Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
Show:
Articles Question
Question
My nephew has lived in my mother's home for 3 years and has not paid a dime for rent. How do I stop this abuse...
I would contact an elder law attorney. This is the association's Web site (however you may want to look locally) http://www.naela.org/ ... I would contact an elder law attorney. This is the association's Web site (however you may want to look locally) http://www.naela.org/
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How do I transfer prescriptions and set up new doctors when I move my parents closer to me?
If you mean physical help, there are "senior movers" in many areas to help. This article may help some:... If you mean physical help, there are "senior movers" in many areas to help.
This article may help some: https://www.agingcare.com/138924
There is more information in the article than just physically. Hiring a geriatric care manager could help in this situation - someone to over see the move.
Also, try checking both state Web sites under something called Aging Services or a related name. There you will find a version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. You should find some guidance there.
Good luck!
Carol see more
This article may help some: https://www.agingcare.com/138924
There is more information in the article than just physically. Hiring a geriatric care manager could help in this situation - someone to over see the move.
Also, try checking both state Web sites under something called Aging Services or a related name. There you will find a version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. You should find some guidance there.
Good luck!
Carol see more
Question
How can I ensure that the guardian I select for my wife will have her best interests foremost?
I would ask for references from other families that have used this service. Don't just get one - it could be pro or con for any number... I would ask for references from other families that have used this service. Don't just get one - it could be pro or con for any number of reasons. Ask for several. Also, check for complaints with the Better Business Bureau and perhaps your state. If you feel it's necessary, see an Elder Law Attorney for guidance.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
How do you know when it is time to put someone with Alzheimer's in a home?
For the most part it's when the quality of life and/or safety of the individual with the disease needs more care than the family can... For the most part it's when the quality of life and/or safety of the individual with the disease needs more care than the family can support (or in-home care from agencies isn't enough). Also, it's necessary to consider the rest of the family and how the person's disease affects everyone. You are still a caregiver when you put someone in a home - make it clear you want to be part of the care team (in a friendly manner - not a distrustful one). There are always individual circumstances to consider, but the general rule is safety and quality of life (for all).
Good luck. I know it's a hard decision.
Carol see more
Good luck. I know it's a hard decision.
Carol see more
Question
Will Medicaid help pay for a caregiver?
In some cases it will. If the person is on Medicaid, you should check with the administrators. Medicaid is a mix of federal and local money... In some cases it will. If the person is on Medicaid, you should check with the administrators. Medicaid is a mix of federal and local money so each state is different. Try the State Web site and look under "aging services" or something similar, if you want contact information (local).
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
My mom has severe depression and is making my life hell. I can not do it anymore. How can I arrange to find a...
I'm sorry that AgingCare can't get personally involved in each problem. What we try to do on the fourm is give people a chance to... I'm sorry that AgingCare can't get personally involved in each problem. What we try to do on the fourm is give people a chance to help each other.
While we'd love nothing more than to give people one place they can go to see if they can get paid to help their elder, or find other help, the way the system is set up is that each state is different. AgingCare can't change that fact.
Even the great organization Area Agencies on Aging isn't available everywhere, nor is Cash and Counseling (neither is available to me). The National Family Caregiver Support Program is available in every state - but each state can change it to fit their own views.
We hope, by providing a forum for people to discuss their issues, they at least come away with the knowledge that they aren't alone. For specifics, people generally have to seek local help -through their state, county, social services etc. The state Web sites generally - and I say generally, as not all states do this well, either - provide the best contacts for each person to start.
We'd like to "solve" problems, but we can't. We don't have that ability. What we can do is provide you with articles on how to help ease the stresses that you are going through and deal with specific topics related to your daily elder care tasks.
If you have any suggestions for articles that you would like to read, let us know. We do hope most of you find help chatting with each other on the forum, and if you feel there are ways we could improve the community please share your ideas with us!
Thank you for sharing your concerns.
Take care,
Carol see more
While we'd love nothing more than to give people one place they can go to see if they can get paid to help their elder, or find other help, the way the system is set up is that each state is different. AgingCare can't change that fact.
Even the great organization Area Agencies on Aging isn't available everywhere, nor is Cash and Counseling (neither is available to me). The National Family Caregiver Support Program is available in every state - but each state can change it to fit their own views.
We hope, by providing a forum for people to discuss their issues, they at least come away with the knowledge that they aren't alone. For specifics, people generally have to seek local help -through their state, county, social services etc. The state Web sites generally - and I say generally, as not all states do this well, either - provide the best contacts for each person to start.
We'd like to "solve" problems, but we can't. We don't have that ability. What we can do is provide you with articles on how to help ease the stresses that you are going through and deal with specific topics related to your daily elder care tasks.
If you have any suggestions for articles that you would like to read, let us know. We do hope most of you find help chatting with each other on the forum, and if you feel there are ways we could improve the community please share your ideas with us!
Thank you for sharing your concerns.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
The nursing home lost the hearing aid, are they responsible for it?
If they were responsible for taking care of it at night, they I'd think that is there liabiltiy. If it was just a matter of placing it... If they were responsible for taking care of it at night, they I'd think that is there liabiltiy. If it was just a matter of placing it in her room in a place where it could get lost, that may be questionable. From what I'm seeing in your note, it does sound a bit like they are trying to get out of this, which doesn't bode well. You could check with an elder law attorney about the home's liability.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
What can I expect from a skilled nursing home for my 89-year-old-mother?
You have a right to expect that she will be treated medically and emotionally in an appropriate way. Hopefully, the place is a quality... You have a right to expect that she will be treated medically and emotionally in an appropriate way. Hopefully, the place is a quality facility where there will be activities and socialization that she enjoys. She will likely be negative at first - that is very common. But if the people are caring for her well, she will come along.
Try to be a team member, not an adversary. But also, you are her advocate, so if you see something you wonder about, ask in a friendly manner. There may be a good reason. I
Make sure they know about her as a person, not just a resident. Be realistic in your expectations - they are caring for many. But also, make sure they know that you expect good care for her (again, stress the fact you want to be part of the team so you aren't negative).
Good luck,
Carol see more
Try to be a team member, not an adversary. But also, you are her advocate, so if you see something you wonder about, ask in a friendly manner. There may be a good reason. I
Make sure they know about her as a person, not just a resident. Be realistic in your expectations - they are caring for many. But also, make sure they know that you expect good care for her (again, stress the fact you want to be part of the team so you aren't negative).
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
What can I do to make things easier for my husband with IBM (Inclusion Body Myocitics)?
You can call Social Services and ask for a welfare check. Let them know that they can't tell him you suggested it. Try to... You can call Social Services and ask for a welfare check. Let them know that they can't tell him you suggested it. Try to "blame" it on the neighbors or something. The thing is, you can't go on like this, so you need help. Social Services may be your best bet. Good luck,
I know it's hard.
Carol see more
I know it's hard.
Carol see more
Question
How do you survive the roller-coaster of guilt, love, and exhaustion after 12 years of caregiving?
Sandy, you are a dear. That is what we are here for. I'm glad some comforting words can help. Take care of yourself and please keep... Sandy, you are a dear. That is what we are here for. I'm glad some comforting words can help.
Take care of yourself and please keep checking back.
Carol see more
Take care of yourself and please keep checking back.
Carol see more
Question
What can I do to make things easier for my husband with IBM (Inclusion Body Myocitics)?
I'm so sorry you and he are suffering like this. Can you have him evaluated in your home (if he has Alzheimer's, they may be able... I'm so sorry you and he are suffering like this. Can you have him evaluated in your home (if he has Alzheimer's, they may be able to send someone out)? Otherwise, maybe a social worker could come to your home. He and you need help. Please reach out to one of the agencies in your area and ask.
Take care of yourself - and him.
Carol see more
Take care of yourself - and him.
Carol see more
Question
Do I need a lawyer to set up a durable power of attorney?
You can find state forms on the Internet. If there is any chance of a challenge, I personally would feel safer going to an attorney to make... You can find state forms on the Internet. If there is any chance of a challenge, I personally would feel safer going to an attorney to make sure it would stand up in court. Others may disagree, but I like to be sure so I don't have to worry about it.
Since you have the Medical POA, that could weigh in your favor. The person trusted you enough to do that. But still, I like to error on the side of safety if possible.
Carol see more
Since you have the Medical POA, that could weigh in your favor. The person trusted you enough to do that. But still, I like to error on the side of safety if possible.
Carol see more
Question
Without being demanding, what can I do to get my depressed grandmother to start taking an anti-depressant?
If she hasn't seen her doctor lately, she should. There are many antidepressants around and maybe she took this for awhile and felt... If she hasn't seen her doctor lately, she should. There are many antidepressants around and maybe she took this for awhile and felt worse. The drugs are tricky in that they take time to work, too. It's hard to get an elder to take them steadily, I know. Please try to get her doctor to make very clear that she needs to take them daily even if they don't seem to help. Or if they make her feel worse, ask him to try another type. If she simply won't take medication, then maybe the doctor can convince her how important it is to follow directions.
Good luck. You aren't alone.
Carol see more
Good luck. You aren't alone.
Carol see more
Question
How do you survive the roller-coaster of guilt, love, and exhaustion after 12 years of caregiving?
First, you aren't alone in your thoughts. You may want to read this article: https://www.agingcare.com/139321/ You are in a situation... First, you aren't alone in your thoughts. You may want to read this article:
https://www.agingcare.com/139321/
You are in a situation that requires super human efforts. I cared, over the course of twenty years, for a total of seven elders - at one time I had five dependent on me. I did make use of the best nursing home in my area which was just blocks from my home, since gradually each elder became so ill or frail I couldn't care for them at home (and couldn't have cared well for five of them, anyway). I still took care of most needs and was the advocate and daily visitor.
I hope you can get some type of respite help. Do you have a block nurse program in your area. Does the Area Agency on Aging cover your community? You can go to your state Web site and look under aging services or something similar. The will have a version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. Please do some looking on that site to see if you can get some help.
Best wishes. You are a saint.
Carol see more
https://www.agingcare.com/139321/
You are in a situation that requires super human efforts. I cared, over the course of twenty years, for a total of seven elders - at one time I had five dependent on me. I did make use of the best nursing home in my area which was just blocks from my home, since gradually each elder became so ill or frail I couldn't care for them at home (and couldn't have cared well for five of them, anyway). I still took care of most needs and was the advocate and daily visitor.
I hope you can get some type of respite help. Do you have a block nurse program in your area. Does the Area Agency on Aging cover your community? You can go to your state Web site and look under aging services or something similar. The will have a version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. Please do some looking on that site to see if you can get some help.
Best wishes. You are a saint.
Carol see more
Question
What do you do if your parents are alcoholics?
This is far more common than most people think. First, I'd suggest you go to Al-Anon to get some understanding that you aren’t alone... This is far more common than most people think. First, I'd suggest you go to Al-Anon to get some understanding that you aren’t alone and that they suffer from a disease. This is not to coddle them It’s to help you learn how to cope with the situation.
If one of them is a veteran, they generally offer a lot of help as they understand the disease. You can't force them to stop drinking, even though it is ruining their lives (and not helping yours, either). Logic and arguing won't help. They need medical care. Sometimes, a formal intervention can help, but not always. Al-Anon is a great source for adult children and spouses of alcoholics.
Good luck. Some elders never can stop. Please try to love them, anyway, but protect yourself as well.
Carol see more
If one of them is a veteran, they generally offer a lot of help as they understand the disease. You can't force them to stop drinking, even though it is ruining their lives (and not helping yours, either). Logic and arguing won't help. They need medical care. Sometimes, a formal intervention can help, but not always. Al-Anon is a great source for adult children and spouses of alcoholics.
Good luck. Some elders never can stop. Please try to love them, anyway, but protect yourself as well.
Carol see more
Question
I have my Father (Alzheimer's) and Father-in-law (stroke) both living with me....im broke. Can I get any finan...
Try going to your state Web site. Look under something like "aging services." There you will find contact information for your... Try going to your state Web site. Look under something like "aging services." There you will find contact information for your state. You will also find a program with a title similar to The National Family Caregiver Support Program. Check into that as those folks will know the ropes, locally. see more
Question
What financial assistances is available to a grandchild taking care of their grandmother 24-hours-a-day?
First, find out if your Grandmother is on Medicaid. That could help. Next, go to your state Web site (or hers if you have residence in... First, find out if your Grandmother is on Medicaid. That could help. Next, go to your state Web site (or hers if you have residence in another state) and look under something like "aging services." There you will find contact information for your state. You will also find a program with a title similar to The National Family Caregiver Support Program. Check into that as those folks will know the ropes, locally.
Good luck to you. Your caring heart is appreciated.
Carol see more
Good luck to you. Your caring heart is appreciated.
Carol see more
Question
At what point to I get involved with my 67-year-old alcoholic mother in advanced stages, who is being cared fo...
You may want to as Social Services to do a welfare check on them. This could be a hornet's nest for you if they are both drinking. Do... You may want to as Social Services to do a welfare check on them. This could be a hornet's nest for you if they are both drinking. Do you suspect abuse or just that they are drinking so much they can't take care of themselves?
Please try to remember that alcoholism is a disease. It will help you help them with more compassion.
My take would be that if there is danger for them, Social Services should be called. If there is hope they will get help, maybe a good friend or religious leader who understands the disease can help them seek treatment. If one or both are veterans, the VA may be able to help.
Good luck. You've got your hands full.
Carol see more
Please try to remember that alcoholism is a disease. It will help you help them with more compassion.
My take would be that if there is danger for them, Social Services should be called. If there is hope they will get help, maybe a good friend or religious leader who understands the disease can help them seek treatment. If one or both are veterans, the VA may be able to help.
Good luck. You've got your hands full.
Carol see more
Question
I there any financial support I can get to help with the cost of taking care of my mom?
She may be eligible for Medicaid, and in some states, you could get a stipend for her care from Medicaid. But this is a state by state... She may be eligible for Medicaid, and in some states, you could get a stipend for her care from Medicaid. But this is a state by state situation. Try going to your State Web site and look under something similar to "aging services." You should find local contact information there. Follow through on that.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Where can my mom who is legally blind get help with shopping and bill paying?
Good luck,
Carol see more