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The "third place" is a thing in sociology Send, home and work are the first and second place, the third place encompasses the place "where you relax in public, where you encounter familiar faces and make new acquaintances" (wikipedia)

I'm a news junkie and I think I'm going to have to totally eliminate that from my life and live in wilful, blissful ignorance if I want to survive.
Oh I'm just coming back to add - things don't have to be overt and in your face to be toxic, just the constant repetition of gloom and doom negativity can be poisonous.
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cwillie:
I do facebook but honestly I don't do anything that is toxic.
You know how it goes on those sites, in that what you click on or respond to is what they FEED you and that's even true of Nextdoor which I do little of, perhaps once a week.

I get mostly in my feet animal videos, recipes and art art art art art and photography. That is because the art is what I click on and share the most. Now recently I did click on a snake because it was a huge snake trying to encircle a deer and I wanted to report it. The result of that is that there are now snakes everywhere on my feed. I mean one snake actually was wearing a black curly long wig. Kind of cute. He was raised off the ground a bit like a cobra will do and was wearing a long black wig.
What can I tell you.
But nothing is very toxic there, and I just need to stay out of toxic.
Hard enough to stand up in the streets nowadays. Took a header off one of our broken sidewalks because I was busy watching a small tree coming up to replace a tree removed with the stump left. That will teach me. Sore left knee and right shoulder and a nasty hand scrape. I shall need extra pizza on this one tonight.
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Gershun,
There are many places I prefer not to go now.
Sorry that sad memories come up, but the world has so many places
to go instead of malls.

Let me know if you find some places to go.

My dH and I stop by a park with a view to eat our In N Out burgers, on the way home from the burger place.
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Cwillie,
Just last night, during the time when my computer actually works for 1/2 hour,
I was blocking senders of toxic reels. They just recently increased in number and content. The content I did want to see was hidden by so many other postings.

By "third place" what do you mean? Something different than a mall, maybe?
A place to walk, be around people?

What has been your best experience during the Thanksgiving season in the past?

The past 3 days, I was without a remote to turn on and navigate my Roku T.V.
Using the T.V., (I am sure too much for my health but I need a distraction), has not helped me much to get out and leave the house. I survived, and adjusted my thinking, increasing my common sense.

It turns out that dH has a hoarded collection of about 12-15 remotes. I insisted on using the remotes, after recalling he has these!

When I do get out in the neighborhood, sometimes it is empty.

Other times, other hours, there are many friendly neighbors. Just being out front potting some new plants, people stop by. It lessens the friction between my dH and I to have a third person involved.
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I'm just feeling sad because I can't find that "third place", and being on line all the time exposes me to too much toxicity and too much solitude.
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We have several malls here in Vancouver where I live. My mom and I always went to the mall near us. We'd wander and browse, stop for coffee, wander and browse some more, stop for another java. It was our thing.

I can't go to a mall now without missing mom terribly.
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Cwillie and golden, that's a good question, actually I don't have an answer, but I'm just done with malls

They use to be so much a part of my life, I don't even consider them anymore.

I occasionally will run into the back side of a store in the mall , but never have any interest in going in.

If I want to walk I'd much rather be outside. Unless, it's the cold that makes you feel like your lungs are going to freeze.

But I'm sure walking a mall is safer , so I get that part.
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cw - I agree. Malls have much to recommend them. It seems to go in waves - malls were in fashion, then they were not. I suppose the big box stores give more profits to the owners. It's always about the buck!
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My thought for today - If I had a shopping mall near me I would go there every day, I would walk and climb stairs for exercise, browse shops, stop by the food court for coffee and to mingle with people. I'd be cool in the summer, warm in the winter and dry on rainy days. But even if I lived in the city the malls are dying and they are building big box stores instead. I just don't get it...
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Yeah it's stinks, he has been one of the missing persons documentarys.

Everyone thinks, that the adopted dad had something to do with it. Him and the adopted mom, moved away. His adopted GMA, has been his voice, and support ever since. I except, GMA has nothing to do with her daughter either.
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Nacy, what an awful story; I can’t imagine the pain that family has endured.
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It was not are missing 12 year old. 😔 , I was hoping the grandmother that has fought so hard to keep his memory alive could find peace, before she gets to older .
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They found remains of a child around 12, near a place his adopted father had ties to.

17 long years we have been thinking about Jaliek, and praying for him to be found, and hopping it leads to his adopted fathers arrest.

Hopefully will know soon! 😥, it's quite an emotional time.
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Seventeen years ago , a boy from my town went missing, same ages of my kids.

They just found remains of a young person in a near by town, they think it's him.

😥, are town never forgot him.
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Hey peasuep, I haven't seen you in a few days? Hope things are ok with hubby's UTI issues
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Nacy, hereiam, BOJ, may I recommend The Sociopath Nextdoor by Martha Stout, Ph.D. or any of several books by Malcolm Gladwell, especially Blink?
I don’t know if they apply to your situation down the thread but even if they don’t, they are fascinating.
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Doggiemom, so sorry to hear about your dog.

Im asking because I've considered getting tested for dyslexia, I just feel a bit somewhat of a lier saying I am when I don't have the official diagnosis.

But I don't feel like it's worth the money or time, I decided I identify with dyslexics so I'm not lying, and going to forget that Idea.

So if you decide not to just do like I'm gonna do.
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Hey, DoggieMom, so good to hear from you. I am so sorry about Pepita. We do pay a price for their love. But I am not sure what life would be without that love.
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Anxietynancy indeed it was me who wanted to be tested. I haven't gotten an official test since it runs up to 2000 dollars but will be working with a therapist who specializes in autism to confirm the diagnosis.
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Glad things are going pretty well doggiemom, and it sounds like schooling is going well too. Congratulations on that hard work.

I'm curious, if I'm overstepping no worries, please don't take offence but was it you that wanted to get tested for autism? I'm just curious if and how that went
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Hi all, thought I'd give you a quick update. I am doing okay. I have had a nasty case of bronchitis for a week. I will recover, but it happens every year. As a teacher, kids get upper respiratory stuff and with my asthma I get it easy. I am still mopping up some of the mess Mark left. I had to pay Marks nephew to send me the death certificate so I can shut off bills Mark left like cell phone and Internet. My older dog, Pepita, who is 12 most likely has intestinal cancer so she has bouts of bloody poop.

My last degree is nearly finished and looking into a career as a librarian at the elementary to middle school level. I did that for one year and liked it so hope I can find something again, but probably not in this area.
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BOJ: Your post was very helpful.
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Bundle:
I think you are so right about not being able to understand evil people when you aren't one.
I recently heard a thing from a bunch of psychologists who said that the prison system should not be counseling psychopatic personalities. They feel this is almost certainly a "brain thing" that can't be hurt, but WORSE is that the psychologists say they are USING THEM to learn. They practice all the things to say "They found faith", they "understand what happened to them due to whatever and are working on it" and on and on.
The shrinks all say that they are just being used, and that they are realizing they are being told exactly what they want to hear because the psychotics are masters of manipulation and completely without morals and empathy. Amoral.
It was pretty fascinating.

In my humble opinion, just steer clear of the real sick folks out there to the best of your ability.
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That was actually my issue with my friend last week, she knows that I support human rights. I did know she didn't support LGBTQ, people, I just didn't know the depth of her hatred. We chose not to discuss it, now it all came out.

I found out its very deep, I just don't think I can be friends with some that has so much hate in her heart.

My younger brother, is the evil one you talk about bundle.
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Bundle, I really agree with trust your gut.

How many times in my life I've met someone and was thinking, 🤔 hummmm, but ignored my gut, only to find out later that I should of listened to my gut

I also strongly agree with if they come on too strong. I met a lady during the pandemic, was lonely , she asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with her. I did, she said things like , we are best friends now and we are going to do this and that. My red flags went up and I never did anything with her again.

People that come on too strong are a huge red flag.

My sister will be alone in a room with me, agree with everything I say, and then I hear her alone with my brother agree with everything he says. Me and my older brother are on complete opposite sides of the fence. We have learned to not discuss curtain issues, and do well , navigating are differences, but my sister agreeing with both sides is another huge red flag for me. That she is not real or trust worthy
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Thanks a lot!
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hey here i am,

the best advice i’ve seen against toxic/fake/narcs/sociopaths:

from an article:

How can you tell if someone is evil?

Believe me, they almost always pose as the angel of light and since they are brilliant actors, they MAY quickly pass through your radar.

I have dealt with some and believe me, I never suspected the depth of their evilness until I got the hit. Then a new individual surfaced full of such hatred that to me is not human. It is just too deep.

Let me give you some clues how to detect them:

Always lead your life on full alert. Your radar must be on 24/7 because if you are not, they will create devastation without you even realizing what they are really doing.

Never trust anyone unless that person has PROVED he/she can be trusted. Test people for your own safety.

Listen to your gut ALWAYS. If your gut says beware, then run for your life. Your gut is right and you are wrong.

Whenever you feel in conflict, that is your mind wants to take you one direction and your heart somewhere else, ALWAYS listen to your head. Simply because your heart may easily take you to suicide.

Learn about narcissism. It may be life saving for you. Anyone who gaslights, guilt trips, rages or wishes to play the victim role, must be removed from your life. No ifs and no buts.

Evil people are normally charmers. Without your knowledge, they can manipulate your love hormones out the roof. Believe it because I am not joking. And they have the same effect on children too. I watched it happen with my own eyes.

Play safe. Today with internet, life is becoming dangerous. Stop trusting strangers. Do not chat with anyone that you do not know in flesh.

Narcissists are already in your living room, the minute you switch on your internet. Beware.

If you want to date, beware of prince/princess charming. The story always starts like a fairy tale and ALWAYS ends with hell on Earth.

A normal human being always, always takes dating gradually. Simply because there are real risks. Anyone being INTENSE, MEANS YOU SHUT OFF THAT PERSON OUT OF YOUR LIFE WITHOUT GIVING ANY EXPLANATIONS. Why? The manipulation has already started.

Teach your children life skills. Do not let them walk beside vans that can open their doors on the side. Too many kids have been pulled inside whilst they were innocently walking to school.

Stop giving supply to evil people. They enjoy seeing us tormented and angry. To them that means they have power over us. Their ability to change our mood and give us a bad day. No reaction is best.

Evil people are all master manipulators. You do not have an evil mind and so, you can never be a match whether that is revenge or whatever.

Beware of emotional connections. Narcissists want a fast emotional connection because they know that once they have that to us, we are SNARED sometimes forever. Listen to advice from people who love you, especially if you are young. They lived longer and have better life experience.
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Thanks bundle of joy! 😁
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hey here i am,

here are some useful quotes!

"A real situation will always expose a fake friend."

"Having fake friends is like having a broken umbrella -
unless when it rains."
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Right! No room for fake.
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