Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
My father in NC needs a medical alert system in case he can't reach a phone in an emergency. Which companies a...
One thing you can do is call around to in-home care agencies and even hospitals and see if they have recommendations for your area. Many... One thing you can do is call around to in-home care agencies and even hospitals and see if they have recommendations for your area. Many companies are very good, but watch out for contracts. You don't want to sign a contract for a year and then the person who needs the device no longer does due to going to a nursing home or something. You may also want to check and see how long they've been in business.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My husband at 56, had a stroke and can no longer work. I cant work due to caring for him. Is there any kind o...
Each state is different (these programs are federally funded but state administered), but you can try. Go to your state Web site. Type... Each state is different (these programs are federally funded but state administered), but you can try.
Go to your state Web site. Type "aging" in the search and follow the local links for information. You will find the National Caregiver Support Program on the site (could have a different name). This can also be very useful.
Good luck.
Carol see more
Go to your state Web site. Type "aging" in the search and follow the local links for information. You will find the National Caregiver Support Program on the site (could have a different name). This can also be very useful.
Good luck.
Carol see more
Question
What can we do if the only way we can get my father to the doctor is by ambulance?
Try going to your state Web site. Type "aging" in the search and follow the local links for information. You will find the... Try going to your state Web site. Type "aging" in the search and follow the local links for information. You will find the National Caregiver Support Program on the site (could have a different name). These people may be able to help.
Your could also try 2-1-1, though it's not available everywhere. This is a telephone way to tap into services offered in your area. There must be some way to get him there or to pay for an ambulance ride, but it will take digging. You could try Social Services for advice, as well.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Your could also try 2-1-1, though it's not available everywhere. This is a telephone way to tap into services offered in your area. There must be some way to get him there or to pay for an ambulance ride, but it will take digging. You could try Social Services for advice, as well.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Has anyone heard of dementia patient's complaining of bed, chair, sofa, shaking constantly?
This is new to me. I'm wondering if a medication or other condition is causing this sensation. I'd definitely check with a doctor.... This is new to me. I'm wondering if a medication or other condition is causing this sensation. I'd definitely check with a doctor.
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Carol see more
Question
I am no longer working to take care of my elderly mother and I would like to know if there is any finincial he...
Medicaid often helps some. However, each state is different (these programs are federally funded but state administered). So, try going to... Medicaid often helps some. However, each state is different (these programs are federally funded but state administered). So, try going to your state Web site. Type "aging" in the search and follow the local links for information. You will find the National Caregiver Support Program on the site (could have a different name). This can also be very useful. Good luck.
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Carol see more
Question
How does a psychologist determine if an elder is incompetent?
You will likely need several doctors and the court system to have her declared incompetent. I'd suggest that you check with the... You will likely need several doctors and the court system to have her declared incompetent. I'd suggest that you check with the attorney who drew up the POA, or another elder law attorney or estate attorney for guidance.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How do I take over my mother’s estate in order to protect her from being taken advantage of?
She'll need to give you Power Of Attorney for financial affairs. While you are at it, ask her to give you a health directive/POA for... She'll need to give you Power Of Attorney for financial affairs. While you are at it, ask her to give you a health directive/POA for her health decisions. The sooner the better.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My other sisters don't get to see our mom because the oldest sister is Power of Attorney. What should I do?
Power of Attorney doesn't give the holder the right to deny visitation. This sounds like a very unpleasant family issue. You may even... Power of Attorney doesn't give the holder the right to deny visitation. This sounds like a very unpleasant family issue. You may even want to try a family mediator to see if someone can help you all make peace. This is unfair to the parent.
Good luck. You sound like a caring person. If all else fails, an attorney could help, but that is expensive. Counseling, Social Services, or a family mediator may make the POA holder see the light.
Carol see more
Good luck. You sound like a caring person. If all else fails, an attorney could help, but that is expensive. Counseling, Social Services, or a family mediator may make the POA holder see the light.
Carol see more
Question
What would happen if my 91 year old mother gets someone to take her out of the ALF and close the bank account...
Does someone have Power Of Attorney? Is she competent mentally? You many need to see an elder attorney, plus talk to her doctor if this is... Does someone have Power Of Attorney? Is she competent mentally? You many need to see an elder attorney, plus talk to her doctor if this is something your are worried about. If she has legal control over her money and does this with full consent, you could have a hard time preventing it. An attoney could advise you.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How do I get Power of Attorney for my mom with dementia?
You will likely have to go through an elder law attorney who can advise you. There will be many steps, including doctor's evaluations.... You will likely have to go through an elder law attorney who can advise you. There will be many steps, including doctor's evaluations. You may even have to go for conservatorship thorugh the courts. Good luck,
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Carol see more
Question
Both of my parents live in their own home in Florida and we would like to transfer them to Wisconsin to be clo...
First of all, it's only Medicaid where you need to spend down assets. Medicare is likely their health care now, but they won't pay... First of all, it's only Medicaid where you need to spend down assets. Medicare is likely their health care now, but they won't pay for a facility. I would strongly advise that you see an elder law attorney or an estate attorney to help you do this legally. Then, look for a place that has transitional housing opportunities, such as retirement, assisted living and eventually a nursing home, so your dad can be accommodated, but be near your mom who needs more care. However, your dad may love assisted living for as long as your mom can get enough care in that setting. Please do see an attorney, and then look at assisted living options where you want them, but investigate transitional aspects for your dad. He probably doesn't need another house.
Good luck. It's all complicated, as they say.
Carol see more
Good luck. It's all complicated, as they say.
Carol see more
Question
Last night my mother decided to take apart her Depends and put the very soaked remains all over the place in h...
Sadly, this isn't unusual. I've also seen elders with dementia digging feces out of their pads. It's gross, but they don't... Sadly, this isn't unusual. I've also seen elders with dementia digging feces out of their pads. It's gross, but they don't have a clue. First, of course, you need to remember that, as frustrating as this is.
She may be doing this because she's bored, anxious, or just curious. Picking apart tissues and other items is common, so maybe if you kept a tissue box or a bunch of tissues near her or in her lap, she may tear those instead. It's something many people deal with, and you may want to check with the doctor for ideas, but frankly, you may have to cope the best you can until she moves into another phase.
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She may be doing this because she's bored, anxious, or just curious. Picking apart tissues and other items is common, so maybe if you kept a tissue box or a bunch of tissues near her or in her lap, she may tear those instead. It's something many people deal with, and you may want to check with the doctor for ideas, but frankly, you may have to cope the best you can until she moves into another phase.
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Question
How do we get my husband's uncle to go to the doctor to check if he has a form of dementia?
This is a common problem, but you have an even worse case if he has no doctor at all. Does he have a friend who can talk with him? Or a... This is a common problem, but you have an even worse case if he has no doctor at all. Does he have a friend who can talk with him? Or a clergy person? Many people do better with someone outside of the family, as the family is often views as "against them."
You can check with your local social services, as well, and the Alzheimer's Association to see if they can help. Good luck with this - you have good reason to worry.
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You can check with your local social services, as well, and the Alzheimer's Association to see if they can help. Good luck with this - you have good reason to worry.
Carol see more
Question
My frail 97 year old mother has sciatica. Does anyone have any idea on how to lessen her pain and spasms?
Sciatica pain is really awful, so it's easy to understand her distress. Have you tried heat for the time she is waiting for the... Sciatica pain is really awful, so it's easy to understand her distress. Have you tried heat for the time she is waiting for the medication to kick in? Or even ice, though older people generally prefer heat. You'd have to be very careful - a hot water bottle may be safest, since at her age her skin is likely very fragile and she may not notice if a heating pad is too hot, either.
Talk with her doctor and see if topical treatments are a good idea. Some arthritis rubs work pretty fast while you wait for ingested medications. I hope you find something to help - for her and for you.
Take care,
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Talk with her doctor and see if topical treatments are a good idea. Some arthritis rubs work pretty fast while you wait for ingested medications. I hope you find something to help - for her and for you.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My mother had moderate dementia and has developed this horrible habit of picking at herself non-stop creating...
This obsessive compulsive behavior is quite common with dementia patients. Even nursing homes have a heck of a time battling this and... This obsessive compulsive behavior is quite common with dementia patients. Even nursing homes have a heck of a time battling this and infections can occur.
I'd talk to her doctor and ask if there is an ointment that can help keep the open spots from getting worse, and also ask advice about how to bandage the area. Caregivers have tried gloves for the elder, to very limited success. This seems to be something to control rather than eliminate, but maybe your doctor has a solution.
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I'd talk to her doctor and ask if there is an ointment that can help keep the open spots from getting worse, and also ask advice about how to bandage the area. Caregivers have tried gloves for the elder, to very limited success. This seems to be something to control rather than eliminate, but maybe your doctor has a solution.
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Question
I need to get mother a sitter for 3 days so my husband can go to his MD Anderson cancer check up, but she is n...
Your husband needs you. Your mother will try to manipulate you to feel guilty, and there is no need. You have made good arrangements for... Your husband needs you. Your mother will try to manipulate you to feel guilty, and there is no need. You have made good arrangements for her health and safety. Let her complain. Once you are gone, she’ll be cared for and she will know you’ve set a boundaries– good for all. Take care of yourself and your husband.
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Carol see more
Question
The doctor advised my brother not to rough-house or horseplay with our father who has mild-to-moderate Alzheim...
I'd say the doctor is right. The Alzheimer's organization in your community would be a good resource if your brother has trouble... I'd say the doctor is right. The Alzheimer's organization in your community would be a good resource if your brother has trouble understanding.
Your dad, if he hasn't already gotten to this place, will eventually not understand what your brother is doing and your dad will feel he is being attacked. He will get so he doesn't even remember who your brother is.
Most people with Alzheimer's need a calm environment as they can't process what is going on around them, or they often process it improperly. You will have enough issues with your father feeling afraid of his surroundings without anyone rough housing. I feel sorry for your brother, as this sounds like it was normal behavior, and he will feel this loss. But he needs to learn that these changes are the disease, not the way his dad feels about him.
Please do contact the Alzheimer's Association for some training and information.
Carol see more
Your dad, if he hasn't already gotten to this place, will eventually not understand what your brother is doing and your dad will feel he is being attacked. He will get so he doesn't even remember who your brother is.
Most people with Alzheimer's need a calm environment as they can't process what is going on around them, or they often process it improperly. You will have enough issues with your father feeling afraid of his surroundings without anyone rough housing. I feel sorry for your brother, as this sounds like it was normal behavior, and he will feel this loss. But he needs to learn that these changes are the disease, not the way his dad feels about him.
Please do contact the Alzheimer's Association for some training and information.
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Question
Can I put an elder who has not been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, on Exelon and Namenda?
To get the medications, the person would have to see a doctor, so I'm assuming that this person was diagnosed with some kind of... To get the medications, the person would have to see a doctor, so I'm assuming that this person was diagnosed with some kind of dementia. Sometimes they are used for vascular dementias or other types.
Did the doctor say this would prevent Alzheimer's? The drugs don't do that, but they can help slow down the progression of the disease in some people.
If you aren't sure about the diagnosis, I'd suggest seeing a neurologist or geriatrician, who knows dementia very well.
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Did the doctor say this would prevent Alzheimer's? The drugs don't do that, but they can help slow down the progression of the disease in some people.
If you aren't sure about the diagnosis, I'd suggest seeing a neurologist or geriatrician, who knows dementia very well.
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Question
Does health insurance help pay the cost of adult day care?
That would be rare – so rare I’ve never heard of it anyway. The only insurance that pays for that (unless there are unusual circumstances)... That would be rare – so rare I’ve never heard of it anyway. The only insurance that pays for that (unless there are unusual circumstances) would be some long-term care insurance policies, which once only paid for nursing home care, but now often pay for alternatives. Sorry I couldn't give you more hope, but it never hurts to check. Give them a call.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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My mother has Alzheimer's and isn't a US citizen. She is in assisted living that we pay for, but she needs to...
Good luck. I know you aren't alone in this - I hear this questions quite often.
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