My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I think when kids get to 12 to 18 a mandatory class should be done in school about parenting and respect for others, particularly older people and one's children of the future, it is more important than any chem or physics class....
I had the proverbial wicked stepmother from hell, she sent me to her wedding with no knickers on at age of 8, she made me drink squash with fat blue bottles in it. She forced me to eat porridge which I still cannot touch, and even when I said I would be sick if I continued. She made me continue and sit there until I threw up into a dish, then made me eat it again. She made me sit so I would deliberately be late for school.....it is an endless list.
BUT SHE DID NOT WIN!
Experiences of horror like you are going through CAN be overcome, I did it and you can too. It gave me nightmares for years after I ran away at 16. I could not walk past her without ducking slaps to the head, I was a nervous wreck.
SMILE AT HER AND TELL HER SHE WILL NOT WIN AND GET YOU DOWN AS YOU ARE A BETTER PERSON!
Ask her to go.....when you try and try and try it does mean you fail and fail and fail. It means some problems just cannot be fixed.
We are not wonderwoman, we are sensitive human beings who like to dish out compassion and empathy but if it keeps getting slapped back in your face like a wet kipper, admit you can only solve some problems on the planet and sadly not all.
We are expected to understand and help and do all we can, but hell, you really sound to me like a nice family who has a gorgon of a Mum. Some people should never be parents....
Phone Social Services or go mad....that's the choice. Please do not let her get you even lower and destroy any self confidence you have left.
We have already requested she be evaluated for dementia. They had already asked us if she had been diagnosed because of the severity of her behavior. We told them everything. How she refused to see a dr and her anger when brought up. And that all of our fears were she would be released without being tested. So we will be there this morning to speak with dr. Girls, when you want something done, talk to the nurse. My sil has the list of what this guy has told us to ask for. I wish I would have copied it. One of them was what I read on the ALZ website. Just can't think of the name of it at this moment.
Thank you so much for your love, support and prayers. I'm going to share with everyone what you have told me here. I want them to feel the hope you've given me. Her mental decline is so surreal. The nurse did tell us yesterday that when a sr with dementia taken out of their comfort zone it will sometimes escalate. I'll be back later with updates. Love you, Lisa
Take one day at a time, dear Lisa.
The specific drugs the neurologist listed on my husband's records as "allergic to" are thorazine, mellaril, stelazine, haldol.
There is a long and very informative article on LBD here
I remember when Warren's grandmother had a medical emergency and was hospitalized. For days, she did not know where she was. She believed there was a party going on outside her hospital room. She was seeing people in her room who were not there. She did not get violent, but she was miles away from reality. One morning I walked into her room and she was completely normal.
Aside from the heart attack, your MIL has a lot of fears. She knows her mind isn't working right. She has been stressed with your FIL's illness and treatment. In a strange way, it almost seems true to form that she would chose to deny that anything is wrong with her, fight anyone who tells her otherwise and insist that she is going home.
I'm happy to hear that her heart seems to be undamaged. Now is your chance to get an eval for her dementia and maybe there are some meds that can help her with her stress and anxiety.
I am praying for you all. Don't give up hope that her mental status will not improve. I think it will. And don't take anything she says to heart. It's terrible to hear her talk this way and he hateful, but it's her fear and dementia that is speaking, not her heart.
Get some much needed sleep and realize that you have to pace yourself and can't stay in full crisis mode continually. Take care of FIL and reassure him that there is a good chance she will improve mentally. Question the docs about medications, blood work, electrolytes, etc., as Kimbee said.
My hope and belief is she will get better mentally. She needs something for her anxiety and fear. I would be reluctant to do any major drugs based on her current state because that will probably abate to some degree on it's own. Getting her home will help her, but she does need to be evaluated and she does need help with anxiety as she has had that all along and prior to the heart attack. In all fairness, she has a lot to be anxious and worried about.
I'm not a doc and I don't have a parent with dementia, but this is what I would be thinking about if it was my dad. I'm praying a balance can be struck to help your MIL live with what is happening to her and her husband. Some medical intervention (prescription) that can calm her fears and help her live in her skin.
Sending you, Doug and the family my heartfelt love and best white light.
Love, Cat.
Lisa, we love you, hugs, prayers and love to all of you. Thanks for update. All the KAW are wishing we could give you live hugs! Kimbee
JEANNE: can you post some of the common med's. to look out for in Lewy Body Dementia? Or where to find the list? I tried to get it before from the LBD site, but the link was broken, w reference to another page to remedy, but it didn't exist. It may help Lisa, if this doesn't clear up, maybe she could ask about if med's on the list have been used? Doc's. seem awfully short on awareness re: Lewy Body Dementia. If you'd rather send it to my wall, I'll share it w/ Lisa. Either way, I'd like to know where to find it...Thx. kim
I know exactly how you feel to see such a sudden change of personality. This person is no longer your mil. You will just need to keep reminding yourself of this - especially when you look into her eyes and see hatred and violence in it. This Is NOT your mil but the dementia.
After my mom has calmed down, I have effectively pushed to the back of my mind those last memories of such hatred/violence. I always try to remember the mom of Before. It is possible, Lisa, to do this. I'm just soooo sorry that you all have to go through this without any warning! HUGS to you from all of us!!!
Dear Cattails - Love and prayers to you and your Dad and those who love him. While not with my Dad at the very end, I had the privilege of being there just a day or two before and we had a good talk about our love for each other; regrets for which there was no need; and the peace we all hope for.
Peace be with each and all of you. Kathleen
Life is full of twists and turns, isn't it? For three decades we worked very hard to maintain my husband's heart health. Now he has lived longer than his parents did or than any of his siblings. I guess he got what we worked for. And now we are hoping that he will die of a heart attack rather than go through the final stages of dementia.
Best wishes to you.
Kimbee: I hope you get better soon. You've been sick way to long with this bug. Glad your mom is ok.
Keeping watch over all of you. Sending love and God's angels. Cat
We never know what life will bring...
Ladee: Appreciate it. Thank you.
I was with dad most of today. No big change. Chest xray this morning. One brother coming this Sunday. He seems to like that I am feeding him his meals. I take him to a private family room, so he's out of the dining room. Some staff stopped by to talk to me. These are staff from when my dad was in rehab. Some of my favorites. They are not so much involved in his care right now, but they know me and they know him. I'm a little pissed about a couple of things and I mentioned them to my staff friends today, in my dad's presence. I don't talk loud, but I think he gets something of the conversation. Maybe he just thinks, "There's my bossy daughter, telling people what she thinks; bringing me special food and asking me questions." Whatever, it seems to give him comfort. I can see he feels safe when I am there fussing over him.
He eats more for me. Lungs sound bad. We'll see what tomorrow brings.
Love, Cat