Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
What is your experience with Resperidone?
This is a powerful drug. It does help some people, but others have a tough time with it. If you are worried about interactions, try talking... This is a powerful drug. It does help some people, but others have a tough time with it. If you are worried about interactions, try talking with a pharmacist. You can then take any worrisome information back to the doctor and ask more questions.
Watch you dad carefully for positive and/or negative changes. Document anything that worries you. That, too, can help you when you talk with the doctor.
Your are right to be on top of any medication changes. Your dad needs you to keep an eye on him.
Take care,
Carol see more
Watch you dad carefully for positive and/or negative changes. Document anything that worries you. That, too, can help you when you talk with the doctor.
Your are right to be on top of any medication changes. Your dad needs you to keep an eye on him.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Mom is in a nursing home and won't stop crying but refuses to tell me what's wrong. Has anyone else experience...
I can understand why this is so upsetting to you. We want to feel that our loved ones are "okay," and tears typically symbolize... I can understand why this is so upsetting to you. We want to feel that our loved ones are "okay," and tears typically symbolize sadness. Your mom may well be sad but not even know why. She may be depressed or be suffering from a problem with her medications.
I'd talk with her doctor and see if he or she can think of another approach for your mom - perhaps a change in medication. Each person is unique, so each case of dementia is unique.
You and the doctor may never get to the bottom of this. Remember that many of these things run in phases, so this, too, likely will pass. Meanwhile, do all that you can medically and then continue to visit her, love her, touch her and encourage this wonderful staff. Sometimes we have to accept things we can't understand. You sound wonderful.
Take care,
Carol see more
I'd talk with her doctor and see if he or she can think of another approach for your mom - perhaps a change in medication. Each person is unique, so each case of dementia is unique.
You and the doctor may never get to the bottom of this. Remember that many of these things run in phases, so this, too, likely will pass. Meanwhile, do all that you can medically and then continue to visit her, love her, touch her and encourage this wonderful staff. Sometimes we have to accept things we can't understand. You sound wonderful.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What to do when a loved one is being cared for by a suspected drug abuser?
You could call your local county social services and ask them to do a welfare check on your grandmother. You may want to ask them not to... You could call your local county social services and ask them to do a welfare check on your grandmother. You may want to ask them not to say who called. It's wonderful that you are concerned for her. Since her son has POA, unless you get legal help you may not be able to do much more. But if social services finds that your grandmother is in danger, they have the power to take some action. Good luck,
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Carol see more
Question
Mom did not qualify for Nursing Home, so DHS says she qulaifies for home assistance if she moves in my home.
You are in a difficult bridge period and my heart goes out to you. States differ in how they go about allowing people to qualify for... You are in a difficult bridge period and my heart goes out to you. States differ in how they go about allowing people to qualify for Medicaid. You may have no choice but to accept in-home assistance while you await a better solution. When you have your meeting, ask about assistance in paying for some home upgrades. It's not likely, but there may be some help. Lay it all on the line about the issues and how badly your mom needs to be approved for a nursing home. Best wishes,
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Carol see more
Question
Any suggestions for eye pain
I'm glad you're getting medical help with this. Please continue to seek medical treatment and even change doctors if you must. ... I'm glad you're getting medical help with this. Please continue to seek medical treatment and even change doctors if you must.
When thinking about comfort, I remember the old "trick" of cool tea bags on the eyes. Also cut cucumber slices are thought to soothe the eyes. Both are used keeping the eyes closed, of course. You may want to ask your doctor if these are okay to try for comfort.
Good luck!
Carol see more
When thinking about comfort, I remember the old "trick" of cool tea bags on the eyes. Also cut cucumber slices are thought to soothe the eyes. Both are used keeping the eyes closed, of course. You may want to ask your doctor if these are okay to try for comfort.
Good luck!
Carol see more
Question
How do I know if I am making the right decision for my mother and for me?
You are not being selfish! For your good, and your mother's, please look into assisted living or a nursing home. Your brothers should... You are not being selfish! For your good, and your mother's, please look into assisted living or a nursing home. Your brothers should help you do this.
Your mother has become so dependent on you that she isn't trying anymore. Also, some of the behavior you describe could be dementia, so please get her in for a physical and mental exam.
This is too much for you to handle alone anymore, so I repeat - do not feel guilty. You've done more than most people can and your own health may be at risk. If your mother doesn't qualify for AL she likely would qualify for a nursing home. You'll need her doctor's assistance. Good luck,
Carol see more
Your mother has become so dependent on you that she isn't trying anymore. Also, some of the behavior you describe could be dementia, so please get her in for a physical and mental exam.
This is too much for you to handle alone anymore, so I repeat - do not feel guilty. You've done more than most people can and your own health may be at risk. If your mother doesn't qualify for AL she likely would qualify for a nursing home. You'll need her doctor's assistance. Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How important is routine for a person with dementia/Alzheimer's?
Very. Since dementia, especially Alzheimer's, affects the memory, it's far easier to follow a routine than to have things changed... Very. Since dementia, especially Alzheimer's, affects the memory, it's far easier to follow a routine than to have things changed often. That's why holidays can frequently be upsetting to someone with dementia. The routine is changed and sometimes even the environment is changed. This can cause anxiety and confusion. Naturally, families want to celebrate with their loved ones who have dementia, but often keeping changes as few as possible is good.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Has anyone experienced a daughter sabatoging their mother's care?
Unfortunately, there are people who put on a show like this - for the benefit of others - and they are often abusive (at least... Unfortunately, there are people who put on a show like this - for the benefit of others - and they are often abusive (at least emotionally) in private. This happens with spouses, as well. I'm not sure you can do anything here unless you can prove abuse and that isn't easy to do unless it's physical. That's the horror of emotional and verbal abuse - proving to the law that the abuse is real.
Your husband having the POA and stopping financial abuse is good. If you stick with this forum, you'll find emotional support at the very least.
Take care,
Carol see more
Your husband having the POA and stopping financial abuse is good. If you stick with this forum, you'll find emotional support at the very least.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How do you handle your shopoholic parent? How do you get your parent to stop driving? How can you help her in...
Grandma may be exhibiting some dementia symptoms. At the very least, her age and/or personality are making it easy for people to take... Grandma may be exhibiting some dementia symptoms. At the very least, her age and/or personality are making it easy for people to take advantage of her. Her shopping shows that her decision making ability is failing.
Do try to get her to a doctor for a checkup (you don't have to mention these reasons - think of something simple like blood pressure. You can alert the doctor ahead of time).
A doctor may be able to help you find other living arrangements for her.
If none of this works, you can try Social Services and see if they will do a welfare check. In the end, you may find there isn't much you can do. People have rights - even when they are wrong. I hope something helps.
Take care,
Carol see more
Do try to get her to a doctor for a checkup (you don't have to mention these reasons - think of something simple like blood pressure. You can alert the doctor ahead of time).
A doctor may be able to help you find other living arrangements for her.
If none of this works, you can try Social Services and see if they will do a welfare check. In the end, you may find there isn't much you can do. People have rights - even when they are wrong. I hope something helps.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Does anyone have any recommended tools for picking things up?
How nice of you to be helping your friend like this! Most medical supply stores have long handled grabbers which are fabulous. My mom used... How nice of you to be helping your friend like this! Most medical supply stores have long handled grabbers which are fabulous. My mom used them.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How do I help my mother, who lives alone, stop self medicating with anything she can get her hands on?
I'd suggest that you look for support for yourself by attending some Al-Anon meetings. Your mother knows she has a problem. She's... I'd suggest that you look for support for yourself by attending some Al-Anon meetings. Your mother knows she has a problem. She's addicted to alcohol (or she wouldn't hide it). She is also drinking with medications that likely say "no alcohol" on the bottle.
Arguing with her likley won't help. By attending Al-Anon, you may learn tools to cope with your own frustration. That in turn could help your mom.
Alcoholism is not rare among elders, and doctors are just starting to pick up on that. However, in the end, there's little to be done unless the person with the problem cooperates or her doctor believes she should be hospitalized.
Take care of yourself. This is a frustration many share.
Carol see more
Arguing with her likley won't help. By attending Al-Anon, you may learn tools to cope with your own frustration. That in turn could help your mom.
Alcoholism is not rare among elders, and doctors are just starting to pick up on that. However, in the end, there's little to be done unless the person with the problem cooperates or her doctor believes she should be hospitalized.
Take care of yourself. This is a frustration many share.
Carol see more
Question
What solution for elderly husband who poops while he urinates?
Sitting down to urinate is the practical answer. I agree that some men will fight that, but unless cognition is at a level where he... Sitting down to urinate is the practical answer. I agree that some men will fight that, but unless cognition is at a level where he can't understand what's happening, hopefully he'll cooperate. I would suggest, however, that he see a specialist about this issue. It's possible that something can be done to help him.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What is late stage dementia? What does that picture look like? and Lastly how long does a single stage last?
This sounds quite typical. Lucid one moment and better at other times. I'm wondering if he's not yet in the last stage, as people... This sounds quite typical. Lucid one moment and better at other times. I'm wondering if he's not yet in the last stage, as people are generally pretty unresponsive at that time. A doctor can give you an estimate, but even doctors can be wrong on the time frame. As to how long a person lives, that depends a lot on general health. For in-depth Alzheimer's information I'd go to the National Alzheimer's Association at www.alz.org.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How do I stop my mother-in-law's husband with dementia from verbally abusing her in front of my family?
FTD and Lewy Body dementia can make a person behave just as you are describing. Add to that previous mental illness, and you've got an... FTD and Lewy Body dementia can make a person behave just as you are describing. Add to that previous mental illness, and you've got an even harder situation. Of course you know that neither of these conditions are his fault. And your mother-in-law knows this, too. But she feels a need to still be his wife.
Even though it's hard to watch, I think supporting your mother-in-law in what she needs to do is important. Encourage her to only bring him home when she feels she can tolerate it. Also, remind her that it is the job of the nursing home staff to cope with his illness. She can do what she is able to do. Visit him, and occasionally bring him home if she wants to. But she may want to cut back for her own health. Remind her that her health is important to all of you and that you'll support her in whatever she does.
Take care,
Carol see more
Even though it's hard to watch, I think supporting your mother-in-law in what she needs to do is important. Encourage her to only bring him home when she feels she can tolerate it. Also, remind her that it is the job of the nursing home staff to cope with his illness. She can do what she is able to do. Visit him, and occasionally bring him home if she wants to. But she may want to cut back for her own health. Remind her that her health is important to all of you and that you'll support her in whatever she does.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What do you do when a senior refuses to bathe?
This is a common problem. This article will give you some perspective and some tips:... This is a common problem. This article will give you some perspective and some tips: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/Alzheimers-disease-bathing-139323.htm
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
The doctors changed my FILs diagnosis from Parkinson's to sever brain atrophy. What should I expect?
I can't answer this question from experience as to severe brain atrophy, however I wanted to give you my condolences and relate my... I can't answer this question from experience as to severe brain atrophy, however I wanted to give you my condolences and relate my experience.
My dad went into surgery clear headed and came out with severe dementia. It was not Alzheimer's, no was it like any other dementia I've read about. So, I do relate to your feeling that you don't know what to expect.
All I can say is that we went day by day, trying to make him as content as possible. I was using validation very early on because to me that was all that made sense. Basically, I entered his world the best I could. There were some very rough times. Like your father-in-law, Dad had moments of clarity as well as some good days and many very difficult ones. But we all gave him love and attention and just hung on. He lived like this for ten years.
I hope that doctors can give you some idea of what to expect, however, as you mentioned already, each day will be different. Please stay tuned into this forum, not so much for specific information, but for support. We've all been through a lot.
Take care,
Carol see more
My dad went into surgery clear headed and came out with severe dementia. It was not Alzheimer's, no was it like any other dementia I've read about. So, I do relate to your feeling that you don't know what to expect.
All I can say is that we went day by day, trying to make him as content as possible. I was using validation very early on because to me that was all that made sense. Basically, I entered his world the best I could. There were some very rough times. Like your father-in-law, Dad had moments of clarity as well as some good days and many very difficult ones. But we all gave him love and attention and just hung on. He lived like this for ten years.
I hope that doctors can give you some idea of what to expect, however, as you mentioned already, each day will be different. Please stay tuned into this forum, not so much for specific information, but for support. We've all been through a lot.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How can I go about finding a reputable elder care lawyer?
The website National Association of Elder Law Attorneys (www.naela.org/) may be able to help you. They have a searchable web base.... The website National Association of Elder Law Attorneys (www.naela.org/) may be able to help you. They have a searchable web base. Otherwise, your phone book or a call to an estate attorney in your community should put you in touch with the services you need.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
What do I do when my grandmother refuses to eat or go to the doctor?
I'd check with your local social services and ask them for resources in your community. There may be some help. Also, of course, ask... I'd check with your local social services and ask them for resources in your community. There may be some help. Also, of course, ask her doctor or your doctor if she doesn't have one. He or she may have some ideas.
However, people have rights. It's sad, but she may have made up her mind to die. Sometimes people at that age just get tired of living. Naturally, you want to do all you can to change that, but don't live with guilt if she chooses to refuse help. Medical people and social services are your best bet for advice.
Take care,
Carol see more
However, people have rights. It's sad, but she may have made up her mind to die. Sometimes people at that age just get tired of living. Naturally, you want to do all you can to change that, but don't live with guilt if she chooses to refuse help. Medical people and social services are your best bet for advice.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How to you talk to an angry mother in law about moving to assisted living?
This sounds serious enough that you should talk with her doctor. Let him or her know that you need to move your mother-in-law but her... This sounds serious enough that you should talk with her doctor. Let him or her know that you need to move your mother-in-law but her paranoia and bitterness are preventing you from doing so. It could be that she has dementia that can be treated (not that this will "cure" her, but it could make her a bit more compliant). Since this needs to be done for everyone's sake, you could also call you local social services and ask them how to handle the situation.
Once you do get her moved, don't expect her to be happy. Some people refuse to be happy and some people even get their "entertainment" out of giving other's grief. If she's always been like this to some extent, nothing is likely to change her very much. Check with the experts and do what you can. Then, just bite the bullet, have her things moved and do it. Good luck,
Carol see more
Once you do get her moved, don't expect her to be happy. Some people refuse to be happy and some people even get their "entertainment" out of giving other's grief. If she's always been like this to some extent, nothing is likely to change her very much. Check with the experts and do what you can. Then, just bite the bullet, have her things moved and do it. Good luck,
Carol see more
Is there legal precedence for a doctor to notify a patient of a life threatening condition?
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