Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
When does Medicare or Medicaid start to pay for things?
Medicaid payments start when the person's assets are nearly gone. Each state is different. If you are considering this you should talk... Medicaid payments start when the person's assets are nearly gone. Each state is different. If you are considering this you should talk with your adult social services people. There's a lot of paperwork, but once it's done you will have help. Good luck.
This article may help you:
https://www.agingcare.com/133289
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This article may help you:
https://www.agingcare.com/133289
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Question
My Mother-in-law needs assistance, is there an organization or program that can help her?
Each state is different, but I would try first going to your state's Web site and finding aging services. You should find a contact,... Each state is different, but I would try first going to your state's Web site and finding aging services. You should find a contact, hopefully a phone number. Then ask about some help for your mother. There are govenment programs to help seniors with home repairs but most are locally run. Also, this is a huge bill and they may not go for it, but why not try?
Good luck,
We'd love to hear from you.
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Good luck,
We'd love to hear from you.
Carol see more
Question
How do I discuss sensitive subjects with mom without making her upset?
It's one of the many rough spots, and this one is hard. She feels picked on and you are just trying to do the right thing. I hope there... It's one of the many rough spots, and this one is hard. She feels picked on and you are just trying to do the right thing. I hope there are some good ideas out there.
It's unlikely she will take kindly to any suggestion here, but it's something you have to go through. Maybe, if you find a different brand of pad, explaining that this one won't need the "extra protection" of the toilet paper pad, it may help.
Take care of yourself and try not to pull out your hair,
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It's unlikely she will take kindly to any suggestion here, but it's something you have to go through. Maybe, if you find a different brand of pad, explaining that this one won't need the "extra protection" of the toilet paper pad, it may help.
Take care of yourself and try not to pull out your hair,
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Question
How do I deal with a sibling who is in denial about mom's condition?
You could write the new doctor a letter. You could also ask the old doctor if he would write the new doctor, but I'm not guaranteeing... You could write the new doctor a letter. You could also ask the old doctor if he would write the new doctor, but I'm not guaranteeing this will happen.
Since you and your sister (two is better than one) both have stories to back up the dementia idea, if you write the new doctor, he or she may reconsider after reading your letter. Of course, this may make your brother angry.
You are right that if she does have early stages of dementia, she may go down hill faster off the medication. It's too bad your brother is in denial. If you can't get through to him, is there a friend who can? If no one can, maybe he will wake up once he sees a few instances of dementia, and realize that she needs medication.
Is there anyone with a Power Of Attorney? There should be if there isn't. There should also be one for health care. You will need this in the future.
Good luck. It may be a waiting game.
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Since you and your sister (two is better than one) both have stories to back up the dementia idea, if you write the new doctor, he or she may reconsider after reading your letter. Of course, this may make your brother angry.
You are right that if she does have early stages of dementia, she may go down hill faster off the medication. It's too bad your brother is in denial. If you can't get through to him, is there a friend who can? If no one can, maybe he will wake up once he sees a few instances of dementia, and realize that she needs medication.
Is there anyone with a Power Of Attorney? There should be if there isn't. There should also be one for health care. You will need this in the future.
Good luck. It may be a waiting game.
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Question
My 80 year old dad needs to go to the doctor, but flat out refuses to. How can I convince him to go?
This is common, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating for you. He is not listening to you, but he may listen to a friend. Does... This is common, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating for you.
He is not listening to you, but he may listen to a friend. Does he have a friend who has any influence, or a pastor, priest or Rabbi? Many times, a third party can help a lot. Will he go to the dentist? If he does that, you could contact his dentist and ask the dentist to tell your dad that he needs a checkup.
Good luck with this. Please let us know if anything helps.
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He is not listening to you, but he may listen to a friend. Does he have a friend who has any influence, or a pastor, priest or Rabbi? Many times, a third party can help a lot. Will he go to the dentist? If he does that, you could contact his dentist and ask the dentist to tell your dad that he needs a checkup.
Good luck with this. Please let us know if anything helps.
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Question
How can I help someone who has just had a stroke accept their situation?
Glad to help a little. Keep an eye on this as others may post useful thoughts and ideas.
Take care,
Carol
Take care,
Carol
Question
My mother has dementia and I'm looking for a place that will do activities with her on the weekends. Is there...
Try an adult day care. Some are open on weekends. Some senior groups have gatherings for adults with dementia. Otherwise, you may have to... Try an adult day care. Some are open on weekends. Some senior groups have gatherings for adults with dementia. Otherwise, you may have to hire some in-home care to help entertain her.
You can check your state's Web site for aging care, and call the phone number. They may have suggestions for you.
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You can check your state's Web site for aging care, and call the phone number. They may have suggestions for you.
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Question
My 82 y.o. mom wants her mom who passed 30 years ago and gets agitated because I can't accommodate. Why does s...
This is normal for dementia. Your mom is living in the past and she is young again, in her mind. I know it's not easy, but it's... This is normal for dementia. Your mom is living in the past and she is young again, in her mind. I know it's not easy, but it's very common.
Try to distract her to other things if you can. Sometimes, it helps to say, "You'll see her soon." Then you move quickly on to something else.
Telling her her mom is dead will be like telling a young child her mom is dead. She won't understand and she will grieve. Anything you can do to distract her will help.
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Try to distract her to other things if you can. Sometimes, it helps to say, "You'll see her soon." Then you move quickly on to something else.
Telling her her mom is dead will be like telling a young child her mom is dead. She won't understand and she will grieve. Anything you can do to distract her will help.
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Question
How do I handle my mother-in-law picking at herself because of an imaginary waxy substance that only she can s...
This sounds like obsessive compulsive behavior. She may have OCD or she may be in a stage of dementia, but it seems to me that this... This sounds like obsessive compulsive behavior. She may have OCD or she may be in a stage of dementia, but it seems to me that this resembles many picking behaviors which result in sores. This is a very real problem. Maybe you need to see a doctor who knows more about OCD and/or dementia to see if an anti-anxiety medication can help (or some other type of medication). Heart surgery (or any surgery) can push an elder over the edge into dementia. She does need some help.
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Question
Is anyone having trouble with a parent who is in a nursing home that complains about lack of privacy and havin...
This is one of the hardest parts of nursing homes - when they have to share a room, they generally have to share a bathroom (just think -... This is one of the hardest parts of nursing homes - when they have to share a room, they generally have to share a bathroom (just think - in the "old days" they had a bathroom down the hall!).
The only way around this seems to be a private room. If she is private pay, you can request one. If she is on Medicaid, you can still request one, but you have to pay the difference between a shared room and a private room. Each home is different is how many private rooms they offer.
Good luck with this. This is one of the things that is very understandable, but hard to change. If they are really sick, it's not such an issue, but when they are alert, it is very hard to lose the privacy they are used to.
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The only way around this seems to be a private room. If she is private pay, you can request one. If she is on Medicaid, you can still request one, but you have to pay the difference between a shared room and a private room. Each home is different is how many private rooms they offer.
Good luck with this. This is one of the things that is very understandable, but hard to change. If they are really sick, it's not such an issue, but when they are alert, it is very hard to lose the privacy they are used to.
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Question
I am a depressed daughter and caretaker. How can I help myself?
You have done a great deal. If you father doesn't have much income, he could qualify for Medicaid. Please consider calling Medicaid and... You have done a great deal. If you father doesn't have much income, he could qualify for Medicaid. Please consider calling Medicaid and seeing if there is a way he could be with others his age and give you some space. He has no one but you, and that's not fair to him or you.
Each state has somewhat different Medicaid rules, but there may be an assisted living situation where he could be with peers, or else maybe you can get some in-home respite help.
Please check it out.
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Each state has somewhat different Medicaid rules, but there may be an assisted living situation where he could be with peers, or else maybe you can get some in-home respite help.
Please check it out.
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Question
Do nursing homes call back saying they would love to care for your elderly loved on again?
I've never heard of this, myself. It does sound like salesmanship, and I think your response was correct. Good for you.
Carol
Carol
Question
Why do old people try to take care of old people?
Because they don't want to accept the reality that they can no longer care for the person they love. It seems impractical and often is,... Because they don't want to accept the reality that they can no longer care for the person they love. It seems impractical and often is, but many will try, right up until the death of one spouse. This takes careful, sympathetic handling.
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Question
Does anyone know someone who has been diagnosed with normal pressure hydrocephilis?
This is not all that unusual. They often put a shunt into the brain to drain fluid, as the buildup of fluid can cause dementia.... This is not all that unusual. They often put a shunt into the brain to drain fluid, as the buildup of fluid can cause dementia. Unfortunately, elders having surgery under general anesthetics can also come out with dementia. So, it gets to be complicated.
Maybe there are other options. If you can do something non-surgical, that would be great. If surgery is recommended, talk about the risks with the doctor.
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Maybe there are other options. If you can do something non-surgical, that would be great. If surgery is recommended, talk about the risks with the doctor.
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Question
I have heard their is an actual term for someone with dementia that is not aware that they have any memory los...
I don't think it's unusal for people to be unaware, or at least in denial, about their memory loss. Life is real to them on the... I don't think it's unusal for people to be unaware, or at least in denial, about their memory loss. Life is real to them on the level they see it. I'm not aware of a special term for this, as it's part of dementia for many people. If there is one, maybe someone will let up know.
Thanks,
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Thanks,
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Question
Will someone take my father's home if he has to go to a nursing home?
Not everyone stays in a nursing home forever. It would depend on his finances and how long he stays. Generally, Medicare pays for a number... Not everyone stays in a nursing home forever. It would depend on his finances and how long he stays. Generally, Medicare pays for a number of days if a person goes directly from the hospital (it was 20 days, but that may have changed). Then, he will have to pay if he stays.
Only if he goes on Medicaid after spending down all of his assets will he lose the house, and even that depends on whether your mother is living there. It's hard to tell from your question.
If she is, she can stay there, but a lien would be placed on it if his finances got to that point. If no one lives there, then he'd keep it until it was decided that his other assets were gone, but eventually, if he lives long enough, he'd have to sell.
States vary with their Medicaid laws, and he may have enough assets so that he won't go on Medicaid. Then the house remains his. There are a lot of variables, starting with whether his wife is alive or if he is a widower or divorced.
First thing to remember - if he goes to a nursing home right from the hospital, check with Medicare and see how long they will pay the bill. Go from there.
Take care,
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Only if he goes on Medicaid after spending down all of his assets will he lose the house, and even that depends on whether your mother is living there. It's hard to tell from your question.
If she is, she can stay there, but a lien would be placed on it if his finances got to that point. If no one lives there, then he'd keep it until it was decided that his other assets were gone, but eventually, if he lives long enough, he'd have to sell.
States vary with their Medicaid laws, and he may have enough assets so that he won't go on Medicaid. Then the house remains his. There are a lot of variables, starting with whether his wife is alive or if he is a widower or divorced.
First thing to remember - if he goes to a nursing home right from the hospital, check with Medicare and see how long they will pay the bill. Go from there.
Take care,
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Question
My mother has dementia and needs full-time care. She refuses to go to an assisted living facility and is becom...
I agree that if she needs 24/7 care, assisted living isn't enough. Also, if she does get accepted into one, in a few months she may... I agree that if she needs 24/7 care, assisted living isn't enough. Also, if she does get accepted into one, in a few months she may have to make another move. That's tough. I'd look at a nursing home first. Medicaid also will cover nursing home when it rarely covers assisted living (if she qualified fianacially).
I love using the term "senior housing" - it covers a lot of territory without the negatives from old nursing home images (yes, I know that there are some that still qualify for that, unfortunately).
It does sound as though someone from outside the family will have to help. It's a tough issue.
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I love using the term "senior housing" - it covers a lot of territory without the negatives from old nursing home images (yes, I know that there are some that still qualify for that, unfortunately).
It does sound as though someone from outside the family will have to help. It's a tough issue.
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Question
My mother has dementia and needs full-time care. She refuses to go to an assisted living facility and is becom...
Has she had a recent check up and does she take medication? Sometimes medication helps, other times not. Her doctor should be helping you... Has she had a recent check up and does she take medication? Sometimes medication helps, other times not. Her doctor should be helping you out with this.
If she is a danger to herself or others, something needs to be done and you can't do it alone. Third party help is needed. A welfare check by social services should get the ball rolling if nothing else works.
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If she is a danger to herself or others, something needs to be done and you can't do it alone. Third party help is needed. A welfare check by social services should get the ball rolling if nothing else works.
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Question
Is there any program that pay you to take care of your husband since I'm not able to work?
You can start by reading this article: https://www.agingcare.com/135476 It tells you about ways to find money. Is he a veteran? If so, they... You can start by reading this article:
https://www.agingcare.com/135476
It tells you about ways to find money. Is he a veteran? If so, they should be able to help you some. Also, your State's Web site under "aging services" should have a phone number and information for you.
Good luck. You are not alone. Please keep checking back.
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https://www.agingcare.com/135476
It tells you about ways to find money. Is he a veteran? If so, they should be able to help you some. Also, your State's Web site under "aging services" should have a phone number and information for you.
Good luck. You are not alone. Please keep checking back.
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Medicaid suggested I charge my parents rent instead of them giving a lump sum to improve my home for them. Wha...
Otherwise, make a detailed list of what you do for them and what living elsewhere would cost and see what that comes to. I'd check with an estate attorney on this as you are dealing with Medicaid and rules are strict. You will want to be on solid ground, legally.
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