Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
We were not close when I was growing up and there was a period of 10 years when I didn't see her at all, we couldn't afford it and she didn't make the effort to visit. So there is emotional neglect on her part and that was a big issue for me to deal with in therapy. I think I am doing 'ok' but 10 years ago she had to move near us; I was the closest kid and the only one who was able to take time off to help her move. I am the most unlikely one, since we were never close.
I've learned a lot the past 10 years and we've had some major blow outs but always were able to resolve them. She is very self-centered, and I know she will never change, so I do what I can to stay emotionally healthy.
This past summer, I had Covid, and my antidepressants stopped working; I ended up in the hospital for 5 days on a medication change (I was suicidal by the time I was able to get help). Thank God for my husband, he literally didn't leave me alone one minute. So, I am doing better on this medication change, but I am still not 100%.
I know it's up to me to set boundaries with my mom, and I am really struggling with that. I was advised by my new psych nurse to get back into therapy. I've been resistant to that, but I am realizing that I need more help, so that is my "new year's resolution". Just wanted to say hello!
You're definitely on the right track. Setting those boundries is the most important thing in a relationship with a needy elderly person. Especially when that person parent even if we always enjoyed a great relationship with them.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family dynamic. My mother is a narcissistic, gaslighting bully. Then the bullying turned into abusive neediness. The first boundaries ever set with her were by both of my husbands. Neither of them would tolerate her crap for one second. What a blessing those boundaries were and I learned from them. In fact, I did not even speak to her for six years and did not have her at my second wedding. Her complaining and snideness ruined the first one, so I didn't have her at the second.
She tried to make some genuine amends for some of her past behavior and I agreed to move in with her after I got divorced. This was supposed to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. It worked for a little while then it became servant/master. I am leaving come the spring and she is not coming with me. She's very upset and doubling down on the gaslighting and verbal abuse. I'm done though.
Set those boundaries for your sake. Do not allow your mother to behave abusively to you in any way. That includes verbal and emotional abuse. It also includes abusive neediness.
rose - Good morning! I am glad you are doing what you can for your emotional health. That's always important but more so when you have to be around needy, self centered people. Hope you get to feeling 100% soon. Sounds like covid did a number on you. It seems to me that your psych nurse gave you very good advice. I was caregiver to my mother who had Borderline Personality Disorder and I have been in therapy off and on all my adult life. I had to draw very firm boundaries with her, and the people on this site supported me in that. I hope we can give you some of the support you need. There are many here in similar situations. Have a great day!!!
Past the shortest day so we should notice more light in a week or so. Yay!!! Temps are more moderate this coming week (minus teens or even single digits C, (above 0 F) and I hope to get out a bit. Neither Kitty nor I have been out in days! The search for more flooring is on, but, of course, slow because of Christmas shopping. Hopefully we will have some choices by the new year. Have a good one everyone!
I am happy to hear that you have a plan in place. Sounds like you have been through a lot. Take care.
(sorry, I just wanted to whine to somebody)
I am sorry you are feeling funky. The flu is going around here. It’s supposed to be a nasty bug. I’m glad that it’s not Covid.
My cousin just texted me and said that he has Covid again. This is his third time. He has fever and is exhausted.
The first time he got Covid the vaccine wasn’t out yet. He was on a ventilator and everything. He’s a cancer survivor (Colon) and we were extremely concerned for him. Plus he has diabetes. I’m hoping that he will recover soon.
He’s had some issues that they don’t know if they are long term symptoms of Covid or not.
He should really retire but is stubborn. He doesn’t need the money (investment banker in D.C.)
He has memory issues and continually drops things. They are thinking possibly he has the beginnings of dementia. He has neurological tests coming up.
need - the lady that did my house evaluation for the bank dropped things when she was here and generally didn't look well. She had covid some months before and I think prob had long covid. Your cousin sounds sick! Prayers!
He’s been struggling with issues. I hope he gets better soon. Thanks for your prayers. I appreciate it.
Your SIL sounds sweet!
Golden, Frequent flyer, thx for the best wishes for my kitty. He's
good.
Other than that, nothing new to report. Still waiting on my foot to get better.
golden: How wonderful!
Gershun: Glad your kitty is good.
“A lot of people have gone further than they thought they could because someone else thought they could.”
I think about her too. She was very sweet.
I loved her posts on the ‘What’s for dinner’ site too.
Earlybird was a wonderful daughter to her mom.
Pumice stone and an emery board to the rescue (sort of).... I guess I'll be wearing a little of it until it wears off. Good thing I'm not fussy about my hands.
“You’re creating problems in your head again. Stop that.”
“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.”
but anyway, here are some more words of wisdom from bundle of joy…
“Don’t waste your energy trying to change opinions … Do your thing, and don’t care if they like it.”
“Self-care is non-negotiable."
“Self-care equals success. You’re going to be more successful if you take care of yourself and you’re healthy.”
❤️🙂
bundle of joy
I get so tired of the random solicitations. I get the phone calls and the text messages. They are annoying. Same thing with emails.
My elderly uncle called and told me that he got an email from his good friend asking for money. Sure enough, his email had been hacked. I told him not to give any money because it was a scam.
My friend’s dad knew that he was being scammed when a random caller, claiming to be a grandchild in jail, saying that he was in need of bail money, and called him ‘grandpa.’ His grandchildren call him papa.
Scammers never give up! That’s how they make their living.
An increase in unidentified phone calls came as soon as I logged into the wedding site to shop gifts for the bride and groom; overnight accommodations; and to R.S.V.P.
This was last year.
And, my e-mail has very few spam now. But places like Amazon, Walmart, and other places I have never shopped say things like:
Your order needs to be redelivered.
Your purchase did not go through.
etc.
Irritating, yes!
People must know not to open those emails.
I never sign up for door prizes anymore at expo shows. They always ask for phone numbers and emails. Then they send out nonstop solicitation.