My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
(((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))) and prayers for you. Know that God's timing is perfect, and that you have fulfilled the job He set before you. May your dad pass easily into his everloving arms, and may you rest in the comfort only He can give.
Love, Joan
...caregiver dot org....This site doesn't allow us to put websites like www......org.
Hope it helps.
Dear God: Bless this man who has done his best to be a good husband and father. Please comfort him in this time of transition. Please put your hand on his head and give him peace. Please put your arms around him and lift him out of his fear. Please let him feel your love and the love of his wife and children. Please help us all see him into your hands and in your light, love and freedom with out personal regret. Please help us to celebrate his joining with you in a better world beyond our comprehension. Dear God, please help me to remember what I was able to provide for him and my mom and not think of where I might have faltered. Let that burden fall from my shoulders. Please wrap my father in your white light and let him know that he is forgiven for whatever may weigh on his heart. Let me say the words you know he would want to hear. Be with us now in the hour of our need and give us comfort. Amen
Love you cat, let us know what else we.can do to support you through these difficult time ahead.
Much luv and hugs to all, kimbee
When I went in today, he was on oxygen. This is new as of this morning. When the staff was getting him up, they did his vitals and checked his oxygenation which was at 81%. Not good, so oxygen was added.
I called my brothers and sister when I got home and told them I thought that dad was not going to be with us much longer so if they want to come up to see him, they should not waste any time.
I just got off the phone with his doctor. He wants to know what my wishes are on how we should proceed. My dad is dehydrated and has now spiked a low grade fever. He is congested. Doc can take him off the lasix due to dehydration, but fluids will likely gather in the lungs and add to the congestion. This will likely lead to pneumonia. So do we want to hospitalize him, do IV antibiotics and fluids or just keep him comfortable?
I felt like I had a giant stone in my gut, but I told his doc that I can't see the benefit to my dad to keep him going. I just don't believe it's what he would want. So we are going to go for comfort care only.
This decision makes sense to me, but it is so hard to say it out loud. I hate to see my dad like this, but I think he is tired and ready to leave this life. I would be grateful if each of you would say a prayer to God for him.
Love you all very much, Cattails
Now I have a question to ask all you smart people...
I have just recently had my brother come to live with me. He is brain damaged from a motorcycle accident. Do any of you great people now where I can find a online discussion group for this issue?
It is very hard to deal with the inknown and he came without instructions. LOL
I just got my Dad placed in a memeory care facility and then brother needed a home as his wife didn't want to be his "caretaker" any longer.
Thanks for being here, sharing and listening.
Karin
more ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Joan
Well, hubby had his colonosopy (sp) today at 7:30AM. No problems beyond the diverticullitis. We are relieved to know that nothing more is going on.
Spent some time with my dad this afternoon. He did ok with breakfast, but was not much interested in lunch. He hardly responds to me when I'm with him. His voice is so soft that it's very hard to hear anything he says. Right now, I am just trying to tell him how much I love him and what a good dad he has been to all of us. I'd like that to be a part of what he hears daily. I must say that I will not be sad when he passes because I pray he will be whole and free. Watching him decline is the hardest thing. Love to all of you. Cat