Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
My dad has alzheimers, who decides where my dad lives?
It sounds as though there's quite a bit of disagreement in the family. That makes it tough. Typically, the same person has all Powers... It sounds as though there's quite a bit of disagreement in the family. That makes it tough.
Typically, the same person has all Powers Of Attorney. If there is a split between financial and health POAs, I'm not sure legally who has the most say, but personally I'd think the individual who decides on health issues would be the logical one to decide where he lives.
If your dad isn't too far into his dementia, I hope he will have some input. If he's in a later stage, then you may have to find a good memory care unit for him unless someone in the family can provide 24/7 care, which is unusual without hired help.
Good luck with your decision. If this is causing a lot of family arguments, check with the attorney who drew up the legal documents. He or she should be able to advise you.
Carol see more
Typically, the same person has all Powers Of Attorney. If there is a split between financial and health POAs, I'm not sure legally who has the most say, but personally I'd think the individual who decides on health issues would be the logical one to decide where he lives.
If your dad isn't too far into his dementia, I hope he will have some input. If he's in a later stage, then you may have to find a good memory care unit for him unless someone in the family can provide 24/7 care, which is unusual without hired help.
Good luck with your decision. If this is causing a lot of family arguments, check with the attorney who drew up the legal documents. He or she should be able to advise you.
Carol see more
Question
How can I manage my mother's hygiene care when she is having difficulty standing?
Frankly, I'm amazed that you are able to handle her as things are now. You could call in an in-home agency and see how they handle her.... Frankly, I'm amazed that you are able to handle her as things are now. You could call in an in-home agency and see how they handle her. Maybe you could then pick up some tips to use yourself. They get regular training, so they can be good teachers.
You say that there are no plans for a nursing home, but don't dig in so far that you injure yourself while transferring your mother. She wouldn't want to see you do that.
Good luck,
Carol see more
You say that there are no plans for a nursing home, but don't dig in so far that you injure yourself while transferring your mother. She wouldn't want to see you do that.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Suggestions on dealing with Alzheimers and repetitive phrases?
Unfortunately, there isn't likely much more you can do. You sound like a caring person trying to do the right thing. Is there any... Unfortunately, there isn't likely much more you can do. You sound like a caring person trying to do the right thing. Is there any chance you can get someone to sit with your mom more often so you can get out? Sometimes a break makes it easier to go back into the trenches and listen to the repetitive phrases. Your mom can't help it, and you know that. But you are human. I hope you can get a little relief now and then.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My 87 year old mom was in the hospital. Now that she is home she is tired and dozes off, should I be concerned...
She may be just getting used to being home again. However, if she seems to be declining, you should contact her doctor and see if he or she... She may be just getting used to being home again. However, if she seems to be declining, you should contact her doctor and see if he or she thinks there's a reason for your mom to be seen by a clinician. There could be an infection or something else wrong.
If your mom doesn't feel as though she's making progress with her health recovery, she might feel depressed. This may be temporary, but if it's ongoing, a doctor may want to prescribe medication.
The bottom line is whether or not you think she's just adjusting or if she may be ill. Checking in with her doctor might be wise.
Take care,
Carol see more
If your mom doesn't feel as though she's making progress with her health recovery, she might feel depressed. This may be temporary, but if it's ongoing, a doctor may want to prescribe medication.
The bottom line is whether or not you think she's just adjusting or if she may be ill. Checking in with her doctor might be wise.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Do you think an Ipad would be good to keep my Mom's mind active?
Many older people are using IPads and also ebook readers. They can adjust the font, they are lighter to hold than a book, and they... Many older people are using IPads and also ebook readers. They can adjust the font, they are lighter to hold than a book, and they generally don't have a huge learning curve. I think this may be worth a try.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Should my mother with dementia be in assisted living or skilled nursing?
Hi, Jeannegibbs is right - you should check with your mother's doctor and also your community resources. Some assisted living... Hi,
Jeannegibbs is right - you should check with your mother's doctor and also your community resources. Some assisted living facilities have memory units for people with dementia, but considering your mother's age and other needs, it seems to me that she may require skilled nursing care.
In many areas nursing homes are excellent (my community has wonderful nursing homes), so try not to think that ALF is good and skilled nursing homes are not "nice."
Do talk with the doctor and check resources very soon. Your mother needs help and you won't be able to do this much longer. For her sake and yours, it's time for a change.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Jeannegibbs is right - you should check with your mother's doctor and also your community resources. Some assisted living facilities have memory units for people with dementia, but considering your mother's age and other needs, it seems to me that she may require skilled nursing care.
In many areas nursing homes are excellent (my community has wonderful nursing homes), so try not to think that ALF is good and skilled nursing homes are not "nice."
Do talk with the doctor and check resources very soon. Your mother needs help and you won't be able to do this much longer. For her sake and yours, it's time for a change.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more
Question
What are the earliest signs of Alzheimer's?
Hi Fairydust, Memory issues are usually one of the first signs of Alzheimer's, but not always. Paranoia can be present early, as can... Hi Fairydust,
Memory issues are usually one of the first signs of Alzheimer's, but not always. Paranoia can be present early, as can the inability to make sound decisions. However, there are other types of dementia besides Alzheimer's.
Since this woman is working, perhaps a supervisor at work has noticed some of these issues and could suggest a checkup.
Also, if your relative could be made to understand that medication interactions or an infection such as a urinary tract infection (UTI) could cause some of her symptoms, maybe she'd see a doctor. She must go for some checkups since you mentioned that doctors have recommended antidepressants.
I'm not sure how you'll get her examined unless someone with some authority makes her go to a doctor. You may be right that she is showing signs of early on-set Alzheimer's, but after a good checkup, you all may be relieved to find that she has something else wrong.
If no one at work can convince her to go to a doctor, how about a good friend or a religious leader?
I wish you luck. This is not an uncommon problem. Many people are afraid of what they will hear so they refuse to see a doctor.
Carol see more
Memory issues are usually one of the first signs of Alzheimer's, but not always. Paranoia can be present early, as can the inability to make sound decisions. However, there are other types of dementia besides Alzheimer's.
Since this woman is working, perhaps a supervisor at work has noticed some of these issues and could suggest a checkup.
Also, if your relative could be made to understand that medication interactions or an infection such as a urinary tract infection (UTI) could cause some of her symptoms, maybe she'd see a doctor. She must go for some checkups since you mentioned that doctors have recommended antidepressants.
I'm not sure how you'll get her examined unless someone with some authority makes her go to a doctor. You may be right that she is showing signs of early on-set Alzheimer's, but after a good checkup, you all may be relieved to find that she has something else wrong.
If no one at work can convince her to go to a doctor, how about a good friend or a religious leader?
I wish you luck. This is not an uncommon problem. Many people are afraid of what they will hear so they refuse to see a doctor.
Carol see more
Question
My mom thinks that she had people in the house trying to kill her. Is this normal?
This had to be upsetting for both of you. You don't say if your mom has been diagnosed with dementia. Also, how often does this happen?... This had to be upsetting for both of you.
You don't say if your mom has been diagnosed with dementia. Also, how often does this happen? If she just had a nightmare that she had trouble getting rid of, that's one thing. But if she was awake and having these thoughts, then that's another. Also, if this a is frequent occurrence, she may be developing paranoia, which often goes along with some types of dementia.
You may want to take her to see a doctor and see if she should be tested for Alzheimer's or another dementia. If she already is diagnosed, and this is new behavior, you probably should let her doctor know about this. He or she may want to add or change medications.
It's good of you to keep such a close eye on how she's doing.
Take care,
Carol see more
You don't say if your mom has been diagnosed with dementia. Also, how often does this happen? If she just had a nightmare that she had trouble getting rid of, that's one thing. But if she was awake and having these thoughts, then that's another. Also, if this a is frequent occurrence, she may be developing paranoia, which often goes along with some types of dementia.
You may want to take her to see a doctor and see if she should be tested for Alzheimer's or another dementia. If she already is diagnosed, and this is new behavior, you probably should let her doctor know about this. He or she may want to add or change medications.
It's good of you to keep such a close eye on how she's doing.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What is a power of attorney?
A Power Of Attorney is a legal document that assigns a trusted person, usually a family member or close friend, to act on your behalf.... A Power Of Attorney is a legal document that assigns a trusted person, usually a family member or close friend, to act on your behalf. Ideally, every adult should have one because accidents happen that can incapacitate someone of any age. However, as we age, it becomes much more important to have this document drawn up. Then, if we should have a stroke, develop dementia or have another issue that keeps us from paying our bills or carrying out other important activities, the person we designated as Power Of Attorney can step in for us. It's also wise to have a POA for health care, sometimes called a health directive. This allows another person to make health decisions for us if we can't do it for ourselves.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My uncle applied for Medicaid but he passed before it was completed. His bank account is in trust for me. Is i...
That depends on the trust, but if this is simply a passbook account, I'd say they'll likely take payment for any unpaid bills.... That depends on the trust, but if this is simply a passbook account, I'd say they'll likely take payment for any unpaid bills. I'd be prepared for this, anyway. Don't spend the money until you know it's yours.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Should I report my brother to social services if I believe that he is exploiting our mom for financial gain?
I'm so sorry! This is frightening. Social services may be able to help, but you may need an elder law attorney. You are right that this... I'm so sorry! This is frightening. Social services may be able to help, but you may need an elder law attorney. You are right that this is a very bad situation, so please do try to get some help so that your mom can be properly cared for. She needs to understand that her money is for her care and not worry about inheritance.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Can I distribute my mother's medications to her when she is in assisted living?
If this were a nursing home, I wouldn't be so surprised. But in assisted living, many facilities don't even distribute medications... If this were a nursing home, I wouldn't be so surprised. But in assisted living, many facilities don't even distribute medications unless the family pays extra for that service. Obviously, this home provides this service. Your state laws may have something to do with this issue.
If they aren't distributing her medications correctly, your brother should work with the doctor to get the papers in order so you can be responsible for the medications.
I'm not sure what more you could do other than what you're doing, but keep pushing. Let the doctor know that you don't feel the medications are being properly administered. He or she should be able to intervene.
Good luck,
Carol see more
If they aren't distributing her medications correctly, your brother should work with the doctor to get the papers in order so you can be responsible for the medications.
I'm not sure what more you could do other than what you're doing, but keep pushing. Let the doctor know that you don't feel the medications are being properly administered. He or she should be able to intervene.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My mom had constant symptoms of a urinary tract infection.Does anyone have experience with this?
I'm happy Dr. Rajan is providing an article on this. UTIs are very common in elderly people, and sometimes they don't even feel... I'm happy Dr. Rajan is providing an article on this. UTIs are very common in elderly people, and sometimes they don't even feel pain. My mother-in-law's symptoms were dizziness and confusion. The UTI was found during a physical. It's not uncommon for people to fear their loved one has dementia, when the problem is a UTI, so it's always vital for the elder to have a complete physical.
I look forward to reading Dr Rajan's article along with you.
Take care,
Carol see more
I look forward to reading Dr Rajan's article along with you.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
My mother needs a competency evaluation - where do I go for this?
You'd be smart to go to an elder law attorney or estate attorney. You want to lay the groundwork right. The National Academy of Elder... You'd be smart to go to an elder law attorney or estate attorney. You want to lay the groundwork right. The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys is a good starting point at http://www.naela.org. Good luck,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
If a married couple owns a home together can they put the home in a living trust ?
This woman really needs to see an attorney. There are too many variances. Also, the attorney can give her alternatives if there are any. An... This woman really needs to see an attorney. There are too many variances. Also, the attorney can give her alternatives if there are any. An estate attorney or an elder law attorney should be able to help her.
Thanks for being a good friend.
Carol see more
Thanks for being a good friend.
Carol see more
Question
How do I find an elder care attorney?
The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys is a good place to start. They can be found at http://www.naela.org/ . Otherwise, you can try... The National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys is a good place to start. They can be found at http://www.naela.org/ . Otherwise, you can try your state website and or course, the yellow pages of the phone book.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Which kinds of treatment would better work for Osteoarthritis?
There isn't "one best treatment," as every individual will have slightly different needs. However, anti-inflammatory drugs... There isn't "one best treatment," as every individual will have slightly different needs. However, anti-inflammatory drugs are often given. People are generally told to exercise, keep their weight down and eat a healthy diet. For more information try the the Arthritis Foundation at www.arthritis.org.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How do I tell my brother that mom's insurance money has to be gone before she can sign up for Medicaid?
Since you've wisely seen an attorney, I'd go one more step and ask the attorney to tell your brother how it has to be. This is... Since you've wisely seen an attorney, I'd go one more step and ask the attorney to tell your brother how it has to be. This is perfectly normal. Life insurance with cash value is considered an asset and must be spent down like other assets before one can expect the government to foot the nursing home bill. He needs to understand that many if not most of us have seen our "inheritance" used this way. It's the price of our elders living longer, and sometimes, sicker.
It would be nice if he were more understanding and listen to you, but it sounds like you need the backup of an attorney.
Take care,
Carol see more
It would be nice if he were more understanding and listen to you, but it sounds like you need the backup of an attorney.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How is dementia diagnosed?
You are right that some medications can cause dementia-like symptoms. So can an undiagnosed urinary tract infection. Early on-set dementia... You are right that some medications can cause dementia-like symptoms. So can an undiagnosed urinary tract infection. Early on-set dementia does happen, though it's not common.
A doctor would perform a number of test - written, verbal and medical - before diagnosing dementia. Sometimes they use a scan, as well. Alzheimer's and other types of dementia are not normal aging, so please see a doctor if you are worried. Take care,
Carol see more
A doctor would perform a number of test - written, verbal and medical - before diagnosing dementia. Sometimes they use a scan, as well. Alzheimer's and other types of dementia are not normal aging, so please see a doctor if you are worried. Take care,
Carol see more
Mom on medication for extreme aggression, but still has periodic violent outbursts. Is this to be expected no...
Having to try different medications is common. People react differently to different drugs. Side effects from these drugs often ease over time. Also, after some time on one drug, it may stop working and something new would be needed.
I wish I had better news for you. The best I can do is to advise you to keep working closely with the doctor. Carefully describe how your mother responds to medications, the side effects you see, and let him or her know how often there is a breakthrough.
Take care of yourself, too.
Carol see more