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That is so awful to be fearful of your parent's rages! I've seen the strength of it in a friend's mother with Alz. Like a crazy person on Meth. Suddenly different ... Unknowing yet lashing out ine every direction! Your direction! No reasoning ...
Teriifying strength that you can merely subdue & protect yourself from. Driven straight at you! Causing wounds ...
Where is any happiness? How do you all cope with it???
When you say you are grateful that some of us are here, on line ... I find myself so helpless with what you are coping with ... I want to help, yet feel helpless with you in your situation, dealing the best way you can! I want to cofort each & all of you but How??? My ears / eyes , reading posts don't seem enough ...
Do you think donating to Alz, PD charities would help? Where do we find them? A hidden disease. Like our new friend ... forgive me for not remembering your name, said ... Quarantine sign on the door ~ or something to that effect. It's not contagious. Love it! But want to cry ... Thats the mind set! We now have awareness for HDAD, PSTD, OCD, ....Ok ... I could go on with the acronyms ... make some up! what is hapening with Alz?
Y''all are silently caring for an extreme condition that has no real research that I'm aware of. If it's happenng, its not main stream that I know of. The key word is Silent.
How can we silently "scream" while quietly doing our private daily deeds that over whelm us?
I saw Sunny pop up here yesterday .. Dementia Daughter. website.
I hope she creates a milestone & all those media types step up. Dr Phil, Oprah, etc??? Get with it! We are here & not going away. Every minute a valuable parent is declining. We are Baby Boomers ... getiing older every day & dealing with our parents! Wake up media!!! Not some spoiled teenager with drug issues ... but a persons / people who have raised solid families, provided education for their kids, lived thru the depression ... saved their money & did their best. & made life happen! Aging away ... a;most forgotten.
Yet for us Now caring for parents who are disolving in old age ,,, forgotten except for us caregivers who still honor & care for them. Sacrificing our time ... our lives ...
It's what we do. Mary is ticked tonight ... You are all too special to be ignored,
What hurts me is the thousands of peope who aren't as lucky as we are ... us who have stumbled across this website & made valuable forever friends. Can vent or silly horrible daily events ... & have safety doing it. Not always right, as I found last week .. simple slip for not really reading an agonizing post & trying to redirect ...
but we are the beginning of a new age of caregiving. A place none of us thought we'd be in ... yet we are stuck. parents & us doting kids.
Like I said ... how many thousands of isolated people around the world don't have this mind saving site? Suffering alone in their caregiving strife? I feel so close to you all & never want to lose you ...
How can we reach & help the others out there alone & isolated? Ted may have said it .. a reality program? TV? Now we have a man with 3 wives & a bunch of kids on mainstream TV. Haven't seen it but I love Little People Big World * the Little Couple. Pit Boss is great on Animal Planet. There is Kate Plus Eight ... Ted mentioned & joked aout.
Where is the "Living at home with an Elderly Parent" show"? Betcha there'd be lots of viewers watching at home when their parents were finally in bed .... Bring in the cameras & producers!
Let their cameras follow a few days in our lives. How many would wonder how close to home it might be ... we all did.
So Mary went wild again tonight, after putting dear Dad to bed. He was such an important man is his industry!!! A hero in many respects. The Army. & I put him to bed now... despite his heroics & medals of valor that once held value ... Yeah. Purple Heart, Bronze Star, some others too ... he achieved them all & more I can't remember. Hidden in a drawer. Those memories are sad for him, not proud.
I tuck his frail feet under the covers & make him feel safe ... Another night of sleep he has ..
He loves when I share all my Grossed friend's adventures & other sad stuff! Appreciates your pain, doesn't love it ... mis word cares for you all. Bobbie ... he might want to talk with your harbor master boy ... it wouldn't be pretty if Sir got on the phone ... but he would love Kitty & show her the ropes of a boat!
Hope I didn't offend or overlook anyone or anything. Just trying to think of the future people who will be here soon enough. Trail Blaze some ideas. Help every aging person ...
Cripes!!! Was I too long winded??? My screen went blank ... maybe a sign to shut up?
Hye Miz... I wrote a rambling post which isn't showing up yet ... oh my! DId you see Sunny's post? Dementia Daughter? Something to watch ... Just noted your post is 4 hours ago ... forgive us on the West Coast.
Can you imagine? Being told you're wrong over and over. When did that start? Being treated like a child when you have been an adult for a long time. Being told so and so is not who you know they are. Pushed and pulled to go in one direction or another against your will. What will? No personal choices or decisions anymore. Someone telling you when to get up, when to go to bed, to bathe, to eat, to go to the bathroom, take some pills, see the doctor, answer questions and then being told you're wrong. Over and over again. Can you imagine?
Then one day someone, (well meaning and someone you love) puts a sweater on you or takes your arm again to take you in the opposite direction you were going and they say, "NO, not that way, this way." You hear the exasperation in their voice and it suddenly fuels your own, so you swat at them. Finally, some release from the anger, frustration, confusion and all the emotions you've been keeping bottled up because you weren't sure who you were anymore. Now all that is replaced with fury and lashing out. You focus on being obstinate, fighting back and being mean. All you want is to be left alone, "Who do they think they are. I'll show them...Don't touch me...Get away...and take this damn sweater with you! Maybe I'll take off my clothes, run outside and feel free again. Maybe I'll have a beer, maybe I'll eat that whole cake. When did I stop laughing?"
Rip you are so importamt to the group and are a big help and a good friend to us all-do not for a momment think what you do is not important nothing helps us as much as your kindness and understanding out lives suck most of the time and you make us feel better. Sunny you said it so well and that is what my Mom tries to tell us but not in a nice way-but does say she is so tired of everyone telling her what to do-of course it is necessary for her,
Wow! Talk about taking me on a trip down Memory Lane! Unfortunately, I didn't realize until AFTER I started to brush my teeth and got her hair stuck between my teeth. (Sorry...) I ended up buying a bunch of toothbrushes when they were on sale and keeping a few handy ~ just in case :)
To all - A friend sent this to me. Interesting.......
Here's the way it should be:
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.
This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring , so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - i.e., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
As for the criminals :
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised.
They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.
Hey everyone! Having trouble keeping up lately. More and more work taking care of Mom and lots of stuff to do before the snow flies! Got to take hoses off the pool and put the pump in the cellar this week. It's cold and rainy today, but supposed to be in the 70's Tues. & Wed. Good time to get the yard work done for the last time. Miz, I'm exhausted too, like you and everyone else! It's so hard to get any good rest. It definitely changes our outlook on life! I hope you can get more rest and feel better soon.Kuli, Mom used to call the bed alarms booby traps in the NH. She hated them because she was always trying to get up and making them ring! I like your B/F's ride in the car solution! Mom and Dad were married just shy of 35 years. He died of a massive heart attack at 54 and left Mom with 2 teenagers still at home. I think having my younger siblings to care for saved her life. I have been with my husband for over 40 years, and it would be a big adjustment if I lost him. Sunny, your description of AD is spot on! I know Mom gets tired of us telling her what to do and what not to do, and we get just as frustrated with the daily grind of keeping her clean, fed, and safe! I have closed circuit cameras and she is in a wheelchair because of PD. When she gets home from daycare, I leave her alone for a while just to give her and me, some space. It seems to do her good to have that time, makes her calmer. Of course, if she wasn't restrained to the wheelchair, I wouldn't be able to do that. Her mind is so far gone, she can't get into much trouble and the camera allows me to get to her in less than 5 seconds. Love the crap on your head story! Mom has done similar things to me! Rossella, Hope your Mom forgets about the stove! It's too cold to be without it. Unfortunately she is like my Mom and they get something in their head and they won't let go! maybe she'll get so cold, she'll want the stove back on, that is if she can even know she is cold! My mom never really liked animals when we were all younger. Now she loves cats and dogs and really likes to pet them. The 2 new cats that I took in, roam over to her apartment with me all the time. They like to get close to her for pats on the head. they are really good with her! Rip, You are so right about not a lot of help for us out there! When I first had to start caring for Mom and getting things coordinated, it was so frustrating! All the phone calls and paperwork and questions that no one had answers for! It's really crazy that there are not more places to go for help and so frustrating when you are looking for answers. This is truly a good place to get lots of info from people who know first hand what to expect and how to deal with all kinds of situations. For now, this is the best we have! Bobbie, You need to pull a "joke" on that SOB. Payback would be so sweet!!! Pirate, Love the new you!!! Keep it coming! Castoff, As Rossella said, even though our moms have gone round the bend, they can still push our buttons and drive us over the edge! Mom kicks, hits, and punches when she is trying to make a point! It's all a part of the disease. Hope you all have a wonderful day without stress!!!
Deef, Thanks. I've learned to get over mom's evil moments quickly now. My buttons are covered better than before & I've been able to detach. She still tweeks me but I don't hang onto it as long. Much of the progress I've made has been thanks to all of you. The insight & perspectives we share has helped more than any "therapy" ever could. EMPATHY from true hearts that know first hand. It means sooooo much to me! Kuli & Sunny, Thank you for your enlightened perspectives. I'll need to refer back to your most recent posts often for it to really sink in. I think we need a "best of" thread for all the truely profound entries.....there have been many. Rip, How about "Desperate Caregivers" for a show title. I'm a little tired of reality TV that is anything but. Is Desperate Heifers (housewives) real? Are people really like that AFTER highschool? Almost makes me ashamed to be human. Darwin's theory can't be true if this is what we have to show for it after these thousands of years. Too many evolutionary U turns to be more than just a theory. We could show them how REAL reality TV could be. Rosella, Long ago on one of mom's NH "vacations" I arrived for my visit to find they had moved her into a double room by herself and had taken out the other bed. No one attending told me that mom had screamed "fire" repeatedly in the middle of the night because her roommates TV was flickering. Mom was so proud of herself that she had gotten them to "perform" for her. They tell me there is no dementia but they won't confirm that she's nuts either. That behavior is criminal to the rest of us but OK in mom's little world. All for her amusement. We no longer have assylums here; so what are we to do? All I know to do is shelter people from her as much as possible, but 24/7 care is more than I could bear. Each day as it comes & keep her isolated except from those in her building who know her & her ways. The resentment I have is not being able to do other charitable work while I am at her beck & call. Not much benefit to others while I am in "service to the queen".
kuli12106 Boy you hit the nail on the head. Its so true. Criminals get so much better attention then our seniors. And its free for them. Thanks for the enlightenment.
Our state and federal taxes pay for all of that prisoner care. I wonder what the numbers are on how many current state and federal prisoners could pay $5,000 or more a month. Of course, Madoff could. If we put the elderly in prisons, I guess we would use the high security prisons for some, co-correctional minimum security for others, the men's and women's prisons for the less risky and half-way-homes for those needing assisted living. :)
How then would we protect ourselves from the criminals now resident in these nursing homes?
What is the total nursing home population in the US compared to the current prison population?
How much would taxes need to increase for nursing homes and assisted living institutions to have the level of life provided by prisons?
It is tough on spouses to loose a wife or husband after decades of marriage. Very often, it is much harder on the husband than on the wife and they often die sooner after their wife dies. There's quite a range of responses to death of spouses. My aunt and uncle celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary months before his diagnosis and dead from liver cancer this summer. Some are amazed at her resolve to live alone in that huge (old southern type) two story house, but she is. She's investing more time with her children and grandchildren which includes traveling out of state. She misses him but is not immobilized. One elderly widow I knew got her driver's license at 65 when her husband died and my did she travel while her married daughter in her 40ties stayed near home and had yet to learn how to drive. Then there was a very needy woman for whom her husband martyred himself and right after his death all of a sudden was better and took care of herself. Last, but not least there is my MIL who a year before their 50th wedding anniversary, my FIL died, but her missing him is as she complains because he is not there to do her beckon call living in the old days 15 years ago for he was her slave. I've only known one elderly windower who outlived more than one spouse, but I've known many who died soon after loosing their first spouse. The most pitiful widow that I ever met was one so 'pampered' by her husband and so totally dependent upon him that not knowing how to drive a car was the least of her problems. Seems like how one responds to the death of one's spouse has a lot to do with the marriage itself as well as with the surviving person.
You hit the nail on the head the widowers at my senior center are more well adjusted than most of the widows and are more open to life some of the widows have to sit with the same people every day or have a hissy fit-I was on the other end a few months ago my table was full so I sat down at another table that had no placemat-when you pay for the whole lunch or just the dessert you put down a placemat with your name well I was sitting with two people who had come for the computer class and stayed for lunch we we visiting-I like to meet new people and enjoying conversing and I am oldtimer was telling them what our center offered and this wild lady came running to the table and had a fit because I was sitting in HER chair -I explained the rules and said it was not HER chair but belonged to the county then a crazy lady who helps serve got involved the three of us sat there and in a very loud voice I told the couple most of the people here are VERY NICE -I am not sure if they ever came back to our lovely center but at 70 I refuse to be pushed around -the point is widows seem less able to get on with life-maybe they had great marriages I can only wish but plan to live my rest of my life living and enjoying other people-my Mom is so angery as was my MIL -I do not have time to feel sorry for myself who knows when we will be called home we are not promised a tomorrow and I want to be ready for judgement day,
You have a wife who cares about you and wants to have a good relationship that is the difference-I did not have that-only for a short time-now people know themselves before they find the person right for them-in my day if you were over say 22 people wondered what was wrong with you and if you were say 25 you were an old maid.
You guys are so profound! Thank you for sharing! You guys are so important to me & I appreciate you so very much!
Bobbie, how are you & Kitty getting along? Ya want us to come down & whoop up on the dockmaster for you?? It would be our pleasure! No body messes with our captain!!!
Hope eveybody is having an easy night! Love & hugs!
June, I'm sorry that happened to you. I imagine back then people might have wondered why I as a man was not married by the time I was 31. I'm glad those days are no longer with us.
Kuli: your story about NH and prisons is so true. Castoff: the demand for attention of your mother seems to me a little bit excessive; I am not a doctor, but I do not understand why they do not diagnose some kind of disease. You could have a proper treatment. I don't know what I could do if my mother was not under treatment. She would be completely non-manageable (she already is!!!) Rip you are so sweet. Who cares about us? Just us. Lifespan has increased so there must be I don't know how many people with aged relatives, with mental problems or just physical. And they live like all of us - alone, until they have the enormous luck to find a forum like this one. I am afraid this is the only thing we shall get. No attention from the public. TV... they do not want to talk about these subjects. Financial help... We are not important. I have a disability pension for my mother and totally free medical assistance and free drugs; so I can't complain from this point of view - but it is not enough to pay for caregivers, and nobody pays me for my lack of freedom and my stress. So I think it is a lost battle - that is, drawing the public attention on us. I was one of these people who did not want to think about it, until I found myself submerged by it. I tried to live as happily as I could, not thinking of the fact that my parents could take Alz or something of that kind (and though, I decided to be blind because there were so many cases of dementia in my family). One just hopes to dodge the bullet, and all over sudden the bullet arrives. Right now I am thinking of my personal bullet; that is: what will happen to ME in a few years? And I am studying some strategies. My brother, for example, thinks of it much less than I do, because he does not live here so he is relatively untouched by this mess. (and he has the same relatives I have, so he has the same probability to get an Alz as I have) What I mean is that many many people decide to live blindfold, until something strikes them and they have to deal with it. I have planned to contact the ALZ centre here in Italy, talk to them about this forum and ask to organize something of this kind in Italy. And I have not found the time to do it yet! And though I know it would be so useful for people here. I am afraid this is the only thing we can do - venting and giving advice to each other. Sometimes even the doctors seem not to understand. They tell me things that make me understand they don't know what they are talking about. . On a lighter note: My brother came this morning, he said: "let's hide the flames", he put a black cardboard in front of the stove door (stuck with a dutch tape); after 10 minutes the cardboard started to smoke and smell... I took it off and said: "No good solution!" So I put a screen in front of the stove and I hope we can go on like this (I moved the screen everytime my mother changed position so she would not see the flames anyway!!!!) I have to find a bigger one so I don't have to move it every time. It's 6.30 in the morning here and nothing serious happened tonight; when I went into the other part of the house half an hour ago, I saw my mother laid on the ground (she had left the bed, sat on the couch and slipped on the floor), but she had nothing broken, so it's all right. All in a day's work!
Sunny, I have been hand-pooped, and I did not like it a lot. If I had been head-pooped I don't think I would have laughed! Please tell your stories on your site, but tell them on this site, too. You can make a copy-paste
Our waitress was a real chatterbox and lingered while taking our food order as she talked on and on. Finally, she had our order and ran out of conversation. Mom spoke up before her back was hardly turned and said for half the restaurant to hear, "She talks too much!" There was no denying the truth to that statement; the customers, cooks, and waitresses were grinning as I burst out laughing. Mom just continued to stir the sugar in her tea with a stern look on her face. When I had gained enough control to speak, I shrugged my shoulders and informed the room, "She's just hungry." Without warning she replied, "You're damn right!" Something about her personality had obviously changed. I had always thought of Mom as Miss Manners, but now she was indifferent and careless in that respect. I sat there chuckling and wondering, "Who is this person?" Our waitress returned and good-naturedly asked Mom if she would like more sugar for her tea. "It might sweeten you up!" she said, trying to hold back a grin. Now, we were all laughing! At least once a week, Mom and I ate at that same diner ordering from our favorite waitress until she could no longer feed herself without making a mess. This was too much embarrassment for my mother, although our waitress would have cheerfully cleaned up after her if we had continued to stop in to see her.
Miz! howzitgoing? kitty made the trip as if she's been doing it for years. totally not bothered. I put her box in my cabin and closed her in, 6 portholes, 4 open, and knew that we didn't have a long trip so she didn't need her food. We had the pilothouse doors open and the cockpit door open so I didn't want to worry about the cat while underway. I went below to check on her and she was fine.
Cast and GP! thanks for having my back! no worries. According to the boat angel and a few others, the dockmaster at the other place feels bad and I am sorry. Just can't do stupid drama. Like the rest of us, I have had enough drama to last 5 lifetimes.
Went again to WallyMart yesterday in the ongoing project of provisioning the boat.
Today I am working on the teak that supports the windlass (anchor thingy).
The boat sounds like quite an adventure! I have a kayak which I use in the summer to "get away from it all" when and if I have a "babysitter" for my Mom. She sleeps more these days and I love having the mornings to myself. Now I have to work on my transferring skills so I won't hurt my back and neck. Always a new challenge.
Bobbie, Maybe it took this drama for the dockmaster to learn a lesson. Sorry he had to learn it at your expense. Hope you are persecution free for a long time to come. Glad kitty travels well. Salty Kitty. Rosella, As I'm sure you have summized....I'm not very subtle or diplomatic. lol. Any ideas as to how I could get crazy mom into a pshyc evaluation? Every time she and I have a confrontation it's me who is the unbalanced one according to her. The defensive maneuvers on her part are quite adept at transferring the crazy to me (her demons are wiely). I always have to take into consideration her sugar levels, but can't very well test her sugar before speaking to her without "tipping my hand". The devious part of her is still quite sharp. It would be soooo much easier for me if she was sedated. Do they make a pill for compassion? Rip, On if you search flickr....people....jhurl58, you'll see what we've been shooting at our local park. We met him at the park, a good guy & talented photog. Some really fantastic shots. He & hub hit it off & often wander the park together while I play in the gardens. The Hummingbird Moth was of particular interest...never saw one before this last year. Hope you & Sir enjoy....others too. Austin. Crowe, GP, Kuli, Kathy, Diane, Ted...... Have a blessed day all.
Yes Crowe in my day there would have been wispering behind your back such a nice guy too bad he is not married, etc or you would have had a million blind dates.
Waiting for the next emergency here...gotta feeling it is coming soon and this one may be permanent, he is fading to a degree of care that may soon be requiring nursing home care. I hope so. Everyone is so worn out here. Just worn out!
Well the meds seem to be working better for me, and I had a flash of something that made me decide to take my Mom to a Mary Kay Party tonight! She Loves makeup and drives me nuts with buying stuff, but I went to one last Friday evening with the girls at work and I decided to buy some stuff for me/Mom and commit to the 2nd half of the party tonight! Mom is so excited! But I think I am nuts to do this since I shoe her away from all this stuff at the drug store...but I found myself saying, oh she would Love this!!! So pray for me it will go well and she won't push me off the deep end! Since she goes to the Blind Center she is going to ask if the ladies there would like to have a MaryKay party to learn how to put on makeup blind! If they are going to wear it, they should know how to use it so they don't look like a racoon! Like my Mom tends to do :-)
Sometimes I wonder how my dad does it. I don't know if I were in his shoes if I would even get out of bed everyday. It's like he just waits and waits and waits......Of course, on the other hand, what choice does he have - this is his life now. I'm not sure I could be as brave. But his will to live is so strong sometimes, even when it doesn't seem to me that there is any reason to want to live. We talk about death and dying and he doesn't seem to be afraid of it but I guess there is always that fear of the unknown - that realization that knowing what you have is better than not knowing what's next........
Hc I did not know your Mom is blind it is good that she is interested in looking nice. One of the women in my sewing group has very little eyesight and lives in an apartment in her daughter house-she always looks so good and is so pleasant we thread her needle for her and get her started on the cancer pads and she does well and we make the knot at the end and assist her into other rooms-she is also in our book club as well as another lady they get the books on tape and we meet once a month to discuss the book of the month. Kuli I am glad your Dad is not afraid of dieing none of us are promised a tomarrow and imgine how great it will be to be in the preance of God. My Mom 91 and my aunt 93 both say they are ready to leave this earth.
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I've seen the strength of it in a friend's mother with Alz.
Like a crazy person on Meth. Suddenly different ... Unknowing yet lashing out ine every direction! Your direction!
No reasoning ...
Teriifying strength that you can merely subdue & protect yourself from. Driven straight at you!
Causing wounds ...
Where is any happiness?
How do you all cope with it???
When you say you are grateful that some of us are here, on line ...
I find myself so helpless with what you are coping with ...
I want to help, yet feel helpless with you in your situation, dealing the best way you can!
I want to cofort each & all of you but
How???
My ears / eyes , reading posts don't seem enough ...
Do you think donating to Alz, PD charities would help? Where do we find them?
A hidden disease.
Like our new friend ... forgive me for not remembering your name, said ...
Quarantine sign on the door ~ or something to that effect.
It's not contagious. Love it!
But want to cry ...
Thats the mind set!
We now have awareness for HDAD, PSTD, OCD, ....Ok ... I could go on with the acronyms ... make some up!
what is hapening with Alz?
Y''all are silently caring for an extreme condition that has no real research that I'm aware of. If it's happenng, its not main stream that I know of.
The key word is Silent.
How can we silently "scream" while quietly doing our private daily deeds that over whelm us?
I saw Sunny pop up here yesterday .. Dementia Daughter. website.
I hope she creates a milestone & all those media types step up.
Dr Phil, Oprah, etc???
Get with it!
We are here & not going away. Every minute a valuable parent is declining.
We are Baby Boomers ... getiing older every day & dealing with our parents!
Wake up media!!!
Not some spoiled teenager with drug issues ...
but a persons / people who have raised solid families, provided education for their kids, lived thru the depression ... saved their money & did their best. & made life happen!
Aging away ... a;most forgotten.
Yet for us Now caring for parents who are disolving in old age ,,, forgotten except for us caregivers who still honor & care for them.
Sacrificing our time ... our lives ...
It's what we do.
Mary is ticked tonight ...
You are all too special to be ignored,
What hurts me is the thousands of peope who aren't as lucky as we are ... us who have stumbled across this website & made valuable forever friends.
Can vent or silly horrible daily events ... & have safety doing it.
Not always right, as I found last week .. simple slip for not really reading an agonizing post & trying to redirect ...
but we are the beginning of a new age of caregiving.
A place none of us thought we'd be in ... yet we are stuck.
parents & us doting kids.
Like I said ... how many thousands of isolated people around the world don't have this mind saving site? Suffering alone in their caregiving strife?
I feel so close to you all & never want to lose you ...
How can we reach & help the others out there alone & isolated?
Ted may have said it .. a reality program? TV? Now we have a man with 3 wives & a bunch of kids on mainstream TV. Haven't seen it but I love Little People Big World * the Little Couple.
Pit Boss is great on Animal Planet.
There is Kate Plus Eight ... Ted mentioned & joked aout.
Where is the
"Living at home with an Elderly Parent" show"?
Betcha there'd be lots of viewers watching at home when their parents were finally in bed ....
Bring in the cameras & producers!
Let their cameras follow a few days in our lives.
How many would wonder how close to home it might be ... we all did.
So Mary went wild again tonight, after putting dear Dad to bed.
He was such an important man is his industry!!!
A hero in many respects. The Army.
& I put him to bed now... despite his heroics & medals of valor that once held value ...
Yeah. Purple Heart, Bronze Star, some others too ... he achieved them all & more I can't remember. Hidden in a drawer. Those memories are sad for him, not proud.
I tuck his frail feet under the covers & make him feel safe ...
Another night of sleep he has ..
He loves when I share all my Grossed friend's adventures & other sad stuff! Appreciates your pain, doesn't love it ... mis word cares for you all.
Bobbie ... he might want to talk with your harbor master boy ...
it wouldn't be pretty if Sir got on the phone ...
but he would love Kitty & show her the ropes of a boat!
Hope I didn't offend or overlook anyone or anything. Just trying to think of the future people who will be here soon enough.
Trail Blaze some ideas.
Help every aging person ...
Cripes!!! Was I too long winded??? My screen went blank ... maybe a sign to shut up?
I wrote a rambling post which isn't showing up yet ... oh my!
DId you see Sunny's post? Dementia Daughter?
Something to watch ...
Just noted your post is 4 hours ago ... forgive us on the West Coast.
Where's Jen?
Then one day someone, (well meaning and someone you love) puts a sweater on you or takes your arm again to take you in the opposite direction you were going and they say, "NO, not that way, this way." You hear the exasperation in their voice and it suddenly fuels your own, so you swat at them. Finally, some release from the anger, frustration, confusion and all the emotions you've been keeping bottled up because you weren't sure who you were anymore. Now all that is replaced with fury and lashing out. You focus on being obstinate, fighting back and being mean. All you want is to be left alone, "Who do they think they are. I'll show them...Don't touch me...Get away...and take this damn sweater with you! Maybe I'll take off my clothes, run outside and feel free again. Maybe I'll have a beer, maybe I'll eat that whole cake. When did I stop laughing?"
Can you imagine?
A friend sent this to me. Interesting.......
Here's the way it should be:
Let's put the seniors in jail and the criminals in nursing homes.
This would correct two things in one motion:
Seniors would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.
They would receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs, etc.
They would receive money instead of having to pay it out.
They would have constant video monitoring , so they would be helped instantly if they fell or needed assistance.
Bedding would be washed twice a week and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.
A guard would check on them every 20 minutes.
All meals and snacks would be brought to them
They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.
They would have access to a library, weight/fitness room, spiritual counseling, a pool and education...and free admission to in-house concerts by nationally recognized entertainment artists.
Simple clothing - i.e., shoes, slippers, pj's - and legal aid would be free, upon request.
There would be private, secure rooms provided for all with an outdoor exercise yard complete with gardens.
Each senior would have a P.C., T.V., phone and radio in their room at no cost.
They would receive daily phone calls.
There would be a board of directors to hear any complaints and the ACLU would fight for their rights and protection.
The guards would have a code of conduct to be strictly adhered to, with attorneys available, at no charge to protect the seniors and their families from abuse or neglect.
As for the criminals :
They would receive cold food.
They would be left alone and unsupervised.
They would receive showers once a week.
They would live in tiny rooms, for which they would have to pay $5,000 per month.
They would have no hope of ever getting out.
" Sounds like justice to me !"
(If You agree, pass this on!)
Miz, I'm exhausted too, like you and everyone else! It's so hard to get any good rest. It definitely changes our outlook on life! I hope you can get more rest and feel better soon.Kuli, Mom used to call the bed alarms booby traps in the NH. She hated them because she was always trying to get up and making them ring! I like your B/F's ride in the car solution! Mom and Dad were married just shy of 35 years. He died of a massive heart attack at 54 and left Mom with 2 teenagers still at home. I think having my younger siblings to care for saved her life. I have been with my husband for over 40 years, and it would be a big adjustment if I lost him.
Sunny, your description of AD is spot on! I know Mom gets tired of us telling her what to do and what not to do, and we get just as frustrated with the daily grind of keeping her clean, fed, and safe! I have closed circuit cameras and she is in a wheelchair because of PD. When she gets home from daycare, I leave her alone for a while just to give her and me, some space. It seems to do her good to have that time, makes her calmer. Of course, if she wasn't restrained to the wheelchair, I wouldn't be able to do that. Her mind is so far gone, she can't get into much trouble and the camera allows me to get to her in less than 5 seconds. Love the crap on your head story! Mom has done similar things to me!
Rossella, Hope your Mom forgets about the stove! It's too cold to be without it. Unfortunately she is like my Mom and they get something in their head and they won't let go! maybe she'll get so cold, she'll want the stove back on, that is if she can even know she is cold! My mom never really liked animals when we were all younger. Now she loves cats and dogs and really likes to pet them. The 2 new cats that I took in, roam over to her apartment with me all the time. They like to get close to her for pats on the head. they are really good with her!
Rip, You are so right about not a lot of help for us out there! When I first had to start caring for Mom and getting things coordinated, it was so frustrating! All the phone calls and paperwork and questions that no one had answers for! It's really crazy that there are not more places to go for help and so frustrating when you are looking for answers. This is truly a good place to get lots of info from people who know first hand what to expect and how to deal with all kinds of situations. For now, this is the best we have!
Bobbie, You need to pull a "joke" on that SOB. Payback would be so sweet!!!
Pirate, Love the new you!!! Keep it coming!
Castoff, As Rossella said, even though our moms have gone round the bend, they can still push our buttons and drive us over the edge! Mom kicks, hits, and punches when she is trying to make a point! It's all a part of the disease.
Hope you all have a wonderful day without stress!!!
Kuli & Sunny, Thank you for your enlightened perspectives. I'll need to refer back to your most recent posts often for it to really sink in. I think we need a "best of" thread for all the truely profound entries.....there have been many.
Rip, How about "Desperate Caregivers" for a show title. I'm a little tired of reality TV that is anything but. Is Desperate Heifers (housewives) real? Are people really like that AFTER highschool? Almost makes me ashamed to be human. Darwin's theory can't be true if this is what we have to show for it after these thousands of years. Too many evolutionary U turns to be more than just a theory. We could show them how REAL reality TV could be.
Rosella, Long ago on one of mom's NH "vacations" I arrived for my visit to find they had moved her into a double room by herself and had taken out the other bed. No one attending told me that mom had screamed "fire" repeatedly in the middle of the night because her roommates TV was flickering. Mom was so proud of herself that she had gotten them to "perform" for her. They tell me there is no dementia but they won't confirm that she's nuts either. That behavior is criminal to the rest of us but OK in mom's little world. All for her amusement. We no longer have assylums here; so what are we to do? All I know to do is shelter people from her as much as possible, but 24/7 care is more than I could bear. Each day as it comes & keep her isolated except from those in her building who know her & her ways. The resentment I have is not being able to do other charitable work while I am at her beck & call. Not much benefit to others while I am in "service to the queen".
Hope all have a pleasant day.
Boy you hit the nail on the head. Its so true. Criminals get so much better attention then our seniors. And its free for them. Thanks for the enlightenment.
How then would we protect ourselves from the criminals now resident in these nursing homes?
What is the total nursing home population in the US compared to the current prison population?
How much would taxes need to increase for nursing homes and assisted living institutions to have the level of life provided by prisons?
If my wife were to die before me, I don't think I would try to find another wife because no one else would put up with me and understand my 'issues'.
There are times when I feel like saying just through me in a box.
You guys are so profound! Thank you for sharing! You guys are so important to me & I appreciate you so very much!
Bobbie, how are you & Kitty getting along? Ya want us to come down & whoop up on the dockmaster for you?? It would be our pleasure! No body messes with our captain!!!
Hope eveybody is having an easy night!
Love & hugs!
Castoff: the demand for attention of your mother seems to me a little bit excessive; I am not a doctor, but I do not understand why they do not diagnose some kind of disease. You could have a proper treatment. I don't know what I could do if my mother was not under treatment. She would be completely non-manageable (she already is!!!)
Rip you are so sweet. Who cares about us? Just us. Lifespan has increased so there must be I don't know how many people with aged relatives, with mental problems or just physical. And they live like all of us - alone, until they have the enormous luck to find a forum like this one. I am afraid this is the only thing we shall get. No attention from the public. TV... they do not want to talk about these subjects. Financial help... We are not important. I have a disability pension for my mother and totally free medical assistance and free drugs; so I can't complain from this point of view - but it is not enough to pay for caregivers, and nobody pays me for my lack of freedom and my stress. So I think it is a lost battle - that is, drawing the public attention on us. I was one of these people who did not want to think about it, until I found myself submerged by it. I tried to live as happily as I could, not thinking of the fact that my parents could take Alz or something of that kind (and though, I decided to be blind because there were so many cases of dementia in my family). One just hopes to dodge the bullet, and all over sudden the bullet arrives. Right now I am thinking of my personal bullet; that is: what will happen to ME in a few years? And I am studying some strategies. My brother, for example, thinks of it much less than I do, because he does not live here so he is relatively untouched by this mess. (and he has the same relatives I have, so he has the same probability to get an Alz as I have)
What I mean is that many many people decide to live blindfold, until something strikes them and they have to deal with it.
I have planned to contact the ALZ centre here in Italy, talk to them about this forum and ask to organize something of this kind in Italy. And I have not found the time to do it yet! And though I know it would be so useful for people here. I am afraid this is the only thing we can do - venting and giving advice to each other. Sometimes even the doctors seem not to understand. They tell me things that make me understand they don't know what they are talking about. .
On a lighter note: My brother came this morning, he said: "let's hide the flames", he put a black cardboard in front of the stove door (stuck with a dutch tape); after 10 minutes the cardboard started to smoke and smell... I took it off and said: "No good solution!"
So I put a screen in front of the stove and I hope we can go on like this (I moved the screen everytime my mother changed position so she would not see the flames anyway!!!!) I have to find a bigger one so I don't have to move it every time.
It's 6.30 in the morning here and nothing serious happened tonight; when I went into the other part of the house half an hour ago, I saw my mother laid on the ground (she had left the bed, sat on the couch and slipped on the floor), but she had nothing broken, so it's all right. All in a day's work!
Please tell your stories on your site, but tell them on this site, too. You can make a copy-paste
There was no denying the truth to that statement; the customers, cooks, and waitresses were grinning as I burst out laughing. Mom just continued to stir the sugar in her tea with a stern look on her face. When I had gained enough control to speak, I shrugged my shoulders and informed the room, "She's just hungry." Without warning she replied, "You're damn right!"
Something about her personality had obviously changed. I had always thought of Mom as Miss Manners, but now she was indifferent and careless in that respect.
I sat there chuckling and wondering, "Who is this person?" Our waitress returned and good-naturedly asked Mom if she would like more sugar for her tea. "It might sweeten you up!" she said, trying to hold back a grin. Now, we were all laughing!
At least once a week, Mom and I ate at that same diner ordering from our favorite waitress until she could no longer feed herself without making a mess. This was too much embarrassment for my mother, although our waitress would have cheerfully cleaned up after her if we had continued to stop in to see her.
Miz! howzitgoing? kitty made the trip as if she's been doing it for years. totally not bothered. I put her box in my cabin and closed her in, 6 portholes, 4 open, and knew that we didn't have a long trip so she didn't need her food. We had the pilothouse doors open and the cockpit door open so I didn't want to worry about the cat while underway.
I went below to check on her and she was fine.
Cast and GP! thanks for having my back! no worries. According to the boat angel and a few others, the dockmaster at the other place feels bad and I am sorry. Just can't do stupid drama. Like the rest of us, I have had enough drama to last 5 lifetimes.
Went again to WallyMart yesterday in the ongoing project of provisioning the boat.
Today I am working on the teak that supports the windlass (anchor thingy).
lovbob
Now I have to work on my transferring skills so I won't hurt my back and neck. Always a new challenge.
I have room on the dingy deck for your kayak! We have a davit so you won't hurt your back and neck!! Just hook her up and splash!
love you guys and off to work.
lovbob
Rosella, As I'm sure you have summized....I'm not very subtle or diplomatic. lol. Any ideas as to how I could get crazy mom into a pshyc evaluation? Every time she and I have a confrontation it's me who is the unbalanced one according to her. The defensive maneuvers on her part are quite adept at transferring the crazy to me (her demons are wiely). I always have to take into consideration her sugar levels, but can't very well test her sugar before speaking to her without "tipping my hand". The devious part of her is still quite sharp. It would be soooo much easier for me if she was sedated. Do they make a pill for compassion?
Rip, On if you search flickr....people....jhurl58, you'll see what we've been shooting at our local park. We met him at the park, a good guy & talented photog. Some really fantastic shots. He & hub hit it off & often wander the park together while I play in the gardens. The Hummingbird Moth was of particular interest...never saw one before this last year. Hope you & Sir enjoy....others too.
Austin. Crowe, GP, Kuli, Kathy, Diane, Ted......
Have a blessed day all.
miz