My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
You have been working so hard to manage through all this!
{{{hugs!}}}
Mil appt with cardiac dr is tomorrow. Doug has this one. She's having really good days. And then she has a day where she slips backwards. I just can't get a read on this dementia. There are days it's Mary, and then other days she takes a step backwards. We are taking each day as it comes. I just can't seem to get my thoughts together. And we all know I have sooooo many thoughts. Heeheehee. Love you guys and thank you fpor loving me back and being my friends. Promise I'll get my shit together and snap out of it. Thanks for the I'll hunt you down like a og Judy :))))))
Sometimes, it doesn't get any better than that!
I am so glad you "got that"!
You have worked so hard to take care.
Peaceful heart!
{{{hugs!}}}
When I came home today, hubby was working so I had the house to myself and I think I needed that. I love to have my space, the peace of it. Don't get me wrong, I love him very much, but I love my time alone also and it's kind of healing.
I read something today. In summary a woman commented that she was a servant of God. She is just here to serve. It really wasn't religious...I know you don't like that. It was just about caring. Well, it made sense to me. I am just hear to love my family and maybe be a voice for those who don't have one. I can't fix my dad, but I can be his faithful witness and be by his side. That's all I can do. And it felt like enough. Like it was just ok to be me and be by his side. Like my being there was enough. After all, I really can't do more than that.
Sometimes having the time to be alone really helps me process my thoughts and emotions. It was a good day.
Love you, Cat.
Cat, did you mean you're with me on your comment or Lisa? Are you losing it, dearest?
The heart valve issue is a new twist. Could the problem have anything to do with Mary's mental deterioration? Just wishful thinking on my part, but it's still a question to pose.
Sounds like you have more to tell. Fill us in when you are up to it.
Sending you love and white light. Cat.
Hope you can have a good birthday celebration tomorrow regardless of all that is going on. Take some deep breaths and pat yourself on the back for doing so well. Love and hugs to you all!!!!
Your partner is still with you.
There are social service agencies to help.
This is a mistake, Whoops! choice you'll never make again,
WE cannot help everyone, no matter how willing and dutiful we are.
KImbee - looks like things are comng together for you and your mum - or starting to anyway - I hope you life gets a little smoother too
Cat - so sorry about your dining experience with dad - one flew over the cuckoos net indeed. It doesn't make all this any easier.
camping out in the back yard sounds great! - camping out anywhere is great. We used to have indoor picnics - start with laying a red and white plastic checkered tablecloth on the floor...
to the so many who have had horrendous childhoods due to a narcissistic parent, and are still in there doing their best for that parent and for themselves - my heart goes out to you - to us
Hugs to all - enjoy to weekend
Judy, that is just how i pictured the campout for Lisa and all of her extended family!
we were pretty broke for all of my kid's lives and had no car or truck for seven of those years to take the kids camping. all the camping we did was because as a leader i set up trips and other parents drove, lolz. sometimes i would create a backyard campout. kind of a crazy thing to do in low income apartments, but this old place had plenty of greenspace around. some people thought we were insane because yes, there were drug dealers and problems in the other apartments across the street, but really, that stuff didn't come to our side much. of course i did keep my knife under my pillow.
as a Girl Scout Leader, a Scouter in Boy Scouts, and a Cub Scout Den Leader, i had been collecting gear for years so i could set up myself and all of my kids, and the neighbor kids to boot. i didn't have a fire pit, so i used the oil pan that i used for coal fires in Dutch Oven cooking; i set the big metal oil pan up on bricks, and chopped the wood down small enough to go inside of it. the Filipino mom next door grilled food on a little hibachi, and i built a fire after dark and helped all the kids make s'mores. the kids played hide and seek, flashlight tag, and i told scary ghost stories. it's one of those crazy beautiful memories the kids still carry.
anyways, Lisa's story about her DMiL sending ALL the kids and their families on vacation with just $2000 made me think of the campout idea. it really is a lovely thing to do with good people. the red solo cup was a perfect touch btw.
:D
I always knew my Mother did not really care for me. I was the head-strong one, going to do it my way....the other siblings have always seemed to be afraid of her and waited on her hand and foot. I had things to do, books to read and places to go...this really bothered her. Always very jealous of friends I had and time spent away from home with other families. Still I get the "what are you doing now!" question.
It took a lot of time for me to understand our family dynamics. Mother has been with my husband and I for 2 years and is very well cared for. Perhaps it is easier because I detached myself from her years ago and no longer see her as the "Mommy" like my siblings still do.
You owe no explanation to anyone. You did all that you could and that is much more than the average person would attempt. The word guilty should not be in your vocabulary! When the going gets tough with my visiting siblings, I just excuse myself, go off to another room and shut the door or even take a drive alone.
Know that you are loved!