My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Maureen, my wish for you is when you close your eyes tonight in slumber, that dad visits you in your dreams surrounded in your healing white light. Once again the strong healthy man he was. And when he smiles, you'll feel his love. And know he could not have asked for a more loving daughter who held his hand as he ran into your mothers arms. God bless you my sister. Lisa
sorrow is not forever. love is.
Thank you, all my precious friends, for caring about me and my dad. Sending you love and white light. Cattails
I dislike my mother so much! When we go out in public I have to hold her hand so she doesn't fall. I'm providing this caregiver's role out of being decent. But, underneath it all I am miserable. When the time comes and my mother needs a hospital stay, that's when I'll have the hospital social worker place her in a nursing home.
Yes, she had boyfriends.
My father passed away twenty years ago but his life was made miserable by my mother. Whenever there was extra money, my mother would take off and spend it and she always had boyfriends. And would you believe that she claimed to be religious? Yes, she would go to a Catholic church! When I was a teenager my mother had my brother (fifteen years younger than me) and as a teenager I was always looking after my baby brother. At times, when my father went away on a business trip, my mother would be out with a boyfriend and I'd be at home babysitting. My mom never felt remore for her neglectful ways. So, you can imagine how I feel now to have my mother living with me and having to look after her and giving up my personal life as I did as a teenager. I will go and read the other postings for inspiration.
to become a blankety elderly terrorist. Set it aside remembering you gave
her a chance to repair the damage to herself and others, but it had already
gone too far. You need professionals now who know what to expect from her
and are equiped with facilities and equipment and medication to intervene.
It seems you ended up with all the left over bad behavior,mental illness and
emotional blackmailers. Added to a child with disabilities, you are a blooming
saint. She is like the drowning victim that fights the rescuer and both end up
losing their lives. I am so sorry you have gone through so much trying
to rescue her. Remember: there are some things we are not qualified
to change. Let go and Let God...Sometimes it seems that all we have
left is God's Grace...and then we find that He is all we need to wash
it all off of us. Praying for you and all who love you...
Living in your condo and ruining your life is not the only option for your mother. What if she had no children? What if you took the same attitude as your siblings? Do you think that she would be on the streets now?
She gave you life. You may feel obligated to see that she has a safe, comfortable place to live, and the medical care she needs. But you are not obligated to provide this in your own home.
If you haven't already, I think you would find reading the entire long thread very inspiring.
Good luck!
Mom often wonders why I spend so much time in my bedroom but it's because I dislike interacting with her. I don't tell her the truth because that would be cruel. Unfortunately, we don't get to pick our mothers and I was handed one that isn't normal. Mom gets good care but her existence in my condo is ruining my life. Everywhere she goes she makes a big mess and it creates a huge amount of work on my part to keep the place clean. Thank you for commenting.
Emjo, ya know I love ya and you are in my thoughts and prayers...
Flutterby, you are already a member.... posting makes you one... so welcome, and keep coming back....
I got to 'church' when I go rock hunting... it is so quite on the back roads, I get to hear what God is saying to me....I could never live somewhere without quite....
Lisa, how awesome for you and your girls... just shows us , again, what a wonderful family you have.... and you were worried at the begining of this thread about 'letting them down' because of the mess with your mom... see, we told you not to worry about that.... I would love to see that dress myself...... she was one awesome woman wasn't she.... she'll live in our hearts forever....
Hugs to everyone...