My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Judy: spoiler alert! this next paragraph offers a pretty terrible food visual! It's actually one that always discourages me from eating for a while! And, meanwhile, will enjoy thinking about all those fair food goodies - weren't there deep-friend Krispy Kreme doughnut hamburgers last year?
Austin, thank you for your interest in our situation. We are, so far, much more fortunate than many other folks, but Mom's alcoholism and her co-dependent friend have come to a point where steps have to be taken. I've been doing research on legal implications in Texas, where she lives, and am going to search to see if some other threads have information on all the things we need to think about and, I guess, start a new thread, so this one stays focused appropriately. is it the case on this site that everyone has more or less her own thread, and follows others? All help appreciated. Cheers to all. KK
I hope you have a great time at the fair. Ours is always in October, when the temps finally become bearable to be walking around outside. I heard they had deep fried scorpions on the menu last year. I've got a few they can cook up, for sure. Sick. I've always wanted to try that fried twinkie though... Leave it to me to start a topic and then somehow twist it into food! This diet is making me crazy. Well, Lisa, I hope you're not too tired and busy with work this week to keep us posted. I miss you when you're not around. Keeping you in my thoughts, as always. xx, J.
Update on DQ: made the nursing staff in rehab call an ambulance to take her back to hospital. This time she managed to get them to move her to the rehab she's gone to for years. Her claim was she was mistreated. So Peggy called. What I got out of our conversation was that the facility has concerns about her living there on her own. That she has not been successful in her placement. I just knew this was coming. So it's time to get on the phone and call Beth and send her to this other rehab and discuss her options with her if she's asked to leave. I'm sure they will have to find other placement. She dosen't qualify for round the clock nursing, which I'm positive that's her aim with all her bullshit over the past months. I do know one thing for certain. SHE WILL NEVER COME BACK IN MY HOME!!! I only work for 3 hours Monday, then school starts tuesday. I'll get on the phone to make sure this Beth knows where she is now and send her there. I
I sure have missed you guys and I'll catch up with everyone when we get home from the fair. Have a great day my friends!!! Lisa
Kimbee, there's a great gadget to go with cameras: the Gorillapod - it will hold a camera anywhere!
I need to be doing real work, yet for the third (extended) session in a row, find myself needing to catch up on this thread. My sibs and I will have an intervention with Mom next weekend, which I expect will only be the beginning of a new cycle, so Lisa and all of you are an inspiration and a reminder of my many blessings. Your love and care for each other comes through like a rainbow. Thank you for your dedication and unceasing commitment. Kathleen
Cat: if you check in we hope you are getting in relax mode.
Anybody hear anything from Rebecca (RLP). We haven't heard from her in a long time. If anyone has her email, or phone, can you check on her?
Joan sending you extra hugs. Bookworm, you have enough on you, please don't let others torture you with scary movies and dolls! Judy, hope your son feels a little better (and mom too). Jeanne, hope things are calm and safe at your house. Missing all the rest of you too. Also missing our laughs and funny stories, so read on...
Can you help me with something? I'm in terrible need of birthday present ideas for my hubby, he never "wants" anything, and I am the WORST at man-gifts. I ordered him a new small 14mpx camera (that he was truly excited about) ahead of time, but the mailman handed him the package directly, so I ended up having to give it to him then. He liked it so much he got out the big camera to show me all the great things IT could do. Thought of a new tire for the lawnmower (he LOVES to mow), but not sure if it would make it successfully onto the wheel and be in still new condition, if you know what I mean! The old one is losing air, and as a result I keep seeing some very unusual patterns and gouges in the lawn (which I'm supposed to be ok with, cause they are caused by the low-air tire, hmm). I checked to see which one it is, don't think it's losing air: it's flat as a pancake. There seems to be some appeal to needing to keep filling up the tire, or worse yet, making those awful scalped patterns all over the yard. One year he was just drooling over every ad for Dremyl (sp?) Tools. After it had not been used even once in two or three years, I got it out and made it my home pedicure tool. So it was only used once! The only thing I really know he would love to have is a big outbuilding, but not the kind you can buy at Lowes, the kind with a poured concrete floor that costs $10,000+, you know, the ones that are bigger than the home, exactly what he had when we met! The ones I see and think look good are the "matches the house kind" that probably cost more than a house! So send me any ideas you have, except any that involve WalMart (no, I can't go there-I would end up in jail, and not enough time to get Ladee to shop and ship). If you missed Ladees wally adventures on the CG thread, go look back for the story of her attempt to by an on-sale vacuum and then read forward through yesterday. Luv you all, Kimbee
cat - you went in another direction because that is life and sometimes life is not easy, and sometimes we don't forget or get over the bad stuff, but we carry on, and we grow, and we reach out and use our bad experiences to help others. I believe that is God's plan as we can only do it with His help, but it does't mean that life is painless, or that the scars have disappeard - in my experience anyway.
love, ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) and prayers!♥♥♥
Joan
One day when I was working in my pre-retirement life, I went to the home of a little girl who just hours before had arrived home from the hospital. She had osteosarcoma and her leg had been amputated just above the knee. She was lying on the living room couch and her leg was starting to hurt.
Her dad was an abusive drunk, although he was sober that day. This kid had a little cat that meant the world to her. While she was in the hospital, her dad got drunk and through the kitten at the wall. As a result, the kitten's hip was broken.
The little girl, Carolina, was starting to cry as her next pain med was administered. That little kitten, hobbled and drug itself over to her and pulled itself up the side of the sofa and laid next to her. She put her arm around it and stopped crying. The kitten purred so loud and snuggled into her.
I just looked at these two injured souls who found love and comfort in each others touch and was at least be grateful for that moment they shared and the depth of their tenderness for each other. They were such a comfort for each other.
Don't be too concerned about Jen hearing your mom rave on the phone. You can't always protect her. So she gets an opportunity to hear some of what you lived as a child. The thing is she get's to hear it at a safe distance, a million miles away from your childhood, and with you standing strong by her side. Remember that she teared up and said, "I can't believe she raised you." That's because you are so amazing.
My mom went through a lot of health problems and a few major surgeries. She was somewhat frail and with so many health issues that her life was literally at risk each time. I was by her side through it all. She was tough and she was a trooper.
Now I would describe my relationship with my mom as a case of, "the irresistible force meets the immovable object." Nevertheless, I had to have surgery sometime after my mom passed away. I was a scared, but then I thought of my mom and it really had an impact on me. I thought, if my mom could get through all the shit she went through, I can sure as hell get through this. It was a huge comfort to me and it totally changed the way I felt. My anxiety melted away and I was grateful for her example and every moment I spent with her during those difficult times.
Nobody gets the charmed life so remember that you are giving Jen a well of strength to pull from. When she has difficulties in her life, she will see you as a source of strength to pull from. What more could any child ask for but a loving mom who gives you strength. Understand, Lisa, that pool of strength you leave with your children will continue after you are gone.
In my heart, I think many people who truly get what you are saying, respond with I'm sorry, because they are sorry. They're sorry they could not have prevented it and they think of their children and are grateful they are safe and sorry you were not protected. I also think it's kind of you to tell them that you are ok. Maybe expand it a bit and say, "For some reason I was able to survive. I've been extremely fortunate and have managed to have a great husband, a solid marriage and wonderful children." Should you feel like saying that, you will lift the spirits of many and give them hope too.
Regarding Carolina, let me just say that I had a craving for cheese, just like my buddy Judy. It took time, but dad was removed from the home. Some friends of mine helped and we got the kitten medical attention. Carolina passed away two years later with her kitten by her side.
I don't like to tell these stories because they may make you sad, but sometimes they may give you a reason to be grateful and to realize how much your life with worth to yourself and those that love you.
If I've bummed you out too much, go back and read Ladee's post. It was the most uplifting and I don't know why I went in another direction.
Love you all, Cattails
Looks like it is coming to a head, though I know I have thought that mother was going over the edge, but she has alays pulled herself back just in time. Lisa,
Jen's admiration, and respect for you has grown - that is a good thing. She is a big girl now, and she is your daughter, and she is fine, So are you. A family evening is great -rivets/rib eyes and all - and corn in the shuck - Yummy!!! Cabbage on the grill. I love cabbage!. Recipe please! We had cold chicken and wilted salad. The motorhome broke done on the way out of town, but thankfully G was able to pull it onto a side road where it can sit for a while - carburetor troubles.Always something, but these are minor. I sat on a grassy slope in the sun, and read a book while G tinkered - making lemonade from a lemon. Something you are very good at Lisa!!! Have a good nite everyone!
Just a thought....
And enjoy the 'riveteds'..... lord this thread has given me a whole new vocabulary..