Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
Show:
Articles Question
Question
Will AARP supplement insurance cover the remaining 20% balance on hospital beds?
That depends on which supplement is in force. Plan F would cover it, but the other plans all vary on how much they cover. Some people... That depends on which supplement is in force. Plan F would cover it, but the other plans all vary on how much they cover. Some people choose other plans because the premium is cheaper, but then they end up with more copays. I'm hoping that Plan F is the one in effect.
AARP, Humana and other companies are all very similar because they are Federally subsidized private plans.
Good luck,
Carol see more
AARP, Humana and other companies are all very similar because they are Federally subsidized private plans.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Can I move my mother from one nursing home to another? Or can I move her to a rehab center?
You could contact the long-term care ombudsman for the Zip code of this nursing home and see if he or she can help you decide your next... You could contact the long-term care ombudsman for the Zip code of this nursing home and see if he or she can help you decide your next step. This person will know your state laws on Medicaid and the ins and outs of the system in your locale. If you to to www.ltcombudsman.org, you can type in the Zip code and that will take you to your contact. The ombudsman is your representative when dealing with ltc. Good luck,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Why has my mother started hiding odd things?
This type of behavior is common with Alzheimer's disease. You mention paranoia, which is what it is. I know one woman whose mother kept... This type of behavior is common with Alzheimer's disease. You mention paranoia, which is what it is. I know one woman whose mother kept hiding her hearing aids. They kept finding them in lamps, etc. The mother was afraid someone would steal them. I'd have your mother evaluated by a specialist. If you can't tell the doctor about this behavior in front of your mother, drop a note ahead of time, so that he or she can have a head start. There are other medical problems that can mimic dementia, but since you saw that your grandmother did the same thing, I would suspect some type of dementia.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
What can I do to help Mom and Dad's move to a senior living facility go as smoothly as possible?
If the people moving them are genuinely caring, they will likely have a good feel for what needs to be done, since this is their business.... If the people moving them are genuinely caring, they will likely have a good feel for what needs to be done, since this is their business. The main thing is that your parents need to keep whatever they have room for that will make their new surroundings seem like home. Be encouraging, but don't weaken, as the move needs to be made.
Let them complain without your getting tied up in it. I'd say this is a time for detachment to some extent, so you don't get pulled into the middle of your mother complaining about your dad. That really is hard to take.
If you just tell yourself this is normal - that they understandably will find this time difficult - it will help you. You may feel better if you talk with the movers and ask how they go about deciding what must go and what to take.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Let them complain without your getting tied up in it. I'd say this is a time for detachment to some extent, so you don't get pulled into the middle of your mother complaining about your dad. That really is hard to take.
If you just tell yourself this is normal - that they understandably will find this time difficult - it will help you. You may feel better if you talk with the movers and ask how they go about deciding what must go and what to take.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How can I protect my 84 year old mother from the "snake oil" salesman that is draining all of her money?
You could check the Better Business Bureau and see if there are complaints against this sales company. If there are, that may help her... You could check the Better Business Bureau and see if there are complaints against this sales company. If there are, that may help her understand that she is being taken for a ride. There are good supplements around, but she doesn't need to be spending hundreds of dollars to a direct sales person. She does, however, have rights, and if she wants to spend her money this way, and she isn't cognitively impaired, it really is her choice. I know that's frustrating, but unless this person is crooked, I'm not sure you can do much.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How do I handle an issue of possible pharmacology with the care facility where my grandmother resides?
Hi Daniel, Drug interactions often cause symptoms in elders like you are describing. Another issue is that hospitalization itself can cause... Hi Daniel,
Drug interactions often cause symptoms in elders like you are describing. Another issue is that hospitalization itself can cause dementia symptoms in elders. Also, the trauma of the hospitalization can tip the scale toward dementia if the person was on the edge prior to hospitalization.
What bothers me most is that the nursing home is ignoring your concerns. You might want to talk to the ombudsman for that nursing home. You can find that person on the official state website or else by typing in the home's Zip code on www.ltcombudsman.org. The ombudsman is your representative when it comes to LTC problems. It wouldn't hurt to check and see if he or she has suggestions for making the nursing home cooperate more. They need to know you aren't blaming them for your grandmother's problem, but you want them to help you find out what is causing it. A suggested article: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/cognitive-decline-after-hospital-stay-147836.htm
My heart goes out to you, Daniel. This is a horrible place to be (if you read the article you'll know I was in a similar situation. We still don't know what caused my dad's dementia, but it was irreversible).
Carol see more
Drug interactions often cause symptoms in elders like you are describing. Another issue is that hospitalization itself can cause dementia symptoms in elders. Also, the trauma of the hospitalization can tip the scale toward dementia if the person was on the edge prior to hospitalization.
What bothers me most is that the nursing home is ignoring your concerns. You might want to talk to the ombudsman for that nursing home. You can find that person on the official state website or else by typing in the home's Zip code on www.ltcombudsman.org. The ombudsman is your representative when it comes to LTC problems. It wouldn't hurt to check and see if he or she has suggestions for making the nursing home cooperate more. They need to know you aren't blaming them for your grandmother's problem, but you want them to help you find out what is causing it. A suggested article: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/cognitive-decline-after-hospital-stay-147836.htm
My heart goes out to you, Daniel. This is a horrible place to be (if you read the article you'll know I was in a similar situation. We still don't know what caused my dad's dementia, but it was irreversible).
Carol see more
Question
How to care for multiple aging relatives?
It's tough enough to do all of this when people live in your own town. I was, over the course of 20 years, the primary caregiver for... It's tough enough to do all of this when people live in your own town. I was, over the course of 20 years, the primary caregiver for seven elders. However, their needs were stretched out over time. There were a few years where I was caring for five of them. There was no choice but to enlist in-home caregivers and in some cases a local nursing home, though I was still the primary person in charge.
Try to realize that it's not likely that all of these people will need help at the same time. You'll be responsible for financial decisions, but you can't possibly provide hands-on care for them all. You'll have to designate, especially because most of them are at a distance from you. That means you'll need to look into hiring care for them when they need it, and even finding help through an estate attorney or elder law attorney for the legal matters. Try not to stress too much. You will just need to get some help.
Carol see more
Try to realize that it's not likely that all of these people will need help at the same time. You'll be responsible for financial decisions, but you can't possibly provide hands-on care for them all. You'll have to designate, especially because most of them are at a distance from you. That means you'll need to look into hiring care for them when they need it, and even finding help through an estate attorney or elder law attorney for the legal matters. Try not to stress too much. You will just need to get some help.
Carol see more
Question
What have you done to care for other caregivers in your community?
This is a fabulous idea! I hope more caregivers can start such groups. You sound caring as well as practical. Congratulations.
Carol
Carol
Question
Can my Dad's primary care doctor charge him for supposed visits in the nursing home?
A doctor making daily calls to the nursing home is likely going to bill for the time. Surely the staff at the home can verify whether or... A doctor making daily calls to the nursing home is likely going to bill for the time. Surely the staff at the home can verify whether or not he is making these stops. You may want to question the necessity of daily visits. That is pretty rare. Generally a nursing home has a doctor on call and a Physician's Assistant who stops at least weekly and checks on her patients. Daily doctor visits would seem a bit excessive unless there is a special need.
I'd first verify with the NH staff about whether the doctor actual visits daily, and I'd also ask the doctor why there is a need for him to check in on your dad every day when he's already in a skilled nursing facility.
Carol see more
I'd first verify with the NH staff about whether the doctor actual visits daily, and I'd also ask the doctor why there is a need for him to check in on your dad every day when he's already in a skilled nursing facility.
Carol see more
Question
Do you know if it is possible to make a deal with a nursing home for pre-payment, if the ill person does not q...
I've never heard of anyone doing this. State laws may prohibit such a payment. I guess you can ask, but I doubt that they could/would... I've never heard of anyone doing this. State laws may prohibit such a payment. I guess you can ask, but I doubt that they could/would take the "gamble."
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Is it legal for Nursing Home Admissions People to take bribes?
I agree with the general thought process here. Looking for another place seems like a good idea.
Carol
Carol
Question
Is it easier to move the patient to another state to be closer to family?
That depends on the family member. Many times they fight the move since they may be leaving friends and a whole lifestyle behind. If the... That depends on the family member. Many times they fight the move since they may be leaving friends and a whole lifestyle behind. If the person is not too cognitively aware, you may be able to make it work. Either way, lots of support and understanding will be needed. Moving isn't easy for anyone, and it's harder for elders. Yet, it is easier, of course, to care for someone if they are nearby. Good luck,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Is this a trap?
Hi Birdsong, I think in many ways you've answered your own question. You list many negatives - the only positive being temporary... Hi Birdsong,
I think in many ways you've answered your own question. You list many negatives - the only positive being temporary financial help. If there is a way that you can to and test the waters, that's what I'd recommend. But don't cut off any support from where you are now until you see if some members of your family have changed. People do change, so we don't want to write them all off. But they also can be manipulative, as you've seen only too well.
In the end, you'll have to follow your own gut. But I don't see why it has to be either/or. Try for something temporary. Maybe go and apply for jobs, etc. while you are there. But don't but yourself off from the support you have now. Test the waters first.
Good luck,
Carol see more
I think in many ways you've answered your own question. You list many negatives - the only positive being temporary financial help. If there is a way that you can to and test the waters, that's what I'd recommend. But don't cut off any support from where you are now until you see if some members of your family have changed. People do change, so we don't want to write them all off. But they also can be manipulative, as you've seen only too well.
In the end, you'll have to follow your own gut. But I don't see why it has to be either/or. Try for something temporary. Maybe go and apply for jobs, etc. while you are there. But don't but yourself off from the support you have now. Test the waters first.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Has anyone lived with a loved one diagnosed with both Parkinson's & Alzheimer's?
You are very insightful to understand so fully what he is going through. His children may be in denial to some extent, which could be why... You are very insightful to understand so fully what he is going through. His children may be in denial to some extent, which could be why they refuse to understand. Amazon has an interesting book by the sound of it (I haven't read it) called "The Brain That Destroys Itself." You may want to consider that book or others. I would contact both the Parkinson's Foundation (www.parkinson.org) and the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org) and see what you can find for support. Both the Alzheimer's Association and the Alzheimer's Foundation of America (www.alzfdn.org) are very helpful.
Many people with Parkinson's get dementia somewhere along the line, so this isn't terribly unusual.
Your are probably right that his being a physician makes it all even harder for him as he knows what he's facing. Please look at getting help with his care. You can't do it all alone.
Take care of yourself, as well,
Carol see more
Many people with Parkinson's get dementia somewhere along the line, so this isn't terribly unusual.
Your are probably right that his being a physician makes it all even harder for him as he knows what he's facing. Please look at getting help with his care. You can't do it all alone.
Take care of yourself, as well,
Carol see more
Question
Mom is 90. She lives with me and is always bored.
First of all, she should see a doctor. Her depression might be treatable. You could call your local RSVP (Retired Senior Volunteer... First of all, she should see a doctor. Her depression might be treatable.
You could call your local RSVP (Retired Senior Volunteer Program) and see if they have Senior Companions. Senior Companions are retired people who provide companionship for elders. It's a free service. Also, of course, you could hire an in-home care agency to have a caregiver come to your home and keep your mom occupied. You do need some time alone. I hope you find a solution.
Carol see more
You could call your local RSVP (Retired Senior Volunteer Program) and see if they have Senior Companions. Senior Companions are retired people who provide companionship for elders. It's a free service. Also, of course, you could hire an in-home care agency to have a caregiver come to your home and keep your mom occupied. You do need some time alone. I hope you find a solution.
Carol see more
Question
Can a senior apartment deny my mom residence because she has Alzheimer's?
Much depends on how the apartment is funded. If it's a private facility, likely they can say that they aren't prepared to help... Much depends on how the apartment is funded. If it's a private facility, likely they can say that they aren't prepared to help people who have dementia. If the apartment is subsidized with Federal money, that may change the picture. You could with check your city housing authority to learn more.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
My mother's new power of attorney has my brother as her agent, with full power of substitution and revocation....
As far as I know this means he has the power to do everything for you mother when it comes to financial matters. He could name a substitute... As far as I know this means he has the power to do everything for you mother when it comes to financial matters. He could name a substitute POA and revoke his own POA appointment. You should check with an attorney to clarify/confirm this as I'm not a legal expert.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Is it wrong to just want it to end?
Hi Trunner, No it's not wrong. It's normal. None of us likes watching suffering. Your mom is 97 and likely very tired of it all.... Hi Trunner,
No it's not wrong. It's normal. None of us likes watching suffering. Your mom is 97 and likely very tired of it all. Some people have strong hearts and they just keep going even when the rest of their body is failing them.
You are rightfully tired. Please try to get others to spend time with your mom so you can get some respite. There will eventually be an end to her suffering and yours. When that happens, please don't harbor any guilt about these thoughts you are having now. I repeat: your thoughts are natural and nearly any caregiver in your shoes would have the same thoughts.
Take care of yourself,
Carol see more
No it's not wrong. It's normal. None of us likes watching suffering. Your mom is 97 and likely very tired of it all. Some people have strong hearts and they just keep going even when the rest of their body is failing them.
You are rightfully tired. Please try to get others to spend time with your mom so you can get some respite. There will eventually be an end to her suffering and yours. When that happens, please don't harbor any guilt about these thoughts you are having now. I repeat: your thoughts are natural and nearly any caregiver in your shoes would have the same thoughts.
Take care of yourself,
Carol see more
Question
How can I help my husband's family start to deal with the aging/care-giving, estate planning issues that are i...
Do you and your husband have estate planning papers in order? If not, I'd casually say to his parents that you plan to get this in... Do you and your husband have estate planning papers in order? If not, I'd casually say to his parents that you plan to get this in place because otherwise there would be chaos if one or both of you died. People can die in accidents at any age.
This may be a way to get his parents thinking about it. It's possible they may ask who you are seeing and maybe want your help. There is no guarantee this approach will work but it often opens the conversation in a non-confrontational manner. Good luck,
Carol see more
This may be a way to get his parents thinking about it. It's possible they may ask who you are seeing and maybe want your help. There is no guarantee this approach will work but it often opens the conversation in a non-confrontational manner. Good luck,
Carol see more
Can I prepay for a funeral for my sister on Medicaid in nursing home with her income? We are from Michigan.
Take care,
Carol see more