good luck with whichever you do. All you can do is your best,
Carol see more
Everyone is different, and each family has to figure these things out, but I have found that bringing the holidays to the person with dementia worked better for us, than disrupting their routines by the sometimes difficult process of bringing them to a home they may not even remember. Good luck with whichever you do. All you can do is your best,
Carol see more
Question
My dad keeps blacking out and then drooling when it happens, he says it's the fumes from the fire. What should...
Try to get someone outside of the family, like an old freind, to get him to go to the doctor just for a check up, say, for his blood... Try to get someone outside of the family, like an old freind, to get him to go to the doctor just for a check up, say, for his blood pressure. Then, you can write the doctor a letter ahead of time and tell him or her about the blackouts.
If he won't even listen to a friend and go for any checkup, you can call social services. But in the end, unless he's been determined incompetent, you probably can't force him to go. Sad, however, but it happens.
Carol see more
If he won't even listen to a friend and go for any checkup, you can call social services. But in the end, unless he's been determined incompetent, you probably can't force him to go. Sad, however, but it happens.
Carol see more
Question
I do everything I can for my 90-year-old mother, but she is so mean and grumpy. How can I cope?
It's poosible she is in pain, or that she has dementia. I am wondering if you are doing more than you can. There are agencies that can... It's poosible she is in pain, or that she has dementia. I am wondering if you are doing more than you can. There are agencies that can provide some help. You can check with your local human services agency to see if someone can give you some time off. Then, you may be able to handle her crabby moods better. Caregiving can wear us out.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Mom won't wear diaper. What do I do?
First, be careful not to call it a diaper. That will generally bring on resistance. A third party - non-family member such as a doctor or... First, be careful not to call it a diaper. That will generally bring on resistance. A third party - non-family member such as a doctor or good friend of the parent - can often make progress here. Elders often don't like being told what to do by their "kids."
If your mom can understand that discrete protection is far more dignified than going around smelling like urine, she may decide that incontinence protection is best. But if she's shamed, or told she needs a diaper, you could be in for a losing battle.
Please try to get a doctor or someone outside the family to find a way to gently explain that many, many people need incontinence pads, and that they are really no big deal. Maybe, just maybe then she'll try them.
Good luck,
You are facing common, but frustrating, issue.
Carol see more
If your mom can understand that discrete protection is far more dignified than going around smelling like urine, she may decide that incontinence protection is best. But if she's shamed, or told she needs a diaper, you could be in for a losing battle.
Please try to get a doctor or someone outside the family to find a way to gently explain that many, many people need incontinence pads, and that they are really no big deal. Maybe, just maybe then she'll try them.
Good luck,
You are facing common, but frustrating, issue.
Carol see more
Question
Do all Alzheimer's patients moan & cuss, even though they aren't in pain?
Not all do, but many use language you've never heard from them before. However, dismissing this as "not in pain" - please... Not all do, but many use language you've never heard from them before. However, dismissing this as "not in pain" - please don't do this lightly. If a person can't articulate their pain - explain what hurts and how - then he or she may moan or even become angry and agressive.
Generally, there is emotional, if not physical pain and/or frustration at the bottom of this behavior (not always). Please check with the doctor and describe the behavior in detail. Maybe something can help.
Take care,
Carol see more
Generally, there is emotional, if not physical pain and/or frustration at the bottom of this behavior (not always). Please check with the doctor and describe the behavior in detail. Maybe something can help.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My grandmother needs to be in an assisted living, but she can't afford it ...what can we do?
This is a serious gap in our care system for elders. Try going to her state Web site. Type "aging" in the search box and see what... This is a serious gap in our care system for elders. Try going to her state Web site. Type "aging" in the search box and see what links there are to follow. There may be some assistance through her state.
If she is on Medicaid (not Medicare) she may have some options. If she doesn't qualify for Medicaid, she'll have to pay her own bills until her money (almost) runs out. Then she'll get some help.
Good luck,
Carol see more
If she is on Medicaid (not Medicare) she may have some options. If she doesn't qualify for Medicaid, she'll have to pay her own bills until her money (almost) runs out. Then she'll get some help.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
I specifically told the assisted living not to give my mother antidepressants and they did it behind my back!...
The medications would have had to have been prescribed by a doctor or other qualified person, such as a physician's assistant. Do you... The medications would have had to have been prescribed by a doctor or other qualified person, such as a physician's assistant. Do you have authority to talk with her doctor (did she signed HIPAA papers giving you access to her health information?) If so, you can talk directly to the prescribing person about this. If not, you will have a harder time making changes.
Either way, there must be some reason why the medical people think she needs this medication.
Please attempt to talk with the doctor (or other prescribing medical person), as the nurses or CNAs in the center are only carrying out orders. Maybe you'll see evidence she needs an anti-depressant. They do help many people. If they can't show you why the drug has been prescribed (assuming you can see the records), then you can discuss what she really does need, if anything. Good luck,
Carol see more
Either way, there must be some reason why the medical people think she needs this medication.
Please attempt to talk with the doctor (or other prescribing medical person), as the nurses or CNAs in the center are only carrying out orders. Maybe you'll see evidence she needs an anti-depressant. They do help many people. If they can't show you why the drug has been prescribed (assuming you can see the records), then you can discuss what she really does need, if anything. Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How serious is asthma---and how can I best control it?
Asthma can kill. It needs to be controlled by medication (generally speaking), and often by avoiding triggers such as extreme humidity,... Asthma can kill. It needs to be controlled by medication (generally speaking), and often by avoiding triggers such as extreme humidity, extreme cold and other issues. Anyone with asthma needs a doctor's supervision.
Carol see more
Carol see more
During spend-down, can a parent's money be used for an adult child's medical bills?
Carol see more