Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
Where do I look for dental insurance?
Sciuto, I wish I had an answer that could help you. In most cases, Medicaid will extract teeth but not reconstruct. That's extremely... Sciuto, I wish I had an answer that could help you.
In most cases, Medicaid will extract teeth but not reconstruct. That's extremely sad, especially for a person who is in otherwise decent health. The ability to eat is the basis of good health.
Even people with dental insurance can't usually get reconstruction paid for a year after signing up so, bleak though this sounds, I'm not sure what you can do.
Maybe someone else in this community will have an idea.
Take care,
Carol see more
In most cases, Medicaid will extract teeth but not reconstruct. That's extremely sad, especially for a person who is in otherwise decent health. The ability to eat is the basis of good health.
Even people with dental insurance can't usually get reconstruction paid for a year after signing up so, bleak though this sounds, I'm not sure what you can do.
Maybe someone else in this community will have an idea.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What are the general symptoms of dementia at the end of life?
I'm sorry that you are at this point with your mom. It's hard to watch, yet this is part of the disease. I'd say that you... I'm sorry that you are at this point with your mom. It's hard to watch, yet this is part of the disease.
I'd say that you likely don't have very much time left to be with her. Is she under hospice care? They can do a lot to make her comfortable which is likely all you can wish for at this time.
That being said, people can surprise you. That's why doctors are reluctant to put a time on how long people have left. Even hospice patients sometimes get better and go off of the program. However, with people who have Alzheimer's, once they can't swallow it typically means they are nearing the end. You need to prepare yourself to accept whatever happens. It often helps to be grateful that the people we love and lose are out of pain once they are physically gone.
Take care,
Carol see more
I'd say that you likely don't have very much time left to be with her. Is she under hospice care? They can do a lot to make her comfortable which is likely all you can wish for at this time.
That being said, people can surprise you. That's why doctors are reluctant to put a time on how long people have left. Even hospice patients sometimes get better and go off of the program. However, with people who have Alzheimer's, once they can't swallow it typically means they are nearing the end. You need to prepare yourself to accept whatever happens. It often helps to be grateful that the people we love and lose are out of pain once they are physically gone.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
When should I look into applying for Medicaid for my Dad?
Since you are working with some assets I'd suggest that you seek the advice of a local elder law or estate attorney who is well versed... Since you are working with some assets I'd suggest that you seek the advice of a local elder law or estate attorney who is well versed in your state's Medicaid rules. Medicaid is heavily dependent on state rules and it can give you peace of mind to have expert advice all along the way.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My brother-in-law and myself have POA for dads affairs he has assets in Ireland but is our uk POA valid there...
That depends on Ireland's laws. Most likely you'll have to contact a lawyer in the UK to find out. I did a quick Internet search... That depends on Ireland's laws. Most likely you'll have to contact a lawyer in the UK to find out. I did a quick Internet search with "estate attorney Ireland" and came up with resources. You may want to refine that with the name of the area/county or whatever works.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Can Cipro for a UTI kill someones appetitie?
Good idea, Maggie. A capsule of probiotics adds several types of good bacteria so that is an option, as well.
Carol
Carol
Question
Can Cipro for a UTI kill someones appetitie?
Antibiotics can affect the digestive system and she may feel nauseated. Try to encourage her to eat what she will. Sometimes cool foods... Antibiotics can affect the digestive system and she may feel nauseated. Try to encourage her to eat what she will. Sometimes cool foods like fruit work well. Others prefer broth and crackers.
If she'll drink a smoothie, you put all kinds of nutrition in it. This article may give you some ideas: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/satisfy-a-senior-sweet-tooth-165832.htm
Mainly, remember that the medication is vital. If you can get her to drink water and other liquids, that is likely the most important component. Her appetite should improve when she's finished the drug. If she won't drink liquids or eat anything, you should call her doctor as and what to do. In extreme cases they may need to administer hydration intravenously.
Good luck,
Carol see more
If she'll drink a smoothie, you put all kinds of nutrition in it. This article may give you some ideas: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/satisfy-a-senior-sweet-tooth-165832.htm
Mainly, remember that the medication is vital. If you can get her to drink water and other liquids, that is likely the most important component. Her appetite should improve when she's finished the drug. If she won't drink liquids or eat anything, you should call her doctor as and what to do. In extreme cases they may need to administer hydration intravenously.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My Dad expects me to do everything yet he doesn't get angry at my other siblings who live out of town and rare...
Hi Care2love, Your situation is what so many caregivers deal with. Your dad is used to you and you are in town so he thinks it's easier... Hi Care2love,
Your situation is what so many caregivers deal with. Your dad is used to you and you are in town so he thinks it's easier for you to tend to his needs. He also may prefer your help to that of your siblings but won't say so.
Whatever the reason, you'll have to stand up for yourself and let your dad and your siblings know that you can't do it all yourself. If your dad needs more help than you can provide and your siblings won't help, then let them all know that hired in-home help will be needed.
I know that this is hard, but if you don't stand up for yourself now you'll be having a lot more trouble later. Please keep in touch so that we know how you are doing.
Carol see more
Your situation is what so many caregivers deal with. Your dad is used to you and you are in town so he thinks it's easier for you to tend to his needs. He also may prefer your help to that of your siblings but won't say so.
Whatever the reason, you'll have to stand up for yourself and let your dad and your siblings know that you can't do it all yourself. If your dad needs more help than you can provide and your siblings won't help, then let them all know that hired in-home help will be needed.
I know that this is hard, but if you don't stand up for yourself now you'll be having a lot more trouble later. Please keep in touch so that we know how you are doing.
Carol see more
Question
How do I get my brother to move out of Mom's condo?
We can hope that he would leave of his own accord, but it doesn't sound likely. In that case, you may have to get legal assistance.... We can hope that he would leave of his own accord, but it doesn't sound likely.
In that case, you may have to get legal assistance. Sometimes that's the only way to handle these things, though of course it will cause more problems between you and your brother. Good luck,
Carol see more
In that case, you may have to get legal assistance. Sometimes that's the only way to handle these things, though of course it will cause more problems between you and your brother. Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Should you tell your loved one they have Alzheimer's?
Your response was perfect, Dee! Please keep in touch on Agingcare. You'll get a lot of support from people who know because they have... Your response was perfect, Dee! Please keep in touch on Agingcare. You'll get a lot of support from people who know because they have been there or currently are going through what you are.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Question
I'm so overwhelmed and stressed, when is it enough? Been taking care parents 10 yrs alone. What happened to my...
Deetired, many of us get to this point after years of doing all of the care. Often, it's best for the health and safety of our loved... Deetired, many of us get to this point after years of doing all of the care. Often, it's best for the health and safety of our loved ones as well as the health and sanity of the caregiver to look for good help. In-home help is enough in some cases, but often a good nursing home gives your loved one the care needed, leaving you the freedom to rest and then provide the emotional interaction.
You will probably be much more able to provide a positive loving presence if you get some respite and real sleep.
No guilt necessary. I realize that this is easier to say when you live in an area like I do where nursing homes are, for the most part, progressive and considered very good to excellent. However, as was mentioned previously - if your health is destroyed, where would your mother be then? In a nursing home without your support.
It's time to get something in place for both of your sakes.
Carol see more
You will probably be much more able to provide a positive loving presence if you get some respite and real sleep.
No guilt necessary. I realize that this is easier to say when you live in an area like I do where nursing homes are, for the most part, progressive and considered very good to excellent. However, as was mentioned previously - if your health is destroyed, where would your mother be then? In a nursing home without your support.
It's time to get something in place for both of your sakes.
Carol see more
Question
How can I find out what life insurance policy my Mom had, what it says?
This is heartbreaking and, yes, immoral. Unfortunately, the only thing I can see is that you take legal action if you want to go through... This is heartbreaking and, yes, immoral. Unfortunately, the only thing I can see is that you take legal action if you want to go through that. Try contacting your state's Attorney General's office and ask if there are any pro bono (free) attorneys for cases like your. They may be able to guide you.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My parents want to live close to me, I can't think of anything worse. Any advice?
Hi Familyof3, Wonderful advice here from everyone. Zdarov - your point about finding studies that moving later in life is disorienting,... Hi Familyof3,
Wonderful advice here from everyone. Zdarov - your point about finding studies that moving later in life is disorienting, etc. is brilliant. Saying that you aren't sure where you'll be in a year let alone ten is the truth. None of us knows the future.
You must think of your son and that means taking care of yourself. Some parent/child relationships are so toxic that the adult children must step back and let the "system" work, even if that means trips to the ER or 9-1-1 calls.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are handling this difficult situation.
Carol see more
Wonderful advice here from everyone. Zdarov - your point about finding studies that moving later in life is disorienting, etc. is brilliant. Saying that you aren't sure where you'll be in a year let alone ten is the truth. None of us knows the future.
You must think of your son and that means taking care of yourself. Some parent/child relationships are so toxic that the adult children must step back and let the "system" work, even if that means trips to the ER or 9-1-1 calls.
Please keep in touch and let us know how you are handling this difficult situation.
Carol see more
Question
I'm so overwhelmed and stressed, when is it enough? Been taking care parents 10 yrs alone. What happened to my...
It's easy to say but hard to do - take yourself out of the equation. The more you do the more they will expect. It's very... It's easy to say but hard to do - take yourself out of the equation. The more you do the more they will expect.
It's very difficult for many aging parents to understand (or perhaps they are in denial?) that their children aren't well but you need to be clear that you aren't well enough to provide this kind of care. Contact your Area Agency on Aging or your local Human Services and tell them that your parents need help and you are too sick to provide it. If you heal, you may be able to help more, but try not to get pulled into doing it all. Please try to remember that you deserve to heal properly and have a life, too. Let us know how you are doing.
Carol see more
It's very difficult for many aging parents to understand (or perhaps they are in denial?) that their children aren't well but you need to be clear that you aren't well enough to provide this kind of care. Contact your Area Agency on Aging or your local Human Services and tell them that your parents need help and you are too sick to provide it. If you heal, you may be able to help more, but try not to get pulled into doing it all. Please try to remember that you deserve to heal properly and have a life, too. Let us know how you are doing.
Carol see more
Question
I am concerned about the actions of my Mom (96). She has dementia and lately has become aggressive. Advice?
Hi Mary, I agree with the others who have answered your questions. First of all, her mishearing is likely a huge issue. She doesn't... Hi Mary,
I agree with the others who have answered your questions. First of all, her mishearing is likely a huge issue. She doesn't hear right and her mind fills in the blanks - negatively.
Next, a urinary tract infection could be a problem. They are very common in elderly people, especially women and can cause mental deterioration.
Medications can be another issue. As people age they become much more sensitive to medications and what worked for awhile may or may not be working, or could even be causing personality changes. A friend of mine told me her mother's "Alzheimer's" turned out to be caused by her incontinence medication.
A trip to the doctor is in order with a full physical. Also, her hearing aids need to be replaced. I know that this is expensive, but it could be essential to how she behaves.
Take care of yourself the best you can and please let us know how you're doing.
Carol see more
I agree with the others who have answered your questions. First of all, her mishearing is likely a huge issue. She doesn't hear right and her mind fills in the blanks - negatively.
Next, a urinary tract infection could be a problem. They are very common in elderly people, especially women and can cause mental deterioration.
Medications can be another issue. As people age they become much more sensitive to medications and what worked for awhile may or may not be working, or could even be causing personality changes. A friend of mine told me her mother's "Alzheimer's" turned out to be caused by her incontinence medication.
A trip to the doctor is in order with a full physical. Also, her hearing aids need to be replaced. I know that this is expensive, but it could be essential to how she behaves.
Take care of yourself the best you can and please let us know how you're doing.
Carol see more
Question
If I am paid from my mother's assets to provide 24/7 care in my home is this taxable income...would I also nee...
As Jessiebelle said, many of us gave up paid work to become caregivers and will in the end suffer the loss of Social Security income. As... As Jessiebelle said, many of us gave up paid work to become caregivers and will in the end suffer the loss of Social Security income.
As to the ruling about exemptions for taking care of family members, I'd have a CPA check into this. Having a CPA do your taxes can be beneficial. They need to keep up with the ever changing tax laws. I say this for the same reason that I advise people to have a conference with an elder law or estate attorney for many issues. Sometimes one meeting is all that is needed, but having the advice of a professional who knows not only federal law but your state laws can give you a lot of peace of mind.
Best wishes to all of you. Caring for our ailing loved ones and trying to pay our own bills at the same time is a huge challenge.
Carol see more
As to the ruling about exemptions for taking care of family members, I'd have a CPA check into this. Having a CPA do your taxes can be beneficial. They need to keep up with the ever changing tax laws. I say this for the same reason that I advise people to have a conference with an elder law or estate attorney for many issues. Sometimes one meeting is all that is needed, but having the advice of a professional who knows not only federal law but your state laws can give you a lot of peace of mind.
Best wishes to all of you. Caring for our ailing loved ones and trying to pay our own bills at the same time is a huge challenge.
Carol see more
Question
Mom diagnosed with colon cancer while sibling freaks out. Any advice?
The boogs, I'm going to copy you on your email. Think of how your killing yourself would affect your mom. She'd think it's her... The boogs,
I'm going to copy you on your email.
Think of how your killing yourself would affect your mom. She'd think it's her fault.
Call your local hotline and tell them that you are suicidal. Get professional help. I have all the compassion in the world for anyone with mental health issues, but they cannot be allowed to threaten others as your sister does you. Call the police when your sister attacks. If she says you are bipolar, give them the names of doctors who can testify to the truth.
Change the locks on the doors. Get legal help from an elder law attorney to try to get the health proxy away from your sister if your mom can't see that she needs to do this.
Because you love your mom, you may have to do as freqflyer suggests and move her mom to assisted living. Then there would be people to intervene with your sister's behavior.
The bottom line is killing yourself is the worst thing you can do to your mom. She would blame herself forever. Please get professional help to guide you through this. Keep talking to us, as well, but professional help first. Okay?
Carol see more
I'm going to copy you on your email.
Think of how your killing yourself would affect your mom. She'd think it's her fault.
Call your local hotline and tell them that you are suicidal. Get professional help. I have all the compassion in the world for anyone with mental health issues, but they cannot be allowed to threaten others as your sister does you. Call the police when your sister attacks. If she says you are bipolar, give them the names of doctors who can testify to the truth.
Change the locks on the doors. Get legal help from an elder law attorney to try to get the health proxy away from your sister if your mom can't see that she needs to do this.
Because you love your mom, you may have to do as freqflyer suggests and move her mom to assisted living. Then there would be people to intervene with your sister's behavior.
The bottom line is killing yourself is the worst thing you can do to your mom. She would blame herself forever. Please get professional help to guide you through this. Keep talking to us, as well, but professional help first. Okay?
Carol see more
Question
Is a Psych consult in assisted living okay?
I'd check with her doctor first, but likely they'll want to try Xanax first. However, if the doctor says an IV is okay - that could... I'd check with her doctor first, but likely they'll want to try Xanax first. However, if the doctor says an IV is okay - that could mean that a possible trip back is eliminated.
It's generally safest to go with the least sedation, so likely Xanax would be the first choice for the rep and with an elderly person, Xanax can be quite powerful. Yet, the doctor may have more insight - checking out the possible negatives to an IV with the doctor can help you decide.
Please update us!
carol see more
It's generally safest to go with the least sedation, so likely Xanax would be the first choice for the rep and with an elderly person, Xanax can be quite powerful. Yet, the doctor may have more insight - checking out the possible negatives to an IV with the doctor can help you decide.
Please update us!
carol see more
Question
How to force moving elderly people from home to assisted living and they have dementia?
Lauramc, I'm glad that worked! It had to be hard to get your parents moved but somehow you convinced them. In the end, many people... Lauramc, I'm glad that worked! It had to be hard to get your parents moved but somehow you convinced them.
In the end, many people simply can't manage at home and in-home care isn't enough. In-home care can often put off the move, so it can be worth a try.
Your advice to choose the home carefully is wonderful. Even if in-home care works for awhile, it's good to start the search for AL early and put the couple on a list. They can always be moved lower on the list or taken off if in-home care is effective.
I have known people who simply wither when they are forced to move from their homes. I've also known many who thrive once they've adjusted to AL or even a nursing home.
Often we have no choice but to go with what works at the time and hope that time will help with the rest.
As you say, stay strong. Something needs to be done.
Carol see more
In the end, many people simply can't manage at home and in-home care isn't enough. In-home care can often put off the move, so it can be worth a try.
Your advice to choose the home carefully is wonderful. Even if in-home care works for awhile, it's good to start the search for AL early and put the couple on a list. They can always be moved lower on the list or taken off if in-home care is effective.
I have known people who simply wither when they are forced to move from their homes. I've also known many who thrive once they've adjusted to AL or even a nursing home.
Often we have no choice but to go with what works at the time and hope that time will help with the rest.
As you say, stay strong. Something needs to be done.
Carol see more
How do I get help for my Dad (89) when he won't let me? Anyone ever heard of Ekbom Syndrome?
Does your dad take any medications such as blood pressure pills? Does he see a doctor at all? If you can convince him to go for a checkup for something unrelated to the real issue - Ekbom syndrome there's some chance for help.
For example, if you can get him to make an appointment for a medication refill, then write a letter to the doctor ahead of time (or help your mom do so). While your dad is in the office, the doctor can then address the syndrome.
Often, once a doctor asks direct questions, a person will open the door a bit to communication, especially if the doctor suggests a treatment.
Good luck. This has to be horribly hard on all of you. Please let us know how you are doing with this.
Carol see more