Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
How can I pay my grandmothers bills with her SSI check?
She'll need to give you Power Of Attorney. You could download a form from the Internet if she isn't able to see an attorney because... She'll need to give you Power Of Attorney. You could download a form from the Internet if she isn't able to see an attorney because she is so ill. Then, perhaps, the hospital has a Notary Public who can witness her signature. even if she's in bed. You'd need a copy for her bank in order to sign checks for her. This is important for her. I hope you can get it handled.
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Question
How can I stop my husband from catering to my 87-year-old mother who lives with us? He constantly fawns over...
Yes, you do deserve to count. It sounds as if the elder care issues are affecting your marriage, which isn't unusual. Will he go to... Yes, you do deserve to count. It sounds as if the elder care issues are affecting your marriage, which isn't unusual. Will he go to marriage counseling with you to help you both find a balance that works? Eldercare often stresses the best of marriages, so you aren't alone. If he won't go, you may want to go alone, just to vent. Take care of yourself and you may feel better about the whole thing. Good luck,
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Question
If I cannot work to stay home with my elderly mom can I get paid by Medicare or some other agency?
In some states, Medicaid (not Medicare) will pay a stipend for you to care for a parent at home. It isn't likely to replace your work... In some states, Medicaid (not Medicare) will pay a stipend for you to care for a parent at home. It isn't likely to replace your work income, however. You can check with the Family Caregiver Support Program on your state's website and see if you can find out some local resources. Good luck,
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Question
How do I cope with putting my husband in a nursing facility? He has dementia.
Violets, The fact that he wants to go home is almost universal. Two things to remember. One is that you really cannot safely take care of... Violets,
The fact that he wants to go home is almost universal. Two things to remember. One is that you really cannot safely take care of him at home alone, so there is no option. The other is that you can be a better wife to him if you aren't totally exhausted by all of his care needs. You can visit him somewhat refreshed because you can have a life of your own, and you can get some rest.
One more thing to remember, depending on his stage of dementia, is that he may actually want to return to a childhood home he remembers. We don't always know what they mean when they say "home." Please don't let guilt get to you. Remember that you have done your best for him and that you still are. He needs more care than you can give alone. Keep in touch with us. Other caregivers will really understand.
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The fact that he wants to go home is almost universal. Two things to remember. One is that you really cannot safely take care of him at home alone, so there is no option. The other is that you can be a better wife to him if you aren't totally exhausted by all of his care needs. You can visit him somewhat refreshed because you can have a life of your own, and you can get some rest.
One more thing to remember, depending on his stage of dementia, is that he may actually want to return to a childhood home he remembers. We don't always know what they mean when they say "home." Please don't let guilt get to you. Remember that you have done your best for him and that you still are. He needs more care than you can give alone. Keep in touch with us. Other caregivers will really understand.
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Question
Is there reimbursement for having a parent live with you? My dad is 87 and needs help with bathing, cooking, m...
If your dad is on Medicaid, you can check to see if they pay some hours for his care. In some states you can get help with this. Much... If your dad is on Medicaid, you can check to see if they pay some hours for his care. In some states you can get help with this. Much depends on where you live. If he's not on Medicaid but is a veteran, maybe you can get some help there. Otherwise, it's not likely. Try both options and see if they pay some kind of stipend for family caregivers. We should have more options for that, as it certainly saves the government a lot of money if we can keep our loved ones at home longer.
About your promise. Please understand that if the time comes where you can no longer provide safe care for your dad, or if your own health is degrading because of so much stress and his physical needs, you have honored the spirit of your promise. You can't go back, but it's always better for a person to say that "I'll do everything possible to see that you get the best care" than to promise not to ever put them in a nursing home. Our older generation often remembers nursing homes in the "poor farm" era. We still have many that are substandard. But in many areas of the country, nursing homes have made huge advances to ensure hands-on compassionate care for our elders, allowing adult children to become daughters and sons again, rather than only caregivers. Perhaps you'll be able to see this through to the end, but please don't feel guilty if you can't.
Take care,
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About your promise. Please understand that if the time comes where you can no longer provide safe care for your dad, or if your own health is degrading because of so much stress and his physical needs, you have honored the spirit of your promise. You can't go back, but it's always better for a person to say that "I'll do everything possible to see that you get the best care" than to promise not to ever put them in a nursing home. Our older generation often remembers nursing homes in the "poor farm" era. We still have many that are substandard. But in many areas of the country, nursing homes have made huge advances to ensure hands-on compassionate care for our elders, allowing adult children to become daughters and sons again, rather than only caregivers. Perhaps you'll be able to see this through to the end, but please don't feel guilty if you can't.
Take care,
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Question
Can I press charges or prevent a neighbor from seeing my grandmother?
To press charges or to get a restraining order you'd likely have to prove abuse. The idea she uses a false name is troubling, however.... To press charges or to get a restraining order you'd likely have to prove abuse. The idea she uses a false name is troubling, however. Could you talk to the care home people and see if this woman can be barred from visiting by asking them to post a picture of her? You can explain she uses different names. A restraining order would be next, but this could get involved. I guess it all depends on how much these visits upset your grandmother and how much you are willing to go through legally.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
What are some good assessment tools used to assess the needs of someone needing some assistance to stay indepe...
The general rule is how they handle their activities of daily living such as dressing, eating and general self care. You may want to hire... The general rule is how they handle their activities of daily living such as dressing, eating and general self care. You may want to hire an agency to evaluate the person if you are not sure yourself. However, with the aid of a personal alarm system so that he or she can summon help if there is an emergency, plus someone to check daily and assist when necessary, many people can live independently for a long time.
If this person needs help dressing, walking, cooking and remembering medicines, you may want to consider limited in-home health care through an agency for just the hours needed. The Alzheimer's Association can give you a good idea of where to draw the line, if there are cognitive issues involved. Independence is really a very personal matter, and much depends on the home where the person lives (can they get to the bathroom without going up or down stairs?). Is the bedroom on the same floor. Can they do at least limited cooking? Talk with the person, observe his or her comfort level with being alone, and do consider a personal alarm system. There are many on the market. You can get recommendations for your area by checking with a local in-home care agency or hospital. Take care,
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If this person needs help dressing, walking, cooking and remembering medicines, you may want to consider limited in-home health care through an agency for just the hours needed. The Alzheimer's Association can give you a good idea of where to draw the line, if there are cognitive issues involved. Independence is really a very personal matter, and much depends on the home where the person lives (can they get to the bathroom without going up or down stairs?). Is the bedroom on the same floor. Can they do at least limited cooking? Talk with the person, observe his or her comfort level with being alone, and do consider a personal alarm system. There are many on the market. You can get recommendations for your area by checking with a local in-home care agency or hospital. Take care,
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Question
My mom needs to be placed in a nursing home. Where do I start?
You are right that you'll be able to be a better daughter when you aren't handling all of this care. There's only so much you... You are right that you'll be able to be a better daughter when you aren't handling all of this care. There's only so much you can do and you've done more than most people ever could.
The doctor may need to sign some papers and will eventually get back to you. Meanwhile, tour some nursing homes so you know what you like. Many have waiting lists, so you may need to wait for a good one. If this doctor doesn't help out, and I can't imagine why he or she wouldn't, then find a different doctor to do the admittance exam.
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The doctor may need to sign some papers and will eventually get back to you. Meanwhile, tour some nursing homes so you know what you like. Many have waiting lists, so you may need to wait for a good one. If this doctor doesn't help out, and I can't imagine why he or she wouldn't, then find a different doctor to do the admittance exam.
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Question
How do you approach who pays what bills when a stepparent is involved & my parent is living in her home?
They are married and he lives there, so I don't understand any objection your siblings would have over his paying his share. It really... They are married and he lives there, so I don't understand any objection your siblings would have over his paying his share. It really doesn't seem to me that they should have anything to say about it. Your stepmother likely has records of their finances, should there be any question. If they had a prenuptial agreement, she needs to follow that. Much depends on how close to her you are. If you are quite close, you may want to let her know about your brothers and that they could cause some issues when your father dies, just so she knows about it. Good luck. She seems like a pretty good woman.
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Question
How is Posterior Cortical Atrophy is different than Alzheimer's?
Hi xmart, I'm so sorry about this vision problem along with other Alzheimer's symptoms. It's rough for you all. I have seen PCA... Hi xmart,
I'm so sorry about this vision problem along with other Alzheimer's symptoms. It's rough for you all.
I have seen PCA called an "atypical form of Alzheimer's," but the words below are from the Mayo Clinic site, and they explain it differently:
"Posterior cortical atrophy is a rare, degenerative brain and nervous system disorder (neurological condition) that causes your vision to decline. The vision problems result from a disease of your brain. Common symptoms include difficulties with reading, recognizing common objects and recognizing familiar faces. It may eventually cause your memory and thinking abilities (cognitive skills) to decline. Posterior cortical atrophy may be associated with Alzheimer's disease, Lewy body dementia or other neurological conditions."
I interpret this to mean that PCA can occur with other dementias, including AD, but it is quite rare. In any brain problem such as dementia or stroke, the part of the brain affected determines the symptoms. With Alzheimer's disease, overall shrinking of the brain is one sign doctors watch for. The cells in the hippocampus, where short term memory is formed, is generally the first to show damage. In this case, it sounds like the situation started differently but also involves other areas of the brain.
There's still much that isn't known about individual dementias, so the best thing to do is to keep communicating with a neurologist about this particular case.
Take care and keep searching for information. I'd suggest that you contact the Alzheimer's Association at www.alz.org to help you keep on research and for more guidance.
Take care,
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I'm so sorry about this vision problem along with other Alzheimer's symptoms. It's rough for you all.
I have seen PCA called an "atypical form of Alzheimer's," but the words below are from the Mayo Clinic site, and they explain it differently:
"Posterior cortical atrophy is a rare, degenerative brain and nervous system disorder (neurological condition) that causes your vision to decline. The vision problems result from a disease of your brain. Common symptoms include difficulties with reading, recognizing common objects and recognizing familiar faces. It may eventually cause your memory and thinking abilities (cognitive skills) to decline. Posterior cortical atrophy may be associated with Alzheimer's disease, Lewy body dementia or other neurological conditions."
I interpret this to mean that PCA can occur with other dementias, including AD, but it is quite rare. In any brain problem such as dementia or stroke, the part of the brain affected determines the symptoms. With Alzheimer's disease, overall shrinking of the brain is one sign doctors watch for. The cells in the hippocampus, where short term memory is formed, is generally the first to show damage. In this case, it sounds like the situation started differently but also involves other areas of the brain.
There's still much that isn't known about individual dementias, so the best thing to do is to keep communicating with a neurologist about this particular case.
Take care and keep searching for information. I'd suggest that you contact the Alzheimer's Association at www.alz.org to help you keep on research and for more guidance.
Take care,
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Question
I have a disabled father and I take care of him. How do I apply for benefits?
I'm not sure if you mean benefits for him or benefits for you to take care of him. If he is disabled but isn't on disability, you... I'm not sure if you mean benefits for him or benefits for you to take care of him.
If he is disabled but isn't on disability, you can go to Medicare.gov or call the Medicare office and ask how you get started on disability paperwork for him. If he is already on disability and Medicaid, you can see if in your state you can get paid for some hours of caring for him. Even though Medicaid is a Federal program, state laws work into the formula.
Good luck,
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If he is disabled but isn't on disability, you can go to Medicare.gov or call the Medicare office and ask how you get started on disability paperwork for him. If he is already on disability and Medicaid, you can see if in your state you can get paid for some hours of caring for him. Even though Medicaid is a Federal program, state laws work into the formula.
Good luck,
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Question
Are there in-home care benefits for Widows of Veterans?
In some areas there is in-home care for the veteran. You can try to get the help for the widow. It's never a quick fix, however. If... In some areas there is in-home care for the veteran. You can try to get the help for the widow. It's never a quick fix, however. If help is needed immediately, you may have to hire in-home help until you find out if the VA comes through. You'll need to contact them to see if they have people who can help in your city.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
How do you help an alcoholic, xanax addicted dad when he won't do anything the doctors or family members sugge...
You could have Social Services do a welfare check. If they arrive and he is really drunk, they may be able to intervene and get his wife... You could have Social Services do a welfare check. If they arrive and he is really drunk, they may be able to intervene and get his wife into a facility. She has AD and he is unable to provide good care.
Sometimes we really want to help people, but if they are competent, we can't. However, I'd try Social Services and see what advice they give you.
Good luck,
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Sometimes we really want to help people, but if they are competent, we can't. However, I'd try Social Services and see what advice they give you.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
The MIL bought a house across the street and has no concept of boundaries. How can we get control before it's...
The hope of inheritance may need to be dropped for your sanity. You are right in that when you let her help with your new home there was a... The hope of inheritance may need to be dropped for your sanity. You are right in that when you let her help with your new home there was a huge rope attached. She's using her money to control you and your husband. You'll both have to set boundaries and stick to them. That means detaching from her anger and her manipulation. If you don't fight back, but ignore her "stuff" you may be better off. Act like the money doesn't matter. Set ground rules. If you don't separate from her control you will suffer mentally and emotionally. That means accepting that she may disinherit her son (unlikely, but if you accept that fact you'll both have more courage). The history of her manipulation makes this all harder, and her stroke and health issues just add to the problem. I really feel for you, but no one can do this but you and your husband. You may have to sell the house and buy one you can afford. Good luck,
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Question
Will I need to sell my mothers stuff if it becomes a permanent situation?
Probably not, since she's already been on Medicaid. If you've lived together and you've care for her for two years or more,... Probably not, since she's already been on Medicaid. If you've lived together and you've care for her for two years or more, that should make a difference. Much depends on the state where you live, but I think you should be okay. Check with the Medicaid social worker if there are questions. Good luck,
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Question
My grandfather 97 is sleeping constantly and not eating much, is this normal?
I'm sorry, but he may be nearing the end. I'd contact his doctor unless he's in a care facility. At 97, I'd say it's... I'm sorry, but he may be nearing the end. I'd contact his doctor unless he's in a care facility. At 97, I'd say it's "normal," but his body is shutting down. A doctor should consider if there is infection or something going on, but he may just be wearing out. It sounds like a peaceful end if that is what is happening. It doesn't hurt to check with the doctor however.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
My dad gives my son money to help him. Is this legal with Medicaid spend down?
Having a contract may be a good thing if the amount is substantial. It needn't be complicated, however if the amount is quite large you... Having a contract may be a good thing if the amount is substantial. It needn't be complicated, however if the amount is quite large you may want to consult an attorney for a one-time visit. If it's just a small amount there may not be an issue, but I believe in covering the bases so that there aren't nasty surprises when you get to the Medicaid step.
Your son is earning this money in a very respectable way. Your dad would have to pay someone else to provide these services. So, why not make it a legal document so no one needs to worry. An attorney would know the right words to use.
Take care,
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Your son is earning this money in a very respectable way. Your dad would have to pay someone else to provide these services. So, why not make it a legal document so no one needs to worry. An attorney would know the right words to use.
Take care,
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Question
How do I tell my mother who is fearful of death that it is time for hospice care?
Excellent advice all around. My parents benefited so much from hospice. They were able to live their lives without pain and with dignity -... Excellent advice all around. My parents benefited so much from hospice. They were able to live their lives without pain and with dignity - until it was time to die. You local hospice will have a chaplain who can help you along with the steps. Once your mother accepts she will die either way, she'll realize it's better to live in a way where she can enjoy her family. Take care, my friend. This is hard, but hospice will help the family, as well.
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Question
Has anyone had a parent with dementia in a nursing facility who is combative, including cursing at cna's and n...
This isn't unusual at all and the CNAs are used to it. Many people with dementia go into this phase. Ativan can be helpful. She's... This isn't unusual at all and the CNAs are used to it. Many people with dementia go into this phase. Ativan can be helpful. She's likely frightened about not understanding her environment and that fright/anxiety comes out in the swearing behavior. This is hard to watch when you know that this behavior isn't part of the person's personality. Don't take it personally - the CNAs aren't. Remind yourself that this is the disease at work and she can't help it. Keep in touch with the medical people in case they want to try another drug, but many AD behaviors can't be medicated away. We just have to deal with them.
Take care of yourself by getting breaks and talking about your concerns.
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Take care of yourself by getting breaks and talking about your concerns.
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Am I forcing food on my mother who is in late stage Alzheimer's?
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