Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
the best advice i’ve seen against toxic/fake/narcs/sociopaths:
from an article:
How can you tell if someone is evil?
Believe me, they almost always pose as the angel of light and since they are brilliant actors, they MAY quickly pass through your radar.
I have dealt with some and believe me, I never suspected the depth of their evilness until I got the hit. Then a new individual surfaced full of such hatred that to me is not human. It is just too deep.
Let me give you some clues how to detect them:
Always lead your life on full alert. Your radar must be on 24/7 because if you are not, they will create devastation without you even realizing what they are really doing.
Never trust anyone unless that person has PROVED he/she can be trusted. Test people for your own safety.
Listen to your gut ALWAYS. If your gut says beware, then run for your life. Your gut is right and you are wrong.
Whenever you feel in conflict, that is your mind wants to take you one direction and your heart somewhere else, ALWAYS listen to your head. Simply because your heart may easily take you to suicide.
Learn about narcissism. It may be life saving for you. Anyone who gaslights, guilt trips, rages or wishes to play the victim role, must be removed from your life. No ifs and no buts.
Evil people are normally charmers. Without your knowledge, they can manipulate your love hormones out the roof. Believe it because I am not joking. And they have the same effect on children too. I watched it happen with my own eyes.
Play safe. Today with internet, life is becoming dangerous. Stop trusting strangers. Do not chat with anyone that you do not know in flesh.
Narcissists are already in your living room, the minute you switch on your internet. Beware.
If you want to date, beware of prince/princess charming. The story always starts like a fairy tale and ALWAYS ends with hell on Earth.
A normal human being always, always takes dating gradually. Simply because there are real risks. Anyone being INTENSE, MEANS YOU SHUT OFF THAT PERSON OUT OF YOUR LIFE WITHOUT GIVING ANY EXPLANATIONS. Why? The manipulation has already started.
Teach your children life skills. Do not let them walk beside vans that can open their doors on the side. Too many kids have been pulled inside whilst they were innocently walking to school.
Stop giving supply to evil people. They enjoy seeing us tormented and angry. To them that means they have power over us. Their ability to change our mood and give us a bad day. No reaction is best.
Evil people are all master manipulators. You do not have an evil mind and so, you can never be a match whether that is revenge or whatever.
Beware of emotional connections. Narcissists want a fast emotional connection because they know that once they have that to us, we are SNARED sometimes forever. Listen to advice from people who love you, especially if you are young. They lived longer and have better life experience.
I think you are so right about not being able to understand evil people when you aren't one.
I recently heard a thing from a bunch of psychologists who said that the prison system should not be counseling psychopatic personalities. They feel this is almost certainly a "brain thing" that can't be hurt, but WORSE is that the psychologists say they are USING THEM to learn. They practice all the things to say "They found faith", they "understand what happened to them due to whatever and are working on it" and on and on.
The shrinks all say that they are just being used, and that they are realizing they are being told exactly what they want to hear because the psychotics are masters of manipulation and completely without morals and empathy. Amoral.
It was pretty fascinating.
In my humble opinion, just steer clear of the real sick folks out there to the best of your ability.
My last degree is nearly finished and looking into a career as a librarian at the elementary to middle school level. I did that for one year and liked it so hope I can find something again, but probably not in this area.
I don’t know if they apply to your situation down the thread but even if they don’t, they are fascinating.
I can't go to a mall now without missing mom terribly.
Just last night, during the time when my computer actually works for 1/2 hour,
I was blocking senders of toxic reels. They just recently increased in number and content. The content I did want to see was hidden by so many other postings.
By "third place" what do you mean? Something different than a mall, maybe?
A place to walk, be around people?
What has been your best experience during the Thanksgiving season in the past?
The past 3 days, I was without a remote to turn on and navigate my Roku T.V.
Using the T.V., (I am sure too much for my health but I need a distraction), has not helped me much to get out and leave the house. I survived, and adjusted my thinking, increasing my common sense.
It turns out that dH has a hoarded collection of about 12-15 remotes. I insisted on using the remotes, after recalling he has these!
When I do get out in the neighborhood, sometimes it is empty.
Other times, other hours, there are many friendly neighbors. Just being out front potting some new plants, people stop by. It lessens the friction between my dH and I to have a third person involved.
There are many places I prefer not to go now.
Sorry that sad memories come up, but the world has so many places
to go instead of malls.
Let me know if you find some places to go.
My dH and I stop by a park with a view to eat our In N Out burgers, on the way home from the burger place.
I do facebook but honestly I don't do anything that is toxic.
You know how it goes on those sites, in that what you click on or respond to is what they FEED you and that's even true of Nextdoor which I do little of, perhaps once a week.
I get mostly in my feet animal videos, recipes and art art art art art and photography. That is because the art is what I click on and share the most. Now recently I did click on a snake because it was a huge snake trying to encircle a deer and I wanted to report it. The result of that is that there are now snakes everywhere on my feed. I mean one snake actually was wearing a black curly long wig. Kind of cute. He was raised off the ground a bit like a cobra will do and was wearing a long black wig.
What can I tell you.
But nothing is very toxic there, and I just need to stay out of toxic.
Hard enough to stand up in the streets nowadays. Took a header off one of our broken sidewalks because I was busy watching a small tree coming up to replace a tree removed with the stump left. That will teach me. Sore left knee and right shoulder and a nasty hand scrape. I shall need extra pizza on this one tonight.
I'm a news junkie and I think I'm going to have to totally eliminate that from my life and live in wilful, blissful ignorance if I want to survive.
Oh I'm just coming back to add - things don't have to be overt and in your face to be toxic, just the constant repetition of gloom and doom negativity can be poisonous.
N. loves news and is a true junky and to tell you the truth it simply is NOT making him happier in his dotage.
How did I not know that?
My dH knew it.
News:
I sometimes rely on my friends to inform me of important news.
Otherwise, I am busy with ADL's.
My "third place" would be anywhere in the condo buildings outside of our unit - in the elevator, getting the mail, walking in the parkade, doing the jigsaw in the second floor lounge. People are friendly but not intrusive. I don't need a lot of company.
Alva, sorry you took a tumble. Hope you heal soon.
Pop ups and ads are for people who don't know how to block those things (although admittedly doing so on a phone is much more complicated than on a PC)
And when it comes to political activity on FB, 2024 as a whole has been the most quiet I've been on there since early in college and for the few political posts I've shared on my page, I fixed it to where she was among those who didn't see any of them to avoid trouble. And I never once went after her for her beliefs.
Btw, she was involved with campus ministry up until a few years ago.
I’m not saying there weren’t rough patches and I have no doubt the string would have broken if we hadn’t been able to see beyond (not ignore) our political or religious beliefs. But we learned to give ourselves and each other grace. None of us would be who we are if hadn't learned to embrace each other as whole people rather than put each other in ideological boxes.
A person who shows their beliefs to you is just showing you a part of themself. A person who tries to force their beliefs onto you is not showing respect for who you are. You have to be able to distinguish the difference. The first is a friend; the second is just a person that is easy to walk, or scroll, away from.