Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
Up in the top of the screen is a blue bar that goes across the top. "AgingCare.com" is on the left side of the screen, and over to right side of screen is "Ask A Question." Click that and fill out the information.
I haven't used hardly at all since her move to memory care so I was happy to see it still working
The room it's in is dark now except for a small lamp on a timer but as I was observing I heard female voices -
I hope it's the neighbor outside and not poltergeist !!
The days are getting longer but lack of sun in our latitude means you could also have S.A.D.[ Seasonal Affected Disorder] brought on by the stress - there are special lamps to help with it - try C. T. as they usually have them - this is not something to ignore
A good friend's husband gets it every year so they need to pre-plan their winters so he can get some rays - he was born in Kenya but stress can bring it on too - hope you can get some help
If what you are experiencing is depression, picking an arbitrary date or time to just snap out of it is not a plan. From what I have read and understand, one cannot "just snap out of it". Even though the feelings may resolve on their own, and it is a good thing to have hope that your feelings will get better, you actually need to DO something. Even going to see your regular doctor may help when they say there is nothing whatever wrong with you.
Or, trying a little medication may help, if combined with talk therapy.
I apologize for posting this here instead of a private message, but it is time, imo, to love you as a community, (not that we don't love you), come alongside of you, pick you up, dust you off, and stop ignoring that you have been through a real tough several years, and loving your Mom, being her friend just may have made it hard in a different way than others, but still very difficult and normal for you to not feel much better yet. I know others feel similar as you have expressed in the past. I know that I love and appreciate you, as a person, and not just because you care about others.
Like your neighbor.
I can suggest you start a journal of your days, because that can help gradually, over time, and it may be something a therapist will ask you to do.
I guess we are all doing that by posting on here anyway, so maybe just posting here more often may help. What do you think?
Also, I believe some of us are resistant to getting help or performing helpful techniques that would help because we just don't feel like it, because can't see it yet. Maybe you have tried some things already?
I want others to chime in here too, there are so many other people with expert advice. I feel like I am missing the mark, failing you as a friend.
Maybe you can say what it is that would help you....or others can let you know that your feelings matter too. {{{{Hugs for Gershun}}}}.
Thinking of you.
Love from Send
As for me, .............I don't really know what to say. I think my spirit has been broken. The reason I don't post about it more on here is simply I don't want to sound like a broken record. I know I need to do something to shake myself out of this moroseness that has overtaken me. People on AC help but there is nothing that hasn't already been said.
Don't worry about me Send. You are such a dear, dear person. Just keep being you. I'll be fine.
This is what I did, I went to England and Wales, with my 3 sisters, about 6 months after our Mom passed away, spending a good chunk of my little inheritance, and on something our parents would have truly loved for us to do, all together, sisters. It was wonderful and cathartic, to see their homeland, and put together in my mind, all the many places they spoke of, throughout their lives.
Try to come up with some way, to do something really neat, to lift your spirits, and honor your Mom.
I don't know how one mends a broken heart or spirit but I think doing something completely new and different helps a bit - less likely to bring up memories
Treat yourself to a bunch of tulips a cafe latte and a scone tomorrow
It's after midnight- I'd probably feel better if I went to bed but I'm pulled into a movie on HBO
Well, if she was in the witness protection program, you would have really blown her cover! Lol.
You are all very loving, funny, and endearing. How can I thank each of you, going back, your missing me posts, your kind words, and a poem!
Will be taking some time away. Still reading...even if I could not PM each of you! I will be back, could not survive without my AC friends and brat buddies. I love you all! I felt so heartless having to ignore your questions, and it was just so very, well, thank you, I think? But then, true to the community spirit, others stepped up and had some pretty creative answers on my behalf. Again, thank you each and everyone of you!
Love, from Send
This month has flown by. For three days I worked from bed, slept a lot in between. Finally, had to get the dishes done today, and we went to the grocery store. It feels better to have a choice of what to eat in the house.
Mostly frozen vegetable concoctions to microwave-that's easy.
We here in SW Ontario have been enjoying an unseasonably early Spring complete with robins, thunderstorms and snowdrops. I guess I don't have any more excused not to lace on my runners and head out for some exercise. Later.
oh joy tomorrow I get to work on mom's taxes
{{Hugs}}, Katie.
I'm so sorry for the losses you have been through in such a short time. My deepest sympathies and condolences. I think 2016 was such a difficult year. It started with a friend's aunt dying at 60 of brain cancer. Neighbor of 20 years moved a way. 2 more friends moving across the country. I don't know if it was a sign, but even the little things like the TV having to be replaced, light bulbs, smoke detectors, it just never seemed to end. And all the tragic news about this celebrity passing and this person passing. My one sibling was getting divorced. And the exclamation point was my dad's passing. 2017 is me trying to work through all my feelings of anger about why it had to be my dad? I will try to take comfort in your words because its true my dad no longer has to deal with doctors and is no longer suffering. I just wish I could come to terms with this new reality. Thank you again Katie for your support.
This malaise and discomfort lingers with me. Long after the events were fresh. It's as if the past 5 years changed my DNA.
I had hoped to come out of this stronger and wiser. Sometimes that's true.
Other times, all I see is a planet full of people who whose deaths will probably not comply with the delusion of an upbeat, no-fuss exit.
Instead, most of them (myself included?) will intentionally or unintentionally suck the joy out of others as age increases and capacity decreases.
Blackhole, what you said really resonates with me. And makes me afraid as well. I don't look forward to aging into my 80s or 90s. I always thought I would want to live to 100 but now I'm not so sure.
I wish I was stronger and wiser after the death of my father. But I am even more fearful of facing more loss. I am still struggling to find a purpose after his death. Although it was hard seeing him so unhappy, in some ways he was still strong. I think he could have made it a little longer if only he wasn't so stubborn about taking his meds. I still have to do my dad's taxes this year. Its the final housekeeping item I have for him and it breaks my heart. I'm so used to doing this and that for him and now its all come down to one final tax return.