Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
I'm always hopeful that there will be a time when we could have a Walton moment or at the very least a genuine conversation somewhere between the could you pass me another whiskey sour.
Silly me, I know but I haven't totally given up yet
Have you *ever* enjoyed a meaningful conversation with any of the other guests? And if so, was it during a party or in some completely different kind of gathering?
I think you're treating "not going" as though not going = don't love or care about or want to have anything to do with a single one of you ever again. And it just doesn't. You want to connect with certain of these individuals. But you know, from repeated experience, that this event is one where that is incredibly unlikely to happen.
Be hopeful about talking to them at a place and time where there's room for real conversation, instead.
I'm nagging! - but I just don't want your heart to sink as the party draws ever nearer. Hugs to you.
My mom would hop on the skytrain and go visit him faithfully every three weeks or so. I know one of her last wishes would be that we would see to his welfare. But it is hard to do when the person you are seeing to doesn't want to be seen.
My younger brother spoke to a social services person at the hospital and they told him that if he survives this he is going to be transferred to the neuro ward where he has a long road ahead of him. This could end up being a blessing in disguise. (I hope and pray)
Meanwhile S I L just lost both her parents within a year of each other and isn't feeling partyish (is that a word?) anyhow. So we shall see.
The postal clerk greeted us at the door, as we were just getting in line. Even though the line was not that long. 15 people.
We realize it was obvious to them we were stressed out tax filers.
She said she could help us and date stamped receipt of the envelopes in red,
another worker came to the counter and she handed her the envelopes.
As we left, people were smiling.
The IRS will be completing the tax forms, the calculations. Did our best.
Saving up for a professional tax preparer next year. The stress was just not worth it. However, I had my caregiver friends to listen to my vents all along, and that helped me so very much.
So thanks, everyone.
Hoping everyone else met their deadlines.
We ate IN N OUT to celebrate, then slept 5 hours into the night.
The middle area is so hard to get rid of isn't it? I do my crunches and try to make it down to the workout room to use the treadmill but I have a hard time being consistent with that and then my diet could really use some revamping as well.
My jeans are in the wash today, so I will wear the workout pants today.
The weather will be in the mid-seventies.
How ya doin'??
BIL is scheduled for surgery on Monday. Given that the operation is expected to be over 5 hours plus all the pre surgery prep Sis wasn't sure how to spend her day, was even considering leaving the hospital and returning later. Then she got a call from her MIL that she plans to be there and will be accompanied by other members of the family. OK, it's her son after all, but this woman is in her 80's and it will be a long, long day. Is there any way to discourage this without coming across as a cold and callous 3itch?
I should just make sure Sister doesn't feel obliged to sit it out with them. She should set them a good example and take breaks as planned.
It might be no bad thing if sister tells them in advance that she is not planning to sit outside the operating theatre wringing her hands for five hours and she doesn't think they should either. Who on earth is it going to help?
When DH had open heart surgery years ago, I told my BIL that he had one job, and that was to keep his lunatic mother away from my husband ( this was mostly because she had pneumonia at the time and catching a cold would have killed DH--if you cough after having your chest cracked, you're in big trouble). But I wouldn't have been able to abide having her there in any event.
One of my brothers and my eldest daughter showed up to wait through surgery with me. They distracted me, ordered in food, told me to go for walks and were a great boon to have around.
It depends on whether you will be there, or watching the children at home.
You can call in, ask for your sister, say there is a need for her to come home.
She leaves, saying to Mil, "it is so good that you are here, I will be back, thank you so much!".
Sisters do that....little white lies to protect them.
She can return at anytime, does not need to explain any delays.
Will that work?
Hope it works out for Bil.
So caring of you to try and figure things out for your family.
"Come what come may, time and the hour run through the roughest day." Deep breaths to her.
Also there is free tax prep software that can be used by people whose income is not too large (I don't recall the income ceiling, but I used it for my own, my mother's, and my brother-in-law's taxes). The program I used is called myfreetaxes.com, and I think there are others as well. No need to deal with paper forms and wondering if you're doing it correctly - they walk you through step by step. To an annoying extent for people like me who pretty much know what to do and just want to cut to the chase, but I think it's reassuring for people who don't have formal training. Nobody should have to stress over the paperwork like some seem to be doing. FWIW.
Thank you so much for the information. And I will make an early appointment in 2020 fof 2019 taxes.
An early appointment with VITA would have solved many problems.
I did go to the senior center last year and at the last minute, did not have enough documentation.
I think Vita is a good and useful service. At the reception desk, I was asked things that I do not think were necessary to fill out our taxes.
Such as: What is you husband's disability, what is wrong with him?
Why is your name first on the tax form?
I was told to come back with t h e added papers needed. (The SS 1099 is not filed with the tax return) (but I guess I had to prove to them we received SS).
I went home, filled out what info I knew, and the IRS completed filling in the totals.
But than k s, I do think last year I was following your advice about VITA.
As for the questions, the person you spoke to was perhaps just being nosy, or maybe trying to be extra sure he/she understood your situation correctly. I don't think I'd have asked either of those questions, but I will note that both spouses are generally required to be present for a joint return, so if your spouse wasn't there the person may have been trying to figure out a work-around. We have occasionally gone to people's homes to get the second signature if the absent spouse was homebound, for example. (We're not supposed to, but it happens).
Hope you have a much better experience next year!