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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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FILCaregiver - seems to be phase all oldies go through, bowel obsession. When Mom was in her mid to late 90's every conversation began with a report of either diarrhea or constipation, sometimes claiming both within the hour! Not a great topic to discuss at meals!
Maybe the elderly feel that mealtimes are the only time they have everybody's attention to discuss what is on their mind. Trips to the bathroom, loosing stuff and not being allowed to do whatever they want seems to be top of the list.
Great-aunt Y had a thing where she would cut up her diapers. Some of them she'd just cut up, others she'd cut into butterfly shapes (she is/was obsessed with butterflies). The other day I go into her room and find, not just clean diapers cut up, but two used ones saved by her chair, and several cut up pieces nearby that don't look clean. Agghh. I knew it would come to this.
My theory is that as we age our focus becomes very very narrow and we are less connected to the world around us. The life contracts from global to city wide to home only to family to the self and then that tied with the fear of death creates a bodily function based area of interest. And face it, when the intake and out flow bits on the body stop working it is all over. Even at a young age we know the misery of mis-firing bowels. Who doesn't get religion when having diarrhea that feels like you rectum has become and conduit for acid, or constipation that makes you doubt the value of life it self? The fact that it becomes topic of dinner table discussion is a lessening of boundaries in old people who ARE really taking that trip back to childhood. Or passive aggressive in the ones who know exactly what they are doing.
And face it, if you are "under care" or "giving care", or "in care", the bodily functions of the object of are going to be paramount. The commercials for elder care services are replete with "And how are you feeling to day?" "Would you like to do such and what?" "Do you remember this and so..?" But in reality most care givers, doctors nurses etc are asking, "Have you moved your bowels in a week do you have any sores that won't heal, what is this new bruise from and am I gonna get a call from APS? (Adult Protective Services)
Does it make it less gross? Or less annoying to know this on the five hundredth hearing of the "I did a snake about that long (holds up hands ten inches apart) in the toilet this mornin." Or " I can't smell it, I don't know what your talking about. It is just a little damp, I let it air on the radiator overnight..." No, really...
Welcome to the club no body wants to be a member of. Watching loved ones fade. Minus the abuse of my background that made dealing with my grandfather puke inducing, I am beginning to see, and smell some of the same issues with my mother (68, who I'd be homeless or dead without). So no I will know the true sadness of watching a loved one suffer the early indignities of aging and bodily "failure". At least there is no chance of over do. I am simply not capable of care giving on my own, so she will get better help sooner than G who lived with us just TOO TOO LONG! What have we learned so far? Wash hands often. Assume they never wash anything, EVER! Trust me, it will save you pain, the ick factor and food poisoning. It can be cured, only endured. It may make death appear more reasonable, aside from just inevitable. It can be live style ending expensive. It can worsen poor family relations or sour good ones forever. It will hurt just as bad to have to "send them away". It is not like raising a child or caring for a baby no matter what they tells you! You may may some good friends along the way. You may go broke. They may go broke. You may lose your mind. You may find peace. You may blame and beat yourself up for not doing everything perfectly! You will be tired a lot. You may lose other relationships along the way. You may go first. You can only do your best, and at some point you really do have to let go. What ever you do, what ever stage of care giving you are at. Be kind to your self, as kind to yourself as you are or you wish to be to the one in your care. None of this was going to be easy, and how ever you feel about it: Care giving as duty, obligation, choice, necessity, act of love, or even bullied and abandoned into it by others, it is a hard row to hoe so to speak. give yourself a break and ask for help every chance you get. You do not have to do it all alone.
Hmnn this right by the any one else hate the too long a post posts here..Oh jeeze bud, no one said you had to read the damn posts... Jen
Amen Jen!! Everything you said sums it all up! Good to see new people grousing here. This topic started by Bobbie has been a lifesaver for many caregivers for over 6 years now. Great pkace to vent, compkain, get advice, and meet lifelong friends!! God it's cold here in central Mass.!! Minus 10 this morning! Been a warm winter for us, so this is brutal! Hand in there and be kind to yourselves, please. Love Deef!!
Jen, you are right on. Hope the cold spell breaks soon. Warm here in TX. 70's. My sisters MIL passed away. The MIL's daughter was supposed to be taking care of her mother, didn't want other family members around. Turns out the MIL wasn't getting her medications (she had epilepsy), hadn't been to the Dr in over 4 years.
omg Meanwhile. Is the daughter going to be charged? I'd be terrified.
DEEF!! I know you are freezing your behind off. I'm glad to see folks venting here too.
Jen!! You said it all right there. Amen x's 2!
FIL Caregiver! Yup, the old poop disclosures. The further you go into it the more it becomes all about orbiting the toilet. Aarg. You just start to take care of it instead of letting them try it on their own anymore. Easier.
Brisk and windy here on the SE Coast. The boats are rocking.
Son is better, grandson is out of hospital, calmed dad down about phone bill, husband's heart procedure went well (although still getting use to all equipment) and now getting ready for his knee surgery on Tuesday. At least everyone else is somewhat healthy. Even went to see mom today for Valentine's Day, not that she knew it but at least I had time to devote to her.
We had -8 this morning in Michigan. Had the window in the bedroom cracked a little and when we got up for church this morning it was only 46. If that don't get ya up and movin nothin will. Hugs luvCuz
You northerners are tough. 65 degrees here. Not sure what's going to happen with my sisters SIL. The hospital had remove her from the premises when she showed up in her mothers room at 3 AM, drunk as a skunk.. She was trying to force feed her mother some cookies. She had just been released from jail for a drunk and disorderly charge.
We are going to be in the 50's Friday but it won't stay that way for long. We are really down on snow this year so far. Only have had 26" and should be around 56 -60" Thats ok. I have only used my big blower around two times but for the light stuff I use my backpack leaf blower and it works great. I can do 3 driveways in under 20 minutes. Hugs LuvCuz
Hey bobbie Had Mike back in ER yesterday and the dr today. His legs and feet are so swollen that he can't walk. ER just sent him home after we sat there for 4 1/2 hours with some Norco. They can't admit him for the pain because medicare won't cover it. I told the woman dr sure send him home and he will fall and break his hip and then would you admit him? She just walked away. Saw his primary dr today and he just wrote him another scrip for Norco. They must think he is close to just cashing in his chips or something like that. I got him back home to his trailer then went and got him Aunt Hank's old lift chair and a walker. He likes the lift because its easier to stand up and the walker gives him something to lean on for his trip to the bathroom. It is all working out ok. Hugs LuvCuz
Cuz if this happens again tell Dr Ms Superior."Well I am not taking him home so what are you going to do about it now?" They can find something else to admit him for, heart or kidney failure comes to mind with all that swelling
Hey Pargirl, It's Jen's grandfather and she will have to tell you what the backstory is. Not my story to tell but not a great story for Jen for sure.
Hey Cuz! Jeeze with the ER! I think Veronica has a point with the heart or kidney problems. What do you think?
Glad you got Aunt Hank's lift chair for him and the walker. That has got to be so scary to have his feet and legs so swollen. Hope it works out and he can get some relief.
Wanted to make sure my comment would post!! Fil came home from rehab yesterday. My sil brought him home. My husband went to sit with him so sister could go and get her things to spend the night. Husband said he seemed fine. Got himself out of his chair and walked to the bathroom on his own with the walker. As i was getting ready to cook dinner, the phone rang. It was sil calling in a panic saying fil wanted to go to a nursing home! I'm thinking what the hell happened in the hour since my husband left them. We went back over there and I brought mom's wheelchair just to have in case he needs it. He was a mess and didn't want to listen to what I was trying to tell him. This is a man on borrowed time, he's 105!! We would like him to spend his last days at home, but sil is beside herself. Doesn't want to change her lifestyle at 73!! She has a boyfriend and travels a lot. Fil came home with fluid. Feet all swollen. Tried to explain to her that it backs up in the brain and wreaks havoc with the mind. I could tell he clearly wasn't himself, but she didn't believe me. She and my fil think they can just call the nursing home and he can go right away. I said dream on!! So I'm gathering all the aids i know and making sure we h ave 24/7 coverage for now. The rest I'll fill you in on later. I have a care plan meeting at 10-15 for B! Jen, keeping my fingers crossed for you! Cuz, sorry about your brother. You're doing the best you can. Meanwhile, what a mess! Hope things work out. Pargirl, you sure have your hands full! Bobbie!!!! Sounds like fun times at the marina. Just when i thought I was home free, all hell breaks loose, again!!! Off and running, love Deef
Cuz, been there and done that with dad. Was deemed healthy enough to go back to his apt after having stent put in because he did everything that was asked of him. I said no, you will come home with me (long story, but had been sent home before instead of rehab and it was disastrous) and day after he passed out and had to be taken to a rehab hospital. I don't know WHY er's and hospitals do that. I think it's terrible and in the "olden" days before all the red tape and insurance crap they WOULD have admitted him for some other reason. Anyway, good luck and God Bless.
Update on brother Mike. He is still on pain pill but hasn't had the shock to his right foot since he got back home. He does use the walker at home but he drove over to my house and didn't have the walker. He had gone to a chiro practure to crack his back and see if that would help. Said he was feelin better then he drove back the 13 miles to his house. Selling has gone down some but not alot. His weight is still over 300# but he has been using a stronger dose of the pee pill so will have to see what happens. Thanks for all the thought and wishes. Hugs to everyone. lovCuz
Of course it's not over! This is MY life we're talking about here. And thanks to the wonders of modern medicine the pneumonia cleared up in three days and he is back to his chipper, talkative... "Is that Jenny over there?" Self once more. God. Took flowers out to cemetery for grandma, come get him now please.... History is a perverted, inappropriate old bastard. Who to this day flirts with me in public, no matter how unattractive I am yes. And other people see it and just don't care. Started when I was very young...He is 94 in June if I am so unlucky in life as to... What, that is like four months away, why wouldn't he live that long. He is a sick and sick old man at 93, but nothing life threatening. IN THE AGE OF WE HAVE MEDICATION FOR THAT! Oh, here's one...He has herpes on his stomach they are treating. Jesus, why am I not surprised. The fact mom's tones are so hushed about it, one does wonder.
Deef maybe he will go fast and not have to be hospitalized.
G current roommate I noticed was in the forestry business. Pics of an outdoor active life all over his half of the $12,000 a month 20 by 10 room. He looks to be in his 50's Can you imagine...The Okanogan forest to that. I'd rather have just died in the accident.
The sun has returned. Thank God! Only snow here is muddy shrinking piles in parking lots.
This is difficult to say, but I will try. When I was going through one of many breakdowns caring for my parents, I agreed to have someone stay with me for what was supposed to be a few months. It has been over a year now. He has VERY bad psoriasis and it is in Piles all over this 300 square foot apartment. I am daily grossed out by the toilet, the shower, the floors,the furniture, and omg the bed....a full-sized bed, which we have shared platonically.... He sits all day in his pajamas but has helped me tremendously in the past whenever needed. Please, I know I should tell him to find his own place, vacuum more than once a week, etc. but I am worn out, depressed and unable to open my mouth :( I just needed to tell someone.....
Gee Mica, I'm so sorry for your situation. Well, you came to the right place to vent. I bet many on the Grossed Out thread will chime in. Honesty is the best policy, I think but I know that would be hard. Maybe you can turn it around and place "a change in the ways things are" on you. Meaning, tell him, "I need a change in how I live and I need YOU to change with me." Not sure....just talking out my a@@ again!! Does he see a doctor about the psoriasis??
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The fact that it becomes topic of dinner table discussion is a lessening of boundaries in old people who ARE really taking that trip back to childhood. Or passive aggressive in the ones who know exactly what they are doing.
And face it, if you are "under care" or "giving care", or "in care", the bodily functions of the object of are going to be paramount. The commercials for elder care services are replete with "And how are you feeling to day?" "Would you like to do such and what?" "Do you remember this and so..?" But in reality most care givers, doctors nurses etc are asking, "Have you moved your bowels in a week do you have any sores that won't heal, what is this new bruise from and am I gonna get a call from APS? (Adult Protective Services)
Does it make it less gross? Or less annoying to know this on the five hundredth hearing of the "I did a snake about that long (holds up hands ten inches apart) in the toilet this mornin." Or " I can't smell it, I don't know what your talking about. It is just a little damp, I let it air on the radiator overnight..." No, really...
Welcome to the club no body wants to be a member of. Watching loved ones fade. Minus the abuse of my background that made dealing with my grandfather puke inducing, I am beginning to see, and smell some of the same issues with my mother (68, who I'd be homeless or dead without). So no I will know the true sadness of watching a loved one suffer the early indignities of aging and bodily "failure". At least there is no chance of over do. I am simply not capable of care giving on my own, so she will get better help sooner than G who lived with us just TOO TOO LONG!
What have we learned so far?
Wash hands often.
Assume they never wash anything, EVER! Trust me, it will save you pain, the ick factor and food poisoning.
It can be cured, only endured.
It may make death appear more reasonable, aside from just inevitable.
It can be live style ending expensive.
It can worsen poor family relations or sour good ones forever.
It will hurt just as bad to have to "send them away".
It is not like raising a child or caring for a baby no matter what they tells you!
You may may some good friends along the way.
You may go broke. They may go broke.
You may lose your mind. You may find peace.
You may blame and beat yourself up for not doing everything perfectly!
You will be tired a lot.
You may lose other relationships along the way.
You may go first.
You can only do your best, and at some point you really do have to let go.
What ever you do, what ever stage of care giving you are at. Be kind to your self, as kind to yourself as you are or you wish to be to the one in your care. None of this was going to be easy, and how ever you feel about it: Care giving as duty, obligation, choice, necessity, act of love, or even bullied and abandoned into it by others, it is a hard row to hoe so to speak. give yourself a break and ask for help every chance you get. You do not have to do it all alone.
Hmnn this right by the any one else hate the too long a post posts here..Oh jeeze bud, no one said you had to read the damn posts... Jen
Everything you said sums it all up! Good to see new people grousing here. This topic started by Bobbie has been a lifesaver for many caregivers for over 6 years now. Great pkace to vent, compkain, get advice, and meet lifelong friends!!
God it's cold here in central Mass.!! Minus 10 this morning! Been a warm winter for us, so this is brutal!
Hand in there and be kind to yourselves, please.
Love Deef!!
DEEF!! I know you are freezing your behind off.
I'm glad to see folks venting here too.
Jen!! You said it all right there. Amen x's 2!
FIL Caregiver! Yup, the old poop disclosures. The further you go into it the more it becomes all about orbiting the toilet. Aarg.
You just start to take care of it instead of letting them try it on their own anymore.
Easier.
Brisk and windy here on the SE Coast. The boats are rocking.
lovbob
luvCuz
Not sure what's going to happen with my sisters SIL. The hospital had remove her from the premises when she showed up in her mothers room at 3 AM, drunk as a skunk.. She was trying to force feed her mother some cookies. She had just been released from jail for a drunk and disorderly charge.
-SS
LuvCuz
Is this it?
LuvCuz
It's Jen's grandfather and she will have to tell you what the backstory is.
Not my story to tell but not a great story for Jen for sure.
Hey Cuz!
Jeeze with the ER! I think Veronica has a point with the heart or kidney problems.
What do you think?
Glad you got Aunt Hank's lift chair for him and the walker. That has got to be so scary to have his feet and legs so swollen.
Hope it works out and he can get some relief.
lovbob
Husband said he seemed fine. Got himself out of his chair and walked to the bathroom on his own with the walker. As i was getting ready to cook dinner, the phone rang. It was sil calling in a panic saying fil wanted to go to a nursing home!
I'm thinking what the hell happened in the hour since my husband left them.
We went back over there and I brought mom's wheelchair just to have in case he needs it. He was a mess and didn't want to listen to what I was trying to tell him. This is a man on borrowed time, he's 105!!
We would like him to spend his last days at home, but sil is beside herself. Doesn't want to change her lifestyle at 73!! She has a boyfriend and travels a lot. Fil came home with fluid. Feet all swollen. Tried to explain to her that it backs up in the brain and wreaks havoc with the mind. I could tell he clearly wasn't himself, but she didn't believe me.
She and my fil think they can just call the nursing home and he can go right away. I said dream on!! So I'm gathering all the aids i know and making sure we h ave 24/7 coverage for now. The rest I'll fill you in on later. I have a care plan meeting at 10-15 for B!
Jen, keeping my fingers crossed for you!
Cuz, sorry about your brother. You're doing the best you can.
Meanwhile, what a mess! Hope things work out.
Pargirl, you sure have your hands full!
Bobbie!!!! Sounds like fun times at the marina. Just when i thought I was home free, all hell breaks loose, again!!!
Off and running, love Deef
lovCuz
Took flowers out to cemetery for grandma, come get him now please....
History is a perverted, inappropriate old bastard. Who to this day flirts with me in public, no matter how unattractive I am yes. And other people see it and just don't care. Started when I was very young...He is 94 in June if I am so unlucky in life as to...
What, that is like four months away, why wouldn't he live that long. He is a sick and sick old man at 93, but nothing life threatening. IN THE AGE OF WE HAVE MEDICATION FOR THAT!
Oh, here's one...He has herpes on his stomach they are treating. Jesus, why am I not surprised. The fact mom's tones are so hushed about it, one does wonder.
Deef maybe he will go fast and not have to be hospitalized.
G current roommate I noticed was in the forestry business. Pics of an outdoor active life all over his half of the $12,000 a month 20 by 10 room. He looks to be in his 50's Can you imagine...The Okanogan forest to that. I'd rather have just died in the accident.
The sun has returned. Thank God! Only snow here is muddy shrinking piles in parking lots.
Have a good weekend everyone. Jen
When I was going through one of many breakdowns caring for my parents, I agreed to have someone stay with me for what was supposed to be a few months. It has been over a year now. He has VERY bad psoriasis and it is in Piles all over this 300 square foot apartment. I am daily grossed out by the toilet, the shower, the floors,the furniture, and omg the bed....a full-sized bed, which we have shared platonically.... He sits all day in his pajamas but has helped me tremendously in the past whenever needed.
Please, I know I should tell him to find his own place, vacuum more than once a week, etc. but I am worn out, depressed and unable to open my mouth :(
I just needed to tell someone.....
xo
-SS