Hey folks, welcome to the new whine/general topic thread. Feel free to use this thread to discuss anything that is on your mind. Caregiving- related stuff, life after a loved one's death, your own emotional wellbeing. Whatever..........anything on your mind.
I got hit with suddenly taking the reins and all of the medical decisions when my parents, in their 80s, both fell ill with Covid, late 2020. We lost Dad and Mom has been in a NH, then MC, ever since. I've had sooo much to deal with - the primary home out of state, properties, effects and bequests to sell and sort, difficult care management, the estate issues, fighting a toxic, estranged and disinherited sib filing for corporate oversight of everything my parents assigned me to manage as I had been, so now a formal Guardian and Conservatorship, etc., etc.
My joy and comfort is that my 31 yr old daughter and my 2 grandkids, 6 & 9, live with me. It works for us, I've a 5 bedroom house. I'm the second parent to these awesome girls and I love my little tribe. Always (except the late teen years, of course) had a close and workable relationship with my only child and raised her as a single mom. The kids' dad won't step up, never truly has and daughter won't settle for a loser, learned that from me.
My Whine: I finally got in to see the hip surgeon of my choice (lots of research) today and will be scheduling my THR for right after XMas. The Xrays were horrible with the usual hip structures (even comparing one to the other) are unrecognizable. In the surgeon's words: "That hip has completely collapsed and the femoral head is displaced from any remaining socket." I put off my self-care for too long and had to because I'm so busy caring for the kids and my Mom and the estate that I couldn't justify time for myself.
Now my fingers are crossed that I can get through until after XMas without this hip disintegrating completely. Pls send some thoughts of strength and endurance for me, if you have some to spare after your own travails. No Biblical phrasing pls, we're not Christian (in no way disavow Christ's Teachings) but live and practice traditional Lakota Ways. While I certainly appreciate most all forms of worship and prayer, if you're one who doesn't, pls pass.
TG I have my dear daughter to take care of me, the best support anyone could ask for - and a nurse's kid so pretty savvy on medical stuff. And can have the surgery just 30 miles from home.
Anybody else let things get so far out of hand while lost deep in caring for everyone else? If so, you have my sincere sympathy.
glad - sounds good. Thanks for the information. Enjoy!!!
As for their usual M O re: responding to e-mails? It's hit and miss at best. I normally wouldn't even tell them about anything going on in my life just cause I've never felt that they care one way or another. The only reason I thought I'd mention it this time is cause my sister wanted to know what my plans were so she could plan her dinner. I guess I could have just said I'm not coming and left it at that. In retrospect, that would probably have been the smart thing.
But to be fair. You didn't want to go anyway. And it isn't *completely* obvious - it certainly won't be to your uninitiated siblings - why you can't sit with your foot elevated at your sister's house just as well as you can at home. Do they normally reply to emails.... eventually?
I'm sure you all are sick of hearing about it by now but I just have to say that if I ever needed a lesson to be careful, this is it. I am beyond frustrated to say the least. I've never been what you'd call a really active person but at least I knew I could be if I wanted to. Now that I can't that's all I want to do.
I always appreciated my mobility and never took it for granted especially when I was caring for my mom. I've always been thankful to God for my health. So I'm not quite sure what the lesson is that I've been given in this situation. I guess I'll know when I learn it.
But I do believe this life on earth is about lessons and passing on what we have learned to help the next person.
One thing I've learned. Not that I really needed to fracture my foot to know this, is how selfish and uncaring my siblings are. I e-mailed my sister and cced everyone else in that Christmas at her place would most likely have to be a last minute decision depending on how my foot is healing. Not one response. No, so sorry you hurt yourself, nothing! I e-mailed her last Sunday. If I don't hear anything my decision to attend will have been made for me.
I never wanted to go in the first place but I had been considering it just because, but............. how does that saying go? Definition of insanity. Repeating the same behaviour and expecting a different result? I guess I must be insane cause I'm always hoping things will change re: my family. Not expecting a different result but hoping nonetheless.
of course...words of wisdom:
🥰
"Why not treat yourself to a good time instead of waiting for someone else to do it?"
It's December already? What the heck, how did I miss the end of the month?
Speaking of which I found an outfit - slim pants (almost leggings) with ruching at the bottom of the legs, loose fitting tank, and long sweater all made of a soft knit material that looks great and keeps me oh so warm when I am sitting. I bought 2 of them - one in sage and one in berry. They are my advance Christmas present to me. I'm giving a couple of them to my dgd (dark charcoal and a sage)for Christmas as dd said she would like them. It's like wearing pjs!!! and I am in a size down from usual. Yeah!!!\
I'm still working on losing a few more lbs. When R came up and hadn't seen me since I lost about 10 lbs, he said I looked more like my dd. I take that as a compliment. I want to lose another 10 or so. It's not easy for me! All my life my body conserves energy. so when I diet I get cold and don't lose weight much, and when I exercise I gain weight - I put on muscle very easily. Put me on a desert island with other people and no food, and I will last longer than anyone else and I don't mean cannibalism lol. I'll just get cold.
I have my night temperature set at 65 (yes, the thermostat is in fahrenheit). I find I'm plenty warm with just blankets once I'm sleeping, it's when I'm in bed reading than I am cold.
Oh and did I say, my COLD feet?!
I think a flame thrower and a chalk line drawn around me might work. My DH has always been an underfoot kind of man. I always knew it. Now I really know it in the most painful way.
OMG. Next time he steps on your injured foot, throw a glass of water in his face.
Or don't let him get close enough to you that he can step on your foot.
I had care clients who were known to be 'shadowers' which means they have to be so close to a person that they're breathing down your neck at all times.
I've never allowed a client to shadow me. If one would try to I would extend my arms in front of myself and tell them very emphatically, 'BACK UP!' and they always did. Try this with your husband.
Your avatar cracks me up Send :)
“Know your worth, then add tax.”
“If you avoid the conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself.”
Prayers for safety for your foot and healing.
courage!
sendhelp has good advice!
“Use the crutches, point one at him, and shove if he gets too close.” 🙂
“Amazon has huge long distance water guns, both pistols and rifles.” 🙂
——
and tell him you have a bunch of friends on the forum who’ll be really mad at him too, if he steps on you again.
I hear you.
Keep in mind, the best revenge is living well.
We can only try.
I agree.
And from experiences, I know that to be true for me as well.
Not sure it is that way for everyone. But maybe if you are the independent type, people around you have never learned to be helpful, but instead have relied on you.
If you need to keep someone away from your foot, Amazon has huge long distance water guns, both pistols and rifles.