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((((((((Lisa))))))))) I am so very sorry too. Your pil, and you and Doug, and other family have a rough road ahead. Mil showing signs of possible dementia, will only complicate things, and the stress may exacerbate whatever cndition she has. Though, in a previous post, I may have sounded very casual about disease and dying, I don't mean to downplay what you are your family are going through. I know very well the emotional roller coaster ride you are on, and will be on for some time.
You wrote earlier that you had had several losses in the past few years. You may experience "multiple loss", as our family did. Each loss has to be fully grieved, and when losses come one after another in a relatively short period of time, you don't have time to finish grieving for one before another one hits. The impact of the losses accumulate, and can create "complicated" grief, with prolonged stress, sense of loss and other symptoms. It is quite a hurdle to overcome.
As always, take time to look after you, to nourish yourself in all ways. It is OK -even good - to take breaks from the sadness and stress. I thought the comedies were a great idea. Men and women tend to grieve differently, but it sounds like you and Doug are excellent support for one another. It is part of what makes you such a wonderful couple.
My heart goes out to you all. I pray for peace, and comfort for your pil, and that the DQ doesn't do her thing in the middle of this, as would be typical of a narcissist. That is all you need! Even if she does, I suspect you will have a little different perspective now.
A scripture which I have found helpful in times of trouble is Ecclesiastes 7:14 -
"When times are good, be happy;
but when times are bad, consider this:
God has made the one
as well as the other.
Therefore, no one can discover
anything about their future"

Truly, we don't know what will come next..

I know people have different beliefs. I hope I have not offended anyone by quoting scripture.
Much love and hugs
Joan
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Lisa, I am so sorry. Cat pointed out THE best sources for info. Be sure to view NCI's site in full format (not mobile-as on ipad). Mobile version less comprehensive. Might want to have someone take notes of key points when u see the doc, or just after, it will be a lot to take in. Reading up ahead of time will
help you be better able to comprehend some of what you are being told. Don't forget to catch a little rest when you can-long road ahead. Sending comfort and love to you, Doug and family. Kim
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Hi Lisa: I'm not sure if you were asking if anyone here, meaning on the thread has some knowledge about metastatic cancer, but I spent 23 years working with children who had life threatening and terminal illnesses. Most of them were cancer patients.

What I can tell you is that cancer starts in a certain part of the body; the primary cancer site. Obviously, it will grow and in time spread. When it leaves its primary site and goes into another part of the body, it is said to have metastasized. Various cancers can travel to the bone, the most "common" being breast and lung, but I think prostate and maybe thyroid too.

When a person has breast cancer and it has spread to the bone, it is still called breast cancer, but after spreading to the bone, it is referred to as metastatic breast cancer, or breast cancer with metastasis. This is because protocols (cancer treatments) are designed to treat the primary site. If you have breast cancer that has spread to the bone, you are still dealing with a cancer unique to the breast, even if it is now in the bone. So it is important to know the primary site of the cancer in order to treat it.

On Tuesday, you will get more specific information about FIL and that will help answer a lot of the questions that all of you have.

Two good sites are cancer dot org and cancer dot gov. I'm sure there are others, but those are two I use to refer to.

I'm praying for your family and sending buckets of love, Cattails.
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Lisa, i am so sorry to hear this horrible news.... all I can think of is how grateful I am this is a loving family... How is Doug handling all this? Please let him know we are praying for everyone.... my heart hurts for all of you, and special prayers for you fil.... hugs across the miles to all of you..
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Well kimbee, looks like you are right. The cancer is metastic. That's why we weren't being given the where the location of the bone cancer was centered. So this is streaming thru his body and can settle in any one or more of his organs if it hasn't already. My sil called from Alabama a bit ago. She wanted to make sure we understand where it stands. She said he is in stage 3. She wanted to discuss the possibility that this chemo may not work. Good grief. I thought I was a planner. She has been thinking of all the what ifs. All the way to his hospital bed, if needed down the road, will need to go in the living room. Hopefully Tuesday all the question marks will be answered. So I'm going from here and hit the net. I need to start reading everything I can about this metastic cancer. Hopefully maybe someone has some knowledge here.
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Thinking of you, hope you made it through this tough day. Feeling bad for you all Sending more love, hugs and prayers to you and Doug and family.
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(((((((((((((((Lisa)))))))))))))))

You have survived the DQ, with love and grace, and you will survive this two. I have the utmost confidence in you. Scared, sure, cancer is scary, and so is the ending of a life. But, as I shared earlier on this thread, and on your wall, good can come out of it, and in your case, I believe it will. Facing the possible decline, and impending death of a loved one is never easy, nor is facing one's own decline and death, but both come to all of us. I am surprised that death, and the surrounding experiences, and feedlings, are not talked about more on this site.

You are great, girl! Do your thing! Planning ahead, making meals etc. is one way you cope with this, and it is a good way. Food is basic.

Wishing you well. You and your amazing fam. are in my prayers, it will work out!

Much love
Joan
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Lisa, not sure when u r getting 2gether 2day, be prepared for the possibility that bone cancer is metastic disease-that may be the reason no specific location has been shared. I sure hope not, but want u 2 be aware of possibilities. I know u r scared, thank God u have ur DQ mom settled out of the house and do have the ability 2 turn to the family who has given u so much love over the years. They will need u and u will b there 4 them in just the right way--that is ur special gift. We kick ass girls are here for u and your family and sorry that times r so tough right now. Luv, hugs and prayers from all of us to all of you. Kim
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Lisa, thinking of you. Prayers and hugs, kim
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Lisa, I have to be honest with you, I had a bad feeling about this from the beginning when your MIL first told you and it was clear they had known for a while. I understand you are a planner, but I think you will have to wait to hear all the info before you can begin planning. It's sounds like your FIL's cancer is more advanced than he let on. It may be he didn't want treatment when he first learned and it could be that his docs didn't have encouraging news regarding treatment.
Odds and quality of life may be the issue here.

After reading your thread earlier today, before your post, I tried to imagine how I would feel if it was my husband who received a bone cancer diagnosis. He's a healthy guy; the one whose blood pressure is always 120/70. In the last 4 months he's had two bouts with diverticulitis and it has really scared me. I feel so bad because I don't know why (medically not philosophically) this has happened to him and it can be serious. For the past year, my dad has been the focus and it has totally screwed up the way we live, exercise and eat. Add that to the 6 years previous and I know we have paid a price in stress, both physically and emotionally.

So I am thinking about your PIL and I would be so grief stricken and afraid if I were in her shoes. I would be afraid of losing my husband. The one person who has shared by history and knows me better than anyone. The other thing I would be afraid of is seeing him suffer; chemo, radiation, hospitalizations, nausea, weight loss, low blood counts, infections. Maybe I just know more than your MIL so I am coming at it from my perspective, but your FIL is an elderly man and it won't be easy.

You are a planner, maybe an anticipater, like me. I look ahead and see the possibilities. Doug will have a consult with the doctor...is it this Tuesday? Is this an oncologist he and your SIL are meeting with? Tell Doug that he needs to insist that he is fully informed as to the type(s) of cancer your FIL has and what protocol they follow for treatment. Here's where my mind takes me: (1) How advanced and what are the odds of survival. (2) What protocol do they use, meaning treatment. (3) Where to they get their direction on protocol? For example is it just the common treatment or is it vetted by the experts in the field. (4) Are there cancer centers that have more background and success in treating someone like your FIL. (5) If so, can they refer you and let the experts determine the protocol and then have it carried out locally?

I do think you have an important role to play. Get your MIL out of the house for lunch or shopping. You don't have to ask her any questions, just be there to put your arm around her when you are walking together. She will feel the love and if she opens up, just listen and tell her how she is the mom you never had and how much you love her. Doug might want to do the same with his dad. That one on one time is a break and talking is not so difficult when you don't have to worry about the feelings of so many who are listening. Your FIL may want to talk to Doug about his personal fears and thoughts about quality of life vs treatment. He may also want to say that he is worried about mom and what will happen to her. He may want to share what his choices are for end of life issues. He may not be able to say all of this to his wife or want her to carry those wishes out without support. These are conversations that they need to bring up and it's easier done on a one on one basis.

I DON'T think your PIL are in denial. I think they just haven't shared all they know. There is a reason for that and eventually it will come to the surface. Follow their lead on the emotional issues and research all you can on the clinical issues.

What you want is the best outcome. If a life can't be saved, there is palliative care that can improve life by keeping the patient as healthy as possible for as long as possible. This is just not the old palliative care that just dealt with pain control. It's a new concept now and it does the least hurtful treatment to stave off death while doing the most to make the patient feel well.

I listened to a great program a while back on NPR. It dealt with a woman who has a terminal form of cancer. She chose not to do the typical treatment in order to buy a little time. Instead she went with the palliative care and it is amazing how well she has done and continues to do. I will go back and find that program and send you the info so you can listen to it.

I have confidence in you. The more truth you learn, the more grounded your direction will be.

Love and Hugs, Cattails
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It was in a plan that DQ was out of your life, so that you could focus on this wonderful family that has loved you from day one..... no one is saying 'don't get involved', a team of horses couldn't stop you from doing that... we're just saying, to take a little time for yourself everyday... even tho there is relief with DQ being gone, there is still adjustments to make and feelings to feel.... but do I trust you to take care of yourself... ABSOLUTELY , but this is what friends do, they jump on the bandwagon of love and support... and I think the meals are a great idea... when we are feeling powerless, cook.... please know Doug, you, your family and his is in our prayers... we're here for you... no matter what..... hugs across the miles..
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Cat: last year fil had blood test return that were not normal. They indicated cancer cells. So the short of it is they did a biopsy of his bone marrow. The cells were inactive. We were told that he could live for the rest of his life without these cancer cells going active. We don't understand why, but he will not tell us where the cancer is located in his bones. Out of the blue mil called me earlier to ask if we can come tomorrow because his siblings from the country were arriving. She said Lisa the cancer is in his blood too. We'll talk more tomorrow. Will you and Doug be sure to come? Of course we will. Both sil's have called us today. We did 3 way call. They are convinced we haven't been told everything. My thoughts? No prodding them. I'll have them there for his treatment at 8 Tuesday. Doug and sil will be there by 11. They already have the paper on file giving the 4 kids access to his information. At that time hopefully we will know everything. We just don't know at this point. I think what happened about today is mil called one of his sibs and they called the rest. It dosen't surprise me they dropped everything and came. And girls, poa was established 6 months ago. Both sil's have poa. Only finance, they refused to allow medical. All utilities are on automatic withdrawal. Whenever any financial decision is made, they call Doug and his brother. Tuesday night my sil made a statement that was so true. Our lives are changing. I understand what all of you are saying about backing off a little. My sil has the same concern. She pulled me aside to question if I felt strong enough to commit extra time these next few weeks. And believe me when I say I am. I did tell her I dont agree with the need to be there in their face these next few weeks. But girls, I'm a planner. I always have been my whole life. I went to the grocery this morning. They may not need or want dinner everyday. But it's in my meal plans. Same with sil. Really our only goal is to reduce any stress or worry. We KNOW if they had not told my fil he could not drive himself to his chemo treatment, we would know nothing. It hurts them that he has known for a while and didn't tell them. They just are dumbfounded. I'm not. I would never hurt my husband or sil. But I told them get over it. This is about him. It's about his feelings. I can't for one minute say I wouldn't do the same. But I do agree with them all. We have not been told everything, and I have a feeling we will hear it all from mil tomorrow. Maybe not. Maybe they've given the odds on surviving this. Maybe that's why all of the sibs are there tonight. And eldest, I understand what you are saying about no down time after DQ. And I am going into a situation I can't fix. I have the next 5 weeks off. I don't know to what extent my care will be needed. I so wanted a peaceful summer. Every bit of time I'm needed will be given with love. The circumstances are so different from mom. I am so scared.
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I just wanted to agree with what others have touched on...Lisa....I know you love your in laws very much and *THEY* know it too. BUT...I'm getting the sense of a shift from "fixing" things for your mom to "fixing" things for your in laws....Remember how we wondered what you would do to fill your time once your mom was finally out of your hair? Unfortunately, this situation has come up so you have had to shift gears, but you haven't had a lot of down time to pull yourself back into your immediate family. Some of the earlier posts described situations and asked questions that might be appropriate if the in laws were both unable to think for themselves...but my understanding is that father is mindful. While it's good to try and anticipate needs/problems...you might be over doing it a *little*...okay--please don't hurt me-- a *little more than a little*. You can let them both know that you are there to help and will be glad to do so if they just let you know what they need...but let them deal with this themselves in privacy unless they ask for help. Let her cry. It's a sad situation and it's scary. I'd be more worried if she weren't crying. Give them some space...keep in touch and keep the lines of communication open, but please don't hover or smother them with very good intentions. Don't replace one overwhelming situation with another one, especially when they are not asking you to. Give them space; you keep some space and focus on your immediate family, and try to get centered so that if / when they do ask for you help, you are more healed and able to help in a positive, healthy way. IMHO.
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Sorry, iPhone won't let me proof read on this site...
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Hi Everybody! Lisa, Cat & Ladee are spot on, plus, even if it is getting on his nerves, he really needs her tears as much as she does right now. I think most wives, no matter their own health, would cry at a cancer dx. In our parents day, The C word meant only one thing. Think about her underlying emotions and address them-indirectly. The main one apparently being overwhelming fear-of his loss of health, or worse and the loss of his ability to care for her, if she needs him to; not to mention their impending loss of independence-their world has now been changed forever. Buckets of tears would be normal for now, no matter how difficult to watch or accept. Just keep showing you awesome super- family style of love and support. That will be the thing that comforts the tremendous sadness and fear the best. Keep showing them you have enough love and time to care
for them both, no matter how great the needs. Comedies were a good plan to, I'm sure they needed some diversion-even if they didn't laugh, or it didn't hold their attention, being together and having a semblance of normalcy surely was needed. Verbal reassurances that you all are in this together, and that you will be there for them every step of the way, address the underlying fears, even if the poo-poo what yo say, it WILL be helpful. No, you can't change cancer, but you can go through it w them being a solid rock in the face of awful uncertainty. We reminded my FIL often, especially when fearful or upset (he had dementia) that he was safe with us, that we loved him and are we were there for him, for anything he might need. We also reassure my mom this way, regularly. It seems very comforting for the giant fear factor that comes with dementia. So, don't try to stop the tears, but give frequent support and love. Quietly, try to keep a mental note of when bills should be paid and keep track of if it got done. Maybe offer to help set up auto bill pay service w the bank, if u think they'd consider that. Then it wouldn't matter if she doesn't matter if she's pre-occupied, and duplicate payments wouldn't be made. Get some "one less thing to do" strategies in place, as you are able. (Glad you're on the meals.) I know they are glad to have the support of your amazing family-all the time-but even more so now. We love you and hold you all close in our prayers.

I
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I agree with Ladee. Your PIL do have their own way of talking to each other and facing the issues of life. I don't know how long your MIL knew about the bone cancer before you all were told, but that has to explain a lot of her anger and frustration, maybe even a double bank payment. Not saying that she doesn't have the onset of dementia; certainly sounds like she does, but they need to be together as husband and wife and hold each other and share their support and fears. That's sacred territory.

Lisa, do you know anymore about his cancer. You said bone cancer, but where in his body? Do you know how it came to be diagnosed. Was he having pain in his leg, back or what?

I feel so badly for them. Sending prayers to all. Love, Cattails

I
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I think yur right ladee. 56 years they have dealt with all the ups and downs. Think we need to continue to be there for them as we have the last few days. Hopefully they will enjoy the movies and fish dinner tomorrow night. Fil friends funeral is in the morning. So tomorrow will be especially tuff.
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Lisa, these two have been married a long time and have their own way of handling things.... let fil speak to her, they may be talking about this when they have their alone time.... or you may go to him in private and tell him you are sorry mil is not handling things well. But I don't know how a wife handles this, do you? Especially after her own bad news.... I'm just putting myself in their place, and I think I would want to be allowed the dignity to work it out amoung ourselves.... but maybe others will have better ideas...... don't get lost in trying to 'fix' things.... people are going to be all over the place emotionally with all that is going on... and double check that you aren't doing all this busy work to ignore your own feelings..... hugs
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Hi kimbee. We spent the day with PIL wed. Today I helped finish up the paperwork that needs to be given to dr for his cancer insurance. While there hid dr office called with the date for his skin cancer surgery to be removed from his face. Everyone agrees that we need to wait till after this week to schedule this. We need input from his cancer dr whether he should wait or proceed. Like I always do, I've been reading about chemo and have learned it never affects 2 people the same. So, naturally we will have to see how his body handles it. Mil dosen't cook hardly anymore, so we are also planning meals to take to them. Mil is shedding a lot of tears and we know fil is scared and we can tell it's starting to aggravate him. But there's simply no way to stop her tears. She loves the man. And I imagine her fear is intensified by her fears of her own health., which she is in denial to everyone but him. The perfect scenario for the weekend would be to take them out somewhere for the day but we still have a few more days of hot weather. It hit 105 today, so not an option.same tomorrow and Sunday. Sil is out of town till Monday. They had a weekend already planned at the lake so we told them to go. I've been racking my brain the entire day how to approach my mil on maybe trying to hide her tears from him, but I would feel like an ass. I'm at a loss. So if you girls have any ideas? Tomorrow we are taking some movies (comedies) and watch a couple with them. But they won't hold her attention long. I've never seen her this distraught and it's tearing us up to see.
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Hi Lisa, Any special plans w PIL's this weekend? They might enjoy something special that's not tiring-a favorite spot or restaurant, a little diversion of some kind. It may be a while until you can do stuff like that for them. Just a thought. Some people have less side effects from chemo than they expect, but everyone seems to have a fair amount of pre-tx anxiety. Of course we all hope and
pray FIL will do well w tx and have best possible outcome w zero to minimal side effects. Lisa just as you wish you could shield your childrenfrom life's harsh realities, we too wish you did not have so much to endure. You certainly have an unrelenting spirit of grace and love and class. You continue to inspire us! Do something special for yourself today. As always, we kick-ass girls are in your corner, sending love and hugs, white light, energy and prayers from around the country (and world, it seems!). :-) Lisa, you are amazing!
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Terry55: thank you for reading this thread. As you read, my situation was an abusive one. But never, EVER think that what you are going thru isn't just as important to everyone at AC. Like myself, there is a reason you got on the Internet. The men and women on this site are great listeners and have so much wisdom and advice to spread. So don't you go anywhere. You are important to us! Lisa
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Thanks for the welcome, eldestdaughter - and sorry for commenting without having read the thread - a glass of wine+exhaustion=jumping the gun regarding posting. I have been reading through the posts - I'm trying to get used to how this works, as I'm not too familiar with forums, posting, etc., but I already feel like I don't have the right to complain about my situation - after seeing what all of you deal with on a daily basis. I hope to check in here frequently, and thanks again for being so nice, and making me feel welcome, everyone!
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Dear Beverly. It's been a long journey. She's out of my house.
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put her in assisted living/ nursing home.
then she can see how nice she had it!
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you reap what you sew! this is what your mom has chosen to do.
you are doing nothing wrong by controling her meds.
i know, cuz my mom has the same issues with pain meds,
don't feel guilty, just keep doing what you are doing!
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Thanks Lisa.. Actually his birthday is in October, when I posted that; but good wishes are never wasted. I know he is smiling his wonderful "light up the room" smile, down on us. You will meet him one day. :)
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Joan, how beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with us. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GORDIE!!!!
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Thanks Lisa

My Gordie left a legacy. I posted the words below on a grief board a few years ago. A classmate of Gordie's told me she would never have made it through college if Gordie hadn't paid for her books. Don't get me wrong. He was no saint. He was a young man who had his ups and downs, but, he also was a generous and loving person. That is what remains.in my heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This poem has been very special for me as it reminds me of my Gordie's generous nature.

Friday was Gordie's 30th birthday,- and this past week I took to heart the meaning of the poem, and gave away lots of love, particularly to my students. The response was so good - I got an "I love you", smiles and smiles and smiles, lots of good feelings, students sharing their lives with me, and the cherry on the top was a sweet, and very cute young man showing me quite clearly, but very nicely and properly that he had a crush on me. Oh, to be 50 years younger!

My Gordie - this is for you...

Now that I’m gone,
remember me with a smile and laughter.
And if you need to cry,
cry with your brother or sister
Who walks in grief beside you.

And when you need me,
put your arms around anyone
and give to them
what you need to give to me.

There are so many
who need so much.
I want to leave you something.
Something much better
than words or sounds.

Look for me
in the people
I’ve known and loved or helped
in some special way.
Let me live in your heart
as well as your mind.

You can love me most
by letting your love
reach out to our loved ones.
By embracing them
and living in their love.

Love does not die,
people do.
So, when all that’s left of me is love,
give me away as best you can.

author unknown

All my love

Mum
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

cat - the sadness was there long before I had Gordie. It has been there since childhood. With Gordie, now, what is most constant, is the missing. It is hard to share with some one who hasn't, what losing a child is like. Yes, your life is changed for ever - you are changed for ever. Newer theories of grief talk about the changed relationship, not the ended relationship with your loved one. It works for me. I know without a doubt where my Gordie is, and that I will see him again, and I look forward to that day.
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Oops. Didn't proof read. Treatments start Tuesday, not Thursday.
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Good morning everyone! It has now been, I believe, 10 days since seeing DQ on that awful trip to the pharmacy. So peaceful here. We spent the day with PIL yesterday along with SIL. We read all the paperwork given to fil on his treatments. He has chosen to take the treatments. His first treatment is next Thursday. I'll have them there at 8 a.m. Lots of tears from MIL. sIL calling today to set up appt with dr so her and Doug can have a consultation. Fil is scared but resigned. He thinks this is it. Anyone his age won't survive any cancer at his age that requires chemo. Of course we disagreed with him.

Emjo, we too have been thru so many deaths in the last 3 years. I'm so sorry about your Gordy. And for you to have so much love in your heart to visit with us daily sharing your life, your wisdom. You touch so many lives. What a remarkable gift you give while dealing with so much sadness and stress from mom and sis.

I hope everyone has a great day today! And know everyone here at my home are sending tons of love to each of you!!! Lisa
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