My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
I have a friend that I have known since I was 19 years old. She claims to be a physic and I give her credit for helping people. My personal feeling is that I have enough shit it this world to deal with, don't need more from shit from another world.
I had a dear friend, called her my best friend. She died from cancer about 12 years ago. I think her death could have been prevented, but she got caught up with a freak who won her over and had all these physic abilities. I remember going to visit my friend and we got together with her freak friend; stopped by her house before dinner for a drink etc. This gal had a dog and the dog liked me. Most all dogs like me because I like them, but then she started talking about her dog being from another planet and it had the ability to know souls, etc. It had declared me a good soul. JC, what a bunch of BS.
It broke my heart that my dear friend was so into this person. I just couldn't believe it. She talked her into not doing anymore treatments for her cancer. It was so tragic and still weighs on my heart. My friend, Lynette, never told me when she relapsed and I didn't know she had died until a couple of days later. We lived some miles apart, 5 hour drive. Sure left a whole in my life and I still think about her so often. She was such a smart woman; just hard to imagine.
Bottom line, don't give up your common sense. Yeah, it could be fun to play around with, but God gave you what you need to think for yourself. It's not that I'm such a skeptic, it just that I know I have some insight too and I'm not ready to turn that over to the church of the "what's happening now."
I am fascinated by Jon Edwards and some others that seem so right on the mark, but I know I have what I need to navigate this world, so why go look for another guide. Just the path I have chosen.
Cattails
Am happy that fil is not having bad reactions to the chemo... prayers for ya'll's whole family.... hugs across the miles....
Do your best for mom and let the rest go. Sending you lots of love and hugs, Cattails.
We just sat tonight and discussed mom. We all still feel like we're holding our breath. We've all admitted our heart skips a beat every time the phone rings. No luck getting hold of social worker today. Yes cat, no news is good news. Just know it's gonna be one big stink bomb when it rings. Buts it's ok. We went to hell and lived to tell about it. I hope everyone is having a great evening. Love to all of you, lisa
Sly's post is gone from my wall today. Bummer. It made me crack up every time I looked at it.
Dang it, Lisa, you mentioned something about dumplings the other day and I can't get the thought out of my head - just thought I'd let you know that I WOKE up thinking about dumplings!
Lisa, I had wondered what had given you such a different, stronger spirit than the rest of the women in your life, and then you confided that you had a different father. Aha! I am sorry that you did not have the opportunity to know him, but you obviously got your strength of spirit from him.
I have eagerly read your rebirthing journey, that's the way I see this, from that toxic woman. All these people here have encouraged you to "push" and "breathe" your way through the pain of seperating yourself from the DQ, and re-introducing yourself to your family. Your kids have seen their Mom try to do her best to love an unlovable person, and they have learned that admitting that you have had enough is not a weakness, but a strength!! You deserve all the love your family has to offer, all the love these "Kick Ass Women" have to offer, and all the love that is waiting "out there" for you.
I am sorry that your PIL's are having their medical issues. But they sound managable with proper therapies.
Could you talk to your MIL about her issues, eyes and mind, by gently telling her how much her husband needs her to be healthy so they can get through this trying time and onto enjoying any new 'additions' that might be coming to the family, and to be able to enjoy the next 20 years of their life surrounded by such loving people.
Your Doug is awesome!! Jen is fiercesome! (She gets that from you both) and Beth, though she is gentle soul, is no ones fool!! She had DQ figured out as soon as she moved in! lol.
The universe knew you were ready to start your journey of getting the DQ out of your life so you could be free to give your love and efforts to those who truly need it, will appreciate it, and return your love tenfold. I've seen this saying "God sometimes takes us into troubled waters, not to Drown us, but to Cleanse us"
Stay strong .. NOT MY PROBLEM DQ!
I do think counseling would be a help to you, your childhood was not your fault, and you will need guidance to work through emotions you may not remember, or think you have firmly hidden away.
I hope I haven't offended you with my comments, I feel honored to have read all 921 pages of your story. ((hugs)) and love, love, love from me
Karen
austin ur right - probably not worth it
actually it is all part of me, after 15 years on my own after marriage breakup and not even having a coffee with anyone in all that time, deciding that I wanted to get back into the game. That was about 5 yrs ago. My daughter looked at me one day and said "Mum, you have a bod, you should show it off more... and it was all downhill from there. She coached me a little on dressing differently - narrow leg jeans and camis and all that, I did some heavy thinking about how to be a hot grandma, but still keep my boundaries in the place that I want them, if you get my drift, and voila - it worked. You wouldn't believe the action that started coming my way. I had more attention at 70, that I had at 25. I went on dating sites, got two proposals (marriage and lots of the other kind, not that they got anywhere, but attention is nice) and after weeding through a bunch, I found Gary.
Cat, it is all in the head, the attitude, and you have to like yourself, and believe in yourself, and BE yourself. The youngest was 23, and in town, and he really pursued me. Nice young man. I told him to find someone his own age, marry her and have some babies.,,
by the way - part of being yourself is recognizing your boundaries - with guys, with your parents, your job, whatever - like what you are doing in placing your dad and looking after you and your husband - It is the right thing, cat, every bit as much as it was the right thing for lisa to get the DQ out of the house. even though the circumstances are very different
caregiving is a place you can lose yourself, and lots on here are struggling with that - finding yourself starts with honesty, and accepting yourself, your strengths and also your limitations, and lovng yourself, and, when you do, it spills over to others and gives life -
Lisa, you are one that gives life in a major way - all the " kick-ass" girls do. - that's what makes us "kick-ass"!!!!
I know I should be a mystery writer. I have quite the imagination. It just doesn't make sense any other way to me. He's angry at the wrong people to be a caregiver.
Rebecca: I've been wondering where you have been. I actually thought you just wanted to fade away and not be so active on the thread. I've missed you and hope you are feeling better. Tell us what happened. We want to know!!
Judy: You are just a crazy woman and you make me laugh and laugh and laugh. Thank you so much.
Hard day for me, but it will get better.
Thank God I have all of you to share, cry and laugh with.
Love and Love and Love, Cattails.
Rebecca good to see you back. I will post of my day on the dysfun fam thread.
Lisa, hope the pils will eat those wonderful meals that have been prepared for them.
A little amusement -
There were a couple of bright spots in the day, not the least of which is that a young man from the west coast, covered in tattooes, tried to pick me up in the hotel dining room. He was eyeing every female in the room, but actually started a conversation with me. I so wanted to tell him I was old enough to be his grandmother. I don't know why this keeps happening to me! :p
ladies, it is never too late