My mother moved in with me when my oldest sister dies who lived with her. My brother died when I was 9. My mother and 2 sisters have been addicted to pain meds for years. One sister comitted suicide and the other who lived with mom died when her colon died. Her body couldnt even process the pain meds anymore. Years ago I made the decision to walk away and would only hear from mom when the oldest sister drained her accounts . When she died my moms accountwas charged 983 dollars in overdraft charges alone. So my only option was to move her in. She was in the hole over 2000.00. My husband and I discussed it. We felt this may be a chance to form a friendship if nothing else.
It has been a battle since after the first 3 months. When she accused my daughters fiance of stealing her pain pills I took control of them. She is forced to go to a pain management dr to get her pain meds every 3 months. She goes in my room searching for them while we work. She accuses me of stealing her money. There is nothing wrong with my moms mind. Just this month alone she has spent 732.00 at qvc. She has spent 1000's with qvc since shes been here. Mom has copd and has oxegen in her room. In comes the worst of the argument. She smokes a pack a day in her bedroom and often dosent turn the oxegen off. Im terrified she will cause an explosion and kill us with her. When I take the cigs it turns into a horrible argument. My mother has treated her grandchildren so horribly none have been to my home for 2 years. She has a sister who will not even answer her phone when she calls. She asked a cousin if she could move in and was told no. So she informed me that I would have to have a judge remove her from my home. I accepted years ago that my mom had no use for me. At 10 years old she informed me that she couldnt believe god took johnny instead of me. I heard that for years. I would cry untill I matured and realized she was the one messed up not me.
Now I am 50 years old and taking the verbal abuse again. I hear about how fat I am and dumpy I am. I buy a new outfit and get told I look rediculous. I need some help trying to figure out how to get her out of here. I had to give her the pain meds back last week because she threatened to quit taking her other medicines and she would accuse me of keeping them from her. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Ive been happily married for 28 years to a wonderful man and have 2 beautiful daughters. We own our own home. She has her own room with a bath and never has anyone in my family not made her feel this wasnt her home too. We fix her plate every night, take her to dr. Appts, wash her clothes, and still she treats us this way. Anyone who can please guide me in the right direction I would be so grateful. I am so stressed. I cant sleep, ive gained 40 pounds and im tired everyday.
Have a blessed day
Sending love to all of you! XOXOXOJB
About mom- she has consumed your time, energy and family for so long, you are bound to have a bit of a void now. It may be time to get going on a rewarding project to focus away from mom. Can you paint that room with your cape on? I am sure she will get busy cooking up some new drama quickly. Rehab would provide a whole new audience, she may go for that aspect alone! Either way, she WILL try to re-engage you-be ready-and see it for what it is. As cat pointed
out, you are doing less, and that does help extinguish her reward for sick efforts.
You are amazing! Kim
Let it go. You, your Aunt Rae and your cousin Annie are fine people. Accept that your mom cannot be controlled and no one is responsible for her foul, lying mouth. She is sick. Don't argue with the sick or their followers.
Live your life to the fullest and love the ones that love you best. That's all you should do. Hugs, Cattails
Take a deep breath. If you enter into ANY dialogue with these virtual strangers, you engage with your mother. If she can't get at your directly, she will get at you indirectly. And those busybodies will report back. That is what busy bodies do! And your Mom will feed the gossip demon until she hears she has hit the jackpot.
Let your Aunt involve the priest if SHE needs to. Aunt Rae does NOT need you to enter the battle here. Most of us, YOU do not need you to enter the battle here.
It's not my problem. It's not my problem. It's not my problem.
Maybe add: any reaction to her is a point for her, and we start the game over, withdraw, sweetie. Go cold turkey, no matter how good the lure looks.
I'm surprised that this Phyllis would behave in such a poor manner. Shame on her. She must not be very bright, so now you know what your are up against in reasoning with her. Maybe others have a poor opinion of Phyllis too.
As long as your mother can breathe she will create havoc and spread hatred. That will never end. You, on the other hand, are going to have to let some nasty things go. At least then you are not giving her the satisfaction of a response and that, is some big way is an end.
I feel for your Aunt Rae, but I think she is a big girl and can take care of herself. People have known her for years and some gossiping hag isn't going to change their opinion of her. Same for your cousin.
So my advise is sit on your hands and if you absolutely must do something, talk to Father Mike and your Aunt Rae. Don't confront Phyllis, it will only stir the pot and your mom will be so happy she may live another 10 years.
Hugs, Cattails
I am really struggling with the same. Maybe not as drastic. I feel so obligated and I guess, like you, I keep wishing I could resolve my relational problems with my mother. Funny how the children treated the worst early on are the ones who keep trying until the end to find acceptance with a parent who doesn't have it to give. I am so sorry for my mom that she is so angry and hateful. But what hurts the most, is I feel myself taking on the same bitterness in self-defense. :(