Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
Show:
Articles Question
Question
My 78 year old relative cannot pay off $9000.00 cc debt..could he be helped to file CH.7 bankruptcy?
You should contact his state's department of aging and ask for advice. In matters such as this, each state has unique laws. Good luck,... You should contact his state's department of aging and ask for advice. In matters such as this, each state has unique laws.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Are threats allowed when a POA is shared?
This is a dreadful situation, but as you mentioned, it's only been three months since the POA was written so you may not get far. If... This is a dreadful situation, but as you mentioned, it's only been three months since the POA was written so you may not get far. If you feel she wasn't competent then, you could get help from an elder law attorney.
Other than that, I'd keep a close eye on how your mother is treated. If she is alone too much when she shouldn't be, contact social services and ask for a welfare check. I'd keep the money out of it, but focus on your mother's health and well being.
Thank you for your kind heart,
Carol see more
Other than that, I'd keep a close eye on how your mother is treated. If she is alone too much when she shouldn't be, contact social services and ask for a welfare check. I'd keep the money out of it, but focus on your mother's health and well being.
Thank you for your kind heart,
Carol see more
Question
How much do solicitors charge for two people to be POA?
I did want to add that it generally doesn't cost more to assign two POAs for one person than one POA - it's the same amount of... I did want to add that it generally doesn't cost more to assign two POAs for one person than one POA - it's the same amount of paperwork. You pay the professional for his or her time in drawing up the papers. Most people have a secondary POA listed in case the first one can't serve. For example, you may list a spouse as first POA and an adult child as secondary. That's not a bit unusual.
If two different people are having papers drawn up for assigned POAs - perhaps one for the husband and one for the wife - then the charge could be double. This is because the professional must draw up two different documents. Costs vary depending on where you live.
Take care,
Carol see more
If two different people are having papers drawn up for assigned POAs - perhaps one for the husband and one for the wife - then the charge could be double. This is because the professional must draw up two different documents. Costs vary depending on where you live.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Any sites available that rate states in senior services i.e. Dementia care?
I'm not aware of one, though others may be. Medicare has a nursing home compare (www.medicare.gov). That site can give you a start. ... I'm not aware of one, though others may be.
Medicare has a nursing home compare (www.medicare.gov). That site can give you a start.
One thing to remember about these overviews is that each state has slightly different standards. A nursing home that may get a 4 rating in one state may only get a 2 in another.
In my opinion sites that compare care are very useful as a tool, but we need to know something about the standards of the state - even the city restaurant health ratings, etc.
I'd suggest using this tool and any others, but then be sure to visit the facilities personally. Observe how the staff treat one another and how they interact with residents. What is the mood - the vibe - of the place?
If you find a facility that you like and their rating isn't as high as you'd like, ask why.
Maybe they had a pipe leak the day of the inspection. Maybe several staff members were sick and they just could not get as many people in as should be there. Maybe the place really is no good! Ask and see if they cover up or if they are upfront about the issue.
One other note - don't let a beautiful facility fool you into thinking they give terrific care. Great facilities are wonderful, but it's the staff members who really matter. Are they happy in their job? Do they love elders?
Sorry to get carried away but I am very passionate about these issues. There are so many wonderful facilities and many, many bad ones. Most, are likely in the middle. It takes some digging to find out the real truth.
Good luck in your search. If you find a dementia care only rating site, we'd appreciate knowing about it.
Carol see more
Medicare has a nursing home compare (www.medicare.gov). That site can give you a start.
One thing to remember about these overviews is that each state has slightly different standards. A nursing home that may get a 4 rating in one state may only get a 2 in another.
In my opinion sites that compare care are very useful as a tool, but we need to know something about the standards of the state - even the city restaurant health ratings, etc.
I'd suggest using this tool and any others, but then be sure to visit the facilities personally. Observe how the staff treat one another and how they interact with residents. What is the mood - the vibe - of the place?
If you find a facility that you like and their rating isn't as high as you'd like, ask why.
Maybe they had a pipe leak the day of the inspection. Maybe several staff members were sick and they just could not get as many people in as should be there. Maybe the place really is no good! Ask and see if they cover up or if they are upfront about the issue.
One other note - don't let a beautiful facility fool you into thinking they give terrific care. Great facilities are wonderful, but it's the staff members who really matter. Are they happy in their job? Do they love elders?
Sorry to get carried away but I am very passionate about these issues. There are so many wonderful facilities and many, many bad ones. Most, are likely in the middle. It takes some digging to find out the real truth.
Good luck in your search. If you find a dementia care only rating site, we'd appreciate knowing about it.
Carol see more
Question
Need to move Mom. Any advice?
Your mom is likely on Medicare and I'd imagine it's her Medicare supplemental policy (Medigap) that is the problem. We're in... Your mom is likely on Medicare and I'd imagine it's her Medicare supplemental policy (Medigap) that is the problem. We're in the open enrollment period right now - until Dec. 7 - so your brother should give you the information about the policy so that you can call insurance company and find out what you need to know. If this company doesn't cover her in your state, then you can change plans to one in your state.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
What do you do if someone dies at home in their sleep?
Oh, yes! JessieBelle has it right. If hospice is involved, not only will life be easier for your husband and you, but the legal issues are... Oh, yes! JessieBelle has it right. If hospice is involved, not only will life be easier for your husband and you, but the legal issues are taken care of. The rest of her advice was right on, too. The laws vary with states as to who can declare death.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How can we get our parents to accept being in an assisted living facility?
Yes, this is common. Believe it or not, three weeks isn't that long for an adjustment, especially after living in one home 53 years.... Yes, this is common. Believe it or not, three weeks isn't that long for an adjustment, especially after living in one home 53 years.
Also, any move at that age can cause some deterioration, however I'd guess that there wasn't much choice but to do what you did. Don't let guilt get in your way. Continue to visit and support them, ask the social worker and others what more you can do and perhaps check with the doctor for suggestions. Some people can make these transitions and get through okay. Others don't do so well. Life isn't generally easy for people in their 90s and choices are limited.
I'm glad you had the family to make this decision together.
Take care,
Carol see more
Also, any move at that age can cause some deterioration, however I'd guess that there wasn't much choice but to do what you did. Don't let guilt get in your way. Continue to visit and support them, ask the social worker and others what more you can do and perhaps check with the doctor for suggestions. Some people can make these transitions and get through okay. Others don't do so well. Life isn't generally easy for people in their 90s and choices are limited.
I'm glad you had the family to make this decision together.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What do you do if someone dies at home in their sleep?
I'd discuss this with his doctor since laws may vary by community and state. I hope you have the POA for health care. Make sure to keep... I'd discuss this with his doctor since laws may vary by community and state. I hope you have the POA for health care. Make sure to keep a copy handy.
My guess is that you still must call 9-1-1. Tell the dispatcher that you believe that your husband has died and tell him or her the situation. They likely will send an ambulance anyway. If he's deceased, he can't be resuscitated anyway, but if you have the papers handy, maybe they won't be legally bound to try.
This is a tough way to live - expecting death any minute. You are helping yourself by preparing the steps to take.
Take care.
Carol see more
My guess is that you still must call 9-1-1. Tell the dispatcher that you believe that your husband has died and tell him or her the situation. They likely will send an ambulance anyway. If he's deceased, he can't be resuscitated anyway, but if you have the papers handy, maybe they won't be legally bound to try.
This is a tough way to live - expecting death any minute. You are helping yourself by preparing the steps to take.
Take care.
Carol see more
Question
Should a spouse get a divorce from her husband in the nursing home to protect her assets?
It won't do any good financially. Medicaid has a 5 year look back period, and even if they divorce, Medicaid will still want the money.... It won't do any good financially. Medicaid has a 5 year look back period, and even if they divorce, Medicaid will still want the money. Of course, states differ, but I'd say that's true in most states.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Grandmother living independently has fallen for phone con artist. Any advice?
I get that - she's sharp enough to be sweet as pie for Social Services and likely for any doctor she sees. You may have to seek help... I get that - she's sharp enough to be sweet as pie for Social Services and likely for any doctor she sees. You may have to seek help from an elder law attorney.
There's likely enough proof for some family member to get control of her finances and block debits from her account unless authorized. If the family can change her bank account, there's a foot in the door. But I'd contact an elder law attorney to get to the next level.
Good luck,
Carol see more
There's likely enough proof for some family member to get control of her finances and block debits from her account unless authorized. If the family can change her bank account, there's a foot in the door. But I'd contact an elder law attorney to get to the next level.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My mother has removed the phone from our fathers nursing home room to isolate him. Is this legal?
Excellent point, whether or not the phone is re-installed. Having cards and letters nearby is a great way to keep memories in front of our... Excellent point, whether or not the phone is re-installed. Having cards and letters nearby is a great way to keep memories in front of our loved ones.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My mother has removed the phone from our fathers nursing home room to isolate him. Is this legal?
I imagine this is legal if your mother has the Power Of Attorney, however I'd tell your dad should have it unless it upsets HIM. Ask... I imagine this is legal if your mother has the Power Of Attorney, however I'd tell your dad should have it unless it upsets HIM. Ask the administrator for guidance as they've seen many issues. If he or she can't help you, you could check with an elder law attorney.
Good luck to you. Your heart is in the right place. Since your mother has these mental issues, I'm sure an attorney can help you get this taken care of.
Carol see more
Good luck to you. Your heart is in the right place. Since your mother has these mental issues, I'm sure an attorney can help you get this taken care of.
Carol see more
Question
Do you sometimes hate the person you take care of?
PS, Hannah - even under good circumstances, stress causes most caregivers to have unkind thoughts about their care receivers whom they... PS, Hannah - even under good circumstances, stress causes most caregivers to have unkind thoughts about their care receivers whom they actually love. You are only having human thoughts. Your mental health issues need addressing. Along with that, you'll learn not to feel so guilty. Take care of yourself,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Do you sometimes hate the person you take care of?
Please, Hannah, call social service and get some help. You are handling more than many people with long experience could handle, and you... Please, Hannah, call social service and get some help. You are handling more than many people with long experience could handle, and you owe it to yourself as well as your grandma and mother to get outside help. They didn't choose their illnesses any more than you did.
Your complete isolation isn't healthy for anyone - your or them. If you call social services and explain your situation, they can help you figure out how to get the care your mom and grandma need as well as getting you the care you need.
This is not an easy step, but you're in a situation that isn't healthy or sustainable.
Please call for help.
Carol see more
Your complete isolation isn't healthy for anyone - your or them. If you call social services and explain your situation, they can help you figure out how to get the care your mom and grandma need as well as getting you the care you need.
This is not an easy step, but you're in a situation that isn't healthy or sustainable.
Please call for help.
Carol see more
Question
Has the Affordable Care Act reduced coverage for elderly over a certain age?
Ever answer provided additional advice that, from my experience, is well founded. Thanks for being such a great community and responding... Ever answer provided additional advice that, from my experience, is well founded. Thanks for being such a great community and responding when people need advice and/or comfort.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Has the Affordable Care Act reduced coverage for elderly over a certain age?
That's not likely. If she has "good insurance" and is on Medicare, I would guess that she is on one of the supplemental... That's not likely. If she has "good insurance" and is on Medicare, I would guess that she is on one of the supplemental plans. The cheaper plans have larger copays, the more expensive ones few to none.
All too frequently, the problem is with the coding done by the hospital, so she should should start with her insurance company and ask how to go about seeing if the hospital coding is correct.
I might add that people on Medicare often get statements from the insurance company that reflect the cost before their supplemental plan is considered. It can be horrifying. So, please have her call. She may not owe as much as she thinks.
About the fact that they didn't know if something is covered - that's scary for people. It's not the Affordable Care Act - this has been the case for years. If something isn't covered by Medicare, then it's not covered by the supplemental insurance either. And the costs - as you saw - can be incredible.I hope this isn't the case with your friend.
Warm regards,
Carol see more
All too frequently, the problem is with the coding done by the hospital, so she should should start with her insurance company and ask how to go about seeing if the hospital coding is correct.
I might add that people on Medicare often get statements from the insurance company that reflect the cost before their supplemental plan is considered. It can be horrifying. So, please have her call. She may not owe as much as she thinks.
About the fact that they didn't know if something is covered - that's scary for people. It's not the Affordable Care Act - this has been the case for years. If something isn't covered by Medicare, then it's not covered by the supplemental insurance either. And the costs - as you saw - can be incredible.I hope this isn't the case with your friend.
Warm regards,
Carol see more
Question
I am on disability. And soon my VA father will need assistance. Will being an assistance aid for my father eff...
In general, any money your receive can affect your disability, however much depends on your state Medicaid rules. You can check this out... In general, any money your receive can affect your disability, however much depends on your state Medicaid rules. You can check this out ahead of time though your state Medicaid people. A good place to start is your contact for your yearly renewal. Good luck,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Denial of hospice care -- too close to death, not profitable enough?
Good point, Veronica. It it's for profit they can do what they want. I hope there's a non-profit around because if they want... Good point, Veronica. It it's for profit they can do what they want. I hope there's a non-profit around because if they want Medicare/Medicaid, they need to follow the rules. It's so horribly sad that people have to worry about this when their loved one is dying.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Denial of hospice care -- too close to death, not profitable enough?
It certainly sounds unethical. Do you have a choice of agencies in your community? If not, check with your state website. Type the name of... It certainly sounds unethical. Do you have a choice of agencies in your community? If not, check with your state website. Type the name of your state in your browser and then type "aging" next to it. Look over the links and try any that look promising.
You could also type "hospice" next to your state's name. Hopefully, you'll get some links on caregiving support and find a contact who can give you local advice.
Take care,
Carol see more
You could also type "hospice" next to your state's name. Hopefully, you'll get some links on caregiving support and find a contact who can give you local advice.
Take care,
Carol see more
Is happiness a choice?
I, personally, feel there is great healing in writing. That's why my first book was written. I needed the catharsis and also needed to know how other caregivers coped.
Blessings,
Carol see more