Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Meanwhile2 it only got to 33 degrees today and had alittle snow but didn't stick. If you didn't shovel yesterday it is solid ice today, so glad I used the blower. It has a 16 horsepower motor on it and it throw slush like no tomorrow. I seen so many people with little blowers pluging up the shoot that I am glad I bought the bigger one. Next week it will be in the mid 20's to 30 degrees so I would stay where you are at. Hugs. luvCuz
Had boat drama here and was all consumed with that so didn't post yesterday. Sure is good to see everyone letting us all know what's up and how they are.
DEEF!!! Yes, Deef's house is HUGE and my favorite part is her yard. She has got the berry and vegetable business down for sure. (Deef I'm going to brag on you a little…) Deef is a very talented artist. What she is capable of doing is incredible and I can only look on in wonder on how she just will whip something up that you would love to look at every day! Also amazing salsa and jams and all around everything.
Cuz!! That's a lot of shoveling and blowing. Actually sounds a little lit politics ha! Please be careful and also give my love to Mike and your mom, my Aunt H and Diane and Joyce and everyone.
Susan! Good to see from you!
Meanwhile! Did you get some chicken soup out of the chambermaid deal?
Jen! That robin must have been as confused as the rest of us with the weather. I hope you get to see some fireworks tonight.
Jen, do you remember New Year's Eve of 5 years ago when I was docked downtown and was posting about the events of the evening? When that old guy cracked his low hanging nut sack on the railing of that 70 footer that was docked next to me? Man, did we howl that night. That was some funny stuff.
Another little boat got stuck under the bowsprit of the big boat and I offered 3 times to lend them some tools to loosen the anchor and get it off but they kept ignoring me since I guess I had the wrong plumbing to know about that stuff. Finally one of the geezers said: We need some BIG ALLEN WRENCHES OK?!?!? Like I wouldn't have those. So I said, ok, went down in the tool room and then handed him 3 giant allen wrenches. They got the anchor on the big boat loose and that let the little boat all stuck up in there get away.
During this clown show the owner of the boat, who had treated me like crap all day and into the evening, went forward and slung his leg over the rail and banged his goods on that unforgiving stainless steel. Karma is a matched set of blue balls. I laughed so hard I scared the Cat.
The boat drama yesterday was this big cruiser that was taking on water so we had to keep pumping it out so it wouldn't go down in the pointy end. She was holding 2500 gal of diesel and that would have been like the Exxon Valdez here. I finally got the owner here from out West and yesterday he got it running and out of here. It's a very nice boat but it needs to be hauled out and repaired and we aren't a boatyard, just a marina. Like I told the guy: We can wash them but we can't iron them….
Pargirl! Veronica! Kuli! Austin! Everybody!
What's everybody's plans for the New Year? We will probably fall asleep and then wake up to the sound of explosions.
Wishing all of you a Happy New Year! 2016 has to be better! And wishing all those nasty boat people a boil on their butts to go with their blue balls! xo -SS
We set off fireworks and made a bunch of noise. I set one off in the parking lot and almost broke my ass trying to get away before it exploded. The older you get the longer the fuse has to be.
Happy New Year, Bobbi the marina sounds like it is never dull. Love hearing about all of it. Pretty quiet around here. Still trying to get over this cold. Mom, started the chicken soup, but I had to finish it. Which was fine, threw in cayenne, and serrano peppers, along with some veggies, and brown rice.
Hey there Meanwhile, ya the marina can be a lot of fun or a pain depending on who's here. Just like life, right? Depends on who you're hanging out with whether you're having fun or not.
Hope that cold goes away soon. At least you got some soup out of it even though you probably would have been happy just staying to yourself. Give all of our regards to Indio.
Watching Downton Abbey to catch up and get ready for the final season, first episode streaming Monday. Wow, what a world.
Today it's a lot cooler but the sun is out.
I roasted a turkey yesterday simply to get gravy for some mashed potatoes and sandwiches haha.
Jen!! What's going on? You ok? I was looking into ePublishing through Amazon thinking of you…. was wondering if you had checked it out.
Hey Bobbie, wondered about that too. no idea. Let me go look. What if it isn't any good. It have to be uber free as the fifty bucks i got for Christmas was all the money I have yet again. Took more new clothes down to fp who said "Happy New Year!" and sent home Christmas decorations to save to use "next year." Shoot me in the head before that happens please!!! Jen
Hey Jen and Hey All, Jen I left you a message on your wall about the book and don't let your negative voice influence what you're writing. When you self publish you remove all of the barricades and just get your work out there. You can write. Period. I've read some of your stuff and it's good! Write on!
I know it sounds like I'm making it simple but in all reality it is. What it also is is tedious. A ball buster of details and proofreading and editing but you can do it.
I have only one New Year's Resolution and that is to stop playing Bejeweled! THAT is a Time Bandit for sure. So far I have only broken it about twice a day but so far so good this morning. It's rare that change happens immediately so I will just keep trying to Just Say No to Bejeweled. Such a great stress reliever but getting other stuff accomplished would be a great stress reliever as well.
The cold weather finally hit here and we put heaters on the boats and dribbled the hoses so the PVC under the dock wouldn't pop. My ears almost froze off with the wind. All the boats are storm tied anyway so I don't have to get up in the middle of the night and stress out but man oh man that wind whipping in from the NNE was a heat sucker even though I was wearing a fat coat. I have Southern Blood for sure!
Deef!! How cold is it up there? I know you have your garden put to bed and now have the lovely (not) challenge of heating that big house! OY!
Meanwhile, what's it doing over there in Texas. I know I could look at a weather map but it's sure more interesting to hear it from you.
Cuz! I think that you are our Northernmost member here and I can't even imagine what you are dealing with. How is Mike doing?
The Boat Angel is in the Denial stage of dealing with his mom and stepdad. The stepdad is beginning to garble his speech and the mom is having full on panic attacks. Anybody know what drug works for that in the elderly? I know Xanax is good for some but don't know wassup for older people taking statins and all that.
I can tell he Boat Angel is in denial because instead of working on getting the step dad placed and/or getting a live in helper he's going there himself and doing stuff like installing floodlights around the house. He's a mechanical type guy so he thinks he's helping the situation and I know floodlights are nice but HEY! Quit ignoring the problem staring you in the face!
I do not want to get sucked into this again and I am not kidding. I tell the Boat Angel you are in the Frog in the Frying Pan phase and before you know it you won't be able to come back to the marina because you will realize that you are in it and can't get out of it. He says, no way that's going to happen, yet I see it happening as we speak. He is there about 60% of the time now and each month he is there more days.
They have a 4 bedroom house and the whole point was to have a room for a caregiver to move into. There is a long roster of people who would love to have that job but the Boat Angel is listening to Dementia, where his mother is saying that she doesn't want anyone in her house but him and I told him that's what I did because I didn't know any better and I lost my job and my home and my future.
I don't want to go through that again. This job is a team job and I can only hold it down so long alone. There would be no problem in him going down once a week for 2 days but this is getting nuts.
He comes back a nervous wreck and talks about getting them help etc etc but doesn't act on it. Even someone who went in a few hours a day would be brilliant but you got to make it happen.
On the other hand, my ex-husband, whom I still talk to a few times a week since we have been buddies since the Seventies, arranged for his mom to have meals delivered, a lady to come in 5x a week, chewed out his brother and has gotten him to show up with dinner 2x a week and has it all lined out. My ex is driving down (5 hour drive) twice a month and spending 4-5 days and so bases are covered. For now. His mom is 92 or 93 and does not have Dementia but is deaf as a post and becoming very frail. My ex says that he watched me go through Hell and was determined not to lose his job and life and so became very proactive about his mom. She's happier, the brother is happier because he is part of the solution and not acting like an idiot and my ex is happier because he is running the team and taking care of his mom so she can age in place.
Helping and prolonging. Just saw an add for a pharmacy that will make baggies by the hour and put them in a roll up box for a week. Sort your pills for when you need em. Kinda of a good idea and a nod to independence but also a tacit nod to denial and sure we can do this and all you have to do is remember to take them at the right time, not lose any, not take too many or at the wrong time etc etc. At some point, you NEED assistance. Fighting the concept won't help anyone! Aside from the die hards... Most people are reely not up to what they will get into with extended elder care. It is one thing to want to take care of aging loved ones, ( if you do ) another thing to be able to. People live longer and longer sicker and sicker now, somebody is getting rich off this generation burn out and it isn't us. You do what you can. Doesn't that apply to all thongs really. That tired old phrase of "The Lord doesn't give us anymore than we can handle." Was not written in regards to long term care giving. Unless going broke, losing friends and mates, ending up homeless and contemplating suicide after a decade plus of mind numbing, thankless, emotionally abusive, laborious and endless care giving is in the common wheel house of things one can handle... Maybe it is and I am just a bitter screw. Doesn't matter, it just goes on...
G "had a fall" yesterday. "The kid" dropped him and he fell too far down onto the toilet seat and half slid off. So he is now sore, worn out, embarrassed, mad and yet too fing tired and worn out to BE mad! He did shave, was almost uncommunicative. But he'll be there on Friday and Tuesday, next Friday and the Tuesday-Friday after that... And mom will do hi snails and I'll clean his glasses and shaver and she'll put his clean but permanently stained cloths away, and she'll ask what he had for breakfast, though the Boost boxes are taking up more and more space on his dresser. She'll check his latest physical complaints, try to get his interested in his THIRD CD player. Did you look at any of your books? Why do you sit in here with the lights out, do you like sitting in the dark? Did you go to Sittersize? You got another card did you see? He can no longer open envelopes. He sits in the wheelchair like a lop-sided lump. He sits in pee and feces on a regular basis (no matter how often they change him) He is starting to not recognize people in the photographs I put up all over the wall. He is in a low grade of pain 24 7. Can't tell one day from the next. Doesn't want to be IN a nursing home. Everyone, everything of value and meaning and use are long gone. 94.
Wife dead. Parents long dead. Job, hobbies,gone. Interests dwindling to nil. Even on anti-depressants. Why shouldn't a person BE depressed to "live" like this? No wonder there are TV in every room at the foot of every bed and in the hallways. Even if you are so far gone you can't tend to your own basic bodily needs, the flickering colorful pictures trick the mind into thinking it is still alive?...Still doing something. When people prayed for a: "Good long life." I seriously doubt this is the end they had in mind. "Don't go gently into that...." No ooze out like a crotchety, confused, demented slug, stewing in your own filth, crabbing at anyone who tries to help. Don't do anything that might help ease your situation, then be blaming and feel hard done by when you are alone, in the dark, wiping snot on your pants, and other bodily wastes. Bemoan the awfulness of life, look at pictures of people on the wall you almost recall, turn your head and look at the TV flickering images of people doing God knows what. Fall asleep, wake up for a meal or a diaper change. And be fully aware of the similarity of your life to a babies. Minus the cooing snuzzling and endless picture taking and showing off to all and sundry. Babies is cute. New life. A tiny wonderful miracle all wrapped up in possibilities and the future. You old man are the future too. Alone, confused, decrepit, oozing bodily fluids far less interestingly, a drag, a burden a pain. A costly reminder of what living too long looks like. And a reminder to everyone you come across, of what it could very well BE like for us all one day. Even as we all plan to go out in a blaze of glory, or die peacefully in our sleep, at home, in bed, after a brief illness of some sort... Life, first ya coo then ya croak. All the rest is up to you. I wonder, if there were no television, just the life lingering drugs. Would people live this long past "useful existence" in the numbers they do now? I don't know. Bitter much? Pretty surly. As the inheritance my Mom needs to live on dwindles away in dollops and chunks for her father being dropped on toilet seats, and fed pretend nutrients in a can/box. His continued living literally has us on hold. We can go nowhere till he is dead, do nothing till he is dead, plan nothing till he is dead. As we come up on February, he will have been in the nursing home a solid year. My Mom feels equal parts shame and relief that someone else is taking on his care. Everyone around us, feels a bit of embarrassment by "all you guys have had to do for Dadddeee" and an equal desire that it come to an end soon. But we have ALL been wishing for that for a long long time. That hoped for, peaceful death in sleep, we all pray for for ourselves and others just never seems to come. Clearly. Yeah Bobbie, I almost do remember 2012. I know it was a shittier year than 2015 by far. I know I was probably just as sullen and hopeful as I am now...I don't know specifics anymore. We sit and watch the on going "end" of someone elses life. The milestones are decay, daily irritations and making sure he has everything he needs to be comfortable (not dead) happy (not dead) amused (not dead) cared for (not dead). I don't know, what else is there, we all live (and don't live0 through other people. I guess that is kind of what life is. Grab some happiness somewhere along the way and hope it isn't worse than it is. If we end up on the streets and I have to look after my mother, well, I guess the state will handle that. Cause God never gives us more than we can handle. Yes, that's a blessing. Jen, who else.
It'll pass everyone. It will pass. Hang on, find some good, look at the sky, shovel snow like it's done you a person harm. Remember tomorrow always come along and they thankfully are not yesterday, even if they look like it. Smell like it, read like it. Life goes on till it doesn't, so there's always a chance. Here's one, I am grateful I AM NOT HIM!!!
Smokin Post. Love you Girl and Keep on. As for as that tired line that I know you have to hear about god never giving you more than you can handle… Bullsh!t. Typically spoken by the criminally clueless to the eternally exhausted. Explain suicide. Fatally overwhelmed. God has zip to do with it.
I am amused to see you write about the baggie/pill thing. The Boat Angel started that with his folks about a month ago and it only took 2 days for it all to go to crazy. The mother gets the pills into the stepdad and then forgets to take hers, OR the baggies, which have all been labeled with name and day of week and date, get jumbled up and even though 'professionals' think Dementia patients can read, they CAN'T so then it's hysteria while the Boat Angel sits on the phone since he is an hour and a half away and tries to talk the mother through it. AND of course, the stepdad has 2 grown children that live about 15 minutes away but they can't be bothered to drop in around dinner time and make sure meds go in or do anything else. But if they do come they bring their dad, who is Diabetic, cases of Gatorade and Coke and those big plastic jars of Animal Cookies…..
Gah, I so do hate Stupid.
So here we are again and even though I am only on the periphery of it all the crazy/stupid is still getting to me and I don't have it bad at all. I worked hard to get my head to this place where I wasn't laying awake for hours consumed by anger and grief and I can't even imagine what you are coping with even though you spell it out in the most articulate way possible. I think I would run away. I know that would be cowardly and I know at the end of the day I couldn't leave my mom but I guess that's why I kept thinkingabouttheboat. I WAS running away. In my head.
Jen, please get into that Amazon thing so we can read your book. Who cares what anyone else thinks about it; let them try and write one. Easier said than done.
I want to read more JEN!
Oh, and I loved Tootsie. Larry Gelbart. Same guy who wrote most of the Mash series. In fact, just for fun, y'all Google him and see what he wrote that you loved.
Morning Cuz. Mike is holding his own right now. Been in the hospital twice in two weeks cause he gets fluid in his lungs. His weight is still 305# MST of it is water but he can't get rid of it. Love ya got to go
Good Sunday Morning All, I wrote a big old post 2 days ago and lost power here due to wind and lost the post. Just didn't have the horsepower to get it back again but here I am now…
Jen, you have that right. I'm watching the crazy and listening to it on the phone and being left to do a 2 man job alone for days at a time. Getting just about over it but, just like in caregiving, when you think you can't take any more there seems to be reserves that you dig in to. Of course, digging into those reserves has a cost and that was my physical and mental health.
Kellse, poop on the toilet handle is all part of this insanity. When my mom got to that stage I just took her to the bathroom and handled it myself. In the long run it was easier and at least I could see what she was doing and where her hands went and keep it all clean from the get-go. Not saying it's the only way, just saying it was way easier for me to not upchuck when I walked into the bathroom because I knew that it was spic and span because every time my mom needed to go I was there. Part of why I probably had a nervous breakdown as well. Ugh, not everyone is cut out to be a nurse and I know I sure wasn't.
Nice day at the marina here, Captain Sh!tstain should be moving his gross boat out soon and we can get back to normal here. Talk about someone that needs a caregiver to take him to the toilet…. He is just oblivious that anyone else is here and ruins the bathroom many times a day. I will probably end up telling him that I took care of a Dementia mom that didn't make half the mess he does. This guy is out of it on a whole different level. We still have let the other boaters know that he is the only one using the mens' room and the only other guy on the dock uses the ladies' room because we can't keep up with 5-6x a day explosive poops.
I never dreamed in a million years that after going through what I went through with caregiving I would have to face something like this. At least the marina owners get me and they don't mind my management style which is: knock it off or get out.
Will be seriously considering whether to continue with all of this or not. Crazy making and it's not my crazy. Already been there and done that with MY crazy.
Hey Cuz, Hope Mike is doing better. It has to be a rough and tough situation. I remember all of us in your dad's boat at Silver Lake. That's what I hang on to. Glad I got to see him and your mom when they came South. Love to all, Cuz.
OK, Veronica, good to see you and if you talk to Austin tell her I said hi.
JesseBelle! I have read many of your posts and you always have something good and supportive to say. Very nice to see you here.
Making tomato sauce and pasta today. Tomato gravy been on the stove doing its thing since 6:30am. Will make a baked ziti with some of it and send it with the Boat Angel so they have at least one home cooked dinner when he is with his folks.
If I don't do all of the cooking, he will just eat peanut butter and bread and he's diabetic. The last 2 days he flew into a rage on 2 separate occasions and it still takes me a minute to realize that his blood sugar is swinging.
I make fresh short grain brown rice and different beans and greens EVERY DAY so he can get what he needs but I can't hold him down and force it in. I know it would be nice if I mixed it up but hey, if someone made me that every day I would dig in and STFU haha.
Just hard for me to crank out 3 a day. I did it for mom but jeeze, cook for me once in awhile. Whine whine whine hahahahaha. Sounds like a first world problem, doesn't it? I should be the one to STFU. Ya, I know it…..
Oh great… Captain Sh!tstain just tried to start his boat and it didn't sound good and engines quit right away. Please boat, run and run well. And run outta here.
One of our cool boaters sent us a video of them moored in the Abacos shot with their new drone and GoPro cam. Ah…. to have unlimited funds, right?
Who's buying a Powerball ticket? If you bought one what would you do if you won?
Somebody please tell us that they would keep it all and buy something ridiculous. Of course you would want to help people and do this and that, but what incredible, crazy dream would you make come true?
Hope you guys post and tell us all; would be fun reading!
Dooggies. Poop handles. I always just assume there is POOP everywhere and treat it accordingly. Wipe down any reachable surface. It is like a wasp in the room. I agree with bobbie. I'd go in with and watch, that way you know where it is before you put your hand on it unsuspectingly. Shit, it happens...EVERYWHERE.
Bought a ticket. would rather have a million than 800. 800 is move away change yer name fight off law suits and 24 degree relatives for the rest of your life. Something about a wind fall. People don't feel entitles to your money if they think you slogged it out down at mill day after day. But if you come into it, or it just happens to run into you, some how it is a free for all. That lucky thing coulda happened to anybody, so why not me! Now give me some! Seems to be the way of thinking of a windfall.
Have not checked numbers yet, I'll let ya know if that misery descends on me. Or maybe I'll just.....
The Powerball for us here in Michigan is at 1.2 Billion dollars for the next draw. The chances of winning are like 1 in 280 million. I know people that have bought over $400.00 worth of tickets. Thats crazy. Hugs to all. Getting ready for the big snow to blow in Monday night thru Tuesday. 6 to 8" inland and over a foot by the lake. I'm ready. Temp right now is 13 above with a feels like 3 cause of the wind. LuvCuz
You do NOT get your 40% just because you called me a DUDE!!! Forget it! I just dug out 2 bucks from the seats in my cushions! The youngins of today don't even carry cash. :)) To bad....I was going to share with you.
Well I've got my ticket so maybe I can afford a single room in the NH, OR maybe have a whole staff for home care. Staying home sounds better, then there will be no one to try and get me out of my room to play Bingo or do the afternoon mind puzzles to keep my brain from rotting. I won't need a butler but maybe a chauffeur to drive me around in my luxury disabled van. A fancy wheelchair with a nice comfy seat. At the ones at the hospital just had the thin seats and they get uncomfortable for my bony rear end in a few minutes. I would not mind traveling but on my terms not struggling on commercial flights. maybe a private jet. I wonder where I can find a chauffeur with a pilots license. No cruises as I easily get sea sick but luxury hotels with Jacuzzi tubs and two strong nurses to lift me in and out and gently pat me dry. Well I can dream. Hubby says he won't check the numbers till he hears where the ticket was sold.
I aint' got it no more anyhow. I turned it into another Powerball. Maybe double down and I will win 8 bucks, then I will offer loans at the bargain basement fee of.... %37.
Hey Everybody, I would have had to drive out of state to get a ticket so I didn't. Consequently, I didn't win haha.
haha pargirl, Jen calls everyone Dude! That was funny though, love it.
kellse, did you get 4 bucks? Almost a Happy Meal.
Cuz! How's Mike doing?
We've had major drama here at the marina, new owners! At least we get to stay a little while longer and maybe longer than that but who knows? They are very nice and I look forward to some improvements as we move forward.
Veronica! You get the prize for best daydream for sure! I really like the '…gently pat me dry.' Good one.
All I ever think about is having a safe place and a boat. It really would be cool to have a big boat with a crew. Even when my boat is moving I like it when someone else drives and I can sit on the bench in front of the pilothouse with the breeze in my face. Sure wish some of you guys could come and hang out, after all that's how a lot of this started. Veronica I know it won't be you because of the seasick but hey, that Dramamine works pretty good.
OK, getting into the bed, got up early and tomorrow I have to take a bid on piling repair under the boathouse. WooHoo about time.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
luvCuz
Had boat drama here and was all consumed with that so didn't post yesterday.
Sure is good to see everyone letting us all know what's up and how they are.
DEEF!!!
Yes, Deef's house is HUGE and my favorite part is her yard. She has got the berry and vegetable business down for sure.
(Deef I'm going to brag on you a little…)
Deef is a very talented artist. What she is capable of doing is incredible and I can only look on in wonder on how she just will whip something up that you would love to look at every day!
Also amazing salsa and jams and all around everything.
Cuz!! That's a lot of shoveling and blowing. Actually sounds a little lit politics ha!
Please be careful and also give my love to Mike and your mom, my Aunt H and Diane and Joyce and everyone.
Susan! Good to see from you!
Meanwhile! Did you get some chicken soup out of the chambermaid deal?
Jen! That robin must have been as confused as the rest of us with the weather.
I hope you get to see some fireworks tonight.
Jen, do you remember New Year's Eve of 5 years ago when I was docked downtown and was posting about the events of the evening?
When that old guy cracked his low hanging nut sack on the railing of that 70 footer that was docked next to me?
Man, did we howl that night. That was some funny stuff.
Another little boat got stuck under the bowsprit of the big boat and I offered 3 times to lend them some tools to loosen the anchor and get it off but they kept ignoring me since I guess I had the wrong plumbing to know about that stuff.
Finally one of the geezers said:
We need some BIG ALLEN WRENCHES OK?!?!?
Like I wouldn't have those.
So I said, ok, went down in the tool room and then handed him 3 giant allen wrenches. They got the anchor on the big boat loose and that let the little boat all stuck up in there get away.
During this clown show the owner of the boat, who had treated me like crap all day and into the evening, went forward and slung his leg over the rail and banged his goods on that unforgiving stainless steel. Karma is a matched set of blue balls.
I laughed so hard I scared the Cat.
The boat drama yesterday was this big cruiser that was taking on water so we had to keep pumping it out so it wouldn't go down in the pointy end. She was holding 2500 gal of diesel and that would have been like the Exxon Valdez here.
I finally got the owner here from out West and yesterday he got it running and out of here. It's a very nice boat but it needs to be hauled out and repaired and we aren't a boatyard, just a marina.
Like I told the guy: We can wash them but we can't iron them….
Pargirl! Veronica! Kuli! Austin!
Everybody!
What's everybody's plans for the New Year?
We will probably fall asleep and then wake up to the sound of explosions.
lovbob
xo
-SS
Happy New Year All!
We set off fireworks and made a bunch of noise.
I set one off in the parking lot and almost broke my ass trying to get away before it exploded.
The older you get the longer the fuse has to be.
Love to All,
lovbob
luvCuz
Love Deef!!
Just like life, right? Depends on who you're hanging out with whether you're having fun or not.
Hope that cold goes away soon. At least you got some soup out of it even though you probably would have been happy just staying to yourself.
Give all of our regards to Indio.
Watching Downton Abbey to catch up and get ready for the final season, first episode streaming Monday. Wow, what a world.
Today it's a lot cooler but the sun is out.
I roasted a turkey yesterday simply to get gravy for some mashed potatoes and sandwiches haha.
Jen!! What's going on? You ok?
I was looking into ePublishing through Amazon thinking of you…. was wondering if you had checked it out.
lovbob
Took more new clothes down to fp who said "Happy New Year!" and sent home Christmas decorations to save to use "next year." Shoot me in the head before that happens please!!! Jen
Jen I left you a message on your wall about the book and don't let your negative voice influence what you're writing.
When you self publish you remove all of the barricades and just get your work out there.
You can write. Period.
I've read some of your stuff and it's good!
Write on!
I know it sounds like I'm making it simple but in all reality it is.
What it also is is tedious. A ball buster of details and proofreading and editing but you can do it.
I have only one New Year's Resolution and that is to stop playing Bejeweled!
THAT is a Time Bandit for sure.
So far I have only broken it about twice a day but so far so good this morning.
It's rare that change happens immediately so I will just keep trying to Just Say No to Bejeweled.
Such a great stress reliever but getting other stuff accomplished would be a great stress reliever as well.
The cold weather finally hit here and we put heaters on the boats and dribbled the hoses so the PVC under the dock wouldn't pop.
My ears almost froze off with the wind.
All the boats are storm tied anyway so I don't have to get up in the middle of the night and stress out but man oh man that wind whipping in from the NNE was a heat sucker even though I was wearing a fat coat.
I have Southern Blood for sure!
Deef!! How cold is it up there? I know you have your garden put to bed and now have the lovely (not) challenge of heating that big house! OY!
Meanwhile, what's it doing over there in Texas. I know I could look at a weather map but it's sure more interesting to hear it from you.
Cuz! I think that you are our Northernmost member here and I can't even imagine what you are dealing with.
How is Mike doing?
The Boat Angel is in the Denial stage of dealing with his mom and stepdad.
The stepdad is beginning to garble his speech and the mom is having full on panic attacks.
Anybody know what drug works for that in the elderly?
I know Xanax is good for some but don't know wassup for older people taking statins and all that.
I can tell he Boat Angel is in denial because instead of working on getting the step dad placed and/or getting a live in helper he's going there himself and doing stuff like installing floodlights around the house.
He's a mechanical type guy so he thinks he's helping the situation and I know floodlights are nice but HEY! Quit ignoring the problem staring you in the face!
I do not want to get sucked into this again and I am not kidding.
I tell the Boat Angel you are in the Frog in the Frying Pan phase and before you know it you won't be able to come back to the marina because you will realize that you are in it and can't get out of it.
He says, no way that's going to happen, yet I see it happening as we speak.
He is there about 60% of the time now and each month he is there more days.
They have a 4 bedroom house and the whole point was to have a room for a caregiver to move into. There is a long roster of people who would love to have that job but the Boat Angel is listening to Dementia, where his mother is saying that she doesn't want anyone in her house but him and I told him that's what I did because I didn't know any better and I lost my job and my home and my future.
I don't want to go through that again.
This job is a team job and I can only hold it down so long alone.
There would be no problem in him going down once a week for 2 days but this is getting nuts.
He comes back a nervous wreck and talks about getting them help etc etc but doesn't act on it.
Even someone who went in a few hours a day would be brilliant but you got to make it happen.
On the other hand, my ex-husband, whom I still talk to a few times a week since we have been buddies since the Seventies, arranged for his mom to have meals delivered, a lady to come in 5x a week, chewed out his brother and has gotten him to show up with dinner 2x a week and has it all lined out.
My ex is driving down (5 hour drive) twice a month and spending 4-5 days and so bases are covered. For now.
His mom is 92 or 93 and does not have Dementia but is deaf as a post and becoming very frail.
My ex says that he watched me go through Hell and was determined not to lose his job and life and so became very proactive about his mom.
She's happier, the brother is happier because he is part of the solution and not acting like an idiot and my ex is happier because he is running the team and taking care of his mom so she can age in place.
OK, thanks all for letting me vent.
Vent and Live!
not going to proofread this tome……
Love you guys,
lovbob
Aside from the die hards... Most people are reely not up to what they will get into with extended elder care. It is one thing to want to take care of aging loved ones, ( if you do ) another thing to be able to. People live longer and longer sicker and sicker now, somebody is getting rich off this generation burn out and it isn't us.
You do what you can. Doesn't that apply to all thongs really.
That tired old phrase of "The Lord doesn't give us anymore than we can handle." Was not written in regards to long term care giving. Unless going broke, losing friends and mates, ending up homeless and contemplating suicide after a decade plus of mind numbing, thankless, emotionally abusive, laborious and endless care giving is in the common wheel house of things one can handle...
Maybe it is and I am just a bitter screw. Doesn't matter, it just goes on...
G "had a fall" yesterday. "The kid" dropped him and he fell too far down onto the toilet seat and half slid off. So he is now sore, worn out, embarrassed, mad and yet too fing tired and worn out to BE mad! He did shave, was almost uncommunicative. But he'll be there on Friday and Tuesday, next Friday and the Tuesday-Friday after that... And mom will do hi snails and I'll clean his glasses and shaver and she'll put his clean but permanently stained cloths away, and she'll ask what he had for breakfast, though the Boost boxes are taking up more and more space on his dresser. She'll check his latest physical complaints, try to get his interested in his THIRD CD player. Did you look at any of your books? Why do you sit in here with the lights out, do you like sitting in the dark? Did you go to Sittersize? You got another card did you see? He can no longer open envelopes.
He sits in the wheelchair like a lop-sided lump. He sits in pee and feces on a regular basis (no matter how often they change him) He is starting to not recognize people in the photographs I put up all over the wall. He is in a low grade of pain 24 7. Can't tell one day from the next. Doesn't want to be IN a nursing home. Everyone, everything of value and meaning and use are long gone. 94.
Wife dead. Parents long dead. Job, hobbies,gone. Interests dwindling to nil. Even on anti-depressants. Why shouldn't a person BE depressed to "live" like this?
No wonder there are TV in every room at the foot of every bed and in the hallways.
Even if you are so far gone you can't tend to your own basic bodily needs, the flickering colorful pictures trick the mind into thinking it is still alive?...Still doing something.
When people prayed for a: "Good long life." I seriously doubt this is the end they had in mind.
"Don't go gently into that...." No ooze out like a crotchety, confused, demented slug, stewing in your own filth, crabbing at anyone who tries to help. Don't do anything that might help ease your situation, then be blaming and feel hard done by when you are alone, in the dark, wiping snot on your pants, and other bodily wastes. Bemoan the awfulness of life, look at pictures of people on the wall you almost recall, turn your head and look at the TV flickering images of people doing God knows what. Fall asleep, wake up for a meal or a diaper change. And be fully aware of the similarity of your life to a babies. Minus the cooing snuzzling and endless picture taking and showing off to all and sundry.
Babies is cute. New life. A tiny wonderful miracle all wrapped up in possibilities and the future.
You old man are the future too. Alone, confused, decrepit, oozing bodily fluids far less interestingly, a drag, a burden a pain. A costly reminder of what living too long looks like. And a reminder to everyone you come across, of what it could very well BE like for us all one day. Even as we all plan to go out in a blaze of glory, or die peacefully in our sleep, at home, in bed, after a brief illness of some sort...
Life, first ya coo then ya croak. All the rest is up to you.
I wonder, if there were no television, just the life lingering drugs. Would people live this long past "useful existence" in the numbers they do now? I don't know.
Bitter much? Pretty surly. As the inheritance my Mom needs to live on dwindles away in dollops and chunks for her father being dropped on toilet seats, and fed pretend nutrients in a can/box. His continued living literally has us on hold.
We can go nowhere till he is dead, do nothing till he is dead, plan nothing till he is dead. As we come up on February, he will have been in the nursing home a solid year. My Mom feels equal parts shame and relief that someone else is taking on his care. Everyone around us, feels a bit of embarrassment by "all you guys have had to do for Dadddeee" and an equal desire that it come to an end soon. But we have ALL been wishing for that for a long long time. That hoped for, peaceful death in sleep, we all pray for for ourselves and others just never seems to come.
Clearly.
Yeah Bobbie, I almost do remember 2012. I know it was a shittier year than 2015 by far. I know I was probably just as sullen and hopeful as I am now...I don't know specifics anymore. We sit and watch the on going "end" of someone elses life. The milestones are decay, daily irritations and making sure he has everything he needs to be comfortable (not dead) happy (not dead) amused (not dead) cared for (not dead).
I don't know, what else is there, we all live (and don't live0 through other people. I guess that is kind of what life is. Grab some happiness somewhere along the way and hope it isn't worse than it is.
If we end up on the streets and I have to look after my mother, well, I guess the state will handle that. Cause God never gives us more than we can handle. Yes, that's a blessing.
Jen, who else.
It'll pass everyone. It will pass. Hang on, find some good, look at the sky, shovel snow like it's done you a person harm. Remember tomorrow always come along and they thankfully are not yesterday, even if they look like it. Smell like it, read like it. Life goes on till it doesn't, so there's always a chance. Here's one, I am grateful I AM NOT HIM!!!
Line from Tootsie.
Like I said, You Can Write!
Smokin Post.
Love you Girl and Keep on.
As for as that tired line that I know you have to hear about god never giving you more than you can handle…
Bullsh!t.
Typically spoken by the criminally clueless to the eternally exhausted.
Explain suicide. Fatally overwhelmed. God has zip to do with it.
I am amused to see you write about the baggie/pill thing.
The Boat Angel started that with his folks about a month ago and it only took 2 days for it all to go to crazy.
The mother gets the pills into the stepdad and then forgets to take hers,
OR the baggies, which have all been labeled with name and day of week and date, get jumbled up and even though 'professionals' think Dementia patients can read, they CAN'T so then it's hysteria while the Boat Angel sits on the phone since he is an hour and a half away and tries to talk the mother through it.
AND of course, the stepdad has 2 grown children that live about 15 minutes away but they can't be bothered to drop in around dinner time and make sure meds go in or do anything else.
But if they do come they bring their dad, who is Diabetic, cases of Gatorade and Coke and those big plastic jars of Animal Cookies…..
Gah, I so do hate Stupid.
So here we are again and even though I am only on the periphery of it all the crazy/stupid is still getting to me and I don't have it bad at all.
I worked hard to get my head to this place where I wasn't laying awake for hours consumed by anger and grief and I can't even imagine what you are coping with even though you spell it out in the most articulate way possible.
I think I would run away.
I know that would be cowardly and I know at the end of the day I couldn't leave my mom but I guess that's why I kept thinkingabouttheboat.
I WAS running away. In my head.
Jen, please get into that Amazon thing so we can read your book. Who cares what anyone else thinks about it; let them try and write one.
Easier said than done.
I want to read more JEN!
Oh, and I loved Tootsie. Larry Gelbart. Same guy who wrote most of the Mash series. In fact, just for fun, y'all Google him and see what he wrote that you loved.
My favorite thing in the world:
Tell Me A Story….
lovbob
I wrote a big old post 2 days ago and lost power here due to wind and lost the post.
Just didn't have the horsepower to get it back again but here I am now…
Jen, you have that right.
I'm watching the crazy and listening to it on the phone and being left to do a 2 man job alone for days at a time.
Getting just about over it but, just like in caregiving, when you think you can't take any more there seems to be reserves that you dig in to.
Of course, digging into those reserves has a cost and that was my physical and mental health.
Kellse, poop on the toilet handle is all part of this insanity.
When my mom got to that stage I just took her to the bathroom and handled it myself. In the long run it was easier and at least I could see what she was doing and where her hands went and keep it all clean from the get-go.
Not saying it's the only way, just saying it was way easier for me to not upchuck when I walked into the bathroom because I knew that it was spic and span because every time my mom needed to go I was there.
Part of why I probably had a nervous breakdown as well.
Ugh, not everyone is cut out to be a nurse and I know I sure wasn't.
Nice day at the marina here, Captain Sh!tstain should be moving his gross boat out soon and we can get back to normal here.
Talk about someone that needs a caregiver to take him to the toilet….
He is just oblivious that anyone else is here and ruins the bathroom many times a day.
I will probably end up telling him that I took care of a Dementia mom that didn't make half the mess he does. This guy is out of it on a whole different level.
We still have let the other boaters know that he is the only one using the mens' room and the only other guy on the dock uses the ladies' room because we can't keep up with 5-6x a day explosive poops.
I never dreamed in a million years that after going through what I went through with caregiving I would have to face something like this.
At least the marina owners get me and they don't mind my management style which is: knock it off or get out.
Will be seriously considering whether to continue with all of this or not.
Crazy making and it's not my crazy. Already been there and done that with MY crazy.
Hey Cuz,
Hope Mike is doing better. It has to be a rough and tough situation.
I remember all of us in your dad's boat at Silver Lake.
That's what I hang on to. Glad I got to see him and your mom when they came South.
Love to all, Cuz.
OK, Veronica, good to see you and if you talk to Austin tell her I said hi.
JesseBelle! I have read many of your posts and you always have something good and supportive to say. Very nice to see you here.
Making tomato sauce and pasta today. Tomato gravy been on the stove doing its thing since 6:30am. Will make a baked ziti with some of it and send it with the Boat Angel so they have at least one home cooked dinner when he is with his folks.
If I don't do all of the cooking, he will just eat peanut butter and bread and he's diabetic. The last 2 days he flew into a rage on 2 separate occasions and it still takes me a minute to realize that his blood sugar is swinging.
I make fresh short grain brown rice and different beans and greens EVERY DAY so he can get what he needs but I can't hold him down and force it in. I know it would be nice if I mixed it up but hey, if someone made me that every day I would dig in and STFU haha.
Just hard for me to crank out 3 a day. I did it for mom but jeeze, cook for me once in awhile. Whine whine whine hahahahaha.
Sounds like a first world problem, doesn't it?
I should be the one to STFU. Ya, I know it…..
Oh great… Captain Sh!tstain just tried to start his boat and it didn't sound good and engines quit right away.
Please boat, run and run well. And run outta here.
One of our cool boaters sent us a video of them moored in the Abacos shot with their new drone and GoPro cam. Ah…. to have unlimited funds, right?
Who's buying a Powerball ticket?
If you bought one what would you do if you won?
Somebody please tell us that they would keep it all and buy something ridiculous.
Of course you would want to help people and do this and that, but what incredible, crazy dream would you make come true?
Hope you guys post and tell us all; would be fun reading!
lovbob
Bought a ticket. would rather have a million than 800. 800 is move away change yer name fight off law suits and 24 degree relatives for the rest of your life. Something about a wind fall. People don't feel entitles to your money if they think you slogged it out down at mill day after day. But if you come into it, or it just happens to run into you, some how it is a free for all. That lucky thing coulda happened to anybody, so why not me! Now give me some! Seems to be the way of thinking of a windfall.
Have not checked numbers yet, I'll let ya know if that misery descends on me. Or maybe I'll just.....
LuvCuz
to drive me around in my luxury disabled van. A fancy wheelchair with a nice comfy seat. At the ones at the hospital just had the thin seats and they get uncomfortable for my bony rear end in a few minutes.
I would not mind traveling but on my terms not struggling on commercial flights. maybe a private jet. I wonder where I can find a chauffeur with a pilots license.
No cruises as I easily get sea sick but luxury hotels with Jacuzzi tubs and two strong nurses to lift me in and out and gently pat me dry. Well I can dream. Hubby says he won't check the numbers till he hears where the ticket was sold.
luvCuz
but I think I won 4 dollars
I would have had to drive out of state to get a ticket so I didn't.
Consequently, I didn't win haha.
haha pargirl, Jen calls everyone Dude!
That was funny though, love it.
kellse, did you get 4 bucks? Almost a Happy Meal.
Cuz! How's Mike doing?
We've had major drama here at the marina, new owners!
At least we get to stay a little while longer and maybe longer than that but who knows?
They are very nice and I look forward to some improvements as we move forward.
Veronica! You get the prize for best daydream for sure!
I really like the '…gently pat me dry.' Good one.
All I ever think about is having a safe place and a boat. It really would be cool to have a big boat with a crew.
Even when my boat is moving I like it when someone else drives and I can sit on the bench in front of the pilothouse with the breeze in my face.
Sure wish some of you guys could come and hang out, after all that's how a lot of this started.
Veronica I know it won't be you because of the seasick but hey, that Dramamine works pretty good.
OK, getting into the bed, got up early and tomorrow I have to take a bid on piling repair under the boathouse. WooHoo about time.
lovbob