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I love this post. You guys always crack me up.
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Having a good day. Mama is wearing pull ups at night. No more laundry three times a week. Went to Walmart today. Had a great time being around people who didn't want anything from me. Drinking a cold Pepsi now and smiling. Having a good day. 😘
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Book, I just wanted to share some Bible verses that have comforted me, especially after my grandpa died. The passage is from Matthew 11:28-30:

(Jesus' words) "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light."
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Book, my Dad also was lactose intolerant, and he mainly had what he call the "trots", mad dash to the bathroom after having dairy.

Dad was never tested for it as a doctor would order a hydrogen breath test or a blood sugar test to confirm the diagnosis. Most doctors would use the old fashioned trial and error method, such as eliminating dairy from one's diet for 2 or 3 weeks to see if the symptoms will go away. That is how I found out that I, too, was lactose intolerant.
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CM, that is god's little reminder to get up, go out, and do something useful with your day, the poor workmen have been on the go for hours already!
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Thank you for reminding me that I did take good care of bedridden dad for 5 years.  He only had 1 bleeding bedsore on his butt (yuck, it actually dripped blood from the sore) in those years.  He refused to sleep on his left, right or even to get off the bed.  He was 24/7 on his back.  After that bedsore, I was determined to avoid him having another one.  I brainstormed and came up with ways to cushion his buttock.

When he passed away, he had no rashes or bedsores anywhere on his body.  He had no redness on his buttocks (which means he wasn't suffering from diarrhea.)…   And I just remembered one of the ER doctors found out I was there visiting dad.  I saw her running to me.  (Yes, she was running.  Had me worried.  I thought she was going to say that I wasn't allowed to be with dad in the ER.)  She was shocked and in awe that Dad was bedridden for 5 years with very good skin condition. No bedsores. No rashes.  She asked ME how I was able to keep dad from having bedsores in the 5 years he was bedridden.
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Book, it's not like it's new or anything, but there are quite a lot of comforting and healing bits in the Bible (along with the brimstone and abominations, obviously)

The Lord is my shepherd: therefore can I lack nothing.
He shall feed me in a green pasture: and lead me forth beside the waters of comfort.
He shall convert my soul: and bring me forth in the paths of righteousness, for his Name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff comfort me.
Thou shalt prepare a table before me against them that trouble me: thou hast anointed my head with oil, and my cup shall be full.
But thy loving-kindness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.


And speaking of them that trouble me, I hope the Lord will give some thought to smiting the workmen outside my window who have been driving me nuts since eight o' clock this morning.
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Gershun, that's funny. I would do that with mine - once I bought a one-way ticket and plan to never, ever see my family again. There will be denials and claims that I'm being a drama queen over the situation. They will downplay it. In the end, I would be standing there as if a deer blinded by headlights. Better yet, I'd print it as 'anonymous'.

Golden, the surgeon at the ER was asked to do surgery on dad to stop the bleeding. She asked me questions about his history and his meals. She was the one who told me that my dad was lactose intolerant. She then asked me: "Didn't you know that Ensure has dairy?" .. I felt bad then. But reading the notes, brought back the surgeon's words...

I find myself yearning for spiritual stuff even though I can't pray to God. I'm going to Google and see if I can find some internet site which has some soothing religious sermons for those with injured souls, downtrodden souls. I don't want a sermon on obligations and brimstones. I need ones for healing. ahhh… tears in my eyes.
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Gershun, That is a classic family story. I can imagine your sister’s reaction.😀
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Speaking of journals and diaries, when we were young my younger brother brought my sister's diary into the bathroom to read while he was on the toilet. If that wasn't bad enough he left it there for everyone else in the family to read too.
Needless to say, sister freaked.

Bookluver, as for a history of e-mails. I have all that too. Angry ones, sad ones, even funny ones, you name it. I sometimes think I should get them all, put them together in a book and get it published. I could name it "Caregiver's history of Family Dysfunction/Caregiving for Dummies"
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book - I doubt that lactose intolerance caused a bleeding stomach. Please don't blame yourself for your dad's death. You were his caregiver for years and you took good care of him.
re happy memories - I carry happy memories of Gordie in my head and my heart. I don't have much else left now but them and a few photos and that's ok.

I have burned journals from years ago. I think you do when you are ready. ((((hugs)))) to those wrestling with the past.
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Book, had your dad ever agreed to go to the doctor he may have been diagnosed as lactose intolerant. How could you have guessed? Bleeding stomach probably not due to ensure. Maybe all the supplements he.insisted on for so many years.
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When I was caregiving mom, I would send email updates to my siblings. I went back to my SENT emails as far back as I can. I reread it. It brought up so much memories. Of bitterness, anger, resentment, betrayal... towards dad, my 7 siblings, everyone. My memories of mom was not great at all.

As for dad, I have my little torn out notes to his home care nurses when they visit him. It was just his health updates. The latest one was June 1, 2017. My dad passed away on 21Jul. By reading this note, I just realized that by changing dad's diet to add 2 Ensure Light to his daily meal was part of his downfall. I didn't know that Dad was lactose intolerant until he landed in the ER, dying. He had a bleeding stomach... Sometimes, reading past notes are not great at all.

I would like to just keep the happy memories. Too bad that it's all in my head, never took the time to write it down. Nor do I care to do so now. I haven't had the full blown crying my whole body for him.
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It is quite a load off. I burned years worth of journals. Threw them in fireplace, felt relief. Like I let things go, a new start and let go of things that may have been holding me back. Now I am plowing with my eyes forward, in much hope.
You can do it Lu, when you are ready.
A new chapter for Lu is awaiting. :)
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Where does one get disappearing ink?

Lu,
If allowed in your county, burn barrel.

Cathartic, very therapeutic.
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Thanks Cats4Ever....Youv'e given me some hope that I can do it too. I bet you feel lighter,huh...
just curious though,how'd you dispose of them?
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I tossed almost 40 journals I'd kept over 10 years of my life I absolutely hated. No regrets. I'd do it again.
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Thanks cwillie and Send....It's great to be able to post again.Something happened when we switched to the new site,but with a really nice woman's help,named Ashley from AgingCare,she got it all fixed thankfully.

I was absolutely compelled to write all through caring for Mother and now,she is gone and I have a Huge box of written in journals.They include all the hospitalizations and Hospice people coming and going and what was said and all the places I took Mom,her groups,Market,garage saling,the flea markets,Museums and plays and the day she wrote her Will and discussed her funeral wishes and how I lifted and loaded her here and there and just all kinds of stuff through the years,BUT,they also include my anger,mostly because of my brother's but also my anger that Mom was dying and leaving me and ALOT of other stuff I sure wouldn't ever want anyone to read and now everyday I see this huge box,and it makes me feel bad and I don't know why,but I haven't been able to let them go.It's not good.I have lost days to reading and reliving it all and it makes my heart so heavy,SO it is something I need to face and get rid of,I just haven't .....yet..
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Luckylu, you're back! Glad you got things straightened out :)
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Luckylu,
That journaling....can become self-torture when one re-reads it. Way back when I did write, it was boring stuff, and I suffered greatly deciding whether to let it all go, shredding it.
I was afraid I would forget important things that happened to me. However, I think even when healing from events, our mind goes there. The journal kept it fresh and raw, forgetting some is healing, imo.

So good to see you are able to post on threads today, missed you, hoping your computer is better!
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Then, we discussed who to take advice from on the internet, concerning healing from narcissistic abuse. There are so many victims getting free, to become advice givers, even a life coach, some are therapists, psychiatrists. Consensus being, become no contact.
One that I read offered how to have fun with your narcissist, which seemed funny, but a bit revengeful, (mean and cruel actually), with laughing in the background.
I looked closer at the humorous concept however. Take notes when in the presence of the narcissist. Get various colors, using a different color notebook, bringing out the red notebook only on special occassions. This would drive them crazy?
I said to dH, maybe a narcissist should be knocked down, off their pedestal sometimes. Hmmmmm.
Hubs replied: It would help them to become more grounded in reality.

Lol. We laughed.

He is very funny, and brilliant on rare occasions. I am thinking of nominating him for an Oscar Wilde award.
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I sure wish I'd have used disappearing ink when I wrote in mine~
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Talking with hubs (rare conversations), topic was how to heal from the narcissist in your life. One Youtube author suggested journaling.

I commented on his journaling, non-judgmental, no gossip, no opinions, just the facts of what he did that day. Mine would not be as pure.

I asked him if he thought journaling was helpful, then asked if he thought that I should be journaling. And what if someone finds it, and it's about them?

He said for me to use disappearing ink.
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😂😂😂
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No wonder it's hot at your house MsMadge!
Love Shack by the B-52's.
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Name that tune

wearing next nothing cause
it's as hot as an oven
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So sorry to hear boot shopgirl

I hated having to place the Viking in memory care too but once you've made the decision then move forward - your mom will still need you and her journey isn't over yet so no guilt

prayers for a smooth placement
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Crap hit the fan the last 2 weeks. I posted on the bratt thread. I'm having to place my Mommy in the memory care or n.h. I hate this! I need Love bad guys. It's 1:09 a.m. Please give me your prayers. I love you all. Grace and Peace needed for me please!
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I've always confused desert 🌵 With dessert 🍰

Probably why I can't even remember ever weighing 118 - I got down to 123 once but that was a very long time ago
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MsMadge,
Are you sure the article didn't say "dessert" food?

Chocolate cake, cheesecake, lemon meringue pie, watermelon, ice cream, popcorn, and fritos?????
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