Carol Bradley Bursack, CDSGF
Author, speaker, columnist and eldercare consultant
Over the span of two decades, author, columnist, consultant and speaker Carol Bradley Bursack cared for a neighbor and six elderly family members. Her experiences inspired her to pen "Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories," a portable support group book for caregivers.
Show:
Articles Question
Question
My husband is 76-years-old and disabled from Parkinson's. Can he get a Tax deduction?
His medical expenses would be deductible. Other than that, I'm not sure what else he could get. You should check with a tax expert and... His medical expenses would be deductible. Other than that, I'm not sure what else he could get. You should check with a tax expert and see if there is anything else.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
Has anyone tried the GPS tracking shoes?
I haven't tried them myself, but they certainly have their use if you have a loved one with Alzheimer's who is still likely to go... I haven't tried them myself, but they certainly have their use if you have a loved one with Alzheimer's who is still likely to go out alone. There's a monthly fee, but it's often worth the peace of mind. Hopefully, someone from the community will chime in with his or her thoughts. I would caution against thinking this takes care of safety issues - it's a tool and no more.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
What should I do with my parent' car when my farther is applying for Medicaid?
A driver's license shouldn't affect his ability to sell the car, but the registration is important to prove ownership. If he's... A driver's license shouldn't affect his ability to sell the car, but the registration is important to prove ownership. If he's going to sell the car, likely he should do it now. Medicaid may want the money, but it's not that much long-term. The best approach if he doesn't sell it now is to contact Medicaid and see what their view is.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
How do we know the in home caregiver will be a good one?
You are right - trust is everything. You could try to offer more money if you really want these people. But if you have to move to other... You are right - trust is everything. You could try to offer more money if you really want these people. But if you have to move to other caregivers, I'd try a respected care agency where you have backup if someone can't come on a certain day, and you know the people are bonded and insured, plus they've gone through background checks. You can do this yourself, but it's not easy. Good luck. I know the hands-on caregivers are "everything" to the satisfaction of the elder and family. I hope you figure this out.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
If you claim money paid to you by your parent as income can you qualify for an earned income credit?
If the person is your dependent you may be able to, but there are too many variables here. You should talk with a tax specialist. If you... If the person is your dependent you may be able to, but there are too many variables here. You should talk with a tax specialist. If you support an adult dependent child and are low income, you can claim the earned income credit, so it would make sense that if your parent qualifies as your dependent, you could, but I would get individualized advice from a tax specialist first. You don't want to make a mistake here. Good luck,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
What can I do when I'm nervous about leaving my grandma alone?
Hi musiclover, It seems like you are trying to handle a situation that would tax anyone. Please go online to your state website and look up... Hi musiclover,
It seems like you are trying to handle a situation that would tax anyone. Please go online to your state website and look up your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. You will likely find it by typing "aging" in the search box. This is a good place for you to start getting support. Also, your grandmother's doctor should know about her behavior - all of it. Medications could be making it worse or maybe there's something else that can help. It seems like she may have been mentally ill for a long time.
Your isolation is bad for you and her. If something happens to you, what about her? So, please get support. If your area has an Area Agency on Aging, they can be very helpful. Your county social services may be able to help. Please get outside help before you have your own breakdown.
Carol see more
It seems like you are trying to handle a situation that would tax anyone. Please go online to your state website and look up your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. You will likely find it by typing "aging" in the search box. This is a good place for you to start getting support. Also, your grandmother's doctor should know about her behavior - all of it. Medications could be making it worse or maybe there's something else that can help. It seems like she may have been mentally ill for a long time.
Your isolation is bad for you and her. If something happens to you, what about her? So, please get support. If your area has an Area Agency on Aging, they can be very helpful. Your county social services may be able to help. Please get outside help before you have your own breakdown.
Carol see more
Question
How long one can last in bed eating normal food at an old age?
First of all, please let go of the guilt. This is a situation that begs for burnout from even a saint. Even though your mother is not going... First of all, please let go of the guilt. This is a situation that begs for burnout from even a saint. Even though your mother is not going to like it, it could be best for all of you to move her into a nursing home. With all the nursing she requires, she should qualify. You and your brother could die before she does, considering the stress you are under. That won't help her and is certainly unfair to you. Likely your blood pressure is higher than hers!
She could live this way for years or die tomorrow. There's no way to tell. But you can't live this way for years. Please look into care options where you visit but are not on call 24/7. You've given a great deal and will continue to be part of her care. But you deserve a life, as well.
Carol see more
She could live this way for years or die tomorrow. There's no way to tell. But you can't live this way for years. Please look into care options where you visit but are not on call 24/7. You've given a great deal and will continue to be part of her care. But you deserve a life, as well.
Carol see more
Question
What may be spent by Medicaid recipient out of her personal checking account?
Check with your state Medicaid people. I believe she can do what she wants with the money, as long as it is not more than they allow her to... Check with your state Medicaid people. I believe she can do what she wants with the money, as long as it is not more than they allow her to have. I would, however, make sure there are good records, just in case. But please do check locally, as states vary as far as the rules go. You don't want to be worried about repercussions down the road.
Good luck,
Carol see more
Good luck,
Carol see more
Question
What are some dental options for elders with few teeth left?
My dentist does mini-implants to use with dentures. The full implants are better, especially for younger people, for individual teeth. Yes,... My dentist does mini-implants to use with dentures. The full implants are better, especially for younger people, for individual teeth. Yes, this is surgery, but they don't have to put a person totally out. The person needs reasonably good health. I wish this had been an option for my dad who, because of health problems in his 30s, needed to have his teeth pulled. He went through many sets of dentures. However, as he aged, the bone to support the dentures diminished (no "exercise" through chewing because there are no teeth with roots). Keeping his dentures in for eating, during his later years, became a huge problem.
If your dad's health can stand it and the money is there, I'd ask about mini-implants (cheaper) to keep in the dentures. If the dentist/oral surgeon says mini won't do for him, you could get a second opinion or go for full implants.
Good luck with this. I hope he gets some help. Getting rid of tooth pain and being able to eat with comfort is huge.
Take care,
Carol see more
If your dad's health can stand it and the money is there, I'd ask about mini-implants (cheaper) to keep in the dentures. If the dentist/oral surgeon says mini won't do for him, you could get a second opinion or go for full implants.
Good luck with this. I hope he gets some help. Getting rid of tooth pain and being able to eat with comfort is huge.
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
How can I cope with my widowed mother who is mean and emotionally disturbed when I'm ill?
Hi lostchild, Has she always been like this or is this new behavior? If she's always been this way, you may have to learn to do without... Hi lostchild,
Has she always been like this or is this new behavior? If she's always been this way, you may have to learn to do without her in your life. It's very hard when this happens but she is making your illness much worse.
If this is new behavior, she may have developed dementia, which would explain a lot. If that's the case, you may be able to have social services in Iowa check her out. Maybe they can get her into care. You cannot handle having her live with you, for sure. Ask her home social services to do a welfare check from time to time, so they can help her if she needs it. Please take care of yourself.
Carol see more
Has she always been like this or is this new behavior? If she's always been this way, you may have to learn to do without her in your life. It's very hard when this happens but she is making your illness much worse.
If this is new behavior, she may have developed dementia, which would explain a lot. If that's the case, you may be able to have social services in Iowa check her out. Maybe they can get her into care. You cannot handle having her live with you, for sure. Ask her home social services to do a welfare check from time to time, so they can help her if she needs it. Please take care of yourself.
Carol see more
Question
Is there a certain money amount that is to be paid out to claim as a deduction?
Generally, you need to provide 50% of the person's financial needs, but you should check this out with a tax specialist, as there are... Generally, you need to provide 50% of the person's financial needs, but you should check this out with a tax specialist, as there are many variables. Please do check it though, because many caregivers could be taking tax deductions. Good luck,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
What's involved in moving a parent from 1 nursing home, to another, in another state?
Much depends on how sick your mother is (whether she needs a nurse or a family member). I'd think she'd need someone to travel with... Much depends on how sick your mother is (whether she needs a nurse or a family member). I'd think she'd need someone to travel with her. As far as arrangements, yes, you should make sure there is a room for her in the nursing home you want. You can get some help with the logistics from the long-term care ombudsman for your area by typing the Zip code into the site at www.ltcombudsman.org. These people are a font of information for long-term care. You can also find the contact information on your state website. Good luck,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
What to look for when elderly body shuts down?
I'm sorry she is in pain. Talk with the doctor or nurses to see how close to death they think she is (they cannot always be accurate).... I'm sorry she is in pain. Talk with the doctor or nurses to see how close to death they think she is (they cannot always be accurate). Not eating is common, but also mottling (splotches) on the legs as circulation slows. If she is in pain and the nursing home can't help her be pain free, I'd see if hospice can step in. The death process can take awhile as organs start to lose their ability to function. Her strange behavior could be from pain, from the morphine or from the death process. Unless she is on the verge of dying, I'd strongly suggest hospice to help with the pain.
Take care,
Carol see more
Take care,
Carol see more
Question
Where can I find support groups for caregivers of Alzheimer's patients in Southern California?
You may find a group through your local Alzheimer's organization. Another option is to go to your state website and find your... You may find a group through your local Alzheimer's organization. Another option is to go to your state website and find your state's version of the National Family Caregiver Support Program. Follow the contact information and you should find someone to advise you. Each state has a slightly different version of the NFCSP, and it may even have a slightly different name, but you should have a program in CA. Good luck, you are not alone.
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
Mom just realized she has dementia and is upset. What can I tell her to comfort her?
I realize, Tonio, that my pronouns were confusing in my answer. I was speaking of your whole family grieving and accepting this diagnosis.... I realize, Tonio, that my pronouns were confusing in my answer. I was speaking of your whole family grieving and accepting this diagnosis. For your mom, especially, I hope she has her legal work accomplished. Considering her age, dementia or not, she should have an appointed Power Of Attorney for health care and one for finances. However, my point was that all of your family will have to work together to help her accept this as a fairly common disease among people her age.
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol see more
Take care of yourself, too,
Carol see more
Question
Mom just realized she has dementia and is upset. What can I tell her to comfort her?
Your whole family will go through a grieving process of sorts, and they need to be allowed to feel that. Definitely, talking about it an... Your whole family will go through a grieving process of sorts, and they need to be allowed to feel that. Definitely, talking about it an getting rid of the stigma many people feel can help a lot. It's a common ailment.
Encouraging them by getting educated through the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org) will help. Finding support groups can help. Letting them know, as you have, that you will be there for them is important.
Encourage them to make a plan. They should choose a POA for health care as well as financial needs if they haven't. They should also plan out their "ideal" care, giving you or someone whom they choose the power to make the correct decisions as the disease unfolds. Don't make promises you may not be able to keep. Just keep telling them you'll do your very best for their care, safety and health. Take care. This is a difficult time for all of you. All my best,
Carol see more
Encouraging them by getting educated through the Alzheimer's Association (www.alz.org) will help. Finding support groups can help. Letting them know, as you have, that you will be there for them is important.
Encourage them to make a plan. They should choose a POA for health care as well as financial needs if they haven't. They should also plan out their "ideal" care, giving you or someone whom they choose the power to make the correct decisions as the disease unfolds. Don't make promises you may not be able to keep. Just keep telling them you'll do your very best for their care, safety and health. Take care. This is a difficult time for all of you. All my best,
Carol see more
Question
Is it possible to change the primary on a living will to the secondary person?
I'm so sorry. This must be tearing you apart. I don't know how you can change this - or if you can. You'd need to talk with an... I'm so sorry. This must be tearing you apart. I don't know how you can change this - or if you can. You'd need to talk with an attorney. The problem is, changing the living will would likely be lengthy and expensive, though by proving your case as you state it, it's possible the living will could be changed, depending on where you live. I wish it were easier, and it may be. An attorney can help you.
Take care of yourself - and know that you are doing your best no matter what the outcome.
Carol see more
Take care of yourself - and know that you are doing your best no matter what the outcome.
Carol see more
Question
Are there any laws that state that a senior who requires assisted living can break a current lease with no pen...
I would assume that this varies with the state where the senior lives. I'd check with your Social Services people and see if they can... I would assume that this varies with the state where the senior lives. I'd check with your Social Services people and see if they can point you to the right local people to ask, or else go to your state website and look for links. Type your question in the search box and you'll likely get some direction. Good luck,
Carol see more
Carol see more
Question
How do I deal with the anger and resentment I am feeling?
You are, in my opinion, experiencing burnout. Your life revolves around your father-in-law and he knows how to manipulate you. It seems to... You are, in my opinion, experiencing burnout. Your life revolves around your father-in-law and he knows how to manipulate you.
It seems to me that it would be far better to move him to assisted living (if he's healthy enough) or to a nursing home if AL is out of the question.
You and your husband could visit and care for him, but you would also have a life of your own. As it is, you are a 24/7 caregiver to a man with at best a difficult personality. You didn't say if his alcoholism is "active" in that he's still drinking, but that certainly can be part of the picture. Alcoholism is a disease, as is possible dementia.
There is a limit to what you can do. Your headaches and other physical symptoms are good clues that this is taking too much out of you. Since there is so much dysfunction in your husband's family, this seems to be up to you two. Please talk with him about moving his father into care before you end up with severe health problems.
Good luck,
Carol see more
It seems to me that it would be far better to move him to assisted living (if he's healthy enough) or to a nursing home if AL is out of the question.
You and your husband could visit and care for him, but you would also have a life of your own. As it is, you are a 24/7 caregiver to a man with at best a difficult personality. You didn't say if his alcoholism is "active" in that he's still drinking, but that certainly can be part of the picture. Alcoholism is a disease, as is possible dementia.
There is a limit to what you can do. Your headaches and other physical symptoms are good clues that this is taking too much out of you. Since there is so much dysfunction in your husband's family, this seems to be up to you two. Please talk with him about moving his father into care before you end up with severe health problems.
Good luck,
Carol see more
What are the tax consequences of my father and step-mother paying my step-sister to be their caregiver without...
Carol see more