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Do you know, I just had to re-read the comment about wishing you had gone instead of your brother.....oh Lord, what kind of world are we living in that makes a woman into a mother who could say that to her own child.
I think when kids get to 12 to 18 a mandatory class should be done in school about parenting and respect for others, particularly older people and one's children of the future, it is more important than any chem or physics class....
I had the proverbial wicked stepmother from hell, she sent me to her wedding with no knickers on at age of 8, she made me drink squash with fat blue bottles in it. She forced me to eat porridge which I still cannot touch, and even when I said I would be sick if I continued. She made me continue and sit there until I threw up into a dish, then made me eat it again. She made me sit so I would deliberately be late for school.....it is an endless list.
BUT SHE DID NOT WIN!
Experiences of horror like you are going through CAN be overcome, I did it and you can too. It gave me nightmares for years after I ran away at 16. I could not walk past her without ducking slaps to the head, I was a nervous wreck.
SMILE AT HER AND TELL HER SHE WILL NOT WIN AND GET YOU DOWN AS YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON!
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Okay, here is the recipe....a glass of nice wine, a box of chocs, and a few teaspoons of determination.
Ask her to go.....when you try and try and try it does mean you fail and fail and fail. It means some problems just cannot be fixed.
We are not wonderwoman, we are sensitive human beings who like to dish out compassion and empathy but if it keeps getting slapped back in your face like a wet kipper, admit you can only solve some problems on the planet and sadly not all.
We are expected to understand and help and do all we can, but hell, you really sound to me like a nice family who has a gorgon of a Mum. Some people should never be parents....
Phone Social Services or go mad....that's the choice. Please do not let her get you even lower and destroy any self confidence you have left.
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You're on my mind today, Lisa. Wish we could all be with you in our tights and tuna cans, standing behind you, giving you some strength, but you know we're there in spirit (which is probably better than being there in person anyway because you know Cattails would probably do something to get us all arrested, and Joan would look better in her tuna cans than me). Seriously though - my thoughts are with you today - I know this has to be tearing you up and my heart goes out to you. xxx, Judy
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((((((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))))))) - don't know what to say. I know it hurts seeing her like this and also being on the receiving end even if you know it is not "her". Prayers continue for everyone, and for an accurate diagnosis, and good treament beginnin. Deep breaths, and hugs all around. Life just doesn't seem to let up does it?
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Before going to sleep last night I called the hops to see how Mary was doing. They had given her Ativan. An hour before they were given permission for this drug my fill's sister was there with the preacher from their church to pray with her. This set her off again. My sil who has poa has requested no visitors allowed except children, spouses. We are all in agreement. She is in no shape.

We have already requested she be evaluated for dementia. They had already asked us if she had been diagnosed because of the severity of her behavior. We told them everything. How she refused to see a dr and her anger when brought up. And that all of our fears were she would be released without being tested. So we will be there this morning to speak with dr. Girls, when you want something done, talk to the nurse. My sil has the list of what this guy has told us to ask for. I wish I would have copied it. One of them was what I read on the ALZ website. Just can't think of the name of it at this moment.

Thank you so much for your love, support and prayers. I'm going to share with everyone what you have told me here. I want them to feel the hope you've given me. Her mental decline is so surreal. The nurse did tell us yesterday that when a sr with dementia taken out of their comfort zone it will sometimes escalate. I'll be back later with updates. Love you, Lisa
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Sharyn: You have had so many years of dealing with your mom and her crazy way of seeing the world. God bless you and stay strong. You are a good daughter and a good person. Love, Cat
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Lisa, every time my mother has something that she perceives as traumatic (Alzheimer's) it throws the dementia forward. After she recovers she returns close to what was normal for her before the trauma. As everyone told you, the medication is probably part of it too.I am so sorry you and your family are going through this and your MIL as well. My mother received some privacy act notices a while back and she accused me and my sister of plotting her murder with unknown agencies. Stress throws them all out of whack plus it is upsetting to the family. Hugs to you and your family as you support her through this trauma.
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Lisa, as others have said, psychotic behavior in the hospital is not necessary indicative of a permanent condition. When I was in the hospital for undiagnosed diabetes I had weird hallucinations, delusions, and strange behavior. I later learned this is so common there is a name for it -- icu psychosis. I fully recovered from that! Police once had to be called to restrain my husband in the hospital. That level of destructive behavior went away as he recovered.

Take one day at a time, dear Lisa.
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Kimbee, here is the general statement: "Up to 50% of patients with LBD who are treated with any antipsychotic medication may experience severe neuroleptic sensitivity (worsening cognition, heavy sedation, increased or possibly irreversible parkinsonism, or symptoms resembling neuroleptic malignant syndrome which can be fatal). AVOID traditional antipsychotic agents (e.g., haloperidol). Newer atypical antipsychotic agents (e.g., quetiapine, clozapine) should only be used with caution at the lowest dose possible, under close supervision."

The specific drugs the neurologist listed on my husband's records as "allergic to" are thorazine, mellaril, stelazine, haldol.

There is a long and very informative article on LBD here
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Lisa: I agree with Kimbee. A medical emergency and hospitalization can bring on serious confusion and personality change. Your mil has dementia, even if it has gone undiagnosed due to her refusal to see her doc. Dementia patients often have a severe break from reality when hospitalized. Mary has had a heart attack, her world has been turned upside down.

I remember when Warren's grandmother had a medical emergency and was hospitalized. For days, she did not know where she was. She believed there was a party going on outside her hospital room. She was seeing people in her room who were not there. She did not get violent, but she was miles away from reality. One morning I walked into her room and she was completely normal.

Aside from the heart attack, your MIL has a lot of fears. She knows her mind isn't working right. She has been stressed with your FIL's illness and treatment. In a strange way, it almost seems true to form that she would chose to deny that anything is wrong with her, fight anyone who tells her otherwise and insist that she is going home.

I'm happy to hear that her heart seems to be undamaged. Now is your chance to get an eval for her dementia and maybe there are some meds that can help her with her stress and anxiety.

I am praying for you all. Don't give up hope that her mental status will not improve. I think it will. And don't take anything she says to heart. It's terrible to hear her talk this way and he hateful, but it's her fear and dementia that is speaking, not her heart.

Get some much needed sleep and realize that you have to pace yourself and can't stay in full crisis mode continually. Take care of FIL and reassure him that there is a good chance she will improve mentally. Question the docs about medications, blood work, electrolytes, etc., as Kimbee said.

My hope and belief is she will get better mentally. She needs something for her anxiety and fear. I would be reluctant to do any major drugs based on her current state because that will probably abate to some degree on it's own. Getting her home will help her, but she does need to be evaluated and she does need help with anxiety as she has had that all along and prior to the heart attack. In all fairness, she has a lot to be anxious and worried about.

I'm not a doc and I don't have a parent with dementia, but this is what I would be thinking about if it was my dad. I'm praying a balance can be struck to help your MIL live with what is happening to her and her husband. Some medical intervention (prescription) that can calm her fears and help her live in her skin.

Sending you, Doug and the family my heartfelt love and best white light.

Love, Cat.
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Lisa, this could be psychotic reaction to narcotic pain med's., common in srs. Also, certain kinds of dementia react poorly to certain med's. Other things can escalate dementia as u see w mom-surgery, procedures, change in environment, unbalanced electrolites, vitamin deficiencies, lots of things could be going on, to contribute to the confusion. It may not be permanent. Her body has had a big trauma. It takes some time for things to settle back down. I guess U alerted them to your concern of possible undiagnosed dementia? They will work down in medical urgency but you can ask for demential eval or consult prior to discharge if you think she won't follow up. My experience: cardiac arrest changes the world view of the patient, and they will more likely listen to doc advice or directions in the future. Not always, but usually.

Lisa, we love you, hugs, prayers and love to all of you. Thanks for update. All the KAW are wishing we could give you live hugs! Kimbee


JEANNE: can you post some of the common med's. to look out for in Lewy Body Dementia? Or where to find the list? I tried to get it before from the LBD site, but the link was broken, w reference to another page to remedy, but it didn't exist. It may help Lisa, if this doesn't clear up, maybe she could ask about if med's on the list have been used? Doc's. seem awfully short on awareness re: Lewy Body Dementia. If you'd rather send it to my wall, I'll share it w/ Lisa. Either way, I'd like to know where to find it...Thx. kim
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I'm so sorry Lisa...As I was reading your above post, my heart started beating too fast. It's like re-living my mom's very quiet personality to a very hateful (and Scary!) personality. Truly, I knew that if my mom ever caught me, she would hurt me. The same thing happened to her in the hospital. They, too, had to restrain her. But, what they did was use a soft strip of cloth, and loosely tied it from her wrist to the railings. This way, she can still move her hands but she could not pull the IV's, etc... So when she came home from the hospital, we did the same restraining method ..she did not have any bruises, etc...because we tied it loosely around the wrist but still not be able to slip out of it. We stopped doing this when she finally passed the violent stage.

I know exactly how you feel to see such a sudden change of personality. This person is no longer your mil. You will just need to keep reminding yourself of this - especially when you look into her eyes and see hatred and violence in it. This Is NOT your mil but the dementia.

After my mom has calmed down, I have effectively pushed to the back of my mind those last memories of such hatred/violence. I always try to remember the mom of Before. It is possible, Lisa, to do this. I'm just soooo sorry that you all have to go through this without any warning! HUGS to you from all of us!!!
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Lisa, Prayers and prayers coming your way. This sounds with withdrawal, from my experience, but that is very limited. I do hope you, Doug and your father-in-law will all be able to get some sleep. Kathleen
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Hi everyone. Gonna give you a quick update. They see no significant damage to her heart. They have called in a pulmonary specialist. Lungs in bad shape. Her dementia is severe. She thinks she is laying in someone's house. Spider webs everywhere. 3 little boys running thru her room. Told her nurse his social skills are lacking, that he's a lousy host. He hadn't even offered her a cup of coffee. Then as the day progressed, she became So angry. She said she was going home, and started ripping everything off. She kept doing it so they had to restrain her. My fil could only cry, begging her to stop. She has said horrible things to all of us. We all decided to come home to rest. I leaned over and kissed her forehead and told her I love you and she said f**ck you. I know she dosen't mean it. But it still hurt and I cried all the way home. Doug had to throw himself across her to keep her in the bed. We are so frightened. It's like her mind has shut down. They finally had to use straps across her body that she can't get out of. My thoughts are jumbled. I've been up since 3:30 yesterday morning. How could there be such a rapid decline with her dementia? I did think to ask them if she had been checked for a uti and she was and results came back fine. I'm going to bed now. Please keep the prayers coming. Love to all, Lisa
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Dear Lisa, I've learned from reading here how important your parents-in-law are to you and in your shared love, they have really been your parents. I'm sending prayers for your mother-in-law and all those who love her and am so glad you got to talk with Doug and your family about your love for them.

Dear Cattails - Love and prayers to you and your Dad and those who love him. While not with my Dad at the very end, I had the privilege of being there just a day or two before and we had a good talk about our love for each other; regrets for which there was no need; and the peace we all hope for.

Peace be with each and all of you. Kathleen
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Lisa, hugs to you and to your family in this difficult time. I hope for the best possible outcome, even though I don't know what that would be.

Life is full of twists and turns, isn't it? For three decades we worked very hard to maintain my husband's heart health. Now he has lived longer than his parents did or than any of his siblings. I guess he got what we worked for. And now we are hoping that he will die of a heart attack rather than go through the final stages of dementia.

Best wishes to you.
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Lisa, Lisa... Sending positive energy your way - the warmth of your invisible friendship makes me smile and has been such a comfort, this past month, especially. Your family will be in my thoughts today. xxxoo, J.
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Lisa: More prayers heading your way. We are with you and your family.

Kimbee: I hope you get better soon. You've been sick way to long with this bug. Glad your mom is ok.

Keeping watch over all of you. Sending love and God's angels. Cat
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Lisa I am so sorry about your MIL -I hope she makes a recovery-you are in our thoughs and prayers. I just found out yesterday my Aunt Helen-95-lives alone fell at her home and fractured her hip-I do not think she will be able to go back home this time but we never know she did recover last year with a fractured leg.
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I got my third antibiotic this week, it seems to be helping. DH came home to care for mom. When he went back to work, Mom & I took nap; woke to an odd noise-she fell again, but by God's miracle she wasn't hurt. Hubby had to come back to help get her up. What a day. Now we r adding Pt to reduce fall risk. Luv n hugs to all. Been missing you so much. Luv n hugs and PRAYERS TO U ALL, kimbee
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Cat, we are there with you too, in spirit and love. We're glad you can give your dad your special care and that it is comforting him. God hears your prayers and we add all of ours for peace and comfort. We love you friend., kimbee
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more prayers done
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Oh Lisa, I am so sorry to hear, keeping you, Doug, Mary and rest of family in prayer. We all love and care for you. Hoping you feel God's comfort and healing as you care for your special family. This must be so hard. When you have a minute, post us a quick update. Love, hugs and Prayers, From kimbee and your new sisters, and stand-in moms. Wish we could be there to give you real hugs and live support. Love u Lisa. Kim
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I am so sorry Lisa, prayers for everyone...and lots of hugs
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Thank you for the prayers girls. Please keep them coming. Mary is in critical care on the heart unit. My sister in law pulled in from Alabama to see the ems bringing her out. Still don't know how much damage to her heart. We took my fil home and put him to bed. He's in shock and of course so upset. Sil staying with father in law and then after they get some rest they'll head up and we'll come home and try to get some rest. None of this seems real.
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Lisa~You are in my thoughts always and I am thinking about you, your family and your MIL! Bless you♥♥♥!!!
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Cat~I am so sorry your father is not well. Please know you are are in my thoughts(((((((hugs))))))) to you and your family!!!
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Hi Joan: Just saw it too. Lisa, we are all praying for your MIL and holding you close to our hearts. I'm so sorry. Sending you love and white light. Love, Cat
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just saw on facebook - posted nearly an hour ago that Lisa's mil had a heart attack. Lisa is asking for prayers.
We never know what life will bring...
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Punch: Trust your gut on your dad's spirit connection with you. Makes perfect sense to me and I'm glad you sense it and hold it close.

Ladee: Appreciate it. Thank you.

I was with dad most of today. No big change. Chest xray this morning. One brother coming this Sunday. He seems to like that I am feeding him his meals. I take him to a private family room, so he's out of the dining room. Some staff stopped by to talk to me. These are staff from when my dad was in rehab. Some of my favorites. They are not so much involved in his care right now, but they know me and they know him. I'm a little pissed about a couple of things and I mentioned them to my staff friends today, in my dad's presence. I don't talk loud, but I think he gets something of the conversation. Maybe he just thinks, "There's my bossy daughter, telling people what she thinks; bringing me special food and asking me questions." Whatever, it seems to give him comfort. I can see he feels safe when I am there fussing over him.

He eats more for me. Lungs sound bad. We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Love, Cat
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