Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
If my wife and I are both on disability and have health problems can we get life insurance?
It's very hard. All I could suggest is that you find an insurance agent who works for many companies and see if he or she can find a... It's very hard. All I could suggest is that you find an insurance agent who works for many companies and see if he or she can find a company who will take you. Like health insurance, it's hard to get life insurance if you are sick.
Some will take you, but exclude your current healh issues as a cause of death. They are usually expensive, to boot.
Good luck. Please let us know how it goes.
Carol see more
Some will take you, but exclude your current healh issues as a cause of death. They are usually expensive, to boot.
Good luck. Please let us know how it goes.
Carol see more
Question
How can I keep the house warm and comfortable for dad without making it too hot for us?
This is even a problem in nursing homes. Elders generally get cold easily, and they aren't active. Caregivers are usually younger, and... This is even a problem in nursing homes. Elders generally get cold easily, and they aren't active. Caregivers are usually younger, and they are running around, so they get hot. There's no easy answer.
Some people like those blankets that have snaps to keep them around their shoulders. I got my mom one, but she'd never use it. They can be balky. Also, you don't want your dad to get up wearing the thing and trip.
Layers help. Silk or synthetic underwear can make a big difference, and that type of uderwear is much less bulky than the old "longjohns" your dad may remember. The question is: will he wear them or think they are for "women"? Anyway, layers would be my suggestion. Any other ideas folks?
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Some people like those blankets that have snaps to keep them around their shoulders. I got my mom one, but she'd never use it. They can be balky. Also, you don't want your dad to get up wearing the thing and trip.
Layers help. Silk or synthetic underwear can make a big difference, and that type of uderwear is much less bulky than the old "longjohns" your dad may remember. The question is: will he wear them or think they are for "women"? Anyway, layers would be my suggestion. Any other ideas folks?
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Question
What are the steps to legally hire a private caregiver for my mother?
This gets sticky and you are wise to think twice. Many times it works out well, but to do it legally, you will likely - I say likely as... This gets sticky and you are wise to think twice. Many times it works out well, but to do it legally, you will likely - I say likely as states differ - be considered the employer and need to pay taxes.
In any case, if she gets hurt working, you could get sued. So, proceed carefully, but if this is the perfect person, you may be able to make it work. Just check with your state to make sure you are doing the right thing. Good luck,
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In any case, if she gets hurt working, you could get sued. So, proceed carefully, but if this is the perfect person, you may be able to make it work. Just check with your state to make sure you are doing the right thing. Good luck,
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Question
How can I help my father deal with the frustration of being my mother's caregiver?
Your dad probably thinks he should provide the care - it's a matter of pride for him. I think a third party could help. Do they have a... Your dad probably thinks he should provide the care - it's a matter of pride for him. I think a third party could help. Do they have a spiritual leader such as a priest, Rabbi or pastor, who they trust? Do they have a good friend who can talk with them. What about your dad's doctor? He or she may be able to tell him that for his own health he needs help with his wife.
Once his defenses are down, he may be less prideful.
Thanks for caring so much,
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Once his defenses are down, he may be less prideful.
Thanks for caring so much,
Carol see more
Question
Where can I apply to receive financial assistance for caring for my 93-year-old aging parent?
Go to your state's Web site, Sunny, and look under aging services. There should be contact information and they can help guide you.... Go to your state's Web site, Sunny, and look under aging services. There should be contact information and they can help guide you. Each state is different, and there is often lots of paperwork. I'm assuming your parent is on Medicaid? If not, and there are few assets, that may be a first step. But check with your state for help.
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Question
My siblings are taking me to court for "mishandling" my parents money. What should I do?
This is unfortunate, and it happens all too frequently. They see the end nearing and now they want money. You've done the work. Now... This is unfortunate, and it happens all too frequently. They see the end nearing and now they want money. You've done the work. Now it's time to show that it was, indeed, work, even though you did it with love.
I can't give you a name for an attorney, but I would contact the MN State Bar Association and tell them what you need. The attorney who drew up the POA may be able to help, too. I hope you kept good records.
So many of us dive into caregiving with our hearts and don't think about paperwork. Then, when people do what your siblings are doing, it's harder to go back and show that you did what was right. If you haven't kept records, start digging. You will need information to provide an attorney.
If the original estate attorney can't help you, he or she may be able to recommend the name of another attorney they respect.
Good luck. You did the right thing and now have to protect yourself. As long as the money was spent well, you should be able to prove it, but it's such a shame that you must go through this.
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I can't give you a name for an attorney, but I would contact the MN State Bar Association and tell them what you need. The attorney who drew up the POA may be able to help, too. I hope you kept good records.
So many of us dive into caregiving with our hearts and don't think about paperwork. Then, when people do what your siblings are doing, it's harder to go back and show that you did what was right. If you haven't kept records, start digging. You will need information to provide an attorney.
If the original estate attorney can't help you, he or she may be able to recommend the name of another attorney they respect.
Good luck. You did the right thing and now have to protect yourself. As long as the money was spent well, you should be able to prove it, but it's such a shame that you must go through this.
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Question
My widowed mother with Alzheimer's refuses to give Power of Attorney to a family member. What can I do?
Since she is diagnosed with dementia, you could go to court for guardianship and/or conservatorship. It's hard, but it may be your only... Since she is diagnosed with dementia, you could go to court for guardianship and/or conservatorship. It's hard, but it may be your only choice. I'd seek advice from an elder attorney. You may get help there.
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Question
Is it alright for my 90-year-old mother to only eat sweets and put sugar on things that aren't supposed to be...
Does she have a health issue? I'd make sure she has a good checkup. Maybe she craves sweets for a reason. Or, she could have dementia... Does she have a health issue? I'd make sure she has a good checkup. Maybe she craves sweets for a reason. Or, she could have dementia and not understand the food is already sweetened. At any rate, I'd think a doctor visit is in order.
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Question
If my mother died in 1984 and my brother died in 2001, can I still collect any of their social security?
That's not likely unless you are declared an adult disabled child - then you may be able to collect something from your mother's... That's not likely unless you are declared an adult disabled child - then you may be able to collect something from your mother's SS. You'll have to work with Social Security on this. I don't know of a way that your brother's SS would help you, but there may be a way if you check with them. You'll have to contact SS and go through the redtape in order to know if you qualify.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
How should my mother document expenses and hours for providing in home care to my father if they are divorced?
I believe she would have to do that, but she needs to do it the way the VA wants it done. Maybe you can help her get through the red tape,... I believe she would have to do that, but she needs to do it the way the VA wants it done. Maybe you can help her get through the red tape, as it's a pain, but if she doesn't do it right, she may not get what is due her, or your dad may lose benefits. Please find a VA officer and find out exactly what must be done. These things can be very strict.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
I feel guilty about putting my mom in a nursing home. Should I take her to my home?
First of all, you have no reason for the guilt (I know, easier said than done). You have done a great deal. It doesn't sound to me as... First of all, you have no reason for the guilt (I know, easier said than done). You have done a great deal. It doesn't sound to me as though you would gain anything from taking her home. You are visiting every day (and more). You have gotten help with the caregiving because it's too much for one person.
The fact that she did so well and now has slipped makes me wonder about her medications. Maybe an adjustment could be made. Maybe she needs an anti-depressant. If she hadn't done well for awhile, it would be a bit different, but something has changed and a doctor should look into it.
You also have to consider what taking her back home would do to your marriage. Think carefully before going back to where you were before. Get medical advice for her, and perhaps for yourself. There must be a reason for this change.
Also, see if she favors a certain caregiver in the home, or seems afraid of anyone particular, just in case there is a personality issue. Fear doesn't necessarily mean abuse, but a certain personality may remind her of something in the past, so perhaps the home could see if changing her caregivers would help. With her history of firing caregivers, I would be careful to not imply that someone is abusing her (but it happens so you need to be aware).
Please check with the doctor about medications and see if something changed. That could be the key to the whole issue.
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The fact that she did so well and now has slipped makes me wonder about her medications. Maybe an adjustment could be made. Maybe she needs an anti-depressant. If she hadn't done well for awhile, it would be a bit different, but something has changed and a doctor should look into it.
You also have to consider what taking her back home would do to your marriage. Think carefully before going back to where you were before. Get medical advice for her, and perhaps for yourself. There must be a reason for this change.
Also, see if she favors a certain caregiver in the home, or seems afraid of anyone particular, just in case there is a personality issue. Fear doesn't necessarily mean abuse, but a certain personality may remind her of something in the past, so perhaps the home could see if changing her caregivers would help. With her history of firing caregivers, I would be careful to not imply that someone is abusing her (but it happens so you need to be aware).
Please check with the doctor about medications and see if something changed. That could be the key to the whole issue.
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Question
How do I help my 94-year-old father with his distorted sense of time?
You've got to be exhausted. Yes, it's part of the disease. The only things I can advise is that you try to get some outside help to... You've got to be exhausted. Yes, it's part of the disease. The only things I can advise is that you try to get some outside help to get a break to do something for yourself (or sleep), and that you try not to let it bother you if he has his pjs on for dinner. However, in the end, that doesn't matter a whole lot. Since he needs help with everything, this does add to your work and that is the hard part.
It's all about confusion, and it's sad to watch him go through this, but it's not unusual. Please try to get a break now and then.
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It's all about confusion, and it's sad to watch him go through this, but it's not unusual. Please try to get a break now and then.
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Question
What does it mean if my mother's foot is curling inward on the same leg that she had hip surgery on?
It could mean any number of things from problems with medications to muscle or tendon issues. I would think a doctor should be able to go... It could mean any number of things from problems with medications to muscle or tendon issues. I would think a doctor should be able to go through the medications, and her history, and help you. Is she in pain from cramping? That should be addressed right away, of course. Many things to watch, right\?.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
If my sister put our father in a nursing home do I have the legal right to take him home?
This would likely depend on who, if anyone, has Power Of Attorney. A health directive (POA for health) may also come into play. It sounds... This would likely depend on who, if anyone, has Power Of Attorney. A health directive (POA for health) may also come into play. It sounds like you have the same disagreement many families do. If you have a third party (good friend of your father, doctor or spiritual leader), this person may be able to help bring peace between you and your sister and figure out what is best for your dad.
Good luck. You sound like a loving person who wants the best for your father. Your sister likely thinks she is doing the same. Sometimes professional family mediation can help with this. You may want to read: https://www.agingcare.com/134376 about siblings and parent care.
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Good luck. You sound like a loving person who wants the best for your father. Your sister likely thinks she is doing the same. Sometimes professional family mediation can help with this. You may want to read: https://www.agingcare.com/134376 about siblings and parent care.
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Question
My 82-year-old mother is recently widowed and I want to get her a medical alert system. There are so many com...
You are right that there are many. The main thing is you don't want to sign a contract for a specified amount of time. Should you not... You are right that there are many. The main thing is you don't want to sign a contract for a specified amount of time. Should you not need it, you don't want keep paying for a full year.
I would call a local hospital and/or an in-home care agency for suggestions as to what companies they prefer. These alarms are great - I used them for three of my elders.
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I would call a local hospital and/or an in-home care agency for suggestions as to what companies they prefer. These alarms are great - I used them for three of my elders.
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Question
Since having a stroke, my mom claims to "see people" who aren't really there. What's happening to her?
You certainly can't keep up this routine for long, or your own health will fail. Since your are already consulting with doctors and... You certainly can't keep up this routine for long, or your own health will fail. Since your are already consulting with doctors and hospice, I'm not sure what you can do if they have no other ideasfor medications, but there should be some way you can get respite care at night so you can sleep.
Check your state's Web site under aging services and see what the contact information is. There should be some respite help under the Family Caregiver Program.
Has your doctor tried eliminating any medications? Have you had the pharmacist run a check on drug interactions and side effects? There could be something about her meds, especially since this is so sudden. Did she have a change in mediation around the time she started to decline?
Good luck, my friend. This is tough. You've already done so much. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
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Check your state's Web site under aging services and see what the contact information is. There should be some respite help under the Family Caregiver Program.
Has your doctor tried eliminating any medications? Have you had the pharmacist run a check on drug interactions and side effects? There could be something about her meds, especially since this is so sudden. Did she have a change in mediation around the time she started to decline?
Good luck, my friend. This is tough. You've already done so much. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
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Question
Is there any assistance I can get to help my dad pay his rent in a mobile home park?
I would look for elder assistance through your state's Web site - generally under Aging Services. There should be some contact... I would look for elder assistance through your state's Web site - generally under Aging Services. There should be some contact information to use as a starting point. It sound like, if he's not already, he should be on Medicaid. Good luck.
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Question
How can I help my disabled elderly relative with his messy toileting issues?
This is so common, and your compassion is admirable. Many people deal with this. I'm just throwing this out for ideas, as I don't... This is so common, and your compassion is admirable. Many people deal with this. I'm just throwing this out for ideas, as I don't know what more you can do but clean up the mess and accept it.
Any ideas out there?
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Any ideas out there?
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Question
Is anyone else caring for a spouse with early onset Alzheimer's Disease?
There are quite a few on here, so we'll watch for reponses. Meanwhile, please keep checking back as you have the company of many good... There are quite a few on here, so we'll watch for reponses. Meanwhile, please keep checking back as you have the company of many good people on this forum.
Take care of yourself, too.
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Take care of yourself, too.
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What financial aid is available for my grandmother who is living in my home?
Also, you should go to your state's Web site and look under aging services. There should be a contact number and they may be able to help you find services.
Good luck,
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