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Thanks Cats4Ever....Youv'e given me some hope that I can do it too. I bet you feel lighter,huh...
just curious though,how'd you dispose of them?
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Where does one get disappearing ink?

Lu,
If allowed in your county, burn barrel.

Cathartic, very therapeutic.
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It is quite a load off. I burned years worth of journals. Threw them in fireplace, felt relief. Like I let things go, a new start and let go of things that may have been holding me back. Now I am plowing with my eyes forward, in much hope.
You can do it Lu, when you are ready.
A new chapter for Lu is awaiting. :)
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When I was caregiving mom, I would send email updates to my siblings. I went back to my SENT emails as far back as I can. I reread it. It brought up so much memories. Of bitterness, anger, resentment, betrayal... towards dad, my 7 siblings, everyone. My memories of mom was not great at all.

As for dad, I have my little torn out notes to his home care nurses when they visit him. It was just his health updates. The latest one was June 1, 2017. My dad passed away on 21Jul. By reading this note, I just realized that by changing dad's diet to add 2 Ensure Light to his daily meal was part of his downfall. I didn't know that Dad was lactose intolerant until he landed in the ER, dying. He had a bleeding stomach... Sometimes, reading past notes are not great at all.

I would like to just keep the happy memories. Too bad that it's all in my head, never took the time to write it down. Nor do I care to do so now. I haven't had the full blown crying my whole body for him.
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Book, had your dad ever agreed to go to the doctor he may have been diagnosed as lactose intolerant. How could you have guessed? Bleeding stomach probably not due to ensure. Maybe all the supplements he.insisted on for so many years.
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book - I doubt that lactose intolerance caused a bleeding stomach. Please don't blame yourself for your dad's death. You were his caregiver for years and you took good care of him.
re happy memories - I carry happy memories of Gordie in my head and my heart. I don't have much else left now but them and a few photos and that's ok.

I have burned journals from years ago. I think you do when you are ready. ((((hugs)))) to those wrestling with the past.
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Speaking of journals and diaries, when we were young my younger brother brought my sister's diary into the bathroom to read while he was on the toilet. If that wasn't bad enough he left it there for everyone else in the family to read too.
Needless to say, sister freaked.

Bookluver, as for a history of e-mails. I have all that too. Angry ones, sad ones, even funny ones, you name it. I sometimes think I should get them all, put them together in a book and get it published. I could name it "Caregiver's history of Family Dysfunction/Caregiving for Dummies"
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Gershun, That is a classic family story. I can imagine your sister’s reaction.😀
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Gershun, that's funny. I would do that with mine - once I bought a one-way ticket and plan to never, ever see my family again. There will be denials and claims that I'm being a drama queen over the situation. They will downplay it. In the end, I would be standing there as if a deer blinded by headlights. Better yet, I'd print it as 'anonymous'.

Golden, the surgeon at the ER was asked to do surgery on dad to stop the bleeding. She asked me questions about his history and his meals. She was the one who told me that my dad was lactose intolerant. She then asked me: "Didn't you know that Ensure has dairy?" .. I felt bad then. But reading the notes, brought back the surgeon's words...

I find myself yearning for spiritual stuff even though I can't pray to God. I'm going to Google and see if I can find some internet site which has some soothing religious sermons for those with injured souls, downtrodden souls. I don't want a sermon on obligations and brimstones. I need ones for healing. ahhh… tears in my eyes.
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Book, it's not like it's new or anything, but there are quite a lot of comforting and healing bits in the Bible (along with the brimstone and abominations, obviously)

The Lord is my shepherd: therefore can I lack nothing.
He shall feed me in a green pasture: and lead me forth beside the waters of comfort.
He shall convert my soul: and bring me forth in the paths of righteousness, for his Name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff comfort me.
Thou shalt prepare a table before me against them that trouble me: thou hast anointed my head with oil, and my cup shall be full.
But thy loving-kindness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.


And speaking of them that trouble me, I hope the Lord will give some thought to smiting the workmen outside my window who have been driving me nuts since eight o' clock this morning.
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Thank you for reminding me that I did take good care of bedridden dad for 5 years.  He only had 1 bleeding bedsore on his butt (yuck, it actually dripped blood from the sore) in those years.  He refused to sleep on his left, right or even to get off the bed.  He was 24/7 on his back.  After that bedsore, I was determined to avoid him having another one.  I brainstormed and came up with ways to cushion his buttock.

When he passed away, he had no rashes or bedsores anywhere on his body.  He had no redness on his buttocks (which means he wasn't suffering from diarrhea.)…   And I just remembered one of the ER doctors found out I was there visiting dad.  I saw her running to me.  (Yes, she was running.  Had me worried.  I thought she was going to say that I wasn't allowed to be with dad in the ER.)  She was shocked and in awe that Dad was bedridden for 5 years with very good skin condition. No bedsores. No rashes.  She asked ME how I was able to keep dad from having bedsores in the 5 years he was bedridden.
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CM, that is god's little reminder to get up, go out, and do something useful with your day, the poor workmen have been on the go for hours already!
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Book, my Dad also was lactose intolerant, and he mainly had what he call the "trots", mad dash to the bathroom after having dairy.

Dad was never tested for it as a doctor would order a hydrogen breath test or a blood sugar test to confirm the diagnosis. Most doctors would use the old fashioned trial and error method, such as eliminating dairy from one's diet for 2 or 3 weeks to see if the symptoms will go away. That is how I found out that I, too, was lactose intolerant.
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Book, I just wanted to share some Bible verses that have comforted me, especially after my grandpa died. The passage is from Matthew 11:28-30:

(Jesus' words) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light."
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Having a good day. Mama is wearing pull ups at night. No more laundry three times a week. Went to Walmart today. Had a great time being around people who didn't want anything from me. Drinking a cold Pepsi now and smiling. Having a good day. 😘
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I love this post. You guys always crack me up.
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book- this Psalm has helped me, maybe it will be helpful to you. I often pray it when I don't have the words to say. But it is as David had a beautiful way of speaking to God about his griefs, fears and woes. Psalms has a lot of comforting and encouraging books. You are in my prayers.
Psalms 143
Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness.
And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified.
For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead.
Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.
I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.
I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.
Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.
Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.
Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.
Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.
Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.
And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.

Psalms 119:50
This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.
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Sitting outside with mom before bedtime tonight and she starts singing - did you ever see a --- go this way and that way

neither of us could remember how to fill in the blank 🤔
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Did you ever see a Lassie go this way and that.
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Did you ever see a lassie go this way and that way,
Did you ever see a lassie go this way and that
Go this way and that way, go this way and that way
Did you ever see a lassie go this way and that

Yup...............:O

So, I figured I'd just ramble for a bit since I've been reading over the threads
that I read and some people have brought up points on various threads. I'll just address them all on here cause I'm too lazy to go back and forth.

About the new Aging Care format? Yeah, I don't like it. It's chased away some of my favorite people and it's just not that user friendly, in my humble opinion. And I agree with some of you on here who have said that some really good features have been taken away and yet Dorker's thread goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...........................................INFINITY!!!
Sorry Dorker, but having said sorry I don't believe I've ever seen Dorker post on any other thread perhaps to help someone else for a change? Wow, what a concept eh Dorker? Getting out of your own head for maybe a minute and think of someone beyond yourself. You probably won't read this cause .....................well we've established why already.

As for young people glued to their cellphones? Yes, but not just young people either. I think social media is what is killing our society today. Ironic that I am posting this on social media but hey if you can't beat em, join em, right? Why can't people talk to each other and look each other in the eyes? Ah, I'm sounding old but I remember Rosie O'Donnell saying once that she thought the internet was the devil. I know she was kind of joking but who knows.

Anywho, as you can probably tell I'm in a cranky mood today. If I offended anyone sorry, and Dorker's supporters? Yeah, I know. :P
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Someone took extra time dressing mom today, her clothes matched and they actually put her arms in the sleeves of her sweater and pulled out the collar of her blouse. She was also awake and alert, so I tracked down someone from rehab and recreation dept and asked them to take her pic and email it to me. Unfortunately by they she was fading out a little. Oh well.
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Cwillie
though they may be less frequent and fleeting, we still enjoy the smallest of these moments

I don’t think I’ve snapped a photo of mom for pleasure recently because I don’t see the same Viking blue sparkles in her eyes anymore
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The lady who took the pic tried to get mom to smile MsMadge but I told her that was asking too much. I've kinda avoided pics altogether for a long while because I'm not sure this is the mom I want to remember, when I put pictures from the last 5 years side by side it almost breaks your heart.
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I've got the last picture of my Mom (besides the one my brother took of her in hospital when it was touch and go) why on earth he took that picture and posted it on his FB account is beyond me, but I digress.

The last picture I have of my Mom where she wasn't in a hospital gown was at my sister's barbecue. It was a blistering hot day. My mom didn't seem to mind the heat funnily enough. This is pre. hospital, pre. nursing home. I notice the confused look on my Mom's face. It's very apparent in this picture. Her beautiful blue eyes had somehow lost their luster. :(
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I have some photos of my dad on the hospital bed. He didn't mind taking his picture. I would take it and show it to him on the iPad. He would have this confused look on face. I realized that he didn't know what he's seeing on the iPad. What I've truly regretted - was not doing selfies with us together. I have an iPad. (No smart phone.) I could have taken our photos. I just never, ever thought about it because I've always had an aversion of having my photo taken. Only after he has passed away, that I realized that in all these years we've been caregiving mom and then him, we never had our photos taken together.
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Gershun, I was looking at old photos from my auntie's collections. I can see several photos, years before mom was diagnosed with dementia in her early 50s, exactly what you saw of your mom. That blank facial expression! Her eyes look dead. No smile, no frown, just a blank face.... I remembered wondering how far back was mom showing dementia and we didn't catch it - until she started disappearing (sundowning.) That means mom was showing signs of dementia before she was age 50. And you are right. It really shows in photographs.
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My husband and I go to the local nursing home weekly. He plays the piano one afternoon a week and I visit the two ladies for whom I have POA. My two ladies have an aide who helps them get dressed, but sometimes in the lounge, one has to wonder if the staff pays any attention to what they are doing. Especially in the winter the nursing home knows most of the families have headed south and staff knows no one is going to show up to visit and see how they are dressed. Some days girls from one of the campus sororities come to visit. On those days, the girls help comb hair and help the ladies with lipstick if they request. Everyone likes for them to visit because they always bring homemade brownies or cookies and other treats for those who can’t eat sweets.

They also bring magazines and read - not AARP. Every nursing home lady (and some of the men) need to listen to them read about dates and makeup stories from Cosmo, Marie Claire and Seventeen. Of course, PJ has a big following when he reads all of the Red Sox stories from the Boston newspapers, especially if they’ve played the Yankees.

I read Gardening magazines to my two ladies. They both had beautiful gardens at their homes before they moved to NH. When they were professors, their office building was across from the university arboretum. I stop and take pictures of the arboretum occasionally. I put the photos on my laptop and blow them up so they can see.
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RIP queen of soul

respect
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Here is a driving question, while I am driving my elderly loved one.
Hearing a siren, I obey the laws and pull over, stopping until the emergency vehicle passes. Then, it is hard to re-enter traffic, because no one else has pulled over.

Elderly says, "It is a divided road, you don't need to pull over".

I state the law says to pull over, not only when one deems it not applicable to them.

I suggest, what if it is a divided road, you continue driving, but ths emergency vehicle turns or crosses in front of you?

I told him that I would look up the law again, which states pull over when you hear a siren.

I cannot find any exceptions in the State of California DMV.

Are there exceptions?
What do I tell him?
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IDK for sure because every state/province has different rules but I was taught (back in the dark ages) that the rule about not pulling over on a divided highway only means a freeway, not a multi lane city road with a median.
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