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bag1115 ~ I see you're brand new on this site? You should start a question thread for your personal situation, or you can start posting on one of the Caregiver Support Threads, but I think you would be best served to start your own "Ask A Question." Put the details in there, and allow other caregivers on the forum to give you input that way.  

Up in the top of the screen is a blue bar that goes across the top.  "AgingCare.com" is on the left side of the screen, and over to right side of screen is "Ask A Question."  Click that and fill out the information.  
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I just checked the spy cam I set up a year ago when I had caregivers in the house with mom

I haven't used hardly at all since her move to memory care so I was happy to see it still working

The room it's in is dark now except for a small lamp on a timer but as I was observing I heard female voices -
I hope it's the neighbor outside and not poltergeist !!
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That last distribution was the last tie with your mom - so your spirit has kept a little of her alive but now it is all memories which I hope you will look back & enjoy eventually-

The days are getting longer but lack of sun in our latitude means you could also have S.A.D.[ Seasonal Affected Disorder] brought on by the stress - there are special lamps to help with it - try C. T. as they usually have them - this is not something to ignore

A good friend's husband gets it every year so they need to pre-plan their winters so he can get some rays - he was born in Kenya but stress can bring it on too - hope you can get some help
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Gershun,
If what you are experiencing is depression, picking an arbitrary date or time to just snap out of it is not a plan. From what I have read and understand, one cannot "just snap out of it". Even though the feelings may resolve on their own, and it is a good thing to have hope that your feelings will get better, you actually need to DO something. Even going to see your regular doctor may help when they say there is nothing whatever wrong with you.

Or, trying a little medication may help, if combined with talk therapy.

I apologize for posting this here instead of a private message, but it is time, imo, to love you as a community, (not that we don't love you), come alongside of you, pick you up, dust you off, and stop ignoring that you have been through a real tough several years, and loving your Mom, being her friend just may have made it hard in a different way than others, but still very difficult and normal for you to not feel much better yet. I know others feel similar as you have expressed in the past. I know that I love and appreciate you, as a person, and not just because you care about others.
Like your neighbor.

I can suggest you start a journal of your days, because that can help gradually, over time, and it may be something a therapist will ask you to do.
I guess we are all doing that by posting on here anyway, so maybe just posting here more often may help. What do you think?

Also, I believe some of us are resistant to getting help or performing helpful techniques that would help because we just don't feel like it, because can't see it yet. Maybe you have tried some things already?

I want others to chime in here too, there are so many other people with expert advice. I feel like I am missing the mark, failing you as a friend.
Maybe you can say what it is that would help you....or others can let you know that your feelings matter too. {{{{Hugs for Gershun}}}}.
Thinking of you.
Love from Send
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If I were to get up, wash my face, then go back to bed-it's after midnight, I know that I would feel better.
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Send you have never been anything but a great friend with awesome support. Your dear little spirit shines through with everything you say and do, don't ever, ever forget that.

As for me, .............I don't really know what to say. I think my spirit has been broken. The reason I don't post about it more on here is simply I don't want to sound like a broken record. I know I need to do something to shake myself out of this moroseness that has overtaken me. People on AC help but there is nothing that hasn't already been said.

Don't worry about me Send. You are such a dear, dear person. Just keep being you. I'll be fine.
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Gershun: Please feel free to sound like a broken record. That's what we and this thread are here for. Don't be afraid you'll bore us or tick us off because, just in case you haven't noticed, we ALL have more or less the same problem. Keep posting, sweetie.
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Gershun, might I suggest that you make plans, maybe to redecorate a room in your place, and spend some of your inheritance (just as your Mom would have wanted you to), and do something really frivolous, something really great and fun and colorful, to help to cheer you up! You could think of it like gift from your Mom, and you can think of her every time you walk into this room. Or plan a trip, go away with your hubby or a friend, somewhere you really always wanted to go.

This is what I did, I went to England and Wales, with my 3 sisters, about 6 months after our Mom passed away, spending a good chunk of my little inheritance, and on something our parents would have truly loved for us to do, all together, sisters. It was wonderful and cathartic, to see their homeland, and put together in my mind, all the many places they spoke of, throughout their lives.

Try to come up with some way, to do something really neat, to lift your spirits, and honor your Mom.
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Make that trek to your favorite church, sit in the front so it will be necessarily uncomfortable to run out in tears. Then, if the tears do come....run out anyway?
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Of course, I would never......
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Gershun
I don't know how one mends a broken heart or spirit but I think doing something completely new and different helps a bit - less likely to bring up memories

Treat yourself to a bunch of tulips a cafe latte and a scone tomorrow

It's after midnight- I'd probably feel better if I went to bed but I'm pulled into a movie on HBO
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Orange cranberry scones at everybody's famous coffee place, throughout the world, go early-they run out by noon.....
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Looks like Send was placed in the witness protection program and is now going by the screen name of anonymous281963.   That is strange.   Send are you still out there???
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I was really depressed this last fall and felt like my life was done. One day I just started to force myself to do little things for me, buy some new outfits, and little things I did for myself like watching a sunrise etc. began to add up until I did not feel bad so often anymore. It was like all the good little things went into some sort of mental bank and added up somehow. Next, I made myself go out to movies with friends, take walks, and take a little trip with my husband. I started acting happier and before I knew it I actually was happier. I hope this tactic works for others too. If my depression would have persisted I would have gone to the doctor, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to just start doing some things for me. It was as though I had forgotten how to do for me, and took baby steps to move out of the depression. I also realized that my Mom would not have wanted me to be depressed and I had to take an interest in life and live my life now with all the things she had taught me. I do also believe that lack of sunlight can effect moods greatly too. I bought myself a "happy light" and sit with this for 30 minutes each morning too.
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FreqFlyer,
Well, if she was in the witness protection program, you would have really blown her cover! Lol.

You are all very loving, funny, and endearing. How can I thank each of you, going back, your missing me posts, your kind words, and a poem!

Will be taking some time away. Still reading...even if I could not PM each of you! I will be back, could not survive without my AC friends and brat buddies. I love you all!  I felt so heartless having to ignore your questions, and it was just so very, well, thank you, I think?  But then, true to the community spirit, others stepped up and had some pretty creative answers on my behalf.  Again, thank you each and everyone of you!
Love, from Send
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Hey, what happened to this thread? It went on much further, so did they erase it all?
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Gershun,
This month has flown by. For three days I worked from bed, slept a lot in between. Finally, had to get the dishes done today, and we went to the grocery store. It feels better to have a choice of what to eat in the house.
Mostly frozen vegetable concoctions to microwave-that's easy.
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Once again I am not receiving any updates in my email from AC. This has happened several times. I did contact them but no response. Sometimes they don't respond to my emails, which I don't send them that often. I am able to get on here by saving one update in saved mail for the last 3 weeks. Maybe they want me gone from here as my Mom passed on a year ago. AC and everyone on here was so much help to me when Mom was bedridden for nearly 2 years, 24/7. It has helped me cope with my loss and transitioning to life without her. Oh well.
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Katie, I am sure that is not the case. There are a lot of people like you, including myself who still post after the death of their loved one. I don't get updates very often either. This site was a godsend to me in those last days.
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Katie, the site has been wonky ever since they started their upgrades, lots of people have been locked out or can't navigate the threads properly.

We here in SW Ontario have been enjoying an unseasonably early Spring complete with robins, thunderstorms and snowdrops. I guess I don't have any more excused not to lace on my runners and head out for some exercise. Later.
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Cwillie, Run, run, Cwillie run!
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well I spent Saturday night completing my online jury duty orientation, and am now trying to stay awake for the opening of SNL

oh joy tomorrow I get to work on mom's taxes
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Thank you for this thread. I'm trying take inspiration where I can. Four and half months since my dad passed. I seem to go back and forth. I know I need to live my own life and live it well. But there are days I still cannot believe my dad has passed. It still feels so strange to know that my dad is dead and I'm alive. And that I'm no longer worried about his day to day needs. I can make choices independent of his needs. I know this is my new reality but yet I struggle to accept it. Trying to do little things too. Like going to a movie, to a paint class, leaving the house for lunch. Just something to keep me moving. I don't know when I will ever feel normal again. Accepting that I can't go backwards is tough.
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cdnreader, give yourself time. It has been over a year since my Mom passed away and I am still struggling with it. Sometimes I am moving along fine and it just hits me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere. In addition to my Mom, I lost my Aunt, 2 neighbors, one previous neighbor that we were still close to, and 2 close family friends all in a short time. So many changes. Sometimes when I look at the state of the World and also remember my Mom's rough last few years, I like to think she is now in a safe place where none of that can get her anymore. Please give yourself time and above all be very good to yourself, even starting with little things.
{{Hugs}}, Katie.
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Thank you Katie. I appreciate your kind words. I needed them.:-)

I'm so sorry for the losses you have been through in such a short time. My deepest sympathies and condolences. I think 2016 was such a difficult year. It started with a friend's aunt dying at 60 of brain cancer. Neighbor of 20 years moved a way. 2 more friends moving across the country. I don't know if it was a sign, but even the little things like the TV having to be replaced, light bulbs, smoke detectors, it just never seemed to end. And all the tragic news about this celebrity passing and this person passing. My one sibling was getting divorced. And the exclamation point was my dad's passing. 2017 is me trying to work through all my feelings of anger about why it had to be my dad? I will try to take comfort in your words because its true my dad no longer has to deal with doctors and is no longer suffering. I just wish I could come to terms with this new reality. Thank you again Katie for your support.
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Visiting here.
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All this loss really knocks the stuffing out of us, doesn't it? Whether the loss is death of a loved one. Or "just" witnessing their capacities diminish while your free time and your peace of mind become distant memories.

This malaise and discomfort lingers with me. Long after the events were fresh. It's as if the past 5 years changed my DNA.

I had hoped to come out of this stronger and wiser. Sometimes that's true.

Other times, all I see is a planet full of people who whose deaths will probably not comply with the delusion of an upbeat, no-fuss exit.

Instead, most of them (myself included?) will intentionally or unintentionally suck the joy out of others as age increases and capacity decreases.
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For those of you who want something calming, go to youtube and look up your favourite bird songs. You can have fun with this and open multiple tabs and have a whole chorus going at once. My personal spring morning faves - northern cardinal, chickadee, house finch and goldfinch, american robin, nuthatch, blue jay and I added in a song sparrow even though they won't be singing until later :)
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Cwillie, Yes, the canary had a lovely song.
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Thanks cwillie, I will give it a try.

Blackhole, what you said really resonates with me. And makes me afraid as well. I don't look forward to aging into my 80s or 90s. I always thought I would want to live to 100 but now I'm not so sure.

I wish I was stronger and wiser after the death of my father. But I am even more fearful of facing more loss. I am still struggling to find a purpose after his death. Although it was hard seeing him so unhappy, in some ways he was still strong. I think he could have made it a little longer if only he wasn't so stubborn about taking his meds. I still have to do my dad's taxes this year. Its the final housekeeping item I have for him and it breaks my heart. I'm so used to doing this and that for him and now its all come down to one final tax return.
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