Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
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to cheer yourself up, picture a T-rex trying to make a bed.
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love yourself very much.
and accept the love of others.
Yay! I will private message you with my email address. Please feel free to send me a message if you have any questions about our city.
I will be in the jazz tent this Sunday at our Jazz and Heritage Festival.
Now I have to go to New Orleans, I love Jazz, French influences.
I love him too. He’s 80 and still rocking out! He loves New Orleans! They all do. We are a big music town.
You’re right, he definitely still has a ‘bad boy’ persona! He trashed our governor! LOL 😆 The governor texted back saying, “You can’t always get what you want!”
Too funny! This strait laced conservative politician quoting a line from Mick’s song!
Love Mick! How he maintains that bad boy image!
Not so much Rolling Stones, never liked their songs that much except for one,
“ lI'll never be your beast of burden
Yeah
I don't need no beast of burden
I need no fussing
I need no nursing
Never, never, never, never, never, never, never be”
I think all of us caregivers will never want to be burden or beast. Never!
love it!
My quote,
Stop being OK with things you are not OK with.
Stop associating being a good person with how much you are willing to suffer in silence.
You can be a kind person and still say “I am not OK with this”.
Being kind is not being human equivalent of a doormat!
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“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes.”
I have tickets for Sunday. I would like to see Mick sing Time is on our Side with Irma Thomas, our own queen of soul! Mick loves her recording of that song and asked her to sing it with him. Oh gosh, I have seen Irma perform a million times, love her!
“What if it all works out?”
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Many years ago in the Joann May and Ladee era, a caregiver asked the question, "Why is it me, of all my 6 siblings, who has the responsibility of looking after our mother?" She specified that she didn't want anyone to answer who didn't have a batch of siblings.
I, who have only one sibling, answered any, because I knew the answer
which is:
"Because you were available."
I have seen time and again that those who don't want to care give are unavailable - for one reason or another. I have seen my sister back off of doing the simplest things for our Borderline Personality Disordered mother as she wanted to make it clear that she wasn't going to help. Mother got the message and moved closer to me.
But there was still nearly 300 miles between us, and I maintained that, and it made a positive difference to me. My plan for myself was to move to her area, but only after she was gone. I knew if I was closer I would have been hounded to do this and that. As it was, one year for my birthday present she gave me a season ticket to the symphony concerts in Edmonton, so (in her plan), I would drive 300 miles to take her to the concerts. Didn't happen!!! Mother found other people to go to the concerts with.
If you need to, become less available to your senior LO. That also means you are more available to yourself.
The only good thing is I've had a lot less driving on my trips to help than I would have if she hadn't moved. However, I would love to move 1000 miles away, if I could.
Those books, they are in the brave battle stories section, right? Or maybe the horror section 😬
And thus slowly slowly we lose our abilities to act for ourselves, and we depend on those wanting to help us.
Little by little this creeps up. Soon we are being enabled not to make decisions we should be making about moving to more safety, hiring more help and so on.
I miss being able to see my beloved gal more, but we are daily in touch, and she gets to live her own life. I think we treasure our month time together all the more. And I maintain independence it's important to keep as long as possible.
It's just how I see it.
Recently I read MotherLode where Gretchen Staebler returns home to care for aging mom who then lives to over 100. Now reading LadySitting by Lorene Cary. Yup, mom is 100. My friend Di, with all her own physical problems had mom in same town to age 98.
I repeat that it seems to me that more and more we are killing off our own kids. It is really difficult to keep a needed distance. So it just kind of slowly "happens"......
My Aunt used to help her MIL. A little help. A little shopping.
Years went on & the chores snowballed. MIL was losing independance & needed to change her life. Downsize, move to IL/AL or arrange home help. Would not.
This ate up mt Aunt's life. She sought advice & was told to say no to some of it. She experienced awful pressure.
Did MIL's actual (adult) children then step up? No.
They ganged up & increased the pressure on my Aunt (the daughter-in-law) to do everything. To keep being at 'beck & call', the shopper, driver etc. Awful pressure coming from many sides.
My Aunt left town.
She began to live her own life again.
** With her not there, her MIL was FORCED to accept other help **
This is for you Sherry!
If you cannot extricate yourself from participating in this rather toxic situation there really isn't any way that we, a panel of absolute strangers, could help you.
And if you do, give us more information so we can help better ,
Best of luck
I’m having such hard time. It’ll get better I know. But right now, it’s hard. I’ll need some luck to come my way.
My late sister was a smoker, like at least two packs a day. My grandmother smoked. Sister died of lung cancer and grandma of pancreatic cancer. I hate how smoke smells, sticks on the walls, just everything! Luckily, my family are not smokers and hate it as much as I do. Anyway, it is nice how cleaning and getting rid of so many things makes you feel. I love the feel of being rid of so much junk.
A lot of people talk about finding there happiness, but I think finding you peace is the most important!