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Cat, prayers for you and Dad.... I was able to be with my mom in the end.... and sounds like you are doing just what the two of you need.... as much as we want them to be here forever, I absolutely understood how tired my mom was, and the most loving thing I could give her was to let go.... and as Judy shared, that connection is forever, not just here on earth....so as we are all here for each other for the day to day stuff, we are especially here for this part.... prayers for God's outcome.....
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Cat, I am sending you a hug, as I know how good a few hugs can feel to you at this special time. That same night my dad died, we all went back to their house to start discussing my father's funeral, and in was Nov. It was not very cold outside, but I can still remember feeling really cold, and particularly feeling the chill in my stomach. It was so strange, feeling so cold, and I kept asking others if they were cold too and everyone said no. I really believe that my father's spirit was surrounding me. Because it was a feeling unlike anything else I'd ever felt, I've researched it. I had the sense that my father's spirit was in that room and I was sensing him, but that's as good a job I can do in putting this into words, because really, I can't. I was always "daddy's girl" and I think he had his presence known to me, on more than one occasion, after he died. I don't think the connection ever really breaks and that they live through you. Still miss him very, very much.
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You know girls, I have thought all day of the outpouring of love others have for their parents. And more importantly how much that love is returned. And how blessed I am to have my PIL. It actually frightens me to think of when the time comes we lose them. I have the love of 2 parents. They have filled that void in my life. I've said that tonite to Doug and the kids. I guess I just needed to say that to all of you tonight. I am so loved and so are all of you my dear friends!!!
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Punch: I see my dad everyday and I hug him and tell him I love him. Thanks for your kind words. I think your dad knew where your heart was and felt your love.
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Punch maybe you did not get to say it one last time but you showed it in how you were with him while he was alive-I stayed with my husband most of his last few days but the night after the life support meds were stoped the nurses asked us to step out for a few min. whild they did cares for him and were able to call us back in when his heart rate was down to 10 and I know from being a nurses and seeing many people die very often like in most of the time they do leave us while the nurses are caring for them and I think that is what they want to happen so please do not feel bad.
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Cat, if not too late--I hope you get to slip your arms around your dad and give him a hug and a gentle "I Love You" in his ear...this is something I did not get to do, but my brother got to tell him it was "ok" for him to go. I know hearing is the last sense to go and as someone who walked out of the hosp. room only to be returning but being intercepted in the hallway with a "he's gone" I can say that after 16 yrs. of his being gone, that was my only regret, that I didn't take him in my arms one last time and say "Dad, I always loved you so much." My prayers and heart go out to you!
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Beautiful prayer cat - thank you for sharing
(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) and prayers for you. Know that God's timing is perfect, and that you have fulfilled the job He set before you. May your dad pass easily into his everloving arms, and may you rest in the comfort only He can give.
Love, Joan
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Sending you love and prayers and strength my dear friend!
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Cattails, that is one of the most beautiful prayers I've ever seen...thank you - what comforting words you've shared. :)
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Ignore my last post--I had posted this as a reply but it was on another thread! I have no idea why my emails give me the posts I am "following" but then post elsewhere. Maybe it has to do with signing in first? Geez...hurry up Friday~!~!
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Please note the request of the board, here, re: the TOPIC. I won't follow these private conversations and wish people would just post on each other's walls rather than in the topic are? Am I missing something here? LOL
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Dear Cat...you all have me in tears. I send my prayers of comfort and peace to you and your dad. You gals are the best here on Survived2's thread.
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Karin...I only found this site by Googling "how to care for elderly parents." This was the very fist site I clicked on. I just now Googled "caregiving for brain-damage" and other wordings. This site is consistent...why don't you give it a try?
...caregiver dot org....This site doesn't allow us to put websites like www......org.
Hope it helps.
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Prayers done.
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Thank you Judy and Kimbee. Kimbee thank you for the prayer you posted. I'd like to post one too.

Dear God: Bless this man who has done his best to be a good husband and father. Please comfort him in this time of transition. Please put your hand on his head and give him peace. Please put your arms around him and lift him out of his fear. Please let him feel your love and the love of his wife and children. Please help us all see him into your hands and in your light, love and freedom with out personal regret. Please help us to celebrate his joining with you in a better world beyond our comprehension. Dear God, please help me to remember what I was able to provide for him and my mom and not think of where I might have faltered. Let that burden fall from my shoulders. Please wrap my father in your white light and let him know that he is forgiven for whatever may weigh on his heart. Let me say the words you know he would want to hear. Be with us now in the hour of our need and give us comfort. Amen
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Dear God: help Cattail's dad be calm And peaceful as he follows your will for him. Protect the hearts of his dear friends and family who love and support him remind them of their most woderful times and what a blessig dad has been to all of them. Give them strength to handle the days ahead, knowing they were good and faithful servants who provided love, compassion and kindness. Thank hou cor your blessings and comfort. In jesus's name we pray, Amen

Love you cat, let us know what else we.can do to support you through these difficult time ahead.

Much luv and hugs to all, kimbee
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Oh, Cat... You're in my thoughts and in my heart.
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Hi everyone: Thanks so much for your supportive posts. My dad is "officially" dying. Of course I knew that. He is just not responding and is not interested in eating, etc. I was with him yesterday and then back today at lunch to feed him. HI took him out of the dining room, which is kind of noisy and he's so hard of hearing, to a private family room and fed him lunch there. He did eat better and drank his milk and his juice, but he just had this vacant look on his face. A while after lunch he wanted to lay down, so an aid helped me get him into bed.

When I went in today, he was on oxygen. This is new as of this morning. When the staff was getting him up, they did his vitals and checked his oxygenation which was at 81%. Not good, so oxygen was added.

I called my brothers and sister when I got home and told them I thought that dad was not going to be with us much longer so if they want to come up to see him, they should not waste any time.

I just got off the phone with his doctor. He wants to know what my wishes are on how we should proceed. My dad is dehydrated and has now spiked a low grade fever. He is congested. Doc can take him off the lasix due to dehydration, but fluids will likely gather in the lungs and add to the congestion. This will likely lead to pneumonia. So do we want to hospitalize him, do IV antibiotics and fluids or just keep him comfortable?

I felt like I had a giant stone in my gut, but I told his doc that I can't see the benefit to my dad to keep him going. I just don't believe it's what he would want. So we are going to go for comfort care only.

This decision makes sense to me, but it is so hard to say it out loud. I hate to see my dad like this, but I think he is tired and ready to leave this life. I would be grateful if each of you would say a prayer to God for him.

Love you all very much, Cattails
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I've been reading this discussion for sometime. Lots of support and strength here.
Now I have a question to ask all you smart people...
I have just recently had my brother come to live with me. He is brain damaged from a motorcycle accident. Do any of you great people now where I can find a online discussion group for this issue?
It is very hard to deal with the inknown and he came without instructions. LOL
I just got my Dad placed in a memeory care facility and then brother needed a home as his wife didn't want to be his "caretaker" any longer.
Thanks for being here, sharing and listening.
Karin
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Wow, I knew this site was a terrific support system but look at what it has done for this woman Survived2. I am seeing this thread started in April. I want to fast forward to some more up to date posts to see how this is going for Survived2. I hope she has a positive outcome with her dilemma.
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Kim, I may be heading your way after today... long story short, two of the girls working are messy, back stabbers,liars and take themselves way to serious.... When I handed M her paper, I said, "must be nice to set on your ass".... girl was setting in the recliner all cocked back reading her paper.... no big deal, except the monitor was on and she heard me..... BOO F*CKING HOO...... she was livid when I went back thru.... was wondering what she was pissed off about now..... almost to my car and realized the monitor was on.... oh weeeeeelllll, I laughed all the way home.... but the daughter may not find it so funny..... I'll let ya'll know if I still have a job tomorrow..... hugs everyone....
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Maureen, you are full of love and light and such goodness! Your father is so blessed to have you as a daughter. I have thought of you so often these past days. And I can only think when you made the decision to place dad at the nursing home, that god was giving you a little push in the right direction. You will be there to love and support your father, and at the same time you too will have support from the staff. I think that will be so important cat. Sometimes we all need help from those guardian angels that walk among us. Now you can concentrate on loving him thru his final journey. All of us are here for you. I love and have so much respect and admiration for you. Call out our names on these pages and we will be here. Love you friend, Lisa
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Cat, this brings tears, as I have walked in your shoes just 3 years ago. As I sit in my office now which is right across the hall from her room in the NH I reflect just how much and how often I told her I loved her and I will not forget the last time she said "Honey I love you too." I think those were her last words, and I can hear them today as well as I could then. Cat this is not an easy time and my heart goes out to you. Just keep telling him those 3 little words and know deep in your heart just how much you mean them. God Bless
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Oh, Cat, I'm sorry. This must be so hard for you. I love what you say to your dad every day. As a parent, I think if at the end of my life, my daughter told me how much she loves me and what a good mom I was, my heart would feel full and I'd feel like I had done the best I could with the people I love, and it was enough, I did well, and I would feel loved. Well done, Cat. You're a good daughter.
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Thanks Joan. I know you are right. Love, Cat
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((((((cat)))))) so pleased you and hubby are past this hurdle and things are looking good. I know when my dad passed, if was his time, and he knew it and so did I. His body just was not working well any more. Watching the declne is hard
more ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Joan
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Hi Everyone:

Well, hubby had his colonosopy (sp) today at 7:30AM. No problems beyond the diverticullitis. We are relieved to know that nothing more is going on.

Spent some time with my dad this afternoon. He did ok with breakfast, but was not much interested in lunch. He hardly responds to me when I'm with him. His voice is so soft that it's very hard to hear anything he says. Right now, I am just trying to tell him how much I love him and what a good dad he has been to all of us. I'd like that to be a part of what he hears daily. I must say that I will not be sad when he passes because I pray he will be whole and free. Watching him decline is the hardest thing. Love to all of you. Cat
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Cat your post hadn't shown up here yet when I posted. I'm sorry to hear about your dad, keeping you close to my heart, sending prayers of comfort and love. I hope your DH survived the night of horror. I hadn't seen Dave Barry's synopsis but he's long been a favorite. I especially liked the last patient comment re: note for wife! And Cat, thanks for the encouragement to get straightened out. The issue w mom yesterday was she would not shower so we could get out the door tue am for fasting labs already scheduled n to do some things for her while out. Need more help around here...Laaadeeee! Every body stay safe, have a good day and if you r in the path of Issac, please don't stay put-get to a safer spot-now! Luv n hugs to all! Kimbee
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I'm so sorry cat. Feel my arms holding you across these many miles. Keeping all of you in my prayers. Lisa
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Kimbee: This has been going on for too long. Have a good talk with your doc, get blood work and put an end to this. If he/she can't come up with an answer, then get a second opinion. I'm worried about you. Love, Cat.
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