Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
I need sleep...What can I do to get my Mom to sleep on her restless and painful nights?
That's good to know! I, personally, use herbs for some things and also have used melatonin on occasion. It's always good to know... That's good to know! I, personally, use herbs for some things and also have used melatonin on occasion. It's always good to know about any side possible effects just like prescriptions!
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Question
How to react when a person suffering dementia is exhibiting an immature, abusive behavior?
There are some pain medications as well as a few others that come as patches. Those are ideal for people with dementia. I'm hoping more... There are some pain medications as well as a few others that come as patches. Those are ideal for people with dementia. I'm hoping more will become available.
Great support from all of you!
Carol see more
Great support from all of you!
Carol see more
Question
Is it common for dementia patients to have Hallucinations and extreme paranoia?
Yes, this can be normal for some types of dementia. It sounds as though you are very smart and understanding. She needs to be seen by her... Yes, this can be normal for some types of dementia. It sounds as though you are very smart and understanding. She needs to be seen by her doctor often to keep these medications on track.
You, as a grandchild, may want to read the following article:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/grandchildren-caring-for-their-grandparents-149490.htm
Take care,
Carol see more
You, as a grandchild, may want to read the following article:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/grandchildren-caring-for-their-grandparents-149490.htm
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How to react when a person suffering dementia is exhibiting an immature, abusive behavior?
Ask her pharmacist if you can crush the medications. If that's okay, then mix it in things she'll eat. If you can't crush the... Ask her pharmacist if you can crush the medications. If that's okay, then mix it in things she'll eat.
If you can't crush the pills, it much harder when someone resists them. At this stage, I think you'd be better off telling her they are vitamins or something anyone would take. She likely doesn't think there's anything wrong with her that needs these other meds. but she may take something to "help ward off colds". Use your own twist, but it's worth a try.
Take care,
Carol see more
If you can't crush the pills, it much harder when someone resists them. At this stage, I think you'd be better off telling her they are vitamins or something anyone would take. She likely doesn't think there's anything wrong with her that needs these other meds. but she may take something to "help ward off colds". Use your own twist, but it's worth a try.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How to react when a person suffering dementia is exhibiting an immature, abusive behavior?
Teepa Snow is an amazing speaker and I second the suggestion from Countrymouse. You also may want to read this article: ... Teepa Snow is an amazing speaker and I second the suggestion from Countrymouse. You also may want to read this article:
healthcentral/alzheimers/c/62/145404/caregivers-abuse
Your grandma can't help herself. Many people swear when they enter a certain stage of dementia, and this includes people who never previously swore. The same is true for abusive behavior. Handling the abuse can be difficult to say the least.
She may be in pain and can't express this, or she may be so confused and frightened that this is her only outlet. I'd be very honest with her doctor - even write down some episodes - and ask if there's a medication that can help her anxiety. This may at least help a little.
Best wishes during this tough time,
Carol see more
healthcentral/alzheimers/c/62/145404/caregivers-abuse
Your grandma can't help herself. Many people swear when they enter a certain stage of dementia, and this includes people who never previously swore. The same is true for abusive behavior. Handling the abuse can be difficult to say the least.
She may be in pain and can't express this, or she may be so confused and frightened that this is her only outlet. I'd be very honest with her doctor - even write down some episodes - and ask if there's a medication that can help her anxiety. This may at least help a little.
Best wishes during this tough time,
Carol see more
Question
I need sleep...What can I do to get my Mom to sleep on her restless and painful nights?
I think your idea of seeing another doctor is a good one. While it's possible that there isn't more that can be done for your... I think your idea of seeing another doctor is a good one. While it's possible that there isn't more that can be done for your mother's pain because of all the medications she's already on, another opinion can't hurt.
My mother had two hip replacements and did well, but she was too frail for the surgery when she needed her knee done. The bone on bone pain in her knees was excruciating. I cringe when I think of the pain your mom must be in.
Pain relief won't "cure" your mom’s Sundowning, but she still should have pain relief. Because a person has dementia doesn't mean that pain relief isn't important.
Another doctor may be able to look at the situation from a different angle. If nothing changes, you'll know you did all that you could.
Take care,
Carol see more
My mother had two hip replacements and did well, but she was too frail for the surgery when she needed her knee done. The bone on bone pain in her knees was excruciating. I cringe when I think of the pain your mom must be in.
Pain relief won't "cure" your mom’s Sundowning, but she still should have pain relief. Because a person has dementia doesn't mean that pain relief isn't important.
Another doctor may be able to look at the situation from a different angle. If nothing changes, you'll know you did all that you could.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Question
I need sleep...What can I do to get my Mom to sleep on her restless and painful nights?
I, too, am surprise that your mom isn't getting better pain management. Just because she can't complain about what's wrong (she... I, too, am surprise that your mom isn't getting better pain management. Just because she can't complain about what's wrong (she may not be able to figure it out), doesn't mean that she shouldn't have the best pain control possible. Arthritis pain can be excruciating.
Pain medications won't help her Sundowner's, but if she's more comfortable she may sleep better once she gets to sleep. You may need to see a doctor other than the neurologist for this.
I agree that it's terrific for your sister to see what you are coping with. I hope she can help you find some ways to get needed rest. ADC is wonderful, but you need someone to stay the night on a regular basis, as well, if your mom can't sleep.
Take care,
Carol see more
Pain medications won't help her Sundowner's, but if she's more comfortable she may sleep better once she gets to sleep. You may need to see a doctor other than the neurologist for this.
I agree that it's terrific for your sister to see what you are coping with. I hope she can help you find some ways to get needed rest. ADC is wonderful, but you need someone to stay the night on a regular basis, as well, if your mom can't sleep.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What is the importance of Power of Attorney if I am his wife?
Even if you're married, there may be issues that demand both of your signatures. If your husband can't sign, you’ll need to sign... Even if you're married, there may be issues that demand both of your signatures. If your husband can't sign, you’ll need to sign for him. That’s what the POA is for.
It's very important that you do this. Yes, his children could complicate the issue, but that isn't the only reason. Being a spouse doesn't give you the right to get his healthcare information (yes, it used to, but since HIPAA which has been in effect for healthcare privacy for years). So, you need a Power Of Attorney for healthcare (health directive) and a POA for financial decisions in order to do the best for your husband. You should see an estate attorney or an elder law attorney to have these papers drawn up. They aren't terribly complicated. You may want to take someone with you for support.
Another thing to think about is that you, yourself, should appoint a POA for you. If your husband is too ill, you may want a sibling or even one of his children if you are that close. As an adult, you need someone who can speak for you if you can't speak for yourself.
Take care,
Carol see more
It's very important that you do this. Yes, his children could complicate the issue, but that isn't the only reason. Being a spouse doesn't give you the right to get his healthcare information (yes, it used to, but since HIPAA which has been in effect for healthcare privacy for years). So, you need a Power Of Attorney for healthcare (health directive) and a POA for financial decisions in order to do the best for your husband. You should see an estate attorney or an elder law attorney to have these papers drawn up. They aren't terribly complicated. You may want to take someone with you for support.
Another thing to think about is that you, yourself, should appoint a POA for you. If your husband is too ill, you may want a sibling or even one of his children if you are that close. As an adult, you need someone who can speak for you if you can't speak for yourself.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Does my friend have to be certified to help take care of me?
Excellent advice from Sunflo2. I didn't go into that as I assumed the money wasn't available to pay your friend, which I... Excellent advice from Sunflo2. I didn't go into that as I assumed the money wasn't available to pay your friend, which I shouldn't have done. If you do have the money, do exactly as she advises. This is about hiring someone and paying them legally.
Thanks Sunflo2!
Carol see more
Thanks Sunflo2!
Carol see more
Question
Does my friend have to be certified to help take care of me?
It sounds like you should be on disability and Medicaid. If you are, your friend may be able to earn money as your caregiver. It's... It sounds like you should be on disability and Medicaid. If you are, your friend may be able to earn money as your caregiver. It's unlikely she'd be able to make a living doing that unless she can live with you and get by on little money but she could make money for approved hours.
Anyone you choose can be your caregiver, but it's paying the person that's the problem. I'm afraid that unless you have some help from a government program (I'm assuming that you, on your own, have the money to pay her), you could have a hard time with funding. You could contact social services and see if they have ideas. Also, try your state website. Type the name of your state and then the word "disability" into your browser and you should find some links to agencies that may be able to help you.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Anyone you choose can be your caregiver, but it's paying the person that's the problem. I'm afraid that unless you have some help from a government program (I'm assuming that you, on your own, have the money to pay her), you could have a hard time with funding. You could contact social services and see if they have ideas. Also, try your state website. Type the name of your state and then the word "disability" into your browser and you should find some links to agencies that may be able to help you.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Is there a way to get silver alert for my Mom who has the beginning stages dementia because she still drives?
Hi winans, A Silver Alert is issued when someone is missing, so this isn't likely what you need now (and hopefully never will).... Hi winans,
A Silver Alert is issued when someone is missing, so this isn't likely what you need now (and hopefully never will). However, if you mother does go missing, call you local police department and see if they can issue a Silver Alert.
You might want to look into special shoes with a GPS chip attached or embedded. There are also bracelets and other jewelry that carry a GPS chip that can track you mother's location.
This service is by subscription, so it's not free, but it can help keep track of someone who may wander or become lost. I'd suggest that you discuss this with your dad and see if he thinks this is right for your mother. If so, there are companies on the Internet that carry these products. You should compare plans to make sure you find a qualified company and a decent rate.
It's good of you to be concerned!
Carol see more
A Silver Alert is issued when someone is missing, so this isn't likely what you need now (and hopefully never will). However, if you mother does go missing, call you local police department and see if they can issue a Silver Alert.
You might want to look into special shoes with a GPS chip attached or embedded. There are also bracelets and other jewelry that carry a GPS chip that can track you mother's location.
This service is by subscription, so it's not free, but it can help keep track of someone who may wander or become lost. I'd suggest that you discuss this with your dad and see if he thinks this is right for your mother. If so, there are companies on the Internet that carry these products. You should compare plans to make sure you find a qualified company and a decent rate.
It's good of you to be concerned!
Carol see more
Question
Mom with Alzheimer's constantly makes noises. Is this part of the disease?
Obsessive behavior of different types isn't unusual at all with dementia. Making noises may be a way for her to reassure herself in... Obsessive behavior of different types isn't unusual at all with dementia. Making noises may be a way for her to reassure herself in some way.
Music can be so effective for people with Alzheimer's that there are people who specialize in music therapy. I'd suggest that you make music as much a part of her environment as possible. Experiment with different types (naturally, the music playing at church should be included).
Observe her response to different types of music and adjust accordingly. You're on to something, so go with it. Often that's what we have to do - experiment. When something works keep it up. When it doesn't, try something else.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Music can be so effective for people with Alzheimer's that there are people who specialize in music therapy. I'd suggest that you make music as much a part of her environment as possible. Experiment with different types (naturally, the music playing at church should be included).
Observe her response to different types of music and adjust accordingly. You're on to something, so go with it. Often that's what we have to do - experiment. When something works keep it up. When it doesn't, try something else.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Patience with elderly father with memory loss. Any tips?
Hi Mags, One tip is to make it a habit to take part in this community or another support group. We understand that it's hard because... Hi Mags,
One tip is to make it a habit to take part in this community or another support group. We understand that it's hard because most of us have been in similar situations. Just knowing others struggle with the same issues can be very helpful.
I'd suggest that you go to www.alz.org and take the "brain tour." It helps when you see exactly how the areas of the brain are eaten away simply because it becomes more real to us that the person with the memory loss can't help what is happening. Of course, you already know that, but somehow seeing the damage makes it more real.
Also, practical things such as making lists for him is he can still comprehend them may help. Eventually, labeling rooms and even items he uses may help. The Alzheimer's organization in your community can help you with suggestions, as can the Alzheimer's Association website.
Patience is something we can learn when we understand what is behind the issue. I'm not saying that you'll become a saint by becoming more educated about the disease and by having a support community, but I am suggesting that these steps will help.
Take care of yourself, too. This will likely be a long journey.
Carol see more
One tip is to make it a habit to take part in this community or another support group. We understand that it's hard because most of us have been in similar situations. Just knowing others struggle with the same issues can be very helpful.
I'd suggest that you go to www.alz.org and take the "brain tour." It helps when you see exactly how the areas of the brain are eaten away simply because it becomes more real to us that the person with the memory loss can't help what is happening. Of course, you already know that, but somehow seeing the damage makes it more real.
Also, practical things such as making lists for him is he can still comprehend them may help. Eventually, labeling rooms and even items he uses may help. The Alzheimer's organization in your community can help you with suggestions, as can the Alzheimer's Association website.
Patience is something we can learn when we understand what is behind the issue. I'm not saying that you'll become a saint by becoming more educated about the disease and by having a support community, but I am suggesting that these steps will help.
Take care of yourself, too. This will likely be a long journey.
Carol see more
Question
Mom is caregiver to her husband. She recently had three heart attacks. Doctor says no more caregiving and that...
PS: If your mother and step-father are already on Medicaid, and IF they live in a community with either Program of All-Inclusive Care for... PS: If your mother and step-father are already on Medicaid, and IF they live in a community with either Program of All-Inclusive Care for the Elderly (PACE) or Money Follows the Person (MFP) Medicaid programs, they may get some extra help paid for this way.
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Carol see more
Question
Mom is caregiver to her husband. She recently had three heart attacks. Doctor says no more caregiving and that...
If they have a supplemental insurance that will pay for some in-home health care, that's great. Otherwise, they may have to pay the... If they have a supplemental insurance that will pay for some in-home health care, that's great. Otherwise, they may have to pay the full price themselves. However, it's obvious that your mom can't continue as a caregiver, so something needs to be done before a heart attack kills her. If the cost of the care eventually puts them on Medicaid, then that's what needs to happen. I'm hoping that their insurance helps pay, though many don't, and basic Medicare certainly won't at this point in time. Good luck,
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Carol see more
Question
Do most people with Alzheimers insist they are fine and have no memory or cognitive problem?
That's a tough one, since she's obviously in an early enough stage to realize that people with Alzheimer's have memory... That's a tough one, since she's obviously in an early enough stage to realize that people with Alzheimer's have memory problems. She seems to be in denial so she really wants a different answer, but if you do that it will be even harder to get her to take her medications. If she were farther into the disease, I wouldn't think she'd ask this question.
Normally, I am all for agreeing with what the person affected by the disease says, but in this case, I think you and your friend may have to put up with this as it stands. Just remember to not take her response personally. She is having to absorb a very difficult fact and this is how she's approaching it.
If it's any comfort, this, too, shall pass. Of course, there will be other issues so please keep coming back to Agingcare for support from people who've been there.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Normally, I am all for agreeing with what the person affected by the disease says, but in this case, I think you and your friend may have to put up with this as it stands. Just remember to not take her response personally. She is having to absorb a very difficult fact and this is how she's approaching it.
If it's any comfort, this, too, shall pass. Of course, there will be other issues so please keep coming back to Agingcare for support from people who've been there.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Question
Mom keeps getting bad UTI's. What can I do to help prevent these from happening?
I should have mentioned probiotics, too. Thanks Ferris!
Carol
Carol
Question
Mom keeps getting bad UTI's. What can I do to help prevent these from happening?
Cranberry juice is still considered a good preventative step to keep UTIs away. She need to drink it daily. Also, consider whether or not... Cranberry juice is still considered a good preventative step to keep UTIs away. She need to drink it daily. Also, consider whether or not she is capable of wiping carefully after going to the bathroom. She could be contaminating herself. Lots of water and other fluids are important. I'm sure her doctor has other suggestions, but sometimes elders are simply prone to these miserable things. I hope you can find ways to cut down the frequency.
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Carol see more
Is it wrong to hope someone dies?
You are only human and doing far more than most people could or would. Modern medicine is wonderful if it keeps people alive when they are healthy, but sometimes it interferes with what would have been a peaceful natural death. In this case that may be what happened.
Please don't beat yourself up for your feelings. I don't know what your spiritual background is, but you really are allowed human feelings and that includes your feelings about your father. Guilt isn't necessary.
We are thinking of you,
Carol see more