Follow
Share
Read More
This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Find Care & Housing
PS And I beg you to not go into her apartment to retrieve the purse! She could accuse you of stealing then. Deliver the cab fare and get the hospital to say that it comes from a special fund people set up to help people like her, in situations like this one. Do not even let her know it was from you.
Okay. I think I'm done now. Except for wishing I could call and stop you from getting involved. ;-)
(4)
Report

WHy isn't this Jane's problem to solve? Or the hospital social worker? Why must you show up? It sure sounds like she timed the crisis to avoid meeting with Jane.

I'd stay away. They can't make you take care of her. The hospital HAS CLOTHING. If you MUST get involved, drop off cab fare in the hospital social worker's office. Don't say hi, don't see her. Don't reset the clock here. So what, she's in the hospital? People can work themselves into a frenzy and end up in the hospital if they want to. She did and she did. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM. IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM!
And send DOUG with the cab fare. Don't even step foot in the hospital.
(4)
Report

I'm back. Doug called. No answer. As soon as we hung up the phone rings. It was Jane the social worker. Mom pushed her button. They called ems. She's at the hospital. Same drill. Can't breathe. She needed to warn me that mom refused to take her purse and that means if they release her she'll have to have transportation home. If they keep her? She has no gowns, house coat, no glasses. Jane had time set aside today to meet with her, and when she sets up meetings with their tenants it's mandatory for them to meet. Her last meeting mom was very negative and she told me mom blames me for everything wrong in her life right now. If I hadn't thrown her out her money would still be in the bank, and she wouldn't have to throw her grandson in jail. Jane told me she is better understanding moms personality. Mom has made a number of friends and they've been having dinner together in the evenings. Every single word out of her mouth on my answering machine has been outright lies. Jane told me her goal is to keep counciling with her and hopefully things will calm down with her anger issues towards me. Ha. Told her good luck with that. 50 years worth of hate is a hard habit to break. So I ended the call thanking her for everything your doing to help her adjust and I would let her know if they keep her. Crap.
(1)
Report

It's not my problem...it's not my problem....it's not my problem. Calm your heart rate down. You're doing great. She can live in squalor and filthy clothes if she chooses not to find any other help. Take a deep breath. Maybe Doug won't even get around to calling her for a few hours. That'd be fine.
Your post does make me think, however, if there is SOMETHING that would be "serious" enough to warrant your intervention? I gently invite you to consider if that's the case, and if so, to know in advance what it might be. If there is some part of you that actively considers, "Is THIS 'serious' enough?" every time you hear from her, that is a part of you that is still on alert. If you know: Coma, verified by a third party, is serious enough and nothing else (for example), then you won't be doing the automatic sorting ("do I go or not?") that each call seems to trigger.

It might be that you make a blanket rule that for, say, 90 days, NOTHING is "serious" enough to respond to, so that she learns two quit asking. Or whatever time frame seems long enough to really help you (each) grown stronger wings. Or maybe you know exactly what category of thing will be sufficient to warrant you heading back. But, maybe, give this some thought. Define some clear boundaries, and move forward from there.

She's not my problem....She's not my problem....she's not my problem...remember JeanneGibbs's mantra!
(3)
Report

Let the phone calls begin. Heeheehee. Lisa I'm having some serious problems call me. So I called Doug at the office and told him the messages. He told me to let him give her a call. If she dosen't mention these "serious problems" to him , then it's just more of her crap trying to pull me in. He's just gonna say he just called to touch base and see how she's adjusting. Personally, I think it has something to do with her meetings with detectives. One message was she has no change to go do her laundry. One message was she can't get the handle on her new shark vacumn cleaner. It all comes back to the stupid thing. She wants me to come clean her apartment, she wants me to come get her laundry and do it. I know what she wants and it's not happening. So I'll wait for Doug to call me back. She is perfectly capable of doing all of these things.
(3)
Report

Missed you, glad you had a great time. Welcome home. Missed all of the rest of you too!
(2)
Report

When I got the note that you had posted something new, Lisa, I thought, "I've missed her and everyone else, too!". I'm so glad you had a great time. You deserve it.
(4)
Report

Welcome home! Feeling renewed.....that's awesome! Glad you didn't answer the phone and had a good father's day :)
(2)
Report

Hi Lisa: Hooray for your Aunt Rae and you. I am so happy that you had a wonderful time at the lake, just you and Doug and then the extended family. Now you are home, celebrating Father's day with your wonderful hubby and your children.

I'm so happy that you are free of, She that shall not be named, but equally as wonderful is that you have a life that allows so much love to pour in. How blessed you and your family are.

Sending you love and a big welcome home. Hugs, Cattails
(2)
Report

I love what your Aunt Rae said. I hope you won't mind if I share the ideas. I thought perhaps I was left on my family's doorstep by mistake or was swapped at the hospital. We ARE survivors. Love Rebecca
(3)
Report

You sound happier and happier each day! I am so happy for you.
(3)
Report

Atta girl! Stay in the goodness.
(2)
Report

Hello everyone! We're back. We had a wonderful time. Spent the days on the water and Friday and Saturday evenings the aunts uncles and cousins all came to the cabin. We just had the greatest time reconnecting with the family that live there. Came home to calm. Then the phone rang. I didn't answer it. And no message. Made Doug his steak and shrimp fathers day dinner and the girls gave him his gifts. I'm feeling so renewed. My sister in law took my fil to get a pedicure because his feet and nails were really needing attention. He has such a hard time doing his toenails now, and it just not something any of us like doing. And ladies, HE LOVED IT! He's 84 and that young ladie treated him like a prince. She said he laughed continuously because it tickled. So yep. All of us bought him gift cards for pedicures. I've sure missed all of you. Have I missed anything? How is everyone?
(6)
Report

I want an Aunt Rae! Have fun. Bow chicka bow wow.... omg, you crack me up.
(2)
Report

Thanks everyone! Be leaving within the hour.Judy, My aunt Rae shared something with me during our talk this week. She was asked years ago by a in -law how was it that your niece turned into such a good person. She replied to her because she's a survivor like me. We stood back. We watched. We cried. We hurt. And buy heavens we learned. Our ability to endure was our strength. And we made our choices very clear how we intended to live the remainder of our life and nobody could take that from us. And judy, I promise you I feel so honored that aunt rae sees me in her. What an outstanding compliment she gave me. Now, I'm off here. Soon time to go. First 2 days are mine and dougs alone. Bow chicka bow wow. ;) hahaha. We love everyone! Lisa
(5)
Report

Lisa - I hope you have a great time on your 4 night getaway to the lake! Sun, water, people who love you, getting the hell out of town.... you sooooo deserve this after the amazing (I was tempted to say "hellish" here but it is amazing) journey you've been on. Beth sounds like an old soul in a young body. I was thinking about you last night after reading up on the comments, and it struck me, that your sweet disposition is reflected back at you from your family. I'm amazed at how such a negative person, such as your mom, raised you, and yet you are nothing like her. That really says something huge about you. I guess that's part of my fascination with your story. Apart from taking action and getting her out of your house, I've been just taken back at how the negativity that's woven into the fabric of your mother's life, hasn't made its way into yours. You make me smile! I hope you're grinning ear to ear at the lake.
(6)
Report

And luv to you kim!!!! I haven't wrote the cards out yet (I really do plan to). Onthe way to taking Beth to work she was laughing at me because I'm just so excited to be be getting away for 4 nights! I told her I just can't believe it happening. She told me I should sit down and read everything my friends write to me. Then it will be real. Sometimes her insight amazes me. So I'm going to do it. When every last thing is packed, I shower and sit I'm going to do just that. How can I not when that sweet voice said so.
(4)
Report

Hi: Lisa, Jeanne, Cat, Rebecca, Ladee, Jane, Judy, Eldest daughter, Joan, Endof, Austin, Diavalon, Christina and all u other great posters--thank you all for being smart, loving, caring, full of wisdom and so giving. I appreciate that you have accepted me into the relm of your very special place here and allowed me to be part of this group! This is the very best of a peer support group times a gazillion! These posts Should be required reading for social work students,
gerontology majors and psychiatrists. Lisa, you are as amazing as all the other wise "Kick Ass Women" you have brought together. Please enjoy a wonderful time relaxing at the lake. Water and camping are so renewing and you all so deserve some true respite and time for each other-time to leave the trauma of
your mom's snarled, enmeshing tentacles far from where you are!

Also want to let you know my profile pic is actually an art photo of man carrying long beans or cucumbers to market on his head. At first I thought it was some
funky snake charmer, but I love it because it speaks to the strength of the human
spirit and how much effort we will extend to survive and even thrive. I think it is
an interesting parallel to our lives as caregivers and survivors of the snarley
messes some of us have had to work from and carry on our heads!

I'm going to make a set of cards too Jeanne! Luv it! Don't forget "ain't that a
whoopin"!!

Hugs and love, love, love to each of you, and Lisa, Doug, Jen, Beth and Chris...
(3)
Report

Have a wonderful time. Can't wait to hear about it when you get back.
(1)
Report

Lisa, have a great time? And thanks for welcoming me.
(1)
Report

"as the world turns around mother" I think that was it. We leave tomorrow for the lake cat. I'm so darn excited. Beth won't be going, but Jen and Chris are coming Friday after work. I've made arrangements for my nephew to stay here the weekend. Normally this isn't a worry, (Beth is completely offended) but I'm just not ready to say the nephews won't get stupid. I'm going to finish the grocery this morning. Doug and Jen offered last night after my tattle tale Beth told them about my brain fart while shopping yesterday. So I just said honey, remember your favorite coffee cup you can't find? Beth broke it unloading the dishwasher last week. Heeheehee, lord the look on her face! Back atcha kid.
(1)
Report

Hello mrsribit, and welcome. Thank you for your kind words. I will tell you as your new, that I questioned the wisdom ( Doug and Jen too) of my decision to open up to complete strangers about our situation. After the first day I realized I found a 2nd home. The love and support here is what gave myself, Doug, and the girls the strength to move forward and reclaim our happiness. The second post on this thread I received from jeannegibbs literally changed my life. She just tells it like it is. Then the support from ALL the kickass girls came pouring in. It's an amazing journey for everyone who post here. So you stick around. You will never regret it. Love, lisa
(1)
Report

I just finished reading this thread. It has been all day. and It's now 10:30pm. I am soooo amazed at your journey Lisa. I believe that God puts strong people in a family to stop the domino effect. You have broken the disfunction in the family chain. I've seen your question on the caregiver forum for a little while, I'm new to the site. It took me a while to have the courage to read the question. It seemed so overwhelming to me. But immediately after reading I saw amazing change. I was really uplifted. You have given me the desire to make changes even though I haven't had to deal with the trials you have. I wish I could give you a hug! Oh yea I can!
(5)
Report

You had a good one Jeanne. What was it, a soap opera slogan. Please repeat so I don't have to go through all 600 plus posts. I remember it made me laugh out loud.
(1)
Report

"The woman has called me stupid for so long, she believes it." I absolutely love it! There are a lot of good one-liners throughout the thread. Some are yours, some other people contributed. If you are ever having a hard time falling asleep, for a diversion go through the posts and pick out the gems. Write them on small index cards, one per card. Carry the deck with you for a quick word of widom when you need it!
(3)
Report

I missed Kimbee's awesome response. Somehow I skipped over it. I went back and read it and it is so right on the money. Hugs, Cattails
(1)
Report

And wanted to say I love what Kimbee suggested about you asking yourself if it was going to cause you to re engage with her or get your life back... i'm using this one in my own life.... great idea.... thanks Kimbee...
(2)
Report

Please Lisa, don't waste that holy water, you need to save it to throw around the room she stayed in before you start redecorating... as everyone is saying, you are doing awesome..... no one said saying no and meaning it would be easy, but as was also said, everytime you do it you get stronger and stronger.... Sorry, I can't help but laugh thinking about the look on her face when they deliver those meds tomorrow..... go Lisa clap clap, go Lisa clap clap.... you got it goin' on.... and am very proud of you for giving the 'statement' thing some thought....one less thing she can get her hooks in you about..... and believe it or not, there will come a time when it doesn't bother you to NOT answer the phone.... is your family just too damned proud of you or what... I know this one is..... hugs across the miles.....
(3)
Report

Lisa: LMAO. You are so damn smart!!!!!!!! Hahahahahaha Breath Hahahahaha. Your mom has spent the day spinning her web and you just blew a big hole in it. AND, you didn't even have to talk to her. Good for you!!!! Now you be careful with that Holy water. It could just make her head spin around. Eeeeeek

PLEASE keep us posted. When are you leaving for the lake? Wednesday?

Love Ya, Cattails
(1)
Report

Well, I had a few more phone calls from mom. All except one she hung up on before the answering service got it. Lisa, a need a big favor. I'm out of my warfarin after tomorrow. It's ready at the pharmacy. I need u to bring it to me. Call me back. No. Called Paul at pharmacy and asked if they were no longer delivering her Meds because she moved. Absolutely not Lisa. We told her we would have it delivered tomorrow but she said you are picking it up. So I told him I will no longer be picking up her Meds and that's she needs to have them delivered from now on. Not a problem Lisa, we'll have it to her tomorrow. The woman has called me stupid for so long, she believes it. Swear I'm gonna take the holy water from my fireplace mantle and go spray her ass down. Eeeeek
(5)
Report

This discussion has been closed for comment. Start a New Discussion.
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter