Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
If we have no burial insurance, how am I going to be able to bury my mom when the time comes?
1003mom talk to the Medicaid people right away. They'll likely let you put an amount into a burial fund at a local funeral home (from... 1003mom talk to the Medicaid people right away. They'll likely let you put an amount into a burial fund at a local funeral home (from the policies). Then, you'll have to spend down the rest. She should qualify for Medicaid. Please talk with you local Medicaid people right away. Every state is a little different on what they require/allow.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How do you know when to move them to assisted living?
If she is ill enough that she wouldn't know where she is if she moves then it's time for her to have more help. Adjusting to... If she is ill enough that she wouldn't know where she is if she moves then it's time for her to have more help. Adjusting to assisted living may be a problem - it may even set her health back, but she can't live alone much longer (from what you've indicated).
As far as money is concerned, once she has spent down her money she'll qualify for Medicaid. You may want to look for an assisted living facility that accepts Medicaid (not all do) or consider a nursing home with a memory unit. It's never easy - that we all know. Please keep in touch as you go through this process.
Carol see more
As far as money is concerned, once she has spent down her money she'll qualify for Medicaid. You may want to look for an assisted living facility that accepts Medicaid (not all do) or consider a nursing home with a memory unit. It's never easy - that we all know. Please keep in touch as you go through this process.
Carol see more
Question
Is there an insurance company that will insure someone over 90?
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and I wish I could give you better news, but I have to agree with cmagnum about the... I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and I wish I could give you better news, but I have to agree with cmagnum about the insurance. Even if you could find a company to insure your mom at 90, the cost would be prohibitive.
I'm sure you've given up a lot for your mom and this situation seems unfair. Many of us have gone through great financial difficulty because of caregiving, so you aren't alone but that won't pay your bills. I'd see if your community has a non-profit financial counseling center - of a sort of social services center - that offers financial counseling. Perhaps they can help you make a plan.
I know you'll miss your mom. Please keep us posted on how she's doing and on your own situation.
Carol see more
I'm sure you've given up a lot for your mom and this situation seems unfair. Many of us have gone through great financial difficulty because of caregiving, so you aren't alone but that won't pay your bills. I'd see if your community has a non-profit financial counseling center - of a sort of social services center - that offers financial counseling. Perhaps they can help you make a plan.
I know you'll miss your mom. Please keep us posted on how she's doing and on your own situation.
Carol see more
Question
Patient with dementia has a new physical problem everyday. How do I handle this?
123qwe, cortisone treatment can be a blessing but it also comes with a lot of side effects. Sometimes it's a choice - the lesser or... 123qwe, cortisone treatment can be a blessing but it also comes with a lot of side effects. Sometimes it's a choice - the lesser or evils, so to speak. I'd mention the issues to her doctor and together you can decide if she's better of with or without the cortisone.
Take care,
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Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My aunt's (93) sole support is my cousin (63) with mental health issues. What can be done?
The advice given is excellent. Do what you can to see what care they have in place and also what is available to them through the programs... The advice given is excellent. Do what you can to see what care they have in place and also what is available to them through the programs that they may not know about. So much depends on where people live.
They are fortunate beyond words to have someone like you concerned about them. As samara also said, see how the Power Of Attorney is set up, as well, because likely someone should have POA for both of them.
This could get very time consuming for you, so getting in touch with the appropriate social worker is important. When you have some guidance and a better grasp on what is being done or what can be done you'll know more how to proceed.
Thank you for your good heart and please take care of yourself.
Carol see more
They are fortunate beyond words to have someone like you concerned about them. As samara also said, see how the Power Of Attorney is set up, as well, because likely someone should have POA for both of them.
This could get very time consuming for you, so getting in touch with the appropriate social worker is important. When you have some guidance and a better grasp on what is being done or what can be done you'll know more how to proceed.
Thank you for your good heart and please take care of yourself.
Carol see more
Question
Caring for spouse with dementia. Anyone else going through this?
You are right,ShirleyB. I write a newspaper column on elder care and do have many spousal caregivers who are loyal readers, so I try to... You are right,ShirleyB. I write a newspaper column on elder care and do have many spousal caregivers who are loyal readers, so I try to address their needs, too. Yet I also try to send them to websites that are specifically for them since they often tell me in their letters to me that they feel left out of much of the advice.
While the physical care isn't all that different between spouses and adult children caregivers, the emotional part if vastly different. I watched what my mother went through with my dad so I've seen that kind of agony though not experienced it - yet.
Well Spouse is a good site for many and I was glad to read about Alzheimers Spouses (above). I'd look into both of them if I were in your shoes.
This is a heartbreaking way for a marriage to end. My heart goes out to you.
Carol see more
While the physical care isn't all that different between spouses and adult children caregivers, the emotional part if vastly different. I watched what my mother went through with my dad so I've seen that kind of agony though not experienced it - yet.
Well Spouse is a good site for many and I was glad to read about Alzheimers Spouses (above). I'd look into both of them if I were in your shoes.
This is a heartbreaking way for a marriage to end. My heart goes out to you.
Carol see more
Question
What are some general psychological changes that happens from having a UTI?
I do think that doctors must carefully think through medications for elderly people - especially in their 80s and 90s. Small doses can make... I do think that doctors must carefully think through medications for elderly people - especially in their 80s and 90s. Small doses can make a big difference and side effects can be devastating. My feeling is that if she's acting and feeling better without the meds why take them?
That being said, a UTI - an actual infection - is different. This can become a kidney infection that could end her life. If you think a UTI is the problem, she should be checked.
The answer to the question above about do older people "feel" the infections like younger people is something I've wondered about, too, but it seems that some don't. People with dementia wouldn't likely be able to communicate what's wrong anyway, but even without dementia, symptoms of a low-grade UTI may not result in pain but could cause mental issues and dizziness, etc.
Great advice from the community, as usual.
Carol see more
That being said, a UTI - an actual infection - is different. This can become a kidney infection that could end her life. If you think a UTI is the problem, she should be checked.
The answer to the question above about do older people "feel" the infections like younger people is something I've wondered about, too, but it seems that some don't. People with dementia wouldn't likely be able to communicate what's wrong anyway, but even without dementia, symptoms of a low-grade UTI may not result in pain but could cause mental issues and dizziness, etc.
Great advice from the community, as usual.
Carol see more
Question
What are some general psychological changes that happens from having a UTI?
A UTI can cause anything from dizziness and a fuzzy mentality and sluggishness to anger and frustration. What she's experiencing could... A UTI can cause anything from dizziness and a fuzzy mentality and sluggishness to anger and frustration. What she's experiencing could stem from an infection.
It seems to me that if she's that much better without the depression and AD medications that you need to have a talk with the doctor and see just exactly she needs to make her better but not give her side effects.
In my view, a trip to the doctor for a physical exam including for a UTI is in order, plus a visit to the psychiatrist or neurologist who has been medicating her for dementia and depression. If she's not seeing a specialist for these issues, I'd highly recommend one.
Please keep in touch so we know how you're doing!
Carol see more
It seems to me that if she's that much better without the depression and AD medications that you need to have a talk with the doctor and see just exactly she needs to make her better but not give her side effects.
In my view, a trip to the doctor for a physical exam including for a UTI is in order, plus a visit to the psychiatrist or neurologist who has been medicating her for dementia and depression. If she's not seeing a specialist for these issues, I'd highly recommend one.
Please keep in touch so we know how you're doing!
Carol see more
Question
Can you force someone to be evaluated for dementia/Alzheimer's?
Good advice from all. It's true that you can't physically force someone to be evaluated, so getting third party official support... Good advice from all.
It's true that you can't physically force someone to be evaluated, so getting third party official support is the way to go. If you get support from the DMV by reporting the driving issues maybe they will revoke his license until he's been evaluated.
The original plan was a good one, so it's too bad that his wife told him why he was going to the doctor. But you can't help what's been done. I'd try calling the DMV and reporting him. Other than that, you may not be able to do too much since you aren't his spouse. If his wife will allow you to literally take away the keys and/or disable the car that may help but he'll make her life very difficult so she's likely to cave.
Good luck with this frustrating problem. He needs to be off the road and you need official backup to do it. It's easy to watch videos that tell you to "talk with him," but as you're finding out, it's not that simple. I hope your DMV will back you up.
Keep us posted on how this goes!
Carol see more
It's true that you can't physically force someone to be evaluated, so getting third party official support is the way to go. If you get support from the DMV by reporting the driving issues maybe they will revoke his license until he's been evaluated.
The original plan was a good one, so it's too bad that his wife told him why he was going to the doctor. But you can't help what's been done. I'd try calling the DMV and reporting him. Other than that, you may not be able to do too much since you aren't his spouse. If his wife will allow you to literally take away the keys and/or disable the car that may help but he'll make her life very difficult so she's likely to cave.
Good luck with this frustrating problem. He needs to be off the road and you need official backup to do it. It's easy to watch videos that tell you to "talk with him," but as you're finding out, it's not that simple. I hope your DMV will back you up.
Keep us posted on how this goes!
Carol see more
Question
How can I get Mom to calm down and work to get out of rehab?
The UTI is likely causing some of the problem, but I agree with Pam. You may just have to let the nurses handle this. Normally, I'm... The UTI is likely causing some of the problem, but I agree with Pam. You may just have to let the nurses handle this.
Normally, I'm all for visiting often and doing lots of reassuring and hand holding (literally and figuratively). But there are times, and this seems like one of them, where we have to step back and let the professionals handle the situation. Once she calms down and does what she can, then you can re-enter. keep in touch with the staff and try not to feel guilty. You are trying to do what is right and that isn't always clear-cut.
Take care of yourself. This is a long road.
Carol see more
Normally, I'm all for visiting often and doing lots of reassuring and hand holding (literally and figuratively). But there are times, and this seems like one of them, where we have to step back and let the professionals handle the situation. Once she calms down and does what she can, then you can re-enter. keep in touch with the staff and try not to feel guilty. You are trying to do what is right and that isn't always clear-cut.
Take care of yourself. This is a long road.
Carol see more
Question
What are some options when Mom starts to run out of money and has 24/7 care in-home?
That's what Medicaid is for. Your mom may or may not be able to use Medicaid to pay for in-home care. In most states she won't, but... That's what Medicaid is for. Your mom may or may not be able to use Medicaid to pay for in-home care. In most states she won't, but some have programs like Money Follows the Person where you can do this.
Otherwise, look for a nursing home that accepts Medicaid. It's best if you can get her in one and pay the full price for a couple of months at least (again, depending on your state). But the main thing is that you need to start working on Medicaid for her now. It takes time to get on the program.
Good luck. Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing.
Carol see more
Otherwise, look for a nursing home that accepts Medicaid. It's best if you can get her in one and pay the full price for a couple of months at least (again, depending on your state). But the main thing is that you need to start working on Medicaid for her now. It takes time to get on the program.
Good luck. Please keep in touch with us and let us know how you're doing.
Carol see more
Question
Friend is losing his home after HUD got his mother w/dementia (now deceased) to sign a contract on it. Advice?
I'd contact the attorney general's office of the pertinent state and ask about pro bono legal help. Explain the issue your friend... I'd contact the attorney general's office of the pertinent state and ask about pro bono legal help. Explain the issue your friend faces and that he needs help. I hope that this can be ironed out. Please let us know how this turns out.
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Carol see more
Question
If a person has a individual as POA upon that persons death does the POA have to pay inheritance tax?
Just an addition to my first answer - if you are thinking of whether or not you get paid as executor of the estate, which is different from... Just an addition to my first answer - if you are thinking of whether or not you get paid as executor of the estate, which is different from being POA, there may be some money coming to you for performing your duties as such. If you're not sure what you're legally due, check with the attorney who drew up the will.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
If a person has a individual as POA upon that persons death does the POA have to pay inheritance tax?
The POA is void upon the death of the individual who it was for. If you're not sure about inheritance tax, check with a CPA or elder... The POA is void upon the death of the individual who it was for. If you're not sure about inheritance tax, check with a CPA or elder law attorney.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Mom has dementia and needs to see a dentist soon. Any advice?
IKORWPA, that is amazing information. Thanks so much for letting us know that many pediatric dentists work with special needs people. They... IKORWPA, that is amazing information. Thanks so much for letting us know that many pediatric dentists work with special needs people. They may have the skills to help our elders who no longer understand why they must go through this process.
I recently interviewed a dentist for an article that agingcare will have online soon.
He had some ideas that went as far as sedating the elder once they get to the dentist. Unfortunately, none of these options helps those who have problems getting our loved ones to the dentist in the first place.
Anyway, IKORWPA's post is one more reason why a meeting of minds such as occurs in this community is such a vital part of the caregiving process.
Keep posting, my friends!
Carol see more
I recently interviewed a dentist for an article that agingcare will have online soon.
He had some ideas that went as far as sedating the elder once they get to the dentist. Unfortunately, none of these options helps those who have problems getting our loved ones to the dentist in the first place.
Anyway, IKORWPA's post is one more reason why a meeting of minds such as occurs in this community is such a vital part of the caregiving process.
Keep posting, my friends!
Carol see more
Question
My husband (90) has mood swings every 3 to 4 months accusing me of not loving him. Is it dementia?
Hi Lovingcare, All good advice from these wonderful people. Read everyone on the thread. Jeannegibbs was especially helpful. Some types... Hi Lovingcare,
All good advice from these wonderful people. Read everyone on the thread.
Jeannegibbs was especially helpful.
Some types of dementia present with personality changes. Your husband needs a physical and psychological checkup by qualified doctors. Also make sure that they check the medications he takes for negative side effects. Personality changes can occur from some anti-depressants and other drugs.
Start with the right doctors and go from there. But do take care of yourself. You may need to see an attorney if this illness keeps manifesting in trying to file for divorce.
Please check back with us to let us know how you are doing.
Carol see more
All good advice from these wonderful people. Read everyone on the thread.
Jeannegibbs was especially helpful.
Some types of dementia present with personality changes. Your husband needs a physical and psychological checkup by qualified doctors. Also make sure that they check the medications he takes for negative side effects. Personality changes can occur from some anti-depressants and other drugs.
Start with the right doctors and go from there. But do take care of yourself. You may need to see an attorney if this illness keeps manifesting in trying to file for divorce.
Please check back with us to let us know how you are doing.
Carol see more
Question
How is Lewy Body different from Alzheimer's?
Tinacat, while memory issues can be a part of Lewy body dementia, they generally come later in the progression of the disease where in... Tinacat, while memory issues can be a part of Lewy body dementia, they generally come later in the progression of the disease where in Alzheimer's memory issues are usually - not always, but usually - the first tip off that something is wrong.
Parkinson's disease and Lewy body dementia often go together. In fact some researchers believe that they are different manifestations of much the same brain problem.
As mentioned by others, delusions may come earlier in LBD. Acting out dreams and physical tics are present more frequently and often earlier in LBD.
There's no one test that can let the physician know which dementia is present - or if it's mixed dementia which happens - but an experienced clinician can generally figure out which he or she fells is present. This is important because some treatments for Alzheimer's can have negative effects for someone with Lewy body dementia.
Take care,
Carol see more
Parkinson's disease and Lewy body dementia often go together. In fact some researchers believe that they are different manifestations of much the same brain problem.
As mentioned by others, delusions may come earlier in LBD. Acting out dreams and physical tics are present more frequently and often earlier in LBD.
There's no one test that can let the physician know which dementia is present - or if it's mixed dementia which happens - but an experienced clinician can generally figure out which he or she fells is present. This is important because some treatments for Alzheimer's can have negative effects for someone with Lewy body dementia.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My Dad is starting chemo next week and he is already becoming weaker and weaker. What would we need to do for...
Hi Barcelona, I'm sorry about your dad. Obviously you want to do all that you can to help him. Your question lacks detail, but if you... Hi Barcelona,
I'm sorry about your dad. Obviously you want to do all that you can to help him.
Your question lacks detail, but if you mean because you lack time since you have a job, then I'm afraid this could be very difficult unless you can take a leave of absence. There are laws in place for maternity leave and some other leaves but that doesn't mean that people get paid for the time off. Some do, some don't. Elder care is catching up in the more compassionate businesses but there's still an enormous way to go before most employers understand our needs.
If you mean because you need more knowledge, then I'd talk with his doctor about where you can learn to care for your dad's unique needs. Doctors generally have knowledge of training sessions lead by nurses to help families provide out patient care.
Please keep us updated on how you and your dad are doing.
Carol see more
I'm sorry about your dad. Obviously you want to do all that you can to help him.
Your question lacks detail, but if you mean because you lack time since you have a job, then I'm afraid this could be very difficult unless you can take a leave of absence. There are laws in place for maternity leave and some other leaves but that doesn't mean that people get paid for the time off. Some do, some don't. Elder care is catching up in the more compassionate businesses but there's still an enormous way to go before most employers understand our needs.
If you mean because you need more knowledge, then I'd talk with his doctor about where you can learn to care for your dad's unique needs. Doctors generally have knowledge of training sessions lead by nurses to help families provide out patient care.
Please keep us updated on how you and your dad are doing.
Carol see more
Question
Can I be reimbursed for mileage?
I rather doubt it, but you can check with whoever monitors his money. Mileage to take a Veteran to medical appointments can be deducted and... I rather doubt it, but you can check with whoever monitors his money. Mileage to take a Veteran to medical appointments can be deducted and in some cases reimbursed, but I'm not so sure in this case. Any others on this thread who know the answer?
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If we have no burial insurance, how am I going to be able to bury my mom when the time comes?
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