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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Dear Mame, I am so sad to hear about your mother's passing. Be comforted in the fact that you enriched her life with your care and love. I know you will shed many tears before you can think of her without crying and just think of how she made you the woman you are today and also all the other lives she touched over the years. As you know, our loved ones never really leave us; they remain always in our hearts. Wishing you well.
Mame I am so sorry about your mom, I an glad you could be there with her and her suffering is over. Take good care of yourself there, I am thinking of you here and praying you and your family are doing OK there...Love, Jen
Thank you all so much! I appreciate all your kind words! We put the funeral off till Saturday so everyone could get here. It think it will be beautiful and we will giver her a wonderful send off!! Thank you again!
bobbie Mike is in the hospital because he has so much excess fluids (water) in his system that it is choking off the heart. They are going to drain out the water and hopefully he will be down to his normal weight. He was 240# but after all his bypass and open heart surgeries he is up over 315#. Seeing he can hardly walk he has not been able to exercise and that is not helping neither. I will update everyone as I find out what's all taking place. Hopefully you are feeling better and ready to party again. Hugs to you, love you cuz. Glad your starting to feel better Jen. Hugs to you also. luvCuz
Update on brother. He is being givin a shot 2 times a day thru an iv port to try to get rid of excess fluid in his body. Since they started this last night, in the first 24 hrs he has peed 2 liters and you can already see the swelling in his legs going down. His normal weight is around 250 but he scaled in at 320. His heart was getting squished by all the fluids. I will keep you updated as I find out more. Thanks for the prayers. Hugs to all. luvCuz
Hi Cuz sounds as though Mike is getting the right treatment and it is working. Should ease his breathing a lot to get rid of that much fluid. Hope he continues to improve.
Mame! Today is your mom's service and I hope you all are doing the best you can. Your mom sounded like a sweet person and my best wishes are with you and yours.
I missed 2 whole pages of posts don't know how I did that and I am so sorry that I didn't write to you sooner.
Good news brother came home from the hospital Friday afternoon. The two days he was there he lost 12# of water weight. They have put him on a low sodium diet and he has to drink at least two liters of water a day to try and flush out the kidneys to get them to work right. The swollenness in his legs has come down a bit. They have him wearing a stretch sock that goes all the way up to his knees. That's it for now so thanks for the concerns. Hugs luvCuz
So glad Mike is a bit better and home! Praying for a quick recovery!
The service for mom was beautiful. She would have been very happy with it. We all got through it well. She had a good life so it was actually a happy occasion...a celebration of her life.
Now a new life begins for us. A little scary but I am trying to see opportunities. Thank you all for your kind words and hugs and thoughts!
Just new to this. My dad recently moved with my husband and I after he "slipped" in the house and couldn't get up. Luckily he was okay. Just a few bruises. He has CHF and kidney failure but the most emergent problem is the onset of dementia. He has only been with is since the first of February. Some days I feel like I'm going to jump right out of my skin from the stress. My biggest relief is going to work once a week, as I work at home the rest of the time, but then feel bad about leaving my husband to take care of him for that day. he needs constant direction and cannot take medication correctly unsupervised. He also needs someone to prepare his meals as I would be afraid for him to even use microwave. My siblings and I have talked about nursing facilities but I don't believe he is ready for that yet. I just need a place to vent. God help me, I love my dad so much but never thought I would become his full-time caretaker.
Welcome needadan ear. There are lots of people on the forum that are in your situation and the trend seems to be to leave it too late to place an elder in assisted living. If he needs the kind of supervision you describle he is indeed ready to move to a facility. if you wait too long you and hubby will burn out from having to be constantly vigilent. I am assuming he is able still to manage his own toileting and bathing so think abead to when he refuses to shower and is incontinent, pees in the wastebasket or smeared feces all over the walls. Please place him before any of this begins to happen. start by getting POA and talking to his Dr and a lawyer and social walker about how best to proceed. Would he fight you on this issue or is he fairly complient at this point. i am sure other posters will respond with other view so take your time and explore all your options
Agree with Veronica. It is a personal decision and you will feel better if you can get all the info you need and talk to some nursing facilities about your and his needs. There are usually a lot of options out there, depending on the size of your city. Look into everything, ask questions, do what is best for you. One of the major things about taking on long term care for someone is the duration. My grandfather just went into a nursing care facility after living with my mother and I for over 7 years...And some people give care for literally decades. If at two months you are feeling overwhelmed, the time to start considering the transition is now. His needs do fit for nursing care, or just on the cusp of assisted living. but he will also lose abilities and have more issues as he ages. This is not a situation that...clears up, or gets better with time...A bit a physical therapy and the right medications will make minor improvements but the live an older person had at 70 will never come back...It just doesn't. Best to see them safe, and looked after where there are professionals who are trained in geriatric care, and not make yourself and your loved ones crazy trying t do everything yourself. The instinct is to hold on, but sometimes, your very best decision is to let go...
And remember, when you have run yourself ragged and are worn out and fractured, you can't really help anyone.
Good luck in the process and always feel free to talk and talk to others here, everyone has been or is living this situation, and more and more people are having to handle end of life and long term care issues than ever before in human history, truly. You are not alone!
Update here, G has UTI, none of the nursing or Dr.s on staff seem to be on the same page about it. But we are....! Like it or not... Storm windows off today, washed the windows...Sending sunshine to the East Coast...! Jen
Needanear.....Welcome. I agree you need to look at all options. Financial, legal, medical. From one person that loves her dad to another, take one step at a time but do it before it's too late. If you feel he's not ready to enter a facility then there are other options such as in home health care or adult day care. Adult day care is a really good option because it gets him out and around others that are on his same page. But more importantly (besides safety) is legal issues. POA's, bank accounts, updating wills, medical directive, etc. It can be very overwhelming but like I said one step/day at a time. You don't want to let this all slip thinking you have time because you never know what could happen or when you sweet dad does get to a point that he can't give his ok then you don't want to be scrambling trying at the last minute to get everything in order. The sooner you get things settled, the stress factor won't be so great. Take care of yourself also. Even though you love your dad, burnout is a factor so the more you can be on top of things the better. Good luck and God Bless.
There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”.
We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”. Do they, however, know the difference between them? Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom,and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer,lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.
Just put weed and feed on the lawn here...hoping it is warming up in the East! Nothing major here.Found a book for G, a Sear's and Roebuck catalog from 1900's. Should keep him occupied. Same staffing issues at nursing home. but at least he knows not to try to get up to help him roommate anymore... Have a good May everyone! Jen
Brother in law and sister arrived here yesterday evening. I'm exhausted and ready to end this as soon as possible! Been at B's 75-85 hours/week since she came home from rehab in mid February. Lawyer is coming to her house today to explain what they have to do with her very little assets so we can get her placed. Been on hold due to her son living in another state. The bank would not transfer funds etc. without him being here in person. So the placement has been on hold until he could come back and take care of things in person. I'm hoping everything can get straightened out as soon as possible. I'm completely fried! My house is a mess and in dire need of cleaning, etc.!!! Had to have fuel line and pump replaced on old furnace last week and was told the combustion chamber needs to be replaced before next winter, or a new furnace if possible! $8,000 I'm told, but the fuel consumption would be cut in half! So the furnace would pay for itself in 6 years. The old oil burner is now almost 50 years old, so not much sense in throwing more $$ into it, but I sure don't have $8000!!! Looks like the plumbing will be put off and I won"t get my shower in my apartment this year. Hoping to go through junk in the attic and cellar and get rid of a lifetime of saving. h Have to get her to the lab for blood work in an hour, then I have the rest of the day to myself! Bet I just sit and do nothing! Snow showers here all weekend and right now. Cloudy, cold and dreary. Still got close to 2 feet of snow on top of my garden and raspberries, but it's slowly melting away! Jen, I'm so jealous!! Hope you are all doing well! Deef
I am sending the sun fast as I can Deef, though you may hardly notice...I'd go bug house if I had that much to do...Hope they can get B stuff cleared away then have her settle in and less worries! Mom was just saying she is glad Grandma took care to give her POA and MPOA before they needed it!
No comfort to anyone but there was a cartoon in todays local paper and the tag line was. "Time to think about the garden the tools are begining to show out of the snow"
Not any better on this end . I had a stroke effect in my left leg . Jesus I quit smoking . Went with Ecig . Hubby been waiting for bladder treatment few months maybe April he will have the treatment s . I'm kick in asses . Enjoy life while you can xoxo
Speaking of smells. I was wrong, have had the windows open every day for a month, washed walls ceiling floors and pored bleach, where it was molding from pee and pee b gone....If you close the doors for any amount of time...the smell comes back...This will be a re paint and re finish the floors fix... beh, hope his stay at nursing home leaves enough money to pay for it!
Spring busy and worn out and several people I think in mourning too. May feel uncomfortable here. I am not sure when G dies how I will feel. Less allowed to grouse personally...? Not that that ever stopped me before... Raining here, another day I can hold off mowing the lawn, yes it is that bad! We may pay for our lack of true Winter weather in Summer?...
You all need to come to Texas. Brother....one day sleet/ice.....the next is 82 degrees, the next is everything budding out, the next 32 degrees with snow. Oh yes, let's not forget the 40 mile an hr. wind. No wonder I keep a drippy nose, watery eyes and sinus infection. I do hope all of you had a good Easter weekend though. Yesterday was 48 degrees, rain. Today is gorgeous and 82. But our church service made up for the crummy weather. God Bless. I keep all of you in my prayers.
We are both doing great bobbie here in Michigan. Joyce goes in for foot surgery on Wednesday to remove a cyst on the instep of her foot. She dropped a little bottle on it a couple of months ago and has had it drained twice but it keeps coming back. End of April I am having cataract surgery on my right eye and the middle of May the left eye. Mike is doing ok, his legs are getting worse but he is just dealing with it. Aunt Hank is doing fine also. Hope your maintenance goes well. Love you cuz
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Glad your starting to feel better Jen. Hugs to you also.
luvCuz
Was good to talk to you Cuz.
I hope everyone is doing the best they can with what they have to deal with.
Shoutouts to all.
lovbob
luvCuz
Today is your mom's service and I hope you all are doing the best you can. Your mom sounded like a sweet person and my best wishes are with you and yours.
I missed 2 whole pages of posts don't know how I did that and I am so sorry that I didn't write to you sooner.
Shoutouts to all and welcome to the newbies.
lovbob
luvCuz
The service for mom was beautiful. She would have been very happy with it. We all got through it well. She had a good life so it was actually a happy occasion...a celebration of her life.
Now a new life begins for us. A little scary but I am trying to see opportunities.
Thank you all for your kind words and hugs and thoughts!
Mame
I am assuming he is able still to manage his own toileting and bathing so think abead to when he refuses to shower and is incontinent, pees in the wastebasket or smeared feces all over the walls. Please place him before any of this begins to happen. start by getting POA and talking to his Dr and a lawyer and social walker about how best to proceed. Would he fight you on this issue or is he fairly complient at this point. i am sure other posters will respond with other view so take your time and explore all your options
One of the major things about taking on long term care for someone is the duration. My grandfather just went into a nursing care facility after living with my mother and I for over 7 years...And some people give care for literally decades. If at two months you are feeling overwhelmed, the time to start considering the transition is now. His needs do fit for nursing care, or just on the cusp of assisted living. but he will also lose abilities and have more issues as he ages. This is not a situation that...clears up, or gets better with time...A bit a physical therapy and the right medications will make minor improvements but the live an older person had at 70 will never come back...It just doesn't. Best to see them safe, and looked after where there are professionals who are trained in geriatric care, and not make yourself and your loved ones crazy trying t do everything yourself. The instinct is to hold on, but sometimes, your very best decision is to let go...
And remember, when you have run yourself ragged and are worn out and fractured, you can't really help anyone.
Good luck in the process and always feel free to talk and talk to others here, everyone has been or is living this situation, and more and more people are having to handle end of life and long term care issues than ever before in human history, truly. You are not alone!
Update here, G has UTI, none of the nursing or Dr.s on staff seem to be on the same page about it. But we are....! Like it or not... Storm windows off today, washed the windows...Sending sunshine to the East Coast...! Jen
We've heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.
Do they, however, know the difference between them?
Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.
GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom,and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer,lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
I trust this clears up any confusion.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.
Nothing major here.Found a book for G, a Sear's and Roebuck catalog from 1900's. Should keep him occupied. Same staffing issues at nursing home. but at least he knows not to try to get up to help him roommate anymore...
Have a good May everyone! Jen
Been on hold due to her son living in another state. The bank would not transfer funds etc. without him being here in person. So the placement has been on hold until he could come back and take care of things in person. I'm hoping everything can get straightened out as soon as possible.
I'm completely fried! My house is a mess and in dire need of cleaning, etc.!!! Had to have fuel line and pump replaced on old furnace last week and was told the combustion chamber needs to be replaced before next winter, or a new furnace if possible! $8,000 I'm told, but the fuel consumption would be cut in half! So the furnace would pay for itself in 6 years. The old oil burner is now almost 50 years old, so not much sense in throwing more $$ into it, but I sure don't have $8000!!!
Looks like the plumbing will be put off and I won"t get my shower in my apartment this year. Hoping to go through junk in the attic and cellar and get rid of a lifetime of saving.
h
Have to get her to the lab for blood work in an hour, then I have the rest of the day to myself! Bet I just sit and do nothing!
Snow showers here all weekend and right now. Cloudy, cold and dreary. Still got close to 2 feet of snow on top of my garden and raspberries, but it's slowly melting away! Jen, I'm so jealous!!
Hope you are all doing well!
Deef
No garden tools, but neighbors cat been using our patio for a latrine! Warmed up enough to tell....ew....
Raining here, another day I can hold off mowing the lawn, yes it is that bad! We may pay for our lack of true Winter weather in Summer?...
Have a good week everyone. Love, Jen
Hope everyone is doing the best they can with what they are dealing with.
Mellow day here on the creek, overcast and mild with rain on the way. Wish we could give some of the rain we've been getting to California.
More doctors' visits this week. Getting some deferred maintenance done as well as trying to track down some other stuff.
How is everyone else doing?
lovbob
cuz