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Hi ladies,

Sorry I haven't been online. I've been busy cleaning house and taking care of mom. Mom has been having lots of hallucinations today and is getting very angry again because I don't see them. Tonight she was obsessed with what she claims were two disfigured babies sitting in a stroller on the porch. I felt like I needed the Xanax to deal with her today.

Rip, the only reason I am still working right now is because of health insurance. If I could figure out a way to work part-time and get health benefits I would do it in a heart beat. I feel overwhelmed trying to work 40 hours a week and care for mom and a home. Mom is calling me more and more at night. I don't get to sleep well and I am in constant pain with my back. I am basically lifting mom a couple times a day.

Miz, I may just be joining you in that dark hole right now. Sorry I am bummed out again this weekend. I hope we will all find some renewed energy and motivation.

Take care of yourselves my sisters in caregiving. Big hugs to you all.

Diane
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I hear you, Diane, That dark hole seems nearby. So tired of Dad's simple needs. I never know if he is serous or not.
Tonight when he was deciding if he might go to bed or not ... I blew.
After 13+ years of taking care of his sorry ass, I deicided I needed some time alone. He can phone me if he REALLY needs me tonight. None of his pansy ass sh*t.

Also told him how chicken sh*t he been is for not standing up to his son who borrowed $100K & refuses to pay him back. The son ( My attorney brother) takes lavish sporting vacations - world wide - buying the latest high end gear for his latest wife & when available, his darling daughter & her latest husband. Across the country. Vacation house, all the latest sports cars.
Image, of course.

He will Never pay Dad back the money loaned. He overwhelmed Dad, who believed in him. HA!
I would have warned him ... but it was a super secret loan. Of course his image needed protection.
Of course he'd pay Dad back ... HA!!!

Meanwhile, my every minute revolves around Dad & his needs. Yes, he is a good guy, but knows how to play a lady. I am tired of his helpless act ... now days I can't tell if it's real or not.
But when he starts raging at me ... he will hear it back. I'm tired of sucking up the whole family crap. I hope he won't stroke out again, but the last year he has decided to eliminate the world, except me.'
'
Yeowww!
That dark hole place! Am I there yet?
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Hey Rip, hear ya on every point... specially the raging thing.
Diane, careful with that lifting, I broke my back in 92 and am extra careful, when your back gets you down, you are down - flat - no movin - intense pain... Be careful! Try some light yoga.

Next week is going to be a huge improvement on this last one, as Piccard used to say... "make it so" Grin
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miz, sweetie, how are you today? deef, you too? rip? Gosh, I wish I could do something to help!

linda, I'm so sorry that the family reunion was a bust...darn family! How can people be so continually self-absorbed??? Not just yours, but all of ours! I hate when other people don't think about what others are having to go through...even planning to have the reunion where it was physically difficult to roll the wheelchair...bumpy concrete & rough grass! Did anybody even offer to help you push the wheelchair? People just don't think! I've gotten to where I'm VERY vocal in getting people's attention to get them to wake up & get out of the way when hubby is trying to get through a group just standing around picking their noses! EXCUSE ME...CAN WE PLEASE GET THROUGH?!?! They finally wake up & let us through! Even that gets tiring!

I kinda understand what you're saying about your elder asking for their spouse. Kinda. My Mother is 85 next Saturday & inevitably our daily conversations turn to my Dad, her husband of 60 years. He passed 5 years ago. She's still very lucid...still lives alone & still drives, but obsessed with missing him. I'm having a very difficult time with it. I still haven't really grieved for him...haven't had the time or energy with taking care of my husband & caring for my aunt who had cancer & lived with us until her death. I don't go to the cemetary...haven't been, but once since we buried him. Still haven't seen his tomstone & can't handle talking about him...just still too painful, but I get a daily dose of it. I let her talk, but it's very difficult!!! Sometimes it's overwhelming & I just have to try to change the subject...I was a Daddy's girl...I miss him too, just can't talk about him constantly...Will there EVER be any happiness again?? And now having to deal with hubby being sick...Just how big is that dark hole???

I saw a sign Saturday that said HANG TOUGH...better than Hang In There! Either one is still difficult!

J, I hadn't thought of a UTI being contributed to the full moon, but makes sense! It's definately back in full force. I just got off the phone with the nice lady at the hospital who did check the culture & said that there is something growing & she's checking with the doc now to see what I need to do. Waiting for her call. GOTTA do something! This is miserable!!!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Cyber Sis', hope you will all have an easy day...thinkoftheboat...Thanks Bobbie for bringing us all together!!!
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WHERES MIZ AND BOBBIE ?
hope theyre ok .
love you all !
had to turn on the furnace this morning , i saw my breath outside ! burrr , came back inside after smokin and coughin and coffee got cold , cked to see what the temp is ohh its 70 , dad s crying im cold im cold , he s wet so i crank that furnace up and ahh we both are warm now .
dad said well i think its time i go back to fla ! its cold up here now . i said oh u wanna go back to nursing home ? i said its cold in nursing home cuz they re all time running the air condition , too cold for me . he sat there and thought about what i said . i tol dhim im staying home where i can keep warm with that good ole woodstove ! . he liked that idea , lol

i forgot to take pa s samples , shit damn it ! guess i ll do that tmr am , my sister will be here tmr so i can leave him here with her while i zoom to the lab

you guys stay away from that black hole ! wheres that beach at ? oh bobbies boat !! keep on dreaming and one day it will come true woooohoo . fall in the black hole , theres no beach in there or barbara b !
love ya xoxo
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Hey RIP, If he is eating it is a good sign, maybe just the meds fiddling with his system. Hope you are both doing well this week...
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Know about that hole, I am not in it today but i see it from here, it is always there, OK to go in an sit for a while but remember where the exit is, no one want's to live there permanantly.

That is crappoola about what the son did , Do these people have no shame?...I feel bad to borrow four dollars for a lotto ticket I pay back a week later, I can not imagine the level of "Entitlement Disorder one must have to bilk $100 Grand out of an old man with no intents to pay it back....Pathological self involvement.

It seems to be the same casual disregard for others that Family Reunion setting...It is all about awareness. Even when we didn't have a Wheel chair bound set of relatives, I knew to say are there hills here or grass slopes with unforeseeable pits waiting to twist an ankle, not everyone is a spry 25 year old!

Most people just see the world from their own perspective and abilities. They will be the ones that complain the most when they someday need assistance themselves and note the lack of "respect" and concern of others for their needs...

Just waiting for dr call here to get what may be bad good news...
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Hello dear Ladies,

I am here on the boat. The last few days have been hard. Yesterday was mom's bday and she would have been 90 and I have been missing her and my daddy and crying and generally being a weepy mofo.

Other than that and the fact that I celebrated mom's bday by drinking a bunch of Coronas with limes shoved down the neck, I am almost ok, just hungover.

You guys are in my thoughs constantly and I hope today is not too stressful.

lovbob
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I'm here sweet Linda. Hubby has been watching netflix movies by connecting the computer to our new flat screen tv, sooo...I can't get on-line when he's doing that. I am pulling myself up out of that black hole I think. Still down. Thank you for your concern, GP. :) Weekend was just about getting by and getting through it. I know that so many of you have it worse than I do. I guess it's my chronic depression and length of no freedom and other stuff that adds to my darkness. I'm trying to think up stuff to say in my articles and will just have to force myself to start writing. Thanks everyone for being here. GP, I hope you feel better soon. Linda, I still need to read about your family reunion. I can only imagine one with my family. Food fight!!!!! LOL. Love yas. We'll get through all this together.

love,
miz
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Linda, that really sucks that they left you at the reunion. So selfish. Makes me want to bust their chops. ;) You're right about smiling. I have heard that if you act like you are cheerful you will become cheerful. Sometimes it works and sometimes if doesn't, damn it.
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miz !!! no wonder ure depressed ! hubby stealing ur computer to watch movies , waaaaaaa i would be whiney whiney , its like stealing ur best friend waaaaa.

bobbie ,, happy birthday to ur mommy . wish i were there to help u drink that speical beer , yummie , when is tenn gonna come back down there ? maybe u could rent a car and go visit her ?
is there anytime soon nik be joining you on the boat ? soon i hope . u sure need a real human hugs and kisses . bless your heart . u have been away from ur hubby too long .
ok housework time . just didnt have the enegry to do anything . dad said his back hurts i said so is mine . we both pop a painpill and now hes sleeping and im gonna zoom n clean .
you all have a happy smiling monday . xoxo
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I know, Linda. I just kicked him off e-bay to come on here. ;)
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Husband is back to work after week of vacation. Not much news on the business takeover. He just called and said they are waiting for all the paperwork to go through. It was supposed top be set for today, but now it's up in the air again. So we still don't know if he will have a job or not. Where is that black hole? Move over, I may be joining you!
Mom is out of it today. She slept on her arm this morning and woke up with it swollen down to her fingertips. She also had a small fluid blister on the underside of her arm.
If she is no better tomorrow, I'll have daycare get a urine and call the doctor. They'll even drop it at the lab for me.
Like I said. It's a crap shoot from one day to the next. When they can't tell you if anything is wrong, it's a guessing game. If she could come up with the right words, she could tell me how she is feeling. But the words get all mixed up now.
Where's that BOAT?!!!
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Yay, Patti ~
What's important on Ebay? We need each other!
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Hey Guys, nothing yet here, hope things are going better for you all....

Not sure about the advice on the new posts: The daily Ask.. "Don't listen to anyone here..." I am sure they mean as legal recourse and microview stated he/she has a legal background, but that sounded harsh...
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Rip, He buys and sells stuff on there. Does pretty well at it too. :)
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Happy Monday all, sorry it takes awhile to catch up,
Rip, Sounds like your rose was grafted and your friend pruned back to the host plant. Katsura tree sounds lovely. I envy your rain forrest environment there. I looooove green & misties. Hope to visit your national parks there soon. Hub & I have planned on moving out west Wyoming/Montana/Idaho for some time but mom could not make the trip. Hub says he would have to kick one of us out of the vehicle before SDakota. LOL. "You two are like two cats in a box!" I can't argue with him about that.
Thanks for the link to the Hyak hummingbirds. You do have the rufus. We have the ruby throat & they go to Florida. You would think we would take the hint too.lol

Linda, Sorry your reunion was unpleasant. The relatives may have gotten scared when your pa asked for his momma. Folks run from that which they can't understand. If they aren't caregivers they truely don't get it & won't get it unless they find themselves in the midst of it. They just don't know & can't comprehend. That's the real shame of this. If we knew what caregiving was all about upfront from those who know......we wouldn't be so lost when we become caregivers. That's why this forum is SO VERY VALUABLE!!!!!! But no one wants to learn the hard/painful lessons.

Miz, Thanks for the ear info. The doc cleans mom's ears for her & I think I'll stop using the Qtips so much on myself.

Bobbie, 8 legged turkeys. That's all good but can you imagine the webs????? They'd be enormous!!!!

Mom's cousin had a stroke this morning. Mom sounded scared on the phone (more for her own mortality) but I assured her that folks rebound from strokes all the time. Her cousin moved back to our state from Cal. last year but every time I ask mom if she wants to visit she comes up with an excuse not to. They were so close when they were younger, I don't understand why she is stand-offish. Oh well.
Looks like I'm going to get in all my gardening in the fall this year. 60% off sale at the nursery & I bought even more for our yard & the park too. I make plenty of work for myself & don't need assistance to make me more. LOL. I made the mistake of telling hub that they had mugo pines and that's all it took. Ha Ha. I should have kept my mouth shut!!!! Lots more to plant this week & lots more aleve to take after.
Love & best to all.
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oh man, I never thought about the webs....

that's what the genetic engineering guys are going to say about stuff in a few years.

Cast, you are funny!

Raining cats and dogs and I think there was a goat in there somewhere. We added 4 lines from the boat to the dock for a total of 7.
We are now literally tied 7 ways to Sunday.

Linda, people sux. HUTAS. It's a disease. buncha people with hutas.

Everybody I love you.

lovbob
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HUTAS:

Head Up The A$$ Syndrome

lovbob
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ah ... Like Driving HUA.
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As for myself, it's CRS Syndrome. ;)
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Three people got canned where I work today, maybe four if the lady decides she doesn't want the replacement job they offered her. Pretty scary stuff. I hope my job is safe. We really need my income. Badly. Everybody does, I know. Oh well, what was that Doris Day used to sing? Que Surah? Really I would hate to lose that job. I may have another choice at the beginning of the year. We'll see.

love,
miz
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deefer, I will pray that your hubby's job is safe. I tend to adhere to the belief that everything happens for a reason but sometimes that's hard to believe, isn't it?

love,
miz
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Thanks Miz! I feel the same way. Good or bad, it is what it is and we have to deal with it as best we can.
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K, night everyone. I'm tired. Sweet dreams. :))
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Goodmorn all,

Mom called last night & good news. Her cousin was released from hosp. same day after the stroke. Mom said she spoke to her & the voice was a little raspy but was articulate. Wow, that was a fast recovery!!!!! Pretty good for 93!!!
One of mom's nurses once told me I came from good stock. Yeh well, I don't really want to live that long on this earth so I don't consider that a blessing. If I can be of some value to the world OK, but if I become a chore....no way.

We have an all day rain here today so it's inside work for me. Maybe I'll clean up this cluster f___ we call an office. That'll keep me out of trouble.

Stay out of those holes ladies. Pit free days to all!!!!!!
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Well everyone, could be bad news for my husbands job. Current owners and new owner have not spoken to the employees yet, but they found and article in the Cape Cod Times, about the new owner closing his former dealership. He said that the majority of his 20 employees were going to relocate at the new dealership! Although where my husband is, is a much larger dealership and now employs over 40 people, this odes not bode well for many. My husband just turned 62, so...... we just might be screwed!!! If he loses his job, it will be awful hard to find another in this economy, at his age.
I have no idea what we will do if that happens.Another of life's little challenges. Oh, did I mention that I got a bill for $1500 for my colonoscopy? Yeah! That's right! The new health insurance doesn't count it as a wellness thing! not only that, the original doctor canceled 3 appointments for it while i was on an insurance that would have paid for the procedure.
I always said, " If I didn't have bad luck, I wouldn't have any!"
I surely hope the rest of my friends here are having a better day than I.
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oh mygosh deefer ! that doesnt sound good at all . i sure hope in lord s name that he keeps his job or something betters comin at his way . i am so sorry ..
i too worry about my hubbys job , hope it stays put . they laid off bunch people but hasnt told my husband if hes next or what .
yes tell me about the hospital bills and dr bills , ins sucks , theyre suppose to pay 80 percent but i feel like its half and half .
try not to worry so much , sometimes we worry so much over nothing . it hasnt came yet so no worry , worry when the day finaly comes .
daughter called crying needin 900 dollars for repairing her car . says her car is falling apart , great . trie dto tell her not to buy a new car ! high car payment and now bam shes gotta have 900 to fix her car ! if she had kept her other car cheaper payment well she wuld have extra money in her pocket . ahh zip my mouth zipp zipp .
have a good day you all xoxoox
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Sorry deefer,hope everything will turn around for you soon.My Insurance didn't pay for colon test either. I have a doctors test thurs.,makes me nervous,Just now paid off the last visit.Today is the aniversary of my mates death,so I'm in a funk.It was a beautiful day just like today when he passed.He would be so disappointed in our family if he were around as would my dad.I can't seem to get much done,just looking at pictures with the 'WHAT IF'S' going on.Don't know why he had to die-he was too young.
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Kathy, we're still keeping our fingers crossed that your husbands job will be safe! Keep us posted! We're here for you! I'd still call the doc's office & ask them about the charge, especially since he cancelled 3 times!!! See if they'll write if off or discount it.

Linda, hope you're husband's job will be safe too!

miz, you too! People are so dumb...they think that keeping laying people off is the answer to the economy, but until people loosen the purse strings & start hiring things will get worse, not better!

jen, how did your test go?

castoff, glad that you're Mom's cousin is ok! That's wonderful! I understand what you're saying about it not being a blessing to have longevity in your genes! I'd be outta here on the first train if I didn't have to do it myself! I know that sounds bad, doesn't it!

Mary, how are you today? Sorry I have mised you the last couple of days. How is Sir?

Bobbie, are you feeling better?

UTI update...Still here, per the hospital, but they did call me in another antibiotic yesterday...the FOURTH...& they made me an appt. at the urologist office for tomorrow. Another bill I can't afford, but have no choice! Got up 8 times last night...it's getting really old!!!

Met with the new depression doctor's office yesterday for an intake session. Several hours worth...even had to do a drug test! Still on the Pyridium so I passed with flying colors...sunset piss, remember?!?! lol Meet with the actual docotr on Friday so maybe she'll put me on another anti-depressant. I think I scared them yesterday. The therapist that did my initial consult wanted to know if I'd go check myself into the hospital because she said it would take 3-4 weeks to see the doctor & I didn't need to be off of the med for that long. I told her that wasn't an option since I have to care for my husband so somehow they got me an appt. for Friday. Go figure!

Did something else stupid last night...stubbed my pinky toe & broke it! When it rains it pours!

Good news, I got an email from our youngest today that was really good & positive!!! We haven't had a good relationship in a long time & she reached out to us! THAT was a blessing!!!

tennessee, SS, angie, Pirate miss you guys & hope all is ok!

Love you guys & hope all is well today! Thanks for being there!
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