My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Update: they are getting her settled back in her room and the phone rings. Seems the receptionist at assisted living took it upon herself to give the nephew a call and inform him mom was in serious condition. all of that paperwork was changed but it wasn't at the desk. Woman thought she was doing her job. Which she was. The mistake wasn't hers. Guess who's mistake? He got mom on the phone and immediately started screaming at her that it was her fault he lost his job and now their losing their house. Her nurse when she called said they called surgeon and he ordered her a sedative. Sooo, here we go To her residence, get that fixed. Then back to hospital. Very nice visit. SHE WAS ASLEEP. had to meet with security and there are only 3 people allowed in room. I put my aunt raeDown just in case.
Did you get any indication as to your mom changing her mind about surgery before she blew her top?
I was thinking that your Aunt Rae was your mom's sister. Is that correct. If so, how does she explain your mom and their upbringing? Your aunt Rae is such a sweetheart.
Sending you love Lisa and peace.
Love Joan
I love the parable about the frog and the scorpion - here it is in case anyone doesn't know it.
The Scorpion and the Frog
A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion says, "Because if I do, I will die too."
he frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown, but has just enough time to gasp "Why?
Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."
That has taught me so much about people with mental illnesses of any kind. They can' t help but do the negative behaviours - it is their natures. Now I don't look for improvements, I count on their nature doing what it has always done.
Sounds like the hosp staff are getting it finally.
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!
Wow, very well done -and you told them to put the bit about her being put in a cab on the chart.
Oh, lordy you are turning into something else and it is GOOD!
You will be able to give lessons soon lol.
Many pats on your back, and big ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) and love
Joan ♥♥♥ u deserve a medal!
You are the guardian of your own health. Please practice extreme self care. Just let them go, What does it matter? Do what is good for you. Let them "win" whatever it is - not worth it. My sister has fought ruthlessly for years to be mother's favourite, and she wants all the inheritance too. Whatever! As far as I am concerned, if it goes than way, she can have it. I am not saying I would not take steps to protect my interests, but I am not stewing about it.
Remember, it is your choices that get you enmeshed with them again, and you can chose not to.
" Living well is the best revenge." George Herbert.
Try living well...
much love, ((((((hugs))))) and concern.
Joan
love Joan
We are never prepared when the axe finally falls, so to speak. I understand your, and also your anger, and agree you are fully entitled to it. I think your mum has been killing herself for some time. She does still have a mind, and somewhere in that morass she must have known there could be health consequences to her behaviours, Even if this is not caused by her addiction, she may have faced the possibility at some level. She is entitled to her choice, as far as I know,
I have a serious problem with them saying there was no record of pain pill addiction, and think someone(s) is(are) not doing their job properly.
Hope you can have a good sleep tonight, though that may be difficult.
Prayers for you and your family. This is a bumpy road you are on, and it doesn't look like it will end soon.
Love and (((((((hugs))))) Joan
Let's see what the next day or two reveal. Maybe she will change her mind about the surgery or the health care directive. Whatever she decides to do, my guess is she will be going to a skilled nursing facility or a hospice facility.
Lisa, you have faith in God so consider that in her passing, God will heal her. That corrupted and miss-wired brain will be pure white light and at that moment she will be able to look back and see her life clearly. At that time, if you are able, your forgiveness will be meaningful and it will light the heavens.
One step at a time my friend. Love, Cattails
Let's see what tomorrow brings. Sending you love and comfort. Buckets of hugs, Cattails.