Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
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Question
Is there any equipment or "aids" to help get an elderly person up from a fall?
This is a huge problem. I've always thought there should be someone local we can call for help when our elders fall. Sometimes, with... This is a huge problem. I've always thought there should be someone local we can call for help when our elders fall. Sometimes, with the aid of a chair and a walker or other sturdy objects, people can help themselves, but when my mother fell, she was completely totally. I had to call 9-1-1. That gets old believe me. I hope someone has come up with some miracle aside from strong human arms (and backs), but I don't know of any one answer. Maybe someone else on the site will be able to give you more help. Believe me, I know what you are dealing with.
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How can I encourage my mother to exercise? She refuses no matter what I suggest and I'm worried about her hea...
You were smart to suggest that you exercise together. That sometimes gets people motivated. However, in this case it didn't work. She... You were smart to suggest that you exercise together. That sometimes gets people motivated. However, in this case it didn't work. She may be depressed enough so she doesn't feel like taking care of herself. If you can get her to a doctor for a checkup, there may be some progress.
Otherwise, maybe all you can do it not talk about it. If she is left alone about exercising, she may decide "on her own" to do it. Sometimes people get stubborn when adult children want them to do things for their own good. If you back off, she may more forward. I hope so. You are right that she is too young to be old. Good luck,
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Otherwise, maybe all you can do it not talk about it. If she is left alone about exercising, she may decide "on her own" to do it. Sometimes people get stubborn when adult children want them to do things for their own good. If you back off, she may more forward. I hope so. You are right that she is too young to be old. Good luck,
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Question
I am an only child. Both of my parents have dementia. I have no extended family or children. Anyone else have...
You are right that nursing homes aren't always wonderful. There are many that are excellent, some that are terrible, and more than a... You are right that nursing homes aren't always wonderful. There are many that are excellent, some that are terrible, and more than a few that would be much better if only they had more staff and money.
However, you alone can't handle all of this stress. Even though you aren't doing all of the hands-on care, you are still on call 24/7. You don't get a chance to get away from the stress. Many of us have been in you shoes or in situations somewhat similar to yours. I was a primary caregiver to multiple elders in multiple situations for two decades. When you said 15 years, I got tired again just reading your story. Try contact your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. You'll find them on the state website. These people may be able to help you find some answers that you can live with.
You will have to detach to some degree from the guilt of not being totally available to your parents or you may die before they do. More counseling with the right counselor could help. Sometimes that takes several tries.
Take care of yourself, please. You must have some life of your own in order to survive.
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However, you alone can't handle all of this stress. Even though you aren't doing all of the hands-on care, you are still on call 24/7. You don't get a chance to get away from the stress. Many of us have been in you shoes or in situations somewhat similar to yours. I was a primary caregiver to multiple elders in multiple situations for two decades. When you said 15 years, I got tired again just reading your story. Try contact your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. You'll find them on the state website. These people may be able to help you find some answers that you can live with.
You will have to detach to some degree from the guilt of not being totally available to your parents or you may die before they do. More counseling with the right counselor could help. Sometimes that takes several tries.
Take care of yourself, please. You must have some life of your own in order to survive.
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Question
My dad is spending more than his pension per week. How do I stop him so that he will not go into debt?
I can see why this worries you. It seems as though someone who can talk with him in person would be a good thing. Does he have a friend of... I can see why this worries you. It seems as though someone who can talk with him in person would be a good thing. Does he have a friend of his own generation who can intervene? Often family dynamics enter in when an adult child tries to control what the elder does. In the end, if he won't listen to anyone, there may be nothing you can do. Of course, if he has dementia, then you may be able to get some legal control. Good luck,
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Question
What do I do when I feel burned out, depressed and somewhat suicidal?
That's fabulous news! I'm so glad you got some help.
hugs,
Carol
hugs,
Carol
Question
When someone has Alzheimer's is it typical for their bad habits and bad behavior in their lives get even worse...
My experience tells me that Jeannegibbs is right (as she generally is). AD can cause personality changes that are nothing like the person... My experience tells me that Jeannegibbs is right (as she generally is). AD can cause personality changes that are nothing like the person used to be or would have been without the disease. The brain is affected by the disease and those effects can cause the sweetest person to become a tyrant. Frontotemporal dementia (FTD) has personality change as one of the first signs of the disease. This does not mean that this new behavior was lurking below the surface to increase with age. It's the disease making itself known. That's why compassion for the person with dementia is so important. They really can't help their behavior and most would do anything to be "themselves" once again.
Thanks for asking,
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Thanks for asking,
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Question
What is a caregiver?
The term "caregiver" refers to anyone who cares for another person, whether professionally or as a family member.... The term "caregiver" refers to anyone who cares for another person, whether professionally or as a family member. "Caretaker" is a word that was once used, and you see it now and then still, but it sounds more like someone who is a "caretaker" for a lake cabin or something material than for a person. Call it PC jargon if you like, but that's the history of the terms.
An aside: The UK and Australia general use the word "carers" instead of caregivers. Whatever work you prefer, "care" is the essential part.
Thanks for an interesting question.
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An aside: The UK and Australia general use the word "carers" instead of caregivers. Whatever work you prefer, "care" is the essential part.
Thanks for an interesting question.
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Question
What can I do to feel better about my parents safety?
I'd certainly look into that unless they can afford 24 hour in-home care. They could be safer and after an adjustment time more content... I'd certainly look into that unless they can afford 24 hour in-home care. They could be safer and after an adjustment time more content in some type of assisted living, and you could relax about their safety. Please look into some type of help.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
Do the elderly over age 70 still file taxes?
It depends on income, not age. Many people over 70 have investments and income besides their Social Security. Even if people have only... It depends on income, not age. Many people over 70 have investments and income besides their Social Security. Even if people have only Social Security, if it's high enough they could have to pay taxes.
Please check into this. You don't want to take chances. A tax expert can help you out.
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Please check into this. You don't want to take chances. A tax expert can help you out.
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Question
My 84-year-old husband has difficulty directing his entire urinary stream into the bowl. Anything he can do?
He may be spraying outward more as the stream weakens because of an enlarged prostate. A urologist should be able to give some advice.... He may be spraying outward more as the stream weakens because of an enlarged prostate. A urologist should be able to give some advice. I'd strongly suggest making an appointment.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
How do both my husband and I become legal primary caregivers for my mom with dementia who lives with us?
If you have POA for health and a health directive, you should be able to do what is needed. If now, you may have to obtain guardianship... If you have POA for health and a health directive, you should be able to do what is needed. If now, you may have to obtain guardianship through the courts. I'd ask the doctor what he or she thinks are the best steps to take.
Good luck,
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Good luck,
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Question
How do I deal with or question my mother's doctor when she doesn't want me in the room?
The best thing, of course, is to ask her to sign HIPAA forms to allow you to go with her and help with her medical questions. If she... The best thing, of course, is to ask her to sign HIPAA forms to allow you to go with her and help with her medical questions. If she won't, then you could try writing the doctor and voicing your concerns.
However, I see red flags with this doctor. Most doctors will not just fill pain prescriptions whenever the patient asks. The doctor may be just too "busy" to deal with her so goes with her requests, but I'd say, in that case, another doctor is in order.
This could be a problem for you, as she may be addicted to the medications and may not cooperate, knowing another doctor won't follow her requests.
Privacy laws are in place for good reason, but they can't have unintended consequences in cases like yours. Having her declared incompetent could, in the end, be your only recourse. I'd try other alternatives first, like asking a good friend of hers to recommend another doctor, or asking her to go to counseling with you.
I wish you luck with this - it's a sticky issue.
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However, I see red flags with this doctor. Most doctors will not just fill pain prescriptions whenever the patient asks. The doctor may be just too "busy" to deal with her so goes with her requests, but I'd say, in that case, another doctor is in order.
This could be a problem for you, as she may be addicted to the medications and may not cooperate, knowing another doctor won't follow her requests.
Privacy laws are in place for good reason, but they can't have unintended consequences in cases like yours. Having her declared incompetent could, in the end, be your only recourse. I'd try other alternatives first, like asking a good friend of hers to recommend another doctor, or asking her to go to counseling with you.
I wish you luck with this - it's a sticky issue.
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Question
How do I deal with the spouse of someone who has Alzheimer's and does not take the AZ person out of the house...
This situation is horrifying. Please keep after Social Services to do a welfare check. You may want to call the Alzheimer's... This situation is horrifying. Please keep after Social Services to do a welfare check. You may want to call the Alzheimer's organization near you and see if a social worker can help you with this. They may have some clout with social services. Good luck and thank you for caring so much,
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Question
My husband has to go to a nursing home. If he goes on Medicaid will he take my money?
I believe that since you are married, your money will also be counted as assets. You could see an estate attorney to see if you have... I believe that since you are married, your money will also be counted as assets. You could see an estate attorney to see if you have anything special that makes your case different, however.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
My secondary insurance has become too expensive but I need the prescription card. What can I do?
Since you are on disability and have so little income, you should qualify for Medicaid. Please look into that. Meanwhile, most states have... Since you are on disability and have so little income, you should qualify for Medicaid. Please look into that. Meanwhile, most states have an insurance pool for people who can't get insurance. This may or may not be less expensive than what you are on. Please call your disability representative and ask what to do. Good luck. You definitely need assistance.
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Question
Can I have a tax deduction if I care for my husband full time who has early onset dementia?
There's no deduction that is as specific as that that I know of. You should check with a tax expert for this, as situations differ. His... There's no deduction that is as specific as that that I know of. You should check with a tax expert for this, as situations differ. His medical expenses should be deductible but as far as a deduction for caring for him vs. a paying outside job, I'm not sure that you'd come out that well financially. I wish you the best. Please get advice from a specialist in this field.
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Question
Is there a piece of legislation regulating relief for agency live-in caregivers?
I'd check you state website for labor laws and see if you can get anywhere. This doesn't seem right, but likely this is a state law... I'd check you state website for labor laws and see if you can get anywhere. This doesn't seem right, but likely this is a state law issue. I'd look for a new agency if I were you. There should be some respite or rotation involved. You should have breaks and days off in order to do your best work. Good luck,
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Question
Can I refuse treatment for my mother, who is a hospice patient?
Personally, I agree with you. Why put her through the tests if she is in end stage dementia and she can't have surgery even if they... Personally, I agree with you. Why put her through the tests if she is in end stage dementia and she can't have surgery even if they find something wrong. If she is not bothered by the discharge, I'm surprised that a hospice doctor is advising this exam. I believe as her POA, you can refuse treatment. You may want a second medical opinion if that helps you feel better about the decision.
Take care,
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Take care,
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Question
I currently possess power of attorney (POA) over both of my parents in the State of Florida. Would having guar...
Each state is different, but it seems to me that your POA, if you also have a health directive (POA for health care), should be enough.... Each state is different, but it seems to me that your POA, if you also have a health directive (POA for health care), should be enough. Guardianship is generally the route people take when there is no POA and the elders are not cognitively able to grant permission to anyone. You may want to talk to an attorney about this, but if you have POA rights for financial and health, you aren't likely to need more. If you only have a financial POA, but not health, an attorney could advise you.
Take care,
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Take care,
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How do you explain Dementia/Alzheimer's to children?
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/helping-kids-cope-with-alzheimers-disease-149384.htm
Best,
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