Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
Medicare/Medi-Cal IHSS How long doe it take for process?
This time frame is likely not unusual, though I don't know about California specifically. Any time you deal with several... This time frame is likely not unusual, though I don't know about California specifically. Any time you deal with several government/state agencies you will end up waiting. All you can do is keep bugging them. If it gets far too long, you can check with your Congress person, but I'd try to go other routes first. This is a long time for you to wait, but for this type of situation, it's not uncommon, especially with the cuts.
Take care and good luck,
Carol see more
Take care and good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Is their any financial assistance for a 90 yr old living on social security and in her home, as well as 24.7 c...
Hi Beck, It may be time to look at Medicaid if money is the issue and this amount of care is needed. There are medicaid waivers in each... Hi Beck, It may be time to look at Medicaid if money is the issue and this amount of care is needed. There are medicaid waivers in each state, so you may want to check your state on line - just type in your state and "Medicaid waiver." That will lead you to some resources. If you get no where with this, your state's Web site will have an aging services division, and your country social services should be able to help.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Should I keep my mom at home or admit her to a nursing home?
I hope it helps. (I have a period after the number in the link, so that's why it didn't work).
Hang in,
Carol
Hang in,
Carol
Question
What do you do if your parent accuses you of abuse and calls the authorities on you?
You are right about elder abuse, and that's why it's such a sticky subject. Vulnerable people are easily abused and elders are... You are right about elder abuse, and that's why it's such a sticky subject. Vulnerable people are easily abused and elders are generally vulnerable. However, this person was asking about false accusations, and that does happen.
You are right on when you say there has to be a healthy way for people to blow off steam and this is one reason the forum is so popular. People can dump their frustrations while not being judged (generally) and then go back and be better caregivers.
Elder abuse is on the rise and must, indeed, be watched for. There are many subtle types of abuse such as being stingy with their money even though it's there for their care. There are also many overt types of abuse. It all needs to be stopped.
Carol see more
You are right on when you say there has to be a healthy way for people to blow off steam and this is one reason the forum is so popular. People can dump their frustrations while not being judged (generally) and then go back and be better caregivers.
Elder abuse is on the rise and must, indeed, be watched for. There are many subtle types of abuse such as being stingy with their money even though it's there for their care. There are also many overt types of abuse. It all needs to be stopped.
Carol see more
Question
Should I keep my mom at home or admit her to a nursing home?
Please don't feel guilty. You are not at all alone in this. I hope you browse this site and also read this article on the issue:... Please don't feel guilty. You are not at all alone in this. I hope you browse this site and also read this article on the issue:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/living-with-elderly-parents-do-you-regret-the-decision-133798.htm
You are not giving up on your mother if you put her in a nursing home. You are still the advocate and caregiver. There is a breaking point for you, and you are there. Please read the article and think over your options. You do have options and you don't need guilt.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/living-with-elderly-parents-do-you-regret-the-decision-133798.htm
You are not giving up on your mother if you put her in a nursing home. You are still the advocate and caregiver. There is a breaking point for you, and you are there. Please read the article and think over your options. You do have options and you don't need guilt.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Question
Who do we call that will come and care for our father in his house and accept Medicaid?
Medicaid is administered by the states, generally through the county. Call your social services people for advice. There should be some... Medicaid is administered by the states, generally through the county. Call your social services people for advice. There should be some help in place for you. You can also check your state Web site under aging services for respite care. Each state has some funding for the Family Caregiver Support Program, but it's administered differently in each state. Please also call the VA. They may have in-home services. The do in my ND/MN area.
You've got your hands full. Good luck.
Carol see more
You've got your hands full. Good luck.
Carol see more
Question
Would putting my mom in a motorized wheelchair cause her to lose the small muscle tone she has?
Is it possible for her to have some physical therapy to keep her muscles going but let her have the motorized wheelchair for safety and a... Is it possible for her to have some physical therapy to keep her muscles going but let her have the motorized wheelchair for safety and a feeling of security? She will use muscle mass if she never walks. But the fear is likely hindering what she does which isn't good mentally. If she had physical therapy regularly (and there are exercises to do from a wheelchair) that could help.
If you browse the Web, you'll find exercises that can be done from wheelchairs - if she'll do them.
You are smart to consider these options.
Carol see more
If you browse the Web, you'll find exercises that can be done from wheelchairs - if she'll do them.
You are smart to consider these options.
Carol see more
Question
What do you do if your parent accuses you of abuse and calls the authorities on you?
This does happen, and because elders are so vulnerable authorities tend to believe them. It's a tough issue, because if they are being... This does happen, and because elders are so vulnerable authorities tend to believe them. It's a tough issue, because if they are being abused, we want them to be believed. But just like thinking their caregiver is stealing money, they sometimes think they are being abused - all untrue.
If they are of sound enough mind to make this malicious, then there is a huge problem. If they are obviously demented, it may be easier to document. Either way, social services will likely be involved. It's best if the caregiver and care receiver aren't too isolated from friends and neighbors for this reason, as the caregiver could have a little help from observers.
It's an ugly situation. I'm not too sure what can be done but get an evaluation of the mental state of the care receiver, get as many witnesses to as possible (doctors don't see bruises, neighbors see her neatly dressed, etc.). I feel for those this happens to, as often it's guilty until proven innocent.
Carol see more
If they are of sound enough mind to make this malicious, then there is a huge problem. If they are obviously demented, it may be easier to document. Either way, social services will likely be involved. It's best if the caregiver and care receiver aren't too isolated from friends and neighbors for this reason, as the caregiver could have a little help from observers.
It's an ugly situation. I'm not too sure what can be done but get an evaluation of the mental state of the care receiver, get as many witnesses to as possible (doctors don't see bruises, neighbors see her neatly dressed, etc.). I feel for those this happens to, as often it's guilty until proven innocent.
Carol see more
Question
What is a person to do?? I had to put my mother in a nursing home.
This attorney should be returning your calls. If you don't get a response, call the state insurance office and ask about the attorney.... This attorney should be returning your calls. If you don't get a response, call the state insurance office and ask about the attorney. You may need their help.
Carol
PS - I'm glad your mother knows you won't back down. She will adjust. Keep an eye on her care, but work with the home and hopefully things will be better for you both. see more
Carol
PS - I'm glad your mother knows you won't back down. She will adjust. Keep an eye on her care, but work with the home and hopefully things will be better for you both. see more
Question
My husband is only 59 and is bed ridden, what help can I get? If he goes in a nursing home, do they take all o...
The new long-term care policies can be very good, but if depends very much on your age and state of health as to whether it's a good... The new long-term care policies can be very good, but if depends very much on your age and state of health as to whether it's a good idea for you.
You may want to get some references from your state insurance agency so you know you are dealing with an honest agent, and then check out some policies. Move carefully, and if you need an estate or elder attorney's opinion, get it. You don't want to be paying for a policy that won't help you in the end. If you are young enough and in good health, it can be a good idea to look into it, however.
Carol see more
You may want to get some references from your state insurance agency so you know you are dealing with an honest agent, and then check out some policies. Move carefully, and if you need an estate or elder attorney's opinion, get it. You don't want to be paying for a policy that won't help you in the end. If you are young enough and in good health, it can be a good idea to look into it, however.
Carol see more
Question
My husband is only 59 and is bed ridden, what help can I get? If he goes in a nursing home, do they take all o...
You may want to try Americans with disabilities (http://www.ada.gov/) for some help. Also, as was said, is he a veteran? Check with the VA,... You may want to try Americans with disabilities (http://www.ada.gov/) for some help. Also, as was said, is he a veteran? Check with the VA, if so.
If he does need a nursing home, you will need to pay for it, of course, though if you are already on Medicaid, they will pay. You may find in-home care sufficient for awhile. In some areas veterans can get some in-home assistance. You also may want to try your state's Web sites under aging services and ask for information on services in your area. There may be many things that can be done before he needs a nursing home.
This is tough to go through. I hope you can find someone to help you.
Carol see more
If he does need a nursing home, you will need to pay for it, of course, though if you are already on Medicaid, they will pay. You may find in-home care sufficient for awhile. In some areas veterans can get some in-home assistance. You also may want to try your state's Web sites under aging services and ask for information on services in your area. There may be many things that can be done before he needs a nursing home.
This is tough to go through. I hope you can find someone to help you.
Carol see more
Question
What are the requirements for Medicaid eligibility?
Although it's a Federal program, it's administered by the state. A general rule is that they can only have about $2000 in assets,... Although it's a Federal program, it's administered by the state. A general rule is that they can only have about $2000 in assets, other than a home (if lived in by a spouse) and maybe a car (if used by a spouse). To be sure, you need to talk with your county social services or see an estate attorney. They will help you with the "spend down." You may want to read this article:
https://www.agingcare.com/133289
Carol see more
https://www.agingcare.com/133289
Carol see more
Question
What is a person to do?? I had to put my mother in a nursing home.
Your brother was right, but you know that now. You can't stand up under this. Your mother's dementia will keep her complaining no... Your brother was right, but you know that now. You can't stand up under this. Your mother's dementia will keep her complaining no matter what you do. If she was in a good home with good care, then please try to get her back there. Then, when she complains, tell her you won't take abuse and you'll be back to visit when she can treat you right. Don't get angry, just be firm. That can often work (the later stages can be different). At any stage of dementia (or without dementia), you need to take care of yourself. This is not working so you need to make a change. It's hard to do, but what you are going through is worse.
Making sure she has good care is important. Letting her run your life is not an option, however. If you need to get social services involved, do so.
Please don't feel guilt over anything. You have a good heart which is why you let her manipulate you in the first place. Now you will have to backtrack. Will your brother help?
Please take care of yourself,
Carol see more
Making sure she has good care is important. Letting her run your life is not an option, however. If you need to get social services involved, do so.
Please don't feel guilt over anything. You have a good heart which is why you let her manipulate you in the first place. Now you will have to backtrack. Will your brother help?
Please take care of yourself,
Carol see more
Question
I'm sinking into deep caregiver depression. How can I get control of my emotions and the weight on my shoulder...
kdutchess11 I'm glad you came here. You can see you aren't alone. But please reach out for help. First, you do sound depressed.... kdutchess11
I'm glad you came here. You can see you aren't alone. But please reach out for help. First, you do sound depressed. Have you seen a doctor for yourself? Caregivers see doctors all the time for their care receiver, but forget themselves.
Also, your siblings don't want to interrupt their lives to help out, so they say the right thing at the right time, but don't do anything. Try telling them exactly what help you need. Let them know that if they don't help out, you'll be hiring help in the form of in-home care for your mom so you can get out a bit, and you will bill them. That is one way they can help!
If that gets you nowhere, or if you just don't want to do that, please check with your county social services or state aging services (type in your state online and fine their main site. Then look for something on aging. Then find a phone number or email where you can get some help). They can direct you to what is available in your area. If your mom is on Medicaid, you may get a little help there.
The main thing is that your current situation is not good for you or your mom. Changes need to be made, and you can only do that by reaching out. Your doctor may even have some suggestions about local resources. The Area Agencies on Aging can be helpful (www.n4a.org).
You are not a bad person for feeling resentful. You have no life for yourself and both of you are suffering for it. Please reach out.
This was a first step, so we'd love to hear back from you.
Take care,
Carol see more
I'm glad you came here. You can see you aren't alone. But please reach out for help. First, you do sound depressed. Have you seen a doctor for yourself? Caregivers see doctors all the time for their care receiver, but forget themselves.
Also, your siblings don't want to interrupt their lives to help out, so they say the right thing at the right time, but don't do anything. Try telling them exactly what help you need. Let them know that if they don't help out, you'll be hiring help in the form of in-home care for your mom so you can get out a bit, and you will bill them. That is one way they can help!
If that gets you nowhere, or if you just don't want to do that, please check with your county social services or state aging services (type in your state online and fine their main site. Then look for something on aging. Then find a phone number or email where you can get some help). They can direct you to what is available in your area. If your mom is on Medicaid, you may get a little help there.
The main thing is that your current situation is not good for you or your mom. Changes need to be made, and you can only do that by reaching out. Your doctor may even have some suggestions about local resources. The Area Agencies on Aging can be helpful (www.n4a.org).
You are not a bad person for feeling resentful. You have no life for yourself and both of you are suffering for it. Please reach out.
This was a first step, so we'd love to hear back from you.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How much money can a daughter give her mother without it impacting taxes?
You're welcome. You too!
Carol
Carol
Question
How much money can a daughter give her mother without it impacting taxes?
This changes. At one time it was $10,000 but it is higher now. You'll need to check with a CPA or other tax specialist to make sure you... This changes. At one time it was $10,000 but it is higher now. You'll need to check with a CPA or other tax specialist to make sure you get the right amount.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How can I get help to pay for hearing aids?
Thanks for the tip, sherylo! That's what makes this site so great.
Carol
Carol
Question
What should I do if my mother refuses to see a doctor because she believes that she can cure all her ailments...
Does she have a good friend or spiritual leader who can convince her to see another doctor? Some people cover up so much when the visit a... Does she have a good friend or spiritual leader who can convince her to see another doctor? Some people cover up so much when the visit a doctor that they leave without any help at all. That's very common.
If she is seeing a face that isn't there, she has some very serious issues that need to be addressed. It could be medication reactions (even too many OTC pills). It could be dementia. Or it could be another mental illness. You are right to be concerned.
Since she won't listen to you, I would try a third party. Elders often brush off their adult children, but will listen to a friend. She needs to see a psychiatrist and/or neurologist (as you know). It's how to get her there - one of the most frustrating issues of all. Please do try the third party option. Let us know how you do.
Carol see more
If she is seeing a face that isn't there, she has some very serious issues that need to be addressed. It could be medication reactions (even too many OTC pills). It could be dementia. Or it could be another mental illness. You are right to be concerned.
Since she won't listen to you, I would try a third party. Elders often brush off their adult children, but will listen to a friend. She needs to see a psychiatrist and/or neurologist (as you know). It's how to get her there - one of the most frustrating issues of all. Please do try the third party option. Let us know how you do.
Carol see more
Question
How can I get help to pay for hearing aids?
It's upsetting that people have to struggle for such a basic need. Are you on Medicare? Have you checked to see if they cover any of... It's upsetting that people have to struggle for such a basic need. Are you on Medicare? Have you checked to see if they cover any of the costs? If not, I would ask a hearing aid specialist is they know of any programs that can help pay for one. I would think they keep up the issues.
There are some service clubs that collect used hearing aids and pay to fix them up, so there has to be a way to obtain them. Maybe someone else on the site knows how one goes about this and we can both learn.
Meanwhile, if your Medicare coverage won't cover any of it, I'd check with the local hearing aid clinics and see what they know.
Good luck. Please share what you learn.
Carol see more
There are some service clubs that collect used hearing aids and pay to fix them up, so there has to be a way to obtain them. Maybe someone else on the site knows how one goes about this and we can both learn.
Meanwhile, if your Medicare coverage won't cover any of it, I'd check with the local hearing aid clinics and see what they know.
Good luck. Please share what you learn.
Carol see more
Medicare/Medi-Cal IHSS How long doe it take for process?
For in-home care, a lot depends on the agency. These articles may interest you:
https://www.agingcare.com/local/in-home-care
Carol see more