General topics.

Cwillie, I could mail you a larger spoon.

Can Mom hear well enough that she could appreciate a group of musicians coming in for a sing-a-long? A church group maybe? Or her favorite music played on a borrowed boom box? She could put her hand on the speaker, feel the vibrations, get the beat.

What I have learned a little about, is that we cannot fathom another person's quality of life.

You are!!!

Oh, the book idea. I was rummaging around in the craft cupboard to see what I could find and a came across a half dozen or so little binders that some thoughtful person had put together; school days, cats, fall colours etc. Instead of adding to them and offering them to the residents staff had shoved them in a cupboard never to be seen again... it kind of took the wind out of my sails. All my efforts to effect change there leave me feeling like I'm trying to bail out the ocean with a teaspoon.

Cwillie, She has you!
You be the party. Invite the staff, bring donuts, all sorts of goodies, jello for Mom.
Impromptu. Families are over-rated.
I get that your hearts desire is to have a family reunion. And I too have thought about it already for us. Like I said, families can be over-rated.
One balloon, cookies, ice cream in the dining room some early evening?

How did your book cart idea work out?

Are you sure you are not the real party planner, party girl, and hostess?

The picnic idea sounded wonderful. I'm so sorry cwillie. Hopefully you can do it someplace else soon.

It is amazing how complicated a family get together can be. I've mentioned before that I feel like we live in the wilderness rather than 45 minutes away from most of the family, the reluctance to drive up here is huge. And coordinating schedules when so many work weekends is another barrier that is almost impossibly insurmountable. I had planned a family picnic this summer at the NH, the place where mom was living at the time has a lovely 2nd floor deck that would have been perfect. Unfortunately mom got the call that a room was available and moved, and with all the settling in the opportunity was lost.
I'm just feeling frustrated in my attempts to find even a tiny measure of joy, of QOL for my mom. She is fed, dressed, bathed - all the essentials are looked after - but that is all.

I'm with Gershun, sending you both love and hugs.

Cwillie, I tried so hard to do that for my dad when he was still at home after the stroke. I wanted to have those family dinners for him. But he didn't seem to have any strength left most days. Its been 11 months since he passed and its one of the things I miss the most. Miss having those moments around the table.

(((HUGS))) @ CWillie and MsMadge

Ahh Cwillie,
Your mom is blessed to have you -

I just read another NY times article online about the Florida nursing home where so many perished in the heat after Irma - is it coincidence that the first to die with fevers of 108 had no family?

I'm feeling wistful too looking at mom's closet and the new outfit I got her for summer but that she didn't really get to wear with the turn of events in her health -

Even though she had a good day today with a friend visiting her for lunch which gave me an opportunity to do some household chores, I still feel badly she's at hoca and not home

Last night after dinner, they placed her wheelchair next to a restless man who kept clapping his hands loudly - she had enough roar left to say, why the h3ll do you keep doing that ?
Sometimes hoca reminds me of the wilderness- only the strongest survive

I'm feeling a little sad tonight, a little wistful. I was joking with mom as we sat outside the NH after supper and said that if we started walking we could get home in about 15 minutes. Now you have to understand that mom doesn't talk to me, mostly she sleeps while I chatter to myself or read. She said "that would be nice", and my heart broke. I wish I could, I wish everybody would come and have a family dinner together one more time. It could be totally doable if we all worked together. But it is just a wish, a dream, and it will never happen.

Gershun,
Lol😜

CWillie, that is one of the most stupid things I have ever heard. Sounds like maybe the people running the nursing home should think about checking in for a while.

I remember some of the activities they had for my Mom's nursing home. Beat the Clock. Anyone remember that old game show? I can just imagine.......let's see if Martha can beat William to that chair over there.................30 minutes later.....well, Martha has fallen asleep so I guess William wins by default. Tell us, Johnny, what does he win? Well, Shannon, William gets an extra scoop of mashed potatoes tonight. Oh, William what do you have to say about that? Oh, looks like William has wet himself. Let's call it a day. But stay tuned folks, tomorrow we are playing The Price is Right. Don't forget to bring your canned goods tomorrow folks so your loved ones can try guessing prices. Such Fun!!!

Sorry, don't mean to make light but really?

Cwillie
Omg !

cwillie maybe they could just attach pedals to the front of all the wheel chairs and all the residents could race around town. Another idea would be to motorize the wheelchairs.
I think most of the residents would be totally terrified if someone was peddling behind them.

cdnreader. I love Judi Dench too. Did you know she has early dementia. She has a lot of trouble remembering her lines these days. The other person I love is Betty White. 92 and still working but then so is the Queen.

I was checking the local news today and happened across a retweet about a fundraiser at mom's AL/NH. It seems one of the staff thought it would be a wonderful idea to purchase a wheelchair bicycle for the residents and started a campaign to raise money, this is basically a wheelchair with a bike attached at the back to propel it. I'm really shaking my head over this one, I just can't help but see it as a foolish waste of money ($10K). Only one resident can go for a ride at any given time (I imagine it would have to be a scheduled activity) and it would take a staff person or volunteer away from the building to do the pedalling. I also can't see any sustained interest among the residents once the novelty wears off, and this is a small town (no bike lanes), where will they be biking to, around the block?

Thanks Send. I think movie therapy is a great idea. I love Dame Judi Dench. I will have to try and check it out. Nephew is very excited for the new Lego movie. I will have to try and look for some comedies this coming weekend to watch.

Send,
Movie sounds fabulous- I love Judi and the old bbs show, as time goes by

A distraction, this movie is opening in theatres on Friday. There was a long time ago, when my doctor would write the name of 2-3 movies (mostly comedies) on his Rx and hand it to me to go see them. Movie therapy.
And this one stars Dame Judy Dench. "Victoria and Abdul"
Announcing early on in the title screen that the events of the film are an imagined portrayal of two real people, the narrative unearths the deep friendship shared between Queen Victoria (Judi Dench) and her Indian advisor Abdul Karim (Ali Fazal). Karim, a young clerk, travels from India to participate in the Queen’s Golden Jubilee. There, he eventually becomes an important part of her household, teaching her about Indian culture and history, Urdu, and mangos.
This is an unknown history and not by accident. After Victoria’s death, Karim is unceremoniously thrown out following her funeral by the high society that detested him and all records and letters between the two burnt. The film is based on Shrabani Basu’s Victoria & Abdul: The True Story of the Queen’s Closest Confidant. (Basu had discovered his diary in recent years.) Written by Billy Eliot’s Lee Hall, the story is one highly invested in this unlikely and unexpected friendship—one that is deep and caring despite differences in age (almost 40 years apart), culture, and status.

Thank you for sharing your experiences Gershun. I too have a terrible relationship with one sibling. I'm always surprised given that we grew up in the same family. How could our personalities be so different? After my dad's passing I am still very angry with her and think about disassociating from her completely.

I'm so sorry Madison. I know its not easy. But I second Gershun's suggestions. Thinking of you.

Madison, I sympathize. I lost all respect for most of my siblings when my Mother needed them. Her health was declining and here I was, the only person helping. They never acknowledged what I was doing and yet when they couldn't get in touch with my Mom for some reason they would always phone me. So, that tells me that they knew that I would know and why is that? Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out.

I've always felt inferior to my siblings most of my life. Partly low self-esteem but also cause my narc sister wanted me to feel that way. But now, while I don't feel superior I don't care anymore what they think. Why did I ever? They proved to me that they are selfish, selfish, selfish and after all the sacrifices my Mother made on their behalf. What a bunch of ingrates!

Madison, if I could give you any insight at all, it would be this. What you see in your siblings should open your mind to the fact that you are the good one, the kind one. That doesn't mean you need to feel superior but it should shine a light on the fact that you are doing the right thing and just stay in that lane. Don't allow their negativity to touch you. Imagine a white, positive light surrounding you that they can't get through.

I confronted my narc sister and since then I have felt like there is nothing she can do or say that will ever touch me. She is over there............I am over here. Concentrate on your Mom. Try to ignore the rest.

Hi everyone. I am a care giver for my mom who had a stroke in 2011. I do most of the work with an exception of a nurse to cover me when I have to run errands. I am the oldest son and my mom is 95. My schedule is flexible so I am available most of the time for Dr. appointments and lab work. I live with my mom so I am available to help while my younger sister lives next door but works full time. She is very controlling and nosy and gets into everything I do. I am cleaning trimming my moms yard and she tell me don't cut this and don't cut that while I tell her she has her own yard to work on. Here is the sad thing. While my dad was on his death bed and ready to give up the ghost my sister walked up by asking him if she could have the house that she is now living in. I couldn't believe what I just heard that she would ask that while he was dying and on morphine while I was sitting with my mom across the small hospital room . I felt, really really sick, bad and upset. At least my mom heard that and said she won't allow that. But soon after mom dad passed away she decided to move into the house. I was supposed to be a rental. Now she has been there since 1989 two years after my dad passed away and she has not paid, rent, insurance and property taxes since it is under my moms name. All she claimed is she made improvements to the property and renovated the kitchen. Thank you for working on moms house. Now get out. I have been trying to keep this in and deal with it but it always comes up in my thoughts and my feelings are angry. But i don't want to start anything I will regret. I want to be a peace maker and its difficult. But my conscience tells me there is something terribly wrong and I have spoke to close friends but there is no true resolve because they have not gone through this and I have keep this burden on my shoulders. I wanted to get a Power of Attorney but my mom is not able to write or do a signature. We do a trust setup where there is a medical directive in place and the doctor will decide. I have a very bad feeling my sister may go around me and try to get me out. Sometimes I feel hopeless about it and don't know what to do. She tell me everything what I should do because its for mom and dad but she doesn't live in this house. So I started to realize my world does not revolve around her but for my mom. She has keys to the house so she can come and go as she please even at 2am to check on mom. She tries to make me feel guilty or bring the guilt trip But I have naturally learn to ignore her because of my hearing loss. Maybe a good thing. But I will not bend to manipulation and hostility or argument in front of my mom. She will ague with me in front of mom and my mom doesn't like it. Disrespectful and self centered. My mom gets upset. I decided not to even acknowledge her when she comes. In fact I go to my room and she can sit with her mom. I am getting worn down by her constant badgering and I wanted to talk about this. She has been a controlling person since she was a child and divorced twice. I also have another younger sister but that's another story in itself is how she put my mom in the wheel chair. Sad but true living in the blue. Just wanted share my dilemma. Any insight is a fresh welcome. Thanks everyone. 

Congratulations cwillie and Barb!!! Babies are the sweetest.

BarbBrooklyn has a new granddaughter too!
Keeping that picture of baby's great-grandmother at graduation for the baby when she is grown will do your Mother proud, Barb!
A bittersweet time in your life, with the blessings of new life.
Thank you for sharing your Mother's picture with us!

It was so good to have some new baby news!

Congrats, cwillie! I had a mommy by proxy, my mom's twin sister, and I treasure her. That baby boy was a month early and still over 8#? Maybe good he came early! lol! That all sounds great!

What good news!
So happy for you, Great Auntie!
Congratulations to grandma too!

I'm off to tell great grandma :)

My, my what a nice healthy weight!! Glad he's landed safely!

He's here, 8lbs 2 oz, 10 fingers and 10 toes! Daddy say he hasn't slept since Friday but he sounds happy!

Cwillie,
Staying longer in the womb is a good thing! Prayers that the birth of your great-niece when the time comes will bless you and the family.